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I am ashamed of who I am.

Posted by Exit Sign Fuses , Sep 15 2012 · 3,530 views

My name is Gato, and I am ashamed of my bisexuality.

From a very young age I was taught by my parents that homosexuality was something of a great evil. Bad people were homosexuals, and they were bad people because of their homosexuality. While I wasn't taught explicitly to view homosexuals as as being inferior of me, the implication was always there that I was better than them. I was better than them just solely based off the fact that my sexuality was different than theirs. Since my parents never believed and still don't believe in bisexuality, that was never approached. However it still followed that bisexuals were in the same boat as the homosexuals.

This of course was flipped on its head when I realized that I was bisexual three years ago.

I probably would have realized it sooner had I grown up in a different environment than the one that espoused homophobia. Even one that was ambigulously neutral on the subject would have caused the realization much, much earlier. I would be lying if I were to say that it's easy. Even years later it's not an easy thing to be something when you've spent the past two decades having it engrained in you that what you are is something disgusting and evil. It's three years since I've realized I was a bisexual and even now images of gay couples make me uncomfortable. I know that it shouldn't, but even something as simple as two guys holding hands illicits an "Ick!" reaction from me despite the fact that they are representing something that I am. And this is just dealing with something that was on a personal level from my parents. I could go on about dealing with a culture that is by and large homophobic.

So please, people, don't be homophobic. Often you're doing more damage than you even realize.

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Andy Bernard
Sep 15 2012 05:13 PM
in all the years ive been on bzp this is one of the realest talks ive seen in a long time and im proud of you for making this post bless you shane

i love you bro
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I know how you feel, in a way, being both pansexual and trans in a household where just being gay has been enough to get someone kicked out

so thank you for this entry, it's truly one of the best and most honest I've seen on this site, and I wish you the very best

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Booker DeWitt
Sep 15 2012 06:54 PM
It's all good, man. It does make sense that there'd still be a bit of an 'Ick!' reaction after having it basically ground into you all your life, so I wouldn't feel too guilty about that. I'm sure the 'Ick' will go away, and it's not like your reaction is BEAT THEM BOTH UP so I wouldn't worry, you'll adapt eventually. Besides, the Ick isn't you, it's your parents.

I like seeing gay couples holding hands in public, just because it's funny to watch people be awkward around them, especially if it's challenging what they understand as normality and BLOWING THEIR MINDS. Though there's less of that over here...I seem to remember hearing about a gig that I think either Lady Gaga or Madonna did over here, and at one point she said 'IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY' and the crowd were just like 'Er....well yeah'. The sort of reaction she'd have got if she'd said slavery was bad.

- Tilius
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Gato, I just want to say that this is an amazing entry... and just... like

*hugs*

I'm so dumb with words, I'm sorry ;-;
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Hahli Husky
Sep 15 2012 08:35 PM
This is a -great- blog entry. I understand feeling initially uncomfortable when seeing gay couples holding hands, kissing, etc. :( I was raised the same way in regards to that, and even after I rejected the opinion of my parents and became accepting, it's still been hard not to feel all "Eagh" at first, and then I feel bad about it. It sucks and I don't ever want my own children to feel this way. It's been getting better; sometimes I think "Eiiiieee sweet!" at first instead. But it's taken a long time to get to this place. Hugs and love for you!
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Gato, you have my full support.

Honestly, and this is for everyone, it gets better. It really does.
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Homophobia is the greatest joke on the planet. I HATE homophobic people with a burning passion.

Gato, regardless of your culture or religion, you are a great person.
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Don't worry Gato. We hope to make this a much better experience! *bear hugs even though I don't quite know you*
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Exit Sign Fuses
Sep 15 2012 11:14 PM
I'm just going to roll through these really quick. If I miss your comment, don't take offense to it. You are all great people and I do appreciate your support.


It's all good, man. It does make sense that there'd still be a bit of an 'Ick!' reaction after having it basically ground into you all your life, so I wouldn't feel too guilty about that. I'm sure the 'Ick' will go away, and it's not like your reaction is BEAT THEM BOTH UP so I wouldn't worry, you'll adapt eventually. Besides, the Ick isn't you, it's your parents.

I like seeing gay couples holding hands in public, just because it's funny to watch people be awkward around them, especially if it's challenging what they understand as normality and BLOWING THEIR MINDS. Though there's less of that over here...I seem to remember hearing about a gig that I think either Lady Gaga or Madonna did over here, and at one point she said 'IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY' and the crowd were just like 'Er....well yeah'. The sort of reaction she'd have got if she'd said slavery was bad.

