Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Welcome to BZPower!

Hi there, while we hope you enjoy browsing through the site, there's a lot more you can do if you register. Some perks of joining include:
  • Create your own topics, participate in existing discussions, and vote in polls
  • Show off your creations, stories, art, music, and movies
  • Enter contests to win free LEGO sets and other prizes
  • Participate in raffles to win LEGO prizes
  • Organize with other members to attend or send your MOCs to LEGO fan events all over the world
  • Much, much more!
Enjoy your visit!

Designated Tekulo Crying Corner ♡



Photo

Pride

Posted by SwagtronYOLO , Jun 13 2018 · 197 views

Hey everyone! Been a while.

Life's been keeping me busy with work, walks, family visiting, the occasional (very occasional) trip to Seattle and procrastination on things that are important that I should be doing right now. I got about... five(?) hours of sleep last night and I'm at the end of my day so boy howdy that is a thing. XP (meanwhile someone out there reading this is on no sleep for the past three days and is screaming at their computer screen right now).

There's a lot I could put in a life update entry, and I might just get around to that at a later time. Right now, I want to talk a bit about pride month.

So yesterday I watched a candlelight vigil for the victims of a certain incident (which idk if I can talk specifically about here). But yeah... hearing multiple names and ages of victims being called out and realizing you fall into the same minority and age group is... sure a strange feeling. I've had people tell me that these are just isolated incidents and that it's not going to happen to me, to stop stressing out, but... hehehe it's not like anyone can predict the future and honestly the world is a wild place. News about violence against LGBT people is always a hard truth to face. Well, for me it is anyway.

BUT ANYWAY ONTO LESS DEPRESSING SHENANIGANS!

So, a while ago I started identifying as genderqueer. That was because I had no better term to describe my gender identity, really. I've talked a bit about it on here before. Well, recently I learned about demigenders. I looked up the definition of demigirl and I kinda realized that was closest to describing how I personally identify. After I read the definition, really read it, I kinda stopped for a second and... you know how you follow a really good mystery story? Like right towards the end when everything starts to come together and make sense and you see the solution at the end of it, you get like these goosebumps and a strange sense of excitement and trepidation? That's how I felt when I realized this was describing me. Genderqueer had always been a bit of a vague shrug for me. It's nice having a more precise label imo.

So, for those not aware, demigirl is a gender identity where someone identifies partially as female, but not completely. For some people they identify as primarily female and partly as something else, but not always.

Personally I don't think I feel physical dysphoria, or at least not to the point where I'd want to undergo hrt.

So, what does this mean for me? Well, it means I'm the same person I always was. Now I just have a label for myself that I feel comfortable with. And actually, for me it's a relief. Even if a lot of people aren't going to understand me with my gender identity, just knowing that there are other people out there that identify in similar ways to me... it's comforting to know I'm not the freak I told myself I was growing up. I know I'm not cis and I'm not in the majority or anything, but... I dunno, I feel more like a normal human being now than I have in years (and this after I've dyed my hair, worn cute necklaces, got my ears pierced and went through all these little things that guys just didn't do where I grew up).

I'm still good with he/him pronouns btw. I'm generally okay with feminine pronouns and things too, provided they aren't used as a means to ridicule me through misgendering (i.e. calling me a girl in a way meant as a demeaning insult. Yes, people still do this, and no it isn't funny. Hasn't been funny to me for a while now tbh).

So yeah. Demigirl, demihomosexual and very tired from a long day of work and a long many years of trying to figure all of this out.

This is who I am.

Happy Pride Month! <3
~Tekulo


Photo

Love, Simon

Posted by SwagtronYOLO , Mar 18 2018 · 309 views
Love Simon, LGBT+, Movies
I just got back home from the movies. I'm normally not a movie person, personally. Movies tend to be about heteronormative romances on the side of some other quirk designed to sell tickets for whatever special effects the industry wants to show off this time. Okay, maybe that's a tad unfair because I'm not a movie person, but that's how I generally view them. And it's not like I dislike every movie. But mostly I stick to Disney movies. That has changed lately as I am now a bus ride or a decent walk away from a movie theater these days. And hey, I actually have an income now, so I can actually justify going out to enjoy my life. I digress.

