Olives
Entry posted by SPIRIT
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Today I'm going to complain about people who like olives, but not for the reason you might think.
Personally, I love olives. Black, green. Can't get enough of them.
My beef is with people who buy olives with the pits still in them.
If you people are out there, why do you do this? We live in the information era. No longer must we be beholden to pits in our olives. For 3000 years the peoples of the Mediterranean struggled with this minor inconvenience, and now we have a factory machine that saves us the trouble. Anecdotally a random food blog I found on Google suggests that including the pit improves the presentation of the olive. Oh please, get over yourself. It's just going straight in your mouth anyway, and if you don't include the pit you can finish your meal even faster and get on with your miserable food blogging life. Now some of you may be thinking, "Hey, isn't it cheaper to buy the ones with pits in them? I'm on a budget, man!" Look, buddy. If you can afford olives, you can afford ones without pits in them. It's such a minor additional cost for a massive increase in quality of life. I dream of being about to pay an extra dollar to make my other minor inconveniences go away, and here you are spitting in the face of science.
In conclusion, I'll probably never work as a food critic.
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