Laws of BZPower: What Will Have You Ridiculed and Possbily Banned, Volume 1
In the newly released book that is tearing up the sales charts, "Laws of BZPower: What Will Have You Ridiculed and Possibly Banned, Volume 1", one of the major topics that the author discusses is the subject of avatars and banners. For your enjoyment, we have included an excerpt of the author's opinions on the subject:
"[Insert any sort of religious or political or historical icon here] forbid that you ever have the same banner as another member, you know? I mean, it's hard enough for all of us when half the population uses a different colour or type of font, or even a different size, or if they use a signoff of some sort, or if they have different text in their signature, or even, I dunno, have their own name you can look at. All that's a no go if you and another member have the same banner, because suddenly, the population believes one of two situations. In the first situation, you're suddenly the guy's twin, or maybe his superhero alter-ego. In the second, you're a hero worshipping freak that must immediately be ridiculed. Prepare for your life as an outcast."
Clearly his views are rather strong, and certainly it has been driving sales. However, like every other thing on the web, we feel the need to quote his opinion on avatars, because this is just brilliant:
"But honestly, the banners aren't really a big deal. So what? Sharing a banner with someone isn't even close to being as bad as sharing an avatar with them. [Insert any sort of religious or political or historical icon here] forbid one even think about sharing an avatar with somebody. I did it once, and man, did the population hate me. I always get the same old people commenting on my looks, but suddenly, there were people I didn't even know existed accusing me of being the other guy! What is this place, Tibet? Honestly, population? In the name of [Insert any sort of religious or political or historical icon here], give it a break, calm down, go do your homework, and then, I'm going to ask you to go get yourself a life at Wal-Mart while they're on sale, because I'm not sharing mine! Sharing an avatar with someone means you're jumping on a bandwagon, even though the bandwagon doesn't exist because you're the only one to do it. It also means you worship the other person as a deity. Please excuse me, because I need to go do my evening prayer to them. Never mind that if I wanted to worship them, I'd do something cliche like "[INSERT NAME HERE] IS AWESOME" or start a fanclub, or turn my non-existent blog into a worship center for them, or even do all three. Why would I change my avatar to do that job? It's pointless I tell you, pointless! You're all pointless! Even I am pointless! That is the whole point!"
Word has it that this passage has already been entered into the "quote of the year" awards. The author of the book, Brizwald Joseph Isengard Wulfric Zedderstrom, has agreed to give a speech on the matter from Parliament Hill in three weeks. Wondering about the "Volume 1" in the title? Zedderstrom has Volumes 2 and 3 waiting for publication to begin, with Volumes 4 and 5 in the works. In response to accusations that his complaints were directed at only one individual in particular, Zedderstrom had this to say:
"They have a saying in some parts of the world. 'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times'. So I take it to mean that one person has already told me what they said one thousand times. Continuing on from that, would it then not make sense that if one person has told you, a thousand have? And for each of those thousand, you have another seperate thousand. That's a lot of people ridiculing me. Are you trying to give me an anxiety attack? Because it's working! I only just got over the pimple on my nose last week, people! I've had it for nine years!"
This has been "Why did you click that link?". Tune in next time when we discuss J.K. Rowling's controversial decision to write an eighth Harry Potter book!
This has been a 100% serious article, and all opinions in this article are to be taken 100% seriously.*