Let's Do The Time Warp Again!
THIS STORY WOULD NOT END. I seriously tried. I tried, I wanted to end it around 1,000 words.
BUT IT WOULDN'T LET ME WHY WOULDN'T IT EEEEEEEEEEEND?
Read. Please read. AGH.
Word count: 3,017
Blazing heat emanated all around the dry dunes of Po-Koro, and amidst this heat the Toa Nuva, brave heroes that they were, slogged onward. All about them there was only desolate desert, the only hope for some revitalizing shade being the distant canyons and mountains that ringed about the arid wasteland. It was towards those canyons that the Toa made their way, their eyes set grim and their weapons slung like weights across their backs.
Pohatu led them across the blazing sands, and he was the first to break the heavy silence that had fallen across the group.
“We really have to do this again?” He muttered grimly.
“Unfortunately” Tahu grunted, wiping a bead of moisture from his mask.
“Couldn’t we at least have the Matoran carry us? I mean, we are Toa!” Lewa chirped in
“Nuva” Kopaka added curtly
“What he said.” Onua began, always quick to ensure proper word usage amongst the Toa. “Well…that, and the fact that the Matoran are all living in Metru Nui, so there’s nobody here.”
“Oh Yeah” Pohatu and Lewa both chorused.
“As for why they didn’t put this thing down in Metru-Nui…” Gali murmured.
“Budget!” All the Toa yelled synonymously.
When at last they had made it to the inviting shade of one of the canyons the Toa allowed themselves to relax, depositing their weapons into one of the conveniently placed “Tool” storage bins. Then they all got ready for their least favourite experience. Before them, in the shadows of the canyon stood a newly erected Theatre, this time easily four times the size of the last.
“Think they’re compensating for something?” Lewa snickered upon seeing the massive tower.
“Yes.” Kopaka muttered, the rest of the Toa Nuva simply chose to ignore the two of them.
“Well, may as well just get this over with...” Tahu muttered, striding toward the massive stone structure.
Suddenly he halted mid-step and put up his fists, shouting “Toa! Get ready!” and each Toa in turn began powering up their elemental powers, temporarily devoid of their weapons.
“Stupid bins!” Lewa was heard to shout as he saw the danger that now faced the Toa…a danger that seemed rather…uninterested.
“Hmmm? Oh. Hello Toa.” Came a dark and gravelly voice
“Nuva” Onua corrected.
“Yes, yes. Toa Nuva. Whatever” The Master of Shadows said offhandedly, waving an armored hand.
“Makuta! Enemy of the Matoran and Toa everywhere, how dare you come to invade our former home!” Tahu shouted, raising a flaming fist toward the imposing figure.
Makuta frowned and checked what appeared to be a watch on his wrist. Then he looked nervously toward the sky, one of his heavily armored feet tapping the ground in an odd tattoo. He appeared to not even notice Tahu’s challenge.
“Um?” Pohatu responded, finding it very difficult to look imposing in the face of Makuta’s utter indifference.
“Makuta?” Gali questioned, allowing her elemental energy to fade and walking toward the armored colossus.
“Hmm? Oh, what do you want Toa?”
“Nuva.” Onua interjected helpfully.
“Whatever!” Makuta snapped.
“I trust that you are not here to deny us entry, or otherwise impede in our mission in any way?” The Toa of water said soothingly. The Master of Shadows simply sighed, his entire body slumping forward.
“Indeed no, Toa Nuva. I am not here to be your enemy…in fact I do believe we have both been called here for the same reason.”
Tahu’s eyes became wide.
“You can’t mean that you’re going to be in the storyline again! You’re so…so….”
“Dangerous? Menacing? Cruel? Wicked? Villainous?” Makuta inserted, hopefully.
“..Overdone.” Tahu finally finished.
“Yes. Well...” Makuta faltered and fell silent.
“Um…shall we head inside?” Lewa spoke, indicating the enormous building and its now-open doors.
Makuta said nothing and lumbered off toward the shadowed building, and after a choice
“Awwwwwwkward.” By Pohatu, the Toa set off behind him. They’d almost made it to the towering theatre when they heard a cheerful voice shout out:
“Master!” In response to this Makuta mumbled something vaguely threatening…but incomprehensible to the Toa. Luckily enough the cheerful voice was more than loud enough for everyone to hear.
