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05: Should I?

Posted by Kumata , in General Oct 09 2012 · 162 views

Doubt Insecurity
I think that if I had to use a single word to describe my state of mind, I'd choose Doubt. I second-guess everything I do. Take this blog for instance. I start to write a blog entry, then stop. I think "no-one cares, stop thinking you're worth listening to". A little later I start again. I think "you won't get any replies so what's the point?" I press through, I post it. I read and re-read what I've written. I think "should I have phrased that point that way? People might misinterpret that. Should I edit it? What if I edit it and someone reads and replies before I've finished editing?" I wait; no-one replies. I think "see, told you you're not worth listening to".

This kind of thought process occurs for most actions or decisions I take. It's why despite mentioning my desire to start a webcomic three months ago I still haven't gotten around to it: I don't have confidence in the ideas I have; I doubt anyone will put up with my mediocre art despite knowing that the only way for my art to stop being mediocre is for me to draw something regularly - IE, a webcomic.

This kind of insecurity and lack of self-confidence is why I don't try to make many funny blog entries because I doubt my own humour. It's why I don't like to voice my own opinions. It's why I didn't kiss the girl that time - although that's a (hilarious for you, embarrassing for me) story for another blog entry.

But don't worry; miserable as I may sound I'm not wallowing in depression here. As a matter of fact I'm excited that Pokémon Black and White 2 is released soon!

I doubt I'll be any good at it though.

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Rumpelstiltskin
Oct 09 2012 01:28 PM
All right, listen. You've got one person right here who hangs on your every word, so don't ever think no one cares what you have to say. You've been an inspiration to me since I met you, and I have always judged my work next to yours to see if it measures up. Never has.

Not to deflate your insecurity even more, but I doubt you would be able to recognize a quiet, unassuming, afraid-someone-is-going-to-pass-him-on-the-street-because-he's-afraid-if-he-says-anything-it'll-seem-stupid-and-embarrassing American kid as the highly opinionated, overly ambitious and somewhat cocky BZP member Rumpelstiltskin. :P

My advice is this: plow on. If you don't do anything, no one will be able to like it. It's what you think that matters, not what other people think. And if you allow that reasoning to govern what you do, people will be more attracted to your work than if you stifled it trying to impress others. If you want to do a webcomic, do a webcomic and love it. It'll be better than if you put extra time and effort into it trying to mold it to standards that you think other people will have.


~ Rumpelstiltskin
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:kaukau: Hey, I found the ending to your entry quite funny. There are also people who like your art for To Save the World! That's not to say that your concerns are silly. I understand. Your art isn't as good as you'd like it to be. I'm guessing you're also not entirely sure of the persona you want to have in your personal space here on BZPower. I personally like to put all kidding aside and talk about real matters when I blog, like what you have here, which is a gem in the regular humdrum ot the blogosphere, a moment of real humanity.

I really relate to your thought process regarding editing your original materials, especially when it concerns the possibility that someone might read it before it gets edited and not read it over again to find out that important details have been changed. I guess that's a reason why I analyze my entry a little bit before I publish it. You might know this, you might not, but I have been absolutely deconstructed in the past when posting about my own life and my insecurities. My word of advice is that when talking about life matters and things that go beyond interests (think Tilius, known for his quick nerdy squeals of glee when something he loves comes out), you have every right to be careful. Especially if you go ahead with that other story of yours regarding the girl you didn't kiss. Talking about girls/women is where I really got a combination of flak and concern.

Obviously, I'm not trying to deconstruct your current doubts. That's something best left for you to conquer. I hope you didn't mind the tangent I decided to take.

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Let me clarify that I'm not denying I'm capable of making things people like. When I post a story or piece of art, I know I'll get at least a few people saying "that's cool" or "I like it". But when I begin to create something new I doubt myself anyway, despite having had positive feedback in the past. It's more like a reflex, see? It goes against rational thought.

If you don't do anything, no one will be able to like it.

An incredibly simple motivational idea I have honestly never, ever considered. In fact my general thought tends to be the opposite - if I do things, people will be able to hate them! :P But thanks.

My word of advice is that when talking about life matters and things that go beyond interests ... you have every right to be careful. Especially if you go ahead with that other story of yours regarding the girl you didn't kiss. Talking about girls/women is where I really got a combination of flak and concern.

I get what you mean, and that's one of the reasons why I don't voice my opinions much - on here or in real life - because it invites the possibility of rejection and the pain of embarrassment if someone doesn't agree. And then they'll judge me and think I'm a terrible person, or at least, so the thought process goes.


I also absolutely don't mind any attempts at deconstruction/tangents people decide to go on in my blog entries. I wouldn't enable comments otherwise!
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