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Counting Full Circles

Posted by Kopaka's Ice Engineering , in Life in general Aug 07 2014 · 522 views

Life in general
I've been hit by the nostalgia bat recently. A few weeks ago, I was tagged (on the book of faces) in an 18-year-old photograph of my senior homecoming, well, a homecoming alternative put on by those of us (and our parents) at the church I attended at the time. I was about to turn 17 (if I wasn't already) at the time of the photograph, and I'm now more than twice as old as I was when that photo was taken.

Something else I saw on the book of faces recently: an update to something I posted 6 years ago. I got to reading the old entry, and I was struck as to what has changed in the past 6 years:
  • I have not worked at another MathCounts competition since then.
  • One of the other judges at that competition is now a co-worker.
  • I'm now considering sending my firstborn daughter to one of those three Lake Castle schools for pre-Kindergarten.
As for the funny email, well, it appears six years hasn't done too much to the running joke. I'm sure you've heard it before, but here it is to enjoy again. (Lines with no change have been greyed out.)

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Famous celebrities, politicians and big mouths help us out...

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Good comedy never gets old. Does this qualify as good comedy, though?


  • 0

Can we add:

GregF: Because real-world physics don't apply to chickens.
    • 1

Chocolate City? Whu?

"Chocolate City" is not Hershey, PA, or Burlington, WI, but New Orleans, LA.
Don't worry if you're confused.

Referring to New Orleans (more commonly known as "The Big Easy" (for the laid back atmosphere) or "the Crescent City" (for the shape of the first buildup around the Mississippi River that became New Orleans)) as "Chocolate City" comes from a speech that Clarence Ray Nagin, then mayor of New Orleans, made on January 16, 2006, in response to concerns that, in the process of rebuilding and repopulating New Orleans post-Katrina (the huge hurricane that waylayed southeast Louisiana and the Mississippi Gulf coast in 2005), there would be an uncharacteristically high concentration of non-African-Americans that would come in, buy up land, and squeeze out what has long been an African-American population.

You could have read a local newspaper story about that speech here, but as of August 1, 2006, the Times-Picayune seems to have taken it down. In its stead, I offer the transcript and a CNN archive of the fallout over that speech. I'm not mad; I just think it's hilarious. And catchy.

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