- Tilius

The thing is that it shouldn't be funny to see people react awkwardly to the idea of homosexuality. If anything it should be depressing. Awkward reactions, while significantly better than outright hate, are still expressions of homophobia. Residual homophobia or homophobia that lies underneath the initial reaction, but homophobia none the less.

Unless you just find homophobic reactions to be amusing I guess. Your perogative really.

This is a -great- blog entry. I understand feeling initially uncomfortable when seeing gay couples holding hands, kissing, etc. :( I was raised the same way in regards to that, and even after I rejected the opinion of my parents and became accepting, it's still been hard not to feel all "Eagh" at first, and then I feel bad about it. It sucks and I don't ever want my own children to feel this way. It's been getting better; sometimes I think "Eiiiieee sweet!" at first instead. But it's taken a long time to get to this place. Hugs and love for you!

Yeah. I first started to come around to the idea of homosexuality maybe not being the worst thing in the world when I was at a Christian university of all places where I heard an argument for homosexuals having the right to mary. While they still espoused that homosexuality was evil, by depriving them of a basic human right you were essentially degrading them and making them less than human. While it seems so basic, at the time it blew my mind and helped me reevaluate what my values were on the subject.

Homophobia is the greatest joke on the planet. I HATE homophobic people with a burning passion.

Gato, regardless of your culture or religion, you are a great person.


See the problem with you saying that homophobia is the greatest joke on the planet is that it isn't. Jokes are funny. Homophobia isn't. It could be that you were using it in some sort of ironic sense, but then there are far greater examples of 'jokes' that were told throughout human history. Because I feel like I haven't hit my Godwin's law quotia for the day I'm just going to say yo Stalin I'm happy for you and Imma let you finish but Hitler is the greatest prankster of all time.

OF ALL TIME.

But at any rate hating people with homophobia isn't the answer to the problem. Hating hate doesn't solve anything, nor is hate irrational. People don't make bad decesions or say the wrong thing. People always do what they think is right, barring crazy circumstances like legitimate insanity. People practicing homophobia do it because they think they're in the right and that homophobia is a perfectly logical train thought. The real solution to the problem of homophobia is to counter it with rational, logical arguments that undermine the very principles that homophobia stands on.

This is longer than I intended so I'm just going to cut it short.
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The fact that we live in a society where the idea of "you're only allowed to love someone if they're the opposite gender" is still one that gets impressed onto children in places is really, really depressing.

I wish you the best of luck, Gato, and like so many have said: it gets better.
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Just make sure not to wade into the political and religious discussions this topic tends to bring up and I'm super down with this entry because it's amazing and these things need to be heard.
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As someone who has only recently realized and accepted their bisexuality, I feel this entry, for it is a true, honest one. I also grew up in a homophobic household. In fact, as I am still underage, and (fearing expulsion from my home) have to hide my true opinions and feelings, I still am living in a homophobic household.

I rejected my parents' viewpoint a couple years ago, and although I, at first, experienced the same reaction towards portrayals of homosexuality, I am now fully comfortable with them. It's not easy, breaking away from lifelong beliefs. I'm lucky I went through all that befoere finding that my own sexual orientation deviates from the "norm."

Homophobia is a terrible, terrible thing. The amount of people who think nothing of it is truly, overwhelmingly depressing.

Indoctrination ain't cool. :c
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It's posts like these that remind me how lucky I was with my family.
You're still a great bro to me and I wish you all the best in your journey.
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I consider homophobia wrong for the damage it has caused, both on individuals and society as a whole. I want to see a society where people are free to love who they want, regardless of gender.

Good luck, Gato. We may not be much more than acquaintences, if even that, but I offer my support to you whenever you may need it (not sure how silly that sounds, but I don't know what else to say, so whatever).

-TNTOS-
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Booker DeWitt
Sep 16 2012 09:09 AM

The thing is that it shouldn't be funny to see people react awkwardly to the idea of homosexuality. If anything it should be depressing. Awkward reactions, while significantly better than outright hate, are still expressions of homophobia. Residual homophobia or homophobia that lies underneath the initial reaction, but homophobia none the less.

Unless you just find homophobic reactions to be amusing I guess. Your perogative really.

True. I find it funny in a 'haha, what an cool dude' kind of way, if that makes sense. Like, laughing in pity of them. At them instead of with them. It's how I deal with these sorts of groups, who don't base their beliefs on fact. Might not be a productive solution, but, with me, it's either that or just getting worked up about their stupidity.

The real solution to the problem of homophobia is to counter it with rational, logical arguments that undermine the very principles that homophobia stands on.

