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The Flight

Posted by Velox , in Personal Writings, Literature Apr 18 2012 · 955 views

writing challenge short story vignette

So yesterday I posted a vignette called The Forest, done for a little "write-off" between John (55555) and others. We've been doing them for the past four or five nights now, so I'll probably post more here, but here's the one that we just did. Also, just for a little background on these write-offs: someone chooses a theme (usually John -- in this case, the theme was "Flight"), and then everyone participating (tonight it was Rene [EW], John, Micah [Kakaru], Lord Oblivion, and a couple other people not on BZP) is given that theme and then 15 minutes to write about it, no time for preparation (unless you want to take away from writing time), and no editing afterwards. As such, keep in mind that it is not the quality of my usual work and is unedited.

The Flight

We ran. Ran until our legs burned and our feet blistered. The forest whipped past us as we dodged the trees, not concerned with where we were going as long as it was far away from here. In my arms I carried my 18-month-old son who was crying emphatically. But I ignored his cries, focusing only on the running. Concerned with only his safety and mine.
..........I chanced taking a look behind me and I could still see our pursuers hot on our heels. We weren’t gaining on them. No, they were gaining on us. In the distance smoke still rose from above the tree line.
..........They had come in the middle of the night with no warning, burning our houses, killing everyone in sight. When already half the village was destroyed the warning bell finally came. I was awakened, first from the horrid cries of my neighbors, then the ringing tone of the campanile got me on my feet. I quickly shook my wife awake, a sound sleeper, and grabbed my satchel which I kept for emergencies. I put the bag around my neck and placed my sleeping son in my arms.
..........“Go!” I yelled to my wife, who without hesitation began to run. We made for the tree line, following a small group of others who lived on same side of the village we did, the farthest part from where the attackers came.
..........And so we ran. Ran with all the strength we had. I wished I could help my son, give him something to make him stop crying. Something to tell him it was going to be okay. But I couldn’t. I could only run for dear life and pray to God the barbarians didn’t catch us.
..........My wife had tried to stay with me, but I ordered her to go on; she was faster not having to carry anything. I saw her up ahead, dodging the trees just as I was as she ran. For a brief second I saw her worried, scared, horrified face as she looked back toward me. I knew what she was feeling. We all did, and we all felt the same way.
..........It was hopeless. They’d catch us. But we ran anyway, fleeing from the place we had called home for generations.
..........I tripped over a root of a tree, falling face first into the frondescence that had formed on the ground. I kept my son in the air, taking the force of the fall on my chest and face. Pain seared through my being, but the adrenaline in my system allowed me to ignore it. To fight on. I picked myself up and ran again.
..........Finally, after what had seemed like hours, I looked behind again. No longer were our pursuers following us. I stopped, taking a closer look and realized it was true. They were gone. Our number had lessened, but we were not longer being hunted.
..........I fell to my knees on the forest floor. My wife came up behind me, hugging me closely. Tightly. The other members of our group gathered together to celebrate our victory. We were safe. We were alive. Our flight from the enemy was over.

~ :: ~

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You only have a few good minutes to write this stuff out, and I'm very impressed with what you have here. Also read the three stories posted by 55555, and thought your personal entry for the Forest was done well. Great job with this one as well and can't wait for more.

It's an awesome way to bring out some creativity. ^^
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Thanks. ^_^

I completely agree about it being an awesome way to bring out some creativity...I hardly ever write, yet in the past four days I've written six vignettes. Sure, not the best quality, but at least it's writing, and many of the ideas are ones that I'd love to expand on later.

Oh and hey, if you use AIM at all, add me (bzvelox) -- if you're on when we do these (there's not really a set time...just usually sometime in the evening/night PST, later for John and others who are EST lol), we'd love to have you participate.

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Jean Valjean
May 09 2012 09:19 AM
:kaukau: How do you get the indentations to work? That's always something I've been trying to work out here on BZPower. Also, have you guys all met each other in real life?

Your Honor,
Emperor Kraggh
    • 0
I just use ten periods and color them white. It really is unfortunate that the indent button doesn't work properly.

And, some, yeah. I've met John, his brother (What?) and sister (Excelsior), Micah (Kakaru), Rene (EW) and Jason (xccj).
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BZPower Accomplishments ~

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|| Account Approved | Administration | 20th September 2007 ||

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|| Forum Mentor | Black Six | 16th April 2010 ||

|| Short Stories Critics Club Curator | Hahli Husky | 9th August 2010 ||

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|| Forum Assistant | Black Six | 20th February 2012 ||

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The Memories of the Trees || ToM Dracone
K's Korner! || Kopakalaka

The Crystal Gardens || ~BlueDiamond~
Death and Rebirth || ChocolateFrogs
Citidel of Ancients || Cederak
Prime Time || ((Primus))
The Emerald Apple || ~GreenBioGuy~
The Motley Array || 55555
The Bones Blog || bonesiii
The Observatory || Argetlam
Blog of a Trumpet Player || Sidorak the Hunter
Squid in a Cordak Blaster || Turakii #1 Lava Surfer
The Bunny's Burrow || Bundalings the Bunny
The Blaze from Beyond || Bioni-Cool Jack
Omi's Rush || Omicron




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