Entry posted by Jean Valjean
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Now that I have formulated theories on the four levels of personal reality and the nature of love in marriage, it is natural to see how these similar ideas connect.
If we suppose that humans exist spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically in that order, then it is logical that love, being a universal ideal that brings purpose to human existence, should have a place in all four.
I have stated before that it is most important that this comes from the spirit, for this is where the soul and true content of character lies. When love comes from the spiritual level, it is a decision that we make, conscious and eternal. When love is applied to the deepest part of the self, the individual finds his or her center beyond himself or herself, thus becoming selfless by definition. It is this form of love that we as human beings should have toward all of our counterparts.
Within the context of a marriage, however, this love should influence the three lower, sensual forms of existence.
Intellectual Intimacy
The first is the intellect, where we sense reason, knowledge, and the branch of knowledge called understanding. Through intellect, it is the function of love to appreciate everything about the spouse. While anyone can gather enough knowledge to realize how fundamentally precious every human is whether we love them or not, loving knowledge entails that we prize and admire what we find in other people, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and especially spiritually. Through the intellect we come to understand better what it is we love about about our spouse and why we love him or her, which makes love all the more beautiful.
It's like reading a book. Dr. Faber in Fahrenheit 451 that what makes books significant is "quality of information, leisure to digest it," and most importantly, "the ability to act on what you just read". Yes, we can read someone like a book, and we must also appreciate what we learned and understand its relevance, but it doesn't mean anything unless this wisdom is used appropriately. Our knowledge of each other should be utilized to better each other's physical, emotional, and intellectual needs for the sake of the spirit.
Emotional Intimacy
The second is the emotional. Intellectual intimacy will surely lead to an emotional attachment after enough "leisure to digest". Most people are familiar with the sensations of a pleasurable or otherwise desirable emotional bond. Speaking from experience, I've known the sensation of happiness when my inamorata was happy, which was pleasurable, and sadness when she was sad, which wasn't pleasurable but nevertheless desirable. There is also the emotional longing connected to the other person, caused because of a significant liking of that person (which is an emotional experience) and completed when he or she likes us in return.
As it happens, this isn't necessarily healthy, even though it's labeled as pleasurable and/or desirable. I know the experience of obsession, which is an intellectual and emotional phenomena. It results from emotional dependency and repetitive, unproductive thoughts. I think the reason why obsession is often confused with love is because it focuses in on one individual, separating them from the rest of the crowd and forming him or her into someone special. The obsessor starts off by admiring some trait or combination of traits in the obsessee, and becomes fascinated with it. The obsessor recognizes that these qualities make the other person special, but gets too caught up in admiring them (intellectual obsession) and wanting them (emotional dependency). Obsession leads to the conclusion that the obsessee must appreciate the obsessor in return to complete him or her, or accept the obsessor's feelings.
Should this be reached and the two people become a couple engaged in mutual emotional intimacy, the sensation of liking the other person and feeling emotionally comfortable around each other can be misleading. The pleasure of emotional intimacy is mistaken for love because they're both good things in and of themselves that leave us feeling complete because we're thinking of someone else instead of ourselves.
Love changes emotions. It is possible for love to be an emotion, or rather, for emotions to be loving. It is important in more intimate relationships, such as that of marriage, that emotions are shared and that there is a desire for each other, but it should be fueled by the intellectual appreciation and spiritual love that come before it. The emotions between lovers will not always align, but love alters the intellect to form trust, which is what guides couples through arguments and moments of discord.
The emotional sense of love will not always be around in any prolonged relationship. There are times where two people can become bored or angry with each other. There are times when one cannot relate with the feelings of the other. Yet because of love, there will always be a deep comfort between two individuals that keeps them connected, even when it's not apparent, since the other person invariably does complete us and form our other half.
Physical Intimacy
The third and final form of intimacy is the physical, which is a characteristic reserved exclusively for the area of romance. In spite of conventional wisdom that beauty is irrelevant, in a romantic relationship it is important that there should be a physical attraction between two people. The attraction won't always be there, but a physical comfort should.
Love should define the way physical attraction is perceived. While it is nice to look into someone's eyes and kiss, it only has meaning if it helps the individual to further appreciate his or her spouse. I see it as a tool, a device for stimulating growth in emotional and intellectual intimacy. He or she is also beautiful because you love him or her, so therefore it stands to reason that a person's physical presence becomes an avatar and an analogue for everything else you see in him or her. It's a dim reflection of the inner beauty underneath, but physical attraction still serves its purpose by being an occasional reminder of what we see in each other as we come to associate our physical appearances with what it means for him to be him or her to be her.
Conclusion
I mention physical attraction last because it's the least dramatic, and hopefully we've seen how each of these levels of attraction scales down in a hierarchy of significance. Within the context of marriage, they're all important, but to varying degrees, and I believe that each exists to support the next step on the scale. Love, meanwhile, makes its way down the scale from the soul. While love itself is a choice and not the same thing as appreciation, comfort, and attraction, it applies itself through them.
Your Honor,
Emperor Kraggh
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