Agreed. People should start dropping whatever ideas they've been raised to believe as acceptable and be encouraged to engage in critical thought instead.

- Tilius
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Hey, Gato, I've got friends feeling the same way as you right now-all I can say is that you just got to push through at the moment and you'll get used to it more. Everything takes time, and this is no different.

One question, though: What exactly happened to Velox's post? He brought up an important issue about how, a lot of the time, people consider those who are against homosexuality, as an idea, to be the same as homophobic-which is, definitely, not true.
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One question, though: What exactly happened to Velox's post? He brought up an important issue about how, a lot of the time, people consider those who are against homosexuality, as an idea, to be the same as homophobic-which is, definitely, not true.


It might not exactly be the same, but it is, in essence, the same idea. People who are against homosexuality but claim to have nothing against homosexuals are, in most cases, just trying to being politically correct without coming off as intolerant. It doesn't really work. It's silent intolerance, but it's still saying "this is bad and you're bad because of it." It's religion, so just saying it's a "disagreement" is way too much of an understatement. The implications are very severe and judgmental.

If we're defining homophobia as just repression of or hostile thoughts towards homosexuality, it is still homophobia.
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Exit Sign Fuses
Sep 16 2012 03:16 PM
I can't speak for Velox's post. I never saw it, so I didn't delete it. Something else happened to it.

But just to follow up on what UU said, it doesn't make any sort of logical sense to disagree with the idea of homosexuality. Taking out the whole, hugging and kissing and all that jazz, sexuality is rooted in the idea of love. Saying that you disagree with something implies that on some level you find it to be wrong. If you found nothing wrong with it, then there would be nothing to disagree with. The idea that my love for another man is somehow lesser, inferior, or just plain wrong compared to me loving a woman is rather puzzling indeed.

This is of course a gross simplification of the issue. We're not even begening to touch on gender identity of eve biologically intersexed people or people who have undergone a sex change or anything like that. Sexuality and gender identity can be very complex issues! It's also worth noting that I have been slightly misleading about my sexuality. Technically I am pansexual and panromantic. However for the most part whenever you present someone with that fact you tend to make to confuse them and at best you get a "bwuh?" reaction. It's for that reason I primarily tend to identify just as bisexual.

Gender and sexuality. Deep stuff man,.
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Did he ever say that Homosexuals themselves were bad? No, and that wasn't the least bit implied. The only good reply I can think of to that thought is this: Love the sinner, hate the sin.

You don't have to hate homosexuals or anything to be against homosexuality itself. People like to think that, if only to further their arguments, but it's not true. You can think a person is bad but agree with their views, same as you can disagree with the views but hold that the person is good.

Basically: You can dislike the idea however much you want-everybody disagrees on some things, and this is but one of many. However, does that mean that you're going to hate the person, or be afraid of them, or anything like that? No! Love the sinner, hate the sin. Love the person, hate their idea. That's all there really is to a disagreement like this.

You don't have to be against homosexuals to be against homosexuality, whatever people may want you to think. While yes, that is the general connection, it isn't always how it works, so don't just assume that will be the case.

EDIT: To Gato:

I certainly get where you're coming at with that last paragraph, and with the first: Yes, there is little sense to disagreeing with homosexuality in that sense, but people do it anyways. However, you can disagree with something without having to be overbearing about it, trying to force others to your view-that's somewhat what I'm getting at. Just that while you can hate the thought, it doesn't mean you have to hate the person.
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being anti-homosexuality makes as much sense as being anti-short or anti-brunette or anti-any-other-way-some-people-naturally-are
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About Me

"I have never seen such a cocky and egocentric man (or woman) with such an inflated, festering wound of self entitlement as yourself." - Hothead
 
"He's an easy guy to love, but really hard to respect." - Princess Grace
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There was BZP information here but the updates borked it and everyone knows BZP doesn't really matter.
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Personal Pronouns: He/She
Age: 24
Height: 6'
Status: Remember.  You're stuck here forever.
Temperament: Fickle
Adores: Hugs
Current goal: To find a new job
Currently learning: How to overcome the pains that addictions bring
Basic interests: Video games, hanging out with friends, writing, reading, role playing, digging myself into holes
Currently shipping: Gato x Ran Sama, Rose x Marie x Clover X Kirsten x  Nixie x Rachel x Alex x Terra x Samantha x Elizabeth x Jessica x Amaranth x ALEX
Currently feeling: Posted Image
Number of avatars in rotation: Remember when this was a thing?
Favorite Salad Dressing: Honey Mustard

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