When I first heard that this movie was about a gay romance with a PG-13 rating, I pretty much knew I was going to see it. LGBT movies tend to be too trashy or too heartbreaking or too esoteric for me to notice. Granted I haven't seen too many of them, but in general none of them really quite fit. It's kind of like "even when it's LGBT oriented it still doesn't really pertain to me." Maybe I've just seen the wrong movies.

So my experience started when I first entered the theater. I was second in line at the ticket booth. I had gotten there about twenty minutes before the theater opened for the afternoon (they open 15 minutes before the first movie is scheduled to air). After I got a small soda and popcorn, I was the first person in the theater. Now, I live in a more conservative area so I honestly wasn't sure if anyone else was going to show (even though it was opening weekend for Love, Simon).

The first group to walk in was this group of teenagers. Not wanting to be a total creep, I didn't make eye contact, something I rarely do with anyone I don't personally know, and I browsed my phone. I couldn't help overhearing them, however. They were talking about whether or not they had come out to their family. Most of them had, but one of them said they hadn't. "My mom thinks I'm confused." One of them said and in response their friend said "Hahaha, it's cute that [she] thinks that." They talked about their orientations "I'm pan." "I'm grey asexual" and so on. One of them made a point to say that none of their group was heterosexual.

This struck a chord with me. I had known there were other kids who were out when I was going to school. I decided to remain closeted for a long period of my life. I went through most of my younger days dealing with everything on my own. It was difficult at the time. It made me really happy just to overhear these young adults. Throughout the entire movie they were reacting (just like I was) to the events onscreen.

Most of the people who came in after that seemed to be young women. There was one elderly couple.

One thing the theater seemed to lack were problematic men. That suited me just fine.

After the previews aired, the countdown for the movie started. I honestly didn't realize how excited I was to see this movie until just before it started. I was really optimistic. For the first time ever, t h e... f i r s t... t i m e... e v e r, I felt like I was seeing a movie that was made for someone like me. Even if I wound up not liking the movie, which I knew was a very real possibility, I knew that this was something that I never had before. Going to the movie theater to see a movie about a gay teen as the average joe. I never thought I'd have that experience, so to actually have it... I don't even know what words to use to describe how that felt.

As for the movie? Well, without spoiling anything, I have to say I really enjoyed it. I wish I had seen a movie like this one when I was still a questioning teenager. It touches base on a fair amount of issues that I personally related to, even if they weren't exactly the same situations. There was more than one scene where I felt like "Oh, Simon, I feel you, bro" and there was definitely more than one scene that got an emotional reaction out of me. In my opinion this movie doesn't waste a single minute of its screen time.

Spoiler


After the movie my head was filled with so many thoughts. This was an incredible experience and all it took was one movie that did a good job representing someone like me.

-Tekulo


Photo

Sunshine

Posted by SwagtronYOLO , Feb 04 2018 · 238 views

This weekend has been sunny and warm. I spent the past two days just walking around town and it's just been so nice.

Really can't wait for Spring.



Photo

I'm giving up on my dreams

Posted by SwagtronYOLO , Jan 26 2018 · 267 views

I just can't get my hopes up anymore.

I really just want to be happy. But that doesn't just happen after years of depression and anxiety. I would love it, really love it, if I could just not be anxious or depressed anymore. But I could move a thousand times and life could go perfectly and I'd still be stressed out.

It takes work and it takes time and there are going to be days where I'm just exhausted and miserable and don't want to deal with anything.

I dunno. I feel I've had a lot of pressure growing up that if things weren't perfect then it was akin to the end of the world. I feel like I was raised with that mentality. But alas, my life has been far from ideal or perfect. I wasn't ready for mental illness or pressure from being LGBT+ in a family that is heteronormative or just how far behind I got in the business of living.

So, I give up. I'll never have that perfect, ideal life I was trained to expect. And I'd love to say it's better that way, but it honestly is hard. And exhausting. And I don't always know if I'll make it.

Isn't that just disheartening?



Photo

Gender Identity Stuff

Posted by SwagtronYOLO , Jan 21 2018 · 216 views

So this is just me trying to figure out where I stand on my gender identity. I know to some this could seem like "oh what a special snowflake -eyeroll-" but this blog isn't for those people.

So... I identify as genderqueer. That could mean a lot of different things potentially. For me it's... weird.

I kind of alqays identified with female leads in storytelling more so than male ones. I kind of realized lately that I think I hold myself to a feminine standard of beauty. Like for example body positivity is a relatively new thing for me. I feel like it's expected for men to want to be macho and muscular, have a six pack, be macho... I kind of find myself happier with the idea of more of a petit feminine figure. Of course with my big fluffy naturally masculine body that's just a fantasy really, haha. There has been some dysphoria, I think. I catch myself often thinking in a feminine voice. Sometimes how I wish I could look (sterotypically "pretty" for lack of a better way to put it) and how I actually am don't really match. Generally though I think part of this deals with the standards of beauty set by society and I don't think it's really healthy to try to judge myself on something so superficial.

So, yeah, I have some tendencies that make me feel more feminine than masculine.

I'm honestly not sure if I've ever really felt very boyish or masculine, really. I remember this one time I got a buzz cut as a kid and locked myself in the bathroom because I thought I looked ugly, hahaha. Though honestly while there is some dysphoria, I also kind of like that I was born male. It's more of a recent thing, I feel. I've been letting go of jealousy little by little (maybe from the fact that I don't look as "pretty" as I may have liked) and look in the mirror and... I used to hate how I looked, but within the past few years I kind of like that I look handsome. I have a cute jaw line, the shape of my nose, even my bulky figure and body hair. I even kind of wish I had a lot more chest hair than I already do hahaha.

It's strange, really, how I look at myself.

I'd sing in the shower and try to hit a high pitch to sound like the woman who sings the song, but I try too hard to compensate for my naturally deep voice. It's a different experience to realize that my voice is deep and I should try to sing like myself instead of an unrealistic image I have in my head. That slim figure I'm jealous of, that petit feminine idea that I have in my head... that's touched up Hollywood smoke and mirrors. Though it is also an influence on me.

I've been working bit by bit to feel more naturally... well, more like myself.

And I have a side of me that is a bit feminine. And there's a part of me that likes myself the way I am. I never really felt comfortable identifying as female, but if I said I was a cisgendered male, that also doesn't seem to fit.

It's... well it's strange. I never grew up knowing people could be queer and that's totally okay. I never had any resources to really help me figure any of this out. I would love to do more research on gender identity to help me figure this out more.

But I honestly don't really know where to look.

At any rate, I'm always learning more about how I personally view my identity and slowly but surely I've been growing more comfortable being me. As of right now I thing calling myself genderqueer fits best in its own weird way.



Photo

AMA

Posted by SwagtronYOLO , Jan 21 2018 · 163 views

Go on. I dare you.


Photo

Life isn't perfect, but...

Posted by SwagtronYOLO , Jan 16 2018 · 213 views

...I'm still happier now than I was before, I think.


Photo

Seattle

Posted by SwagtronYOLO , Jan 07 2018 · 220 views
vacation, post-holiday stress
So this past weekend I decided to spend a night in Seattle. I got some bonus cash over the holidays so I decided to give it a go. Now, this was my first trip that I've fully planned by myself. Booking the hotel, making travel arrangements, etc. It was a bit stressful as things didn't go totally as planned. XD Luckily for me, I have a friend who lives in the area who was able to show me around.

And, well, I honestly loved it. I don't know why, but I've always sort of loved cities. The people, the culture, being able to actually walk places... it's great imo. I haven't been to a large downtown area since my trip to New York City a couple years ago. I ended up exploring a part of Seattle where there was an LGBT community. Rainbow flags were on display in a lot of the shops and there was advertising showing gay couples. I even decided to check out a thrift store because it had a sign that said it welcomed people regardless of race, sexual orientation, religion, etc. The sign said "You are SAFE here." This trip was the second time ever I felt at ease in public in a long time. The first time was this past summer at Seattle Pride in June.

At one point I walked around the city looking for a park to kill some time, and I came across this cat themed book store. They had cats inside and they were very friendly. I was immediately drawn to the Queer Studies section. LGBT literature is something I have always been severely starved for. In my hometown in Ohio I looked for LGBT literature in my local library and only found one single book on the subject. So, for me, to have access to a collection of books about Queer Studies was kind of huge for me. Granted, I do have a kindle and if I knew what books to look for I could probably build up a stronger collection of LGBT literature, but as someone who grew up in a community where talking about homosexuality is somehow "bad" I honestly don't even know what to look for. This was honestly a first for me, to have that kind of resource where I could just browse LGBT books. And mind you, I have been to libraries and bookstores before, but I never found an entire section dedicated to Queer Studies. I walked out of there with five books which I am pretty stoked about.
So that was my first day. I did a little shopping and just felt at ease in the city. For me that was an amazingly nice change of pace.

My second day in Seattle I spent it with my friend. I met her when I worked at my previous summer job in Washington. She's one of the coolest people I've met. XD We went to an asian market in the International District. I picked up some baked goods (I love desserts and baked goods from other cultures because in America we kind of tend to have way too much sugar in our foods. I got a really nice green tea roll with red bean paste, an assortment of buns, and a cream horn. They were just factory made bakery items, but I was still happy with them. After that, we went to a ramen restaurant. We got vegetarian ramen and I ordered Octopus dumplings to share (as we are both pescaterian). It was a really good meal in my opinion. For the rest of my trip I had just packed my own homemade pizza and ate that the rest of the trip.

We also went to some thrift stores. I managed to find three pairs of shoes (which is amazing because finding shoes in my size is rare for me), a very comfortable sweater and a suit jacket (I have a wedding to go to later this year hahaha). We were both in food comas from the sweets and ramen at the end of our adventures. XD So after that we just went back to my friend's place and relaxed watching dumb internet videos until I had to catch my ride back home.

It was a nice full day.

One of my favorite things, though, is after it got dark and I got to see the lights on the Seattle skyline. No matter where I am, I love seeing city lights. There's just something enchanting about it.

But anyway, now I feel refreshed and ready to get back to work tomorrow. After a very stressful holiday season in foodservice at a new job, I really needed to take some time to relax.

Edit: tl;dr - I spent time looking at gay books while I had a cat purring up a storm in my lap. Needless to say I had a successful vacation.


Photo

Still Alive btw

Posted by SwagtronYOLO , Jan 03 2018 · 213 views
Life update
Whew, been a while.

So to keep y'all updated, I did go through with the move to WA. I have a room for rent in a house and my landlord and housemate are very nice people.

Being in OH with my family was a way stressful living situation so hopefully my time here will give me some space to breathe. Also, you know, it seems generally more LGBT friendly than where I was before. Like I'm still in a more conservative area, but nobody knows me here and omg that alone is so much less pressure.

But anyway, I've been improving at my work and I've been getting the hang of things. The holiday season was very busy and stressful and it turns out other stuff caused more stress on top of that (online dating profiles are hahahahababababababababababa)

I've decided to go full on pescaterian si that's exciting. I take a daily dose of omega 3's in the form of fish oil pills and just eat fish whenever I'm in the mood for it.

I got lots of love from some friends back home that I usually see this time of year, and I'm honestly touched I have people in my life who bother to miss me (aside from just blood relatives, mind you lol).

Adulting and budgeting and trying to save money is a new thing, but it looks like I'm managing it alright so far.

Other than that, stress is still freaking exhausting, but I feel like I'm overall handling it okay. It's strange finding new ways to manage stress after years of handling it poorly.

Also I live with dogs now and omg did I miss having dogs around.

Well, that's more or less what's been up with me.

How about y'all?



Photo

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Posted by SwagtronYOLO , Sep 17 2017 · 365 views

Turn and face the strAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I GOT A JOB IN WASHINGTON AS A PASTRY CHEF AND I ACCEPTED IT AND NOW I HAVE TO APARTMENT HUNT AND FIND A PLACE TO LIVE WITHIN A MONTH AND THIS IS REAL ACTUAL ADULT STUFF THAT MY EDUCATION AND LIFE EXPERIENCES DID NOT PREPARE ME FOR.

WHAT IS? HOW DO?

But, like, everyone at work keeps telling me finding a place is the easy part and that I'll be fine and that is reassuring.

@w@

This is gonna be fuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.






Blog Policies

In the event I go insane and actually start getting involved in bzpolitical debate, members here have the right to slap me over the head with a random object of their choosing. Bonus points for randomness.

I am not liable for any accidental slash pairings you may encounter while talking to me.

You are not allowed to diss George Clooney

Josh is a Jerk

Blog Approval

Posted Image

That one is my stamp.

A big thanks to the members below:

Posted Image

Posted Image

Posted Image

This was bad even by bzp blog standards
If I had a blog approval, i'd give it to you right now.

Dotcom's approval

Posted Image

0 user(s) viewing

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

Random Quotes

tekulo, no matter how bad 2017 is, it will be better for me knowing that you went into it with the username "swagtronYOLO"

A winter holiday being celebrated in November? Obviously this can only be the work of...
http://vignette4.wik...&path-prefix=enFAIRY GODPARENTS

September 14th 2016 will forever be remembered as the day Tekulo became The Smoothest Person to Ever Live







How am I supposed to travel all of these islands?


Lapis Lazuli your water wings let you fly across the galaxy I think you can handle three islands








Hmm... I really have no strong opinion of either of them.
Both of them probably suck.

Gathered friends,

We are gathered here today to honour the passing of Tekulo. Killed by a shark and shot by a bow. Some would say no one deserves such a death. Others say he was asking for it.

Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

Ramen.

Try not to worry too much about it. Deep breaths. Scented candles. Meditation.

Imagine a whale.

A majestic, fabulous whale.

She's coming to say hello.

She's getting kinda close and invading your personal bubble.

There's not enough room for the two of you!

No, whale, noooooo!

I thought about it, but that led me on this existential space-out stream of consciousness metaphorical...thing.

It was weird.

So, lesson learned: when interacting with the personification of a concept, don't try to employ that concept on them.

The joke's always on you. You're glue in a rubber band world.











INDEED, THE INTERNET SPOILS ALL.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CLANNAD, BUT I DO KNOW THAT THIS STATEMENT IS COMPLETELY AND ANNOYINGLY TRUE.

(ALSO WHY ARE WE TYPING IN ALL CAPS?)











What is the location of a 2x2 LEGO brick that goes by the name Samantha?

"She's looking for a decomposed laptop that sports a five o'clock shadow."
----------- Sumiki's Dad on Samantha's Whereabouts

Ah, yes. "Hello, I'm calling on behalf of someone on the internet who says she didn't get her Delorean. No, I dont actually KNOW her, per se, or have proof she didn't get it, but she hates phone calls so this is a completely viable alternative." :P

Most people think puzzle games through and figure them out through intelligence and wit.

I just smash the square peg into the round hole until it breaks the hole big enough to go in.

Tekulo is the supreme overlord of lameness and illusory instigation and is far inferior to the illustrious and estimable Nuile, esquire, who is so awesome that a mere glimpse of his debonair, dashing handsomeness and general coolness blinds and in some cases melts eyeballs (note that I am not liable for any injuries acquired through staring at me) and is tall and eminent.

Tekulo in the Green → Black Six
Hello! Today it occured to me that I chat with a handful of staff members both on and off the site. this also made me realize they report directly to you. Whatever gossip they have spread about me behind my back, I assure you, is the truth (unless it isn't).

I remember wheb (edit: wheb is totally fetch and is in no way a typo)
-Tekulo

Recent Comments

  • Photo
    Pride
    SwagtronYOLO - Jun 15 2018 12:45 AM
  • Photo
    Pride
    Windseeker - Jun 14 2018 08:35 PM
  • Photo
    Pride
    OctoPahrak Traveler - Jun 14 2018 12:17 AM
  • Photo
    Mourning
    Akano - May 14 2018 07:07 PM
  • Photo
    Love, Simon
    Ta-metru_defender - Mar 19 2018 08:45 PM

Testimonials




Meanwhile my wardrobe is so vanilla that people chase me down the street asking me for ice cream.

Made my day. I would totally upvote this more than once if I could :3



I found a Voltex amiibo once. It was pretty terrible.


#rude


That's why I just don't follow Tekulo. You should try it =D


- :burnmad:

Important

I get that, but that's not enough. Love can't be reliant on truth, I don't want someone not to love me because we don't believe the same truth.

Love is unconditional, love loves despite flaws. Love is selfless, kind; it protects, it hopes.

Love stops hate.

Love will win.