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I Don't Even (Recap 02)

Posted by Lucina , Apr 12 2014 · 289 views

Recap 02: I Don’t Even
This week, this week... was pretty ordinary, but some interesting stuff did happen. Actually, I’m lying, it was a pretty abnormal week.
My mother is insisting that my brother and I see a councillor (is that the right councillor, or should it be counsellor? I don’t even know) because my brother and I got into a physical skirmish on Tuesday night. He’s a bit bigger than me and I won’t go into details, but I say “skirmish” and not “fight” because victory was had by one of us in about thirty seconds. Separate councillors (counsellors?), I think. I keep telling her no, partly because I don’t ever want  to step into one of those places again and partly because I’ve just got too much on my plate IRL to even consider trying to make room for a councillor (I should just google it....).
I feel like I should probably be feeling a lot worse than I do at the incident, since my brother seems to be suffering more than me (although we’re also both very different in personality, so it could just be coping differences?). I know that I’m a master of internalizing my emotions, but even still, I should feel more beat up about this? Or maybe everyone else is just blowing the incident out of proportion (although seriously why would I be the only one treating it normally)? I do feel like I should feel worse, but... meh. I’m fairly certain that I’m pretty messed up, but at least that would mean that I’m interesting to learn about, which means more readers?
Moving on!
I work at a nearby YMCA center as one of the youth program instructors, and the head of our aquatic division was recently announced to be taking control of the youth division as well (that’s a lot of work and I admire the ability to shoulder it). Things are already improving; she’s set up an extremely effective communication binder for us to use when we need shift coverage, and I have already taken advantage of it to claim more hours for myself. Our aquatics division is apparently the best in the region (or province? It was one of them), and since she’s organizing the youth division the same way, I have high hopes. It certainly feels more organized than with our last two heads.
One thing I’ve noticed in my classes for this session is that I have a lot of autistic kids in my classes (if my terminology offends you here, I apologize – I’ve looked all over online and people seem to literally be divided in two regarding “autistic person” and “person with autism”), and I’m actually kind of excited because I will freely admit that I’m terrible with this stuff (especially when parents and authority figures are around because then I’m constantly wondering if I’m doing something wrong?). I usually treat them like I would anyone else unless their parents specifically request something different, but this session will be huge for making it just another part of my day.
It’s also got me thinking about my job this summer, because they have “one on one” campers (campers with some sort of special needs, basically), and I’m pretty terrible at individual interactions at the best of times, and having to spend almost twenty-four hours a day with the same person for a week is like something out of  a nightmare for me (ESPECIALLY if they talk a lot because I’m sorry I just can’t keep up a constant conversation).
And then from camp we go back to my prom and graduation. You see, the camp is about four hours away from where I live. Graduation and prom land directly in the middle of my training week. Which means I need to find a ride up to the camp to start the week, find another ride back home for both events, then a third ride back up to camp. It’s going to be a nightmare to organize. Honestly, if the graduation and prom could just be one week earlier, all of my problems would be solved... le sigh.
We’re starting to hit the hardcore study mode for the IB exams, which I believe are starting in the first week of May? We’ve been reviewing material since March for Biology, and now we’ve hit the end of the road for our IB Math as well. Just one more test and then we’ll be onto the practice exams. In English we’re to finish reading our final play and then reviewing begins, so I’ll probably be done learning new things by the end of next week. The exams are staggered throughout the first three weeks of May, and after that I’m technically done high school (although I still need to attend and participate in the bogus activities our teachers are forced to come up with, since the board dislikes us finishing a month early... stupid board). Woohoo.
And going back full circle to the YMCA, where I have to help two of our newest staff members with the planning and running of a class on Saturday mornings for the first three weeks to make sure they know what they’re doing. I’m not sure why I need to do that for three weeks, but today I barely arrived in time because I was so exhausted (yay continuing insomnia and growing caffeine (addiction/dependence/they’re the same thing so be quiet).
I don’t believe I did anything of terrible awesomeness this week, so unfortunately I’m gonna have to leave my point total where it is. Maybe I’ll do this again next week or maybe you’ll all wait for two weeks or maybe never again, because really how interesting can my life be?
Points: 1

  • 1

It'd actually be "counsellor" or "counselour" in British English or "counselor" in American English. "Councillor" (British) or "Councilor" (American) refers to somebody who sits on a council, while "counsellor", "counselour", or "counselor" is someone who provides counsel (guidance/advice).

There's nothing to be ashamed of about seeing a counselor or therapist. It can be very helpful to have a person to talk to about problems you're having who isn't emotionally invested in the situation. Whenever I'm feeling really depressed, frustrated, or anxious about family issues, a counselor is often a much more reliable person to talk to than a parent or other family member. If I talked to my mom about these sorts of issues I would basically be dumping my anxieties and frustrations on her shoulders, which wouldn't be fair to her and might lead her to blame herself for the problems I'm encountering. But a counselor or therapist is not a part of the situation and thus can provide advice without having to shoulder the burden in your place.

Also, if you see a counselor for a while and decide it's making you feel uncomfortable without actually helping, you're always free to stop seeing them. And you'll probably never have to interact with them outside of your scheduled meetings. That's not the case with your family in most situations.

I know from experience that as a kid, seeing a professional like that can feel a bit uncomfortable or even embarrassing. After all, they're a stranger who you're being asked to share your intensely personal feelings with. I didn't especially like my therapy sessions when I was a kid. When I became an adult and started going to college, though, counseling (either from my school counselor or from a professional therapist) became a godsend. So even if you had a bad experience with a counselor in the past I really think you should be open to the idea of seeing one when you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation like this and you can't quite tell what to do or even what to feel.
    • 0
Lapis Lazuli
Apr 12 2014 03:46 PM

Well, it's hard to give an opinion either way due to lack of detail, but I have gotten into fights with ny brothers.  I would even be the one who turned it into a skirmish at times.  I honestly feel no regret for such actions as they totally deserved it.  =P. (But seriously, I feel no shame for that.  Maybe I should?   But no, I don't).  It wasn't anything too serious, though, so there was no need to see a professional.  Then again that was my experience.  


Also, caffeine is bad.  Stop being awake.  

    • 0

I'll take the advice into account, Aanchir, although there is the issue of my schedule.

Tekulo: My brother started the fight, but my method in ending it so quickly (physically he is 100% fine) was, I guess, not the greatest.


Also, I cannot help my being awake. ;__; My brain just doesn't shut up.

    • 0
Rahkshi Guurahk
Apr 12 2014 04:33 PM

Same as IBrow, my brain just keeps going after I tell it to stop.

    • 0
Apr 12 2014 05:25 PM

You know what? I give up claiming to be busy. There are too many people like you out there who take on so many things I don't. 

    • 0

If you need mind-deadeners, music works. I think. 

    • 0
Rahkshi Guurahk
Apr 18 2014 04:01 PM

If you need mind-deadeners, music works. I think. 

If you've ever played an instrument, it revives it. :P

    • 1


If you need mind-deadeners, music works. I think. 

If you've ever played an instrument, it revives it. :P


Indeed. Creativity and suchnots. 


I was talking about mere listening. 

    • 0

just for fun

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missing amiibo

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Animal Crossing
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-Summer Isabelle
-King Dedede
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Legend of Zelda
-Wolf Link
-Green Inkling Girl
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-Orange Inkling Squid

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