Entry posted by Jean Valjean
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This entry was a school assignment, but its content has been edited from its original form so as not to break BZPower's guidelines on religion, which it had at first broken profusely.
#1. Love of a higher ideal. We must be able to love all of the world beyond ourselves with all our hearts and all our minds and all our souls. Our belief in good will inspire the best out of us, and we will learn to love all of the world and follow our moral convictions.
#2. Love of self. By loving creation, we will also come to love ourselves and fully appreciate the beautiful people we have been made to be. We all want to be loved for who we are, but first we must understand who that is and why we're lovable. We will have little doubt in our identity and know what it is our partner should see in us. It's an important sign of maturity, for even though it is impossible to rid ourselves completely of insecurities, we must still both be free of the general category of "insecure person" and be at peace with ourselves.
#3. Love for each other. I must love her and she must love me. It cannot be a mere physical love, nor can it be just an emotional love or even an intellectual love. All these things wax and wane with time. The love must come from the spirit, for it must be a choice that comes from our hearts. It is an unchanging commitment that's part of what defines us. We will have a deep appreciation of each other as human beings and see each other clearly. Because we love each other, we will remain committed to being selfless for each other, even though at times we won't be very good at it. Our commitment to each other should provide a focus for our faith.
#4. Mutual dedication to ideals. We must not be afraid to hold each other accountable for living out our beliefs, and we ought to be able to carry them out together, for love consists not of gazing into each other's eyes but rather of looking in the same direction. We must always look in the same direction, and our relationship should be defined by our mutual selfless desires. Through this mutual struggle (for it will be a struggle, no doubt), we will fulfill the meaning of marriage, "to be a way in which man and woman help each other to become who [they were meant] to be: their deepest and truest selves."
#5. Real intellectual connection. The reality is within the mind. If two people unite to become one, their individual realities must become as real to each other as their own. Even though my wife's reality will never be my own, it will nonetheless be equally as real. Part of what will bring this about is an equal intellectual playing field. I am constantly in deep thought with no off switch. It's not a small reality, but rather a giant universe within my head. It's painful that I can't share all of my thoughts with people without them being a little intimidated. I want to marry someone who won't be intimidated by that, but rather have a universe in her own head as well that she's willing to share with me. For the life of me, I cannot imagine marrying someone who doesn't understand me when I think I've stumbled upon something more profound. Otherwise, how can we truly appreciate each other if one of us cannot fathom the other. There has to be that connection, that recognition where we're able to quote C.S. Lewis and proclaim "You, too? I thought I was the only one!"
#6. Enthusiasm for each other's professions. I'm a writer. It's part of what defines me. I have a long-term relationship going on with this passion, and it's a commitment I'm willing to make. If it's part of who I am, then it's of fundamental importance that the person who loves me also loves my profession. I want someone who's going to give me support and inspiration in my writings, and thinks that what I do is cool. I can talk with her about my writings. I need someone with whom I can talk about these things for the rest of my life so that I don't go crazy. Preferably, she will be a writer as well, which is likely considering that I get attracted to women who express interest in authoring books. Her exact interests shouldn't mirror mine, however, since that's a major problem. Rather, our passions should be complementary, so that we can fill the areas in which the other lacks.
#7. A broad set of shared values. Faith is of utmost importance, but then there's politics, financial strategies, family planning, parenting strategies, and so forth. For many of these, we should also know where to compromise when we don't align, especially in the arena of parenting, where we will naturally present ourselves differently to our children.
#8. Willingness to communicate. I'd love to have a person with whom I could talk to about anything, and of whom I could ask anything. In return, she can talk to me about anything, and I can answer any of her questions. There will certainly be times of tension, times where we don't want to say all of our feelings because we know that the other will disagree, but in general this will be a person I can talk with, and engage in real conversation.
#9. Best friends. I want a wife, but more than that, I want a best friend. Far too many times in life I've entertained the prospect of gaining good friends, only our relationships were never important enough that it became a priority. The friends I made in eight years of going to the same school will be long gone when we go to separate colleges. Sometime I'm going to have to put my foot down. I want a friend who's path in life is fundamentally intertwined in mine. I want a friend who is going to be there for the rest of my life no matter where I go. I want a friend I can dedicate myself to without feeling ashamed. I want a friend who sometimes feels like the other half of me, the person who completes me. I want someone who, no matter what, I can think of as my best friend, if nothing else.
#10. She does not remind my too much of my mother. I love her, but I'm not about to marry someone like her. As for who I do or don't remind my wife of, I can't speak for her needs.
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