Making the best of a bad situation
Entry posted by believe victims
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Most people on here probably don't know this, since I haven't really had any reason at all to mention it much, but I am an amputee. Not a major one, like an arm or a leg. Just a finger. (However, despite what my aunt says, that does not make me not an amputee.) The accident happened four years ago, on this very day. I don't tell the story much, partially because I'm unsure of how much of it I can tell, but it was a terribly traumatic event that still has its effects on my life.
As a result, March 11th has become a sore day for me. (March in general, in fact, feels like a tainted month. I tend to be crabbier and more sensitive during March than on other months.) I become prone to thinking about my accident, and often feel guilt, anger, or sadness related to it. Needless to say, I don't usually enjoy it.
For the past two years, however, I've been trying to do nice things on March 11th, to try and ease into changing how it makes me feel. Last year, I watched movies with a friend (one of which unfortunately ended up containing amputation but it wasn't too bad) and went to yoga. This year, I followed the immortal words of Tom Haverford and Donna Meagle: "Treat Yo' Self." As a result, I am now the proud owner of:
- two large bags of Starburst jelly beans
- five boxes of Star Wars macaroni
- RID Strongarm
- Pokemon TCG Primal Kyogre collection
- Super Smash Brothers for 3DS
- Tyrunt plush
- a clear case for my 3DS XL
- Generations Windblade (ordered off Amazon so I'm gonna have to wait but it's the thought that counts)
then I topped it all off with a lunch from Taco Bell (yes that's treating myself don't judge) and went home to start enjoying my treats.
Throwing money onto the problem might seem like a poor decision, but it's not so much about the things themselves as it is about the happy feeling. It's sort of a Pavlovian conditioning of myself, to start associating March 11th with good things, with happy things, so that one day, it will lose its edge.
It's a long journey towards truly recovering from my accident. Even though the stump is healed, I still feel the impacts of that day. But I'm beginning to have hope that one day I can move on from this.
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