“But master! This is just a temp-job! Something to help me get back on my feet, I’ll be back to scheming with you in no time!” Makuta simply growled at these words and stormed inside.
“Um, guys?” Lewa whispered “Isn’t that the guy who worked at the theatre last time?”
And indeed, the black Rau’d Matoran who had staffed the ticket booth previously was sitting atop a luxurious looking stool directly outside the doors of the new building.
“Oh. Hi, Toa.” He said with a nervous grin.
“Nuva.” Onua muttered.
“Right, right. Hi, Toa Nuva! Welcome to the theatre, how are you today?” The Matoran spoke incredibly rapidly, getting more and more flustered by the second.
“You work for Makuta?” Kopaka asked, his voice like ice.
“…Yes.” The Matoran replied truthfully, lowering his head in shame.
“What’s the pay like?” Kopaka said, after a moment of consideration.
“Well…I get to live!” The Matoran responded.
“Not worth it.” Pohatu said with a frown as he passed through the doors. The Matoran simply shrugged his shoulders.
“I also get to control Rahi and wear this totally awesome mask!”
The Toa Nuva gave no response, simply ignoring the diminutive Matoran and walking into the well-lit hallway of the theatre. They promptly blanched as they saw Makuta, Master of Shadows…attempting to hide behind a garbage can.
“Um?” Lewa said, dumbfounded.
“Makuta?” Gali said gently, holding her hand out to the massive figure.
“It’s light in here. I hate light” Makuta said simply. Then, with a strong blush evident on his mask he stood up and walked through the door into the theatre proper—leaving a large Makuta-sized hole in the wall. The Toa Nuva followed him wordlessly.
Once inside (and once the Black Rau’d Matoran had been summoned to fix the gaping hole in the wall) they quickly found seats…as far away from the Master of Shadows as was possible.
Unfortunately for all involved, they had all arrived horrendously early and had nothing to do to kill time. This of course led to conversation.
“So…Makuta…what brings you here?” Tahu managed to force out, maintaining a large, fake, smile on his face the entire time.
“Oh.” Makuta responded simply. “Apparently they’ve decided that one Makuta isn’t good enough, so it’s no-longer just my name, but the name of an entire SPECIES.”
“Ohgod” Lewa squeaked, hiding half of his mask behind the stone backing of another chair.
“Yes, that’s the response I would expect,” Makuta said haughtily. “however I simply don’t like it! One: It takes away from my individuality…after all, they’re all going to be just as powerful as I am!”
“Mata-Nui…” Onua whispered, before joining Lewa in cowering behind his chair.
“And Two: The only way they can get a sufficient amount of Makuta into the story is to make them canister sets! So there’s going to be six incredibly powerful Makuta (who aren’t me!) running around, while looking about as strong as you Toa!”
“…” Kopaka said nothing, simply choosing to duck out of sight at that time.
Thankfully, before any more Toa could be petrified, the speakers and screen activated and that horribly annoying voice once again assaulted the Toa’s ears.
“Well hey there Toa! (and Makuta)”
“Nuva” Onua popped up quickly, before retreating behind his seat.
“We’ve got a fabulous show for you tonight! In fact we’re going quite a bit ahead in this one, this is Circa 2008, the “Final Battle” we like to call it. It sounds really dramatic, don’t you think??”
“Desperate is more like it…” Tahu muttered, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.
“Anyhow, without spoiling too much, it’s about The Toa Nuva’s face off with Makuta’s evil army of Makuta…wow that sounded confusing! Either way, it’s a desperate race for a Mask that none of you know about yet! And also there’s flying ships with tons of guns! Man are the kids going to love it!”
“Please, please, please tell me they’re kidding.” Gali murmured, all idealism lost.
“They weren’t kidding about chainsaws, why would they kid about this?” Onua muttered darkly, finally having returned to his seat.
“Oh, one more note!” the announcer said cheerfully, his face filling the screen. “Due to….the creative process taking longer than it should. We’re only going to be able to show you three of each team: Makuta and Toa Nuva. We’ll call you back when they’re all finished!” Almost immediately as he finished speaking, the Toa Nuva looked at each other and then began fervent prayers that they wouldn’t be one of the three shown.
“Anyhow, on with the show!” the announcer cried, and the screen faded to black as drums and guitar riffs kicked in.
The Toa Nuva were not so easily tricked this time, not even one of them moving an inch as the music played. The Master of Shadows, however, seemed helpless to the thrall of the music…Even playing Air Guitar at one point.
“Dude.” Was Lewa’s only response.
Suddenly the screen lit up and text scrolled rapidly, explaining that the song currently playing was “Gravity Hurts” and that while it would be available for download in 2008—all of those in the theatre could purchase an advance copy for only $19.95! The Toa simply stared. Makuta bought five.
The music continued to play, but now a short video was playing, showing figures flying through a dimly lit sky amidst massive stalagmites. When it ended (with the words BIONICLE 2008 – THE FINAL BATTLE) the true show began.
A bright orange and grey figure appeared helicopter through the area, holding up massive claws that split into propellers and aiming an incredibly large cannon. On his face there was some sort of blue bubble and….
“The Mask of time!?” Tahu gasped, incredulous.
“Pohatu Nuva – Adaptive Armor” The screen stated, explaining that his armaments consisted of a “Midak Skyblaster” Twin Propellers (that double as drills) and the Kakama Nuva.
“What.” Pohatu said dumbly, looking at the screen, then removing his mask and comparing the two with a quizzical look on his face.
“How is that not the Vahi?” Tahu grunted. “That is totally the Vahi.”
“I agree, Toa” Makuta responded, suddenly sitting right beside the rest of the Nuva.
“Why are you orange?” Gali asked.
“I….I don’t know!” was Pohatu’s only response.
“Could be worse?” Lewa chirped in helpfully.
“Mata-Nui…next!” Onua shouted.
The screen flashed with thunder as a sinister looking red and black creature flew down, its clawed feet landing on the rough stone beneath. It was a lanky looking thing, with large bladed wings and vicious looking swords in its hands. Its chest seemed to be a glowing, pulsing orb, and on its face was a brutal looking mask unlike the Toa had ever seen.
“Makuta Antroz” the screen explained. Listing his armaments as a “Tridax Pod” the Kanohi Jutlin, and poisonous fangs and claws.
Both Toa and Makuta alike stared, mouths agape.
“Scary mask.” Kopaka muttered, crossing his arms.
“Why are my soldiers anorexic?” Makuta said with a frown. “What’s wrong with having a villain with some meat on his bones?”
“There, there…” Gali said, patting Makuta on one of his massive shoulders.
“Anyone really afraid of running into this guy?” Tahu asked
“Nah!” The rest of the Toa responded. Makuta began to cry.
“Next!” Lewa cried.
The screen lightened considerably and a powerful thrumming noise could be heard as a grey and lime green figure streaked across the screen three times before gingerly landing. The figure was tall and imposing with a single jagged blade and large get engines strapped to his arms. On his face there was bright green Kanohi with jet-intakes in the sides.
“Lessovikk?” Gali murmured. “Oh wait, I’m not supposed to know who he is. Carry on!” she said quickly, ignoring the strange looks the rest of the theatre was giving her.
“Lewa Nuva – Adaptive Armor” The screen said, showing his equipment consist of a “Midak Skyblaster” the Air Saber, and of course the Miru Nuva.
“It’s not as ugly as my current one!” Lewa cried happily, looking at the mask.
“What is with those giant cannon things?” Onua muttered darkly.
“Why do you only have one sword?” Kopaka asked slowly.
“I’m not entirely sure. I’m also not sure where my WINGS are and why I have JETPACKS. But my mask is less ugly and that’s all I care about!” Lewa cried, looking about wildly.
“But it still looks nothing like your original Miru…or your Miru Nuva.” Pohatu said carefully.
“LESS. UGLY.” was Lewa’s only response. Tahu sighed.
Everything went dark and only a silhouette with piercing yellow eyes could be made out. Gradually as the light returned to the screen it could be seen that the figure was entirely black and silver, with cruel looking blades for hands and large batlike wings. Adorning its face was a vaguely skull-like Kanohi, and like the creature before it, its chest pulsed with an eerie orange light.
“Makuta Chirox” The screen listed, showing his accessories to be a “Tridax Pod” a pair of Hook Blades, and the Kanohi Shelek.
Makuta screamed. “Oh come on! You can see his ribs! Why are all of my soldiers so blasted skinny!?”
“You don’t feed them?” Pohatu said with a shrug.
“Of course I don’t!” Makuta trilled. “Do I look like a mother to you? But I do make sure that they eat four square meals a day—otherwise how can I expect them to kill you accursed Toa?”
“Fair enough point.” Kopaka said offhandedly.
“Still, those blades look pretty scary!” Gali said in a desperate bid to pull Makuta from his funk. Of course Onua didn’t exactly help matters when he finally spoke.
“…So far they look like I could break them in half. Without using my Pakari.”
in response Gali shot him a glare so venomous that even Maktua winced. Scrambling away from Gali Ground Zero, Pohatu shouted
Light flooded into the room as the screen displayed a dark grey and white warrior effortlessly cruising through the air. With a slight spin and a loop-de-loop the warrior landed, folding large wings behind his back. He was holding an enormous cannon like the Toa before him, but this time it was two-handed with a tiny blade peeking out from the front. His mask was entirely white and resembled a cross between the great Ruru and the Kanohi Akaku.
Kopaka looked up in abject horror, his mouth constantly moving but no words coming out. Then at last the inevitably happened and the words appeared.
“Kopaka Nuva – Adaptive Armor” showing his equipment to be a “Midak Skyblaster” a Blizzard Blade, and the (There was a howl of agony from the audience) Akaku Nuva.
“THEY GOT IT ON THE WRONG SIDE!” Kopaka shrieked, his normally cool exterior gone.
“I could live with the butterknife. I could even live with the lack of a shield…but HOW in the name of MATA-NUI did they get my SCOPE on the WRONG SIDE?” Throughout Kopaka’s entire outburst, Makuta stayed oddly silent…then began whistling and twiddling his thumbs. Kopaka whirled on the Master of Shadows, his eyes ablaze.
“This is your fault. Your entire existence will be agony so long as you live.” He said coolly, and then seated himself. The Toa simply sat there with stunned looks on their faces.
“All in favour of never ticking Kopaka off…ever?” Lewa said meekly. Both the Toa and Makuta alike raised their hands in utter silence.
“NEXT!” Kopaka growled, his eyes never leaving Makuta’s.
The screen flashed with lightning as a dark, bat-like shape prowled through the air, at last coming to rest upside down. From their vantage point the Toa could see that the figure was almost entirely dark blue and silver with a blunt, vicious looking mask and baleful eyes. They could also see that unlike the other Makuta before it, it was not humanoid: With large looks for hands and wings sprouting directly from its arms…not to mention diminutive feet and legs, it resembled nothing more than an enormous bat.
“Makuta Vamprah” the screen declared, explaining that his armaments consisted entirely of a “Tridax Pod” razor sharp wings and claws, and the Kanohi Avsa.
“Now my soldiers don’t even have legs?” Makuta said blankly, his eyes wide. “What had I done so wrong?”
“Try and conquer Mata-Nui and kill us, maybe?” Pohatu responded glibly, ignoring the vicious glare that Makuta sent his way. “It was just a thought” he said with a shrug.
“Maybe it helps him fly better” Gali said soothingly, gingerly patting the armored colossus’ arm.
“And that’s another thing!” Makuta said suddenly. “Why are there no girls in my army? I am an equal opportunity employer!”
“Yeah, we know.” Tahu said darkly. “We heard all about Roodaka, thanks.” At his words the entire room shuddered violently, remembering all the trouble that Roodaka had caused with her blatantly female form.
“I think even I could break this one in two” Lewa said cheerfully, glancing at the screen. Makuta gave out a wail.
“Well that’s all there is to show, folks. We hope you enjoyed this preview! Remember, these aren’t final—after all, the focus groups haven’t gotten their chance yet! We’ll call you back in a few months to show you the finalized versions—and the rest of the lineup for the FINAL BATTLE. DUHN DUHN DUHN DUUUUUUHN.”
The entire theatre blanched.
“Did he really just do that?” Pohatu asked, wincing.
“Yes, yes he did.” Gali responded with a sigh.
“Let us leave and never again return?” Onua questioned hopefully.
“Contract doesn’t allow it.” Makuta responded darkly, stalking out of the theatre.
“May next month never come…” Tahu said grimly.
Together the Toa and Makuta walked from the theatre, ignoring the shrill cries of the Black Rau’d Matoran and picking up their various weapons. They half-heartedly swore to defeat each other, but both sides could tell that their hearts weren’t in it. Everyone was too preoccupied with thinking of what horrors yet lay in store.
If they only knew…