I didn't get much sleep last night, I was pretty anxious.
I know that staying at home and jobless was bad for me, and I know that this is a good thing, but I still hate goodbyes.
Back in the day I used to play RPGs and actually put thought into the characters I played. I was a part of this one Zelda RPG years ago which was pretty fun. I created a character named Sora (and no, I didn't know this was the name for the protagonist for Kingdom Hearts. XD). I was (am) weaboo trash, so I was looking up names that meant sky in Japanese, so I decided to go with it. The character I chose was a Skull Kid from the Legend of Zelda series who was magically transformed into a Hylian due to Great Fairy technology (magic). His backstory was that he became lost in the Kokiri Forest when he was a child and transformed into a Skull Kid. And after that Sora kinda lost himself. He became alone and isolated from society and kinda feral. I think I had him begin to lure other children into the woods so they would transform like he did. Then he thought he would have a friend in the world. Though, I don't think that ended the way he had hoped. I never really fleshed out this part of his backstory, but I would imagine, had he been successful in turning other children, that they would have run off on their own and want nothing to do with Sora. At this point he had even forgotten his own name and most memories from his childhood.
One day he stumbled into the Great Fairy's fountain by mistake. Taken aback by her presence, Sora was frightened. Seeing this poor creature in front of her, the Great Fairy of the Kokiri Forest bestowed an enchanted amulet upon him. Once it went around his neck, he transformed into a Hylian. It had a sort of calming effect on him at the time, though he wasn't sure why. While he still couldn't remember where he had come from, he did remember the name Sora, and assumed it was his own. Though the Great Fairy did not bestow the amulet freely. She explained that with its magic he could travel the land of Hyrule freely without fear of being attacked by Hylians. However, she explained that she had sensed a danger arriving in the land and tasked him, should he accept, with seeking out all of the Great Fairy fountains across Hyrule and gathering magic from each Great Fairy. Wanting to know more about his past and the world outside the forest, Sora agreed to take on this duty. He had a few different powers at his disposal. He could turn decaying organic matter into healing fairies (mostly dead trees and the like. Though while this could be used on a body, I don't think he ever used his powers in this manner). He could also, with enough magic, transform into a forest fairy himself. The small size and ability of flight would assist him and others on his journeys.
Over the course of the RPG, Sora would go on to meet and old childhood friend, befriend Vaati, travel the world and play a role in saving Hyrule from... Sephiroth I think? It was a weird Final Fantasy crossover thing we had going on. XD Ultimately when the main story came to an end, his amulet had to be returned (or it lost its power or something, I'm not sure). After that he transformed back into a Skull Kid. He hid himself in a cloak, afraid what his teammates would think if they saw him as a monster. He knew Hyrule wasn't made for a Skull Kid. He chose to return to the Kokiri Forest in the end, after a bittersweet goodbye to his friends.
In a way Sora's story was about personal atonement, freedom and saying goodbye. Though, his story didn't end when he returned to the forest. I imagine he needed some time to think things through and decide what he wanted from his life. For him I suppose it was like peering through the looking glass. Taking a look at the world he lost as a child, maybe seeing what things could have been like if he were never lost. He's actually one of my favorites from my old OC file (just pretend I keep a file with all of my OCs in it).
Now onto Cecilia.
Cecilia was only ever a concept. I'm sorry to say I never could find quite the right story for her. She started as a drawing. I decided to sketch a small pink fairy inspired by the healing fairies in The Legend of Zelda games. Her personality came later. I imagined her as a young fairy who was naive and a bit unworldly. She hadn't been sent out into the world yet to begin healing and she had a penchant for joking irreverently about death. Her laughter was said to make the older fairies sigh. While she was perhaps cruel, she still wasn't a monster. She was kind enough and she was loved by her peers, but her cheek would get her into trouble from time to time. Originally I had wanted her to go into the world for her first time and comically get bottled by Link. I had this idea that she would spend her time lost in his hammer space bored out of her mind, unhappily wishing the worst on her captor. Of course that story ended when Link ran out of hearts, and Cecilia, finally being released would begin to fly free, but then look down at Link in his injured state and somewhat reluctantly heal him. It was an idea for a coming of age type of story and having her grow as a person, learning her role in the world and why she was given the ability to heal. I never did find quite the right way to execute this story without it coming off as preachy. I imagine after that experience Cecilia would have started to change. Not all at once, and maybe she even continued with her dark sense of humor. However, over time I feel like maybe she would have abandoned that character trait or at least have softened her blows. And that's not to say that she decided to censor herself for the benefit of others, heavens no! That doesn't fit with her character at all in my opinion. I wanted to show that she as a character herself outgrew that sort of irreverence. It was never something I ever felt I could properly do justice to.
And thus concludes a couple of character ideas I came up with years ago, the end.
For this you have my apologies. Of course there should be consequences. Obviously you can mock me for what has been done. Like a few name callings or something. Sounds fair to me.
But anyway, I started thinking about what kind of story a person like me could have to offer up. And the answer is pretty much an angsty story about angst. XD. Let me explain the basic plot idea.
The story would be more of a self-interest, which isn't something I've done since my old bzp comics (which are terrible and please don't look them up. Let them rest in peace). It would take place in two different settings, following two stories simultaneously. The first setting would be my self-insert character. And by that I mean it would be basically me, a genderqueer demi gay dude in a relationship with a sort of melancholic reverie (hence the angst). Now while following Tekulo around, he will be visited constantly by recurring characters which personify different thoughts. It'll basically be Tekulo having conversations with himself trying to figure things out, explain himself and peer into his head a bit. It's basically a way to show the audience what's going on in the author's head as the story progresses.
Now, the second part of this story is what will move everything along. It will take place with a main protagonist in a fantasy world dreamed up by Tekulo. And well, this is probably going to be more slice of life than anything. It will explore The kind of world that Tekulo might find ideal, or showcase his fears that play out in his mind, characters he wishes were real, enemies he's glad are illusions, and fantastical concepts come to life.
Really it isn't much of an idea at this stage, and this type of story doesn't really follow a specific plot. Although, if anything, I feel like something like this might make a fun side project and could be an interesting exploration into my own personality and character.
Though I'm not sure what medium this would be in. Probably a comic of sorts. But I have no plans to start this anytime soon. It's just a thought.
Let me try to explain myself a little here. Currently I am a twenty five year old man who has found work off and on as a baker. I define my sexual orientation as demi-homosexual and I define my gender identity as gender queer. I've lived my entire life overweight and my self esteem is generally on the low side. I have suffered from depression and anxiety among other things. I tend to let my emotions get in the way of seeing the world for what it really is at times, and I have to remind myself that I don't even know what this world is like to begin with. I often remind myself that the place I'm currently in, both emotionally and physically is... well, for lack of a better word, weird. I'm not sure there was ever a day beyond fifth grade that I ever felt normal, but I think I've probably mentioned this on my blog more than a few times in various entries.
I suppose I could start with the obvious here and point out that while I'm not straight, most sitcoms revolve around straight men. These are characters that pursue relationships without a second thought. Ted Mosby on HIMYM seemed to date a fair number of women while searching for his one true love. Even if I were to ignore the fact that these relationships are heteronormative, this is something I personally find unrelatable. The very idea of me being comfortable enough to pursue even a casual relationship with someone else may as well be a work of fantasy. It's a bit of a strange feeling to be detached from a show's everyman on that level alone.
Well then what about a show that actually has two men in a relationship? It is true that Modern Family has this, and these characters Mitchell and Cameron don't seem to have dated as much as say Jerry Seinfeld or Ted Mosby (Or Ross and Joey from Friends). They are two men in a serious relationship from the start with an adoptive daughter starting a family and a life together. Before I start complaining about these two, let me just say that to me this is a significant step forward in media and growing up I honestly never thought I would see anything like this in a television show. Love between men is something very hard to come by from what I've seen, and with anything like this I feel that in a way it's huge without really being anything all that tremendous at all. That being said, I personally don't see myself being represented much in either of these characters.
Let me elaborate a little bit. It's true I am not in a relationship, serious or otherwise, and it is true I don't have an adoptive daughter and I am by no means starting a family myself. But let's put all of that aside for now and talk about why I don't relate to two characters on television who are gay, like me. For this I will start with Cameron. Cameron is generally, in my opinion, a walking, talking stereotype of what straight people think all gay people are like. Overly feminine, