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Hello, Satan



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"We all enter those little rough patches"

Posted by Cee Matrix , Dec 20 2012 · 66 views

Okay so I planning on making this blog post about tastes in music and all, until I found a band on my Ipod that goes by the name of Lordi. Now I doubt anyone knows who this band is but they won they euro-vision song contest in 2006. They were one of the few hard rock bands in the competition and wore these stupid monster costumes and had character names and all sorts.
 
The thing is, is listening to their music for the first time in ages really brought be back to about last year and a bit before. When I was about 15 I was failing in school. There was a whole lot of things going on in my life and I was unhappy. I would even go as far as to say I was depressed. Not depressed as going all emo and slitting my wrists and all that, because I was never that kind of person. In fact I would mask it very well, even to myself. I would get angry over stupid things and would lash out physically to any object close to me. It was a like constant weight of anger and sadness in me and I couldn't lift it.  I was skiving school ALOT. I hated my school. It wasnt like I was bullied or anything like that, in fact my life there was insanely average, but a lot of people, even my closest friends stood for a lot of things that I did not(although I didnt really realise that until later)
 
After leaving my school and moving 100 miles away from my mums to my dads, I remembered a song from 2006 called Hard Rock Hallelujah(Lordi's winning song) I listened to it again and through that found Lordi's other songs. I find the man a lyrical genius but thats besides the point. I found out they had been a band since the late 90's and got sort of.... obsessed shall we say? 
I mean something you've got to know about Lordi is each band member were's a costume and has a character or persona(Although to be fair thats how they act in real life I assume). You get attached to the band members like they are characters off a TV show and when they leave the band its almost heart breaking (RIP Otus)
 
Anyway Im sort of going off track here. See this post isnt so much about the bad time in my life, its about the recovery. When I moved schools I got to learn a lot about my self as I had a chance to start a knew. Instead of pretending to be some one I was not, I decided to embrace the real me. I grew a lot of confidence and realized you didnt have to try fit in, becuase the harder you tried the more people would not like you(at least in my expericene). I listened to Lordi a lot in my early stages of year 11. I would walk to school with my Ipod it and would blast it out full volume. Although it got better eventually the first couple months in my new school were really dark. I didnt know any one and found it hard to talk to people(not that I ussualy would have a problem doing so). Lordi at the stage was one of the only bands I listened to. Not that I didnt like other music, but I didnt want to listen to anything else. I just kind of feel I owe them a thanks for "pulling me through". I dont mean to say that I couldnt have got my life back on track without them, becuase I could, but when my life was constantly changing around Lordi was the one rock in my life, so thanks.(Not that they will read this)
 
I guess the most important thing is I got good grades at the end of year 11 and I would never have got them if I had of continues the way I was going.
 
Sorry if this seems a bit strung togther. Its the first time I have ever talked about this so...


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Toa Mata Nui. Get it or not get it

Posted by Cee Matrix , Dec 19 2012 · 181 views

Okay so I have been conflicted weather or not to buy this set. Please not Im not a MOC and and get Bionicles for play and display only.
 
Okay so I have a major first world problem here. I have £150 to spend on Bio's. Now I thought I had chosen the sets I wanted. These were
 
The Toa Inika
Icarax
The Makuta Phantoka and Mistika
Toa Mahrii
Barraki.
 
These come to £150
 
If I wanted to buy Mata Nui, i have to swap it for two options. This could be my only chance to get him, but is really worth it?
 
You tell me Bionicle Zone. you tell me.


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I dont think Im happy with my life.

Posted by Cee Matrix , Dec 12 2012 · 228 views

I think its fair to say that Im happy. The only thing I have been thinking more and more recently though is that I dont think Im happy with my life. I feel like Im going in completely the wrong direction to the things I want to do or the person I want to be. 
 
I have so many dreams that I woudnt even think telling anybody about which is pathetic. Can I have some advice off some BZPers? Im feeling kind of down.


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II:2:Two

Posted by Cee Matrix , Dec 10 2012 · 58 views

Endless sands.
 
No ocean is heard.
 
No clouds above.
 
Rocks climb high, soaring into the endless blue.
 
Then you came.
 
Your cloak as black as night.
 
This was once your home.
 
Does it scar you to look at it.
 
I’ll take your hand if you take mine.
 
And we walk out from sand to flame.


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I:1:One

Posted by Cee Matrix , Dec 09 2012 · 70 views

Can I fall forever?
 
A type of freedom nothing can take away.
 
I know this certain feeling.
 
It’s like a fire burning inside me.
 
Now I know what this feels like.
 
A moment long awaited for me.
 
Don’t we all live for this very moment one way or another?
 
Can I fall forever?


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Horrible Nightmare

Posted by Cee Matrix , Dec 09 2012 · 54 views

Okay, so I will admit, its been a while since I have had one, but this one was horrible.
For the past week or so, my dreams have been really vivid. They have been really weird, but this tops it all.
 
I say what I can remember.
 
I was in my old house. For some reason my crush was downstairs arguing with my sister(For some reason they had be friends in this dream, even though they have never met)
 
I cant remember to much, but I remember I heard shouting(They were now in the upstairs bathroom(Not what you're thinking XD))
 
Then I think I heard a bang or something and I ran into the bathroom. My sister was gone and it was just my crush. She was lying there on the floor covered in blood. I dont know what happened but lets just say my sister had smashed over the head with something for the sake of explanation.
 
I ran up to her and rested the back of he head in my hand. She died looking up at me. It was horrible. Just before she died she handed me a pecie of paper with a reversed pentagram(Dont ask, really)
 
I remember thinking it felt so real, because I was thinking how horrible it would be that I would never see her again, for like an eternity.
 
I also remember feeling sad about how my sister was a murderer and what I was going to do. Should I call the police or not.
 
I felt real fear and anger, which is unusual for my dreams.
 
When I awoke, I was still really shaken up by it and it took me a while to actually realise it was a dream.
 
One of the worst nightmares I have had in a long time.
 
 
 
 





About Me

Name: Sam (CeeCee)
Age: 18
Birthday: 31st of October
Religion: Theist 
 

December 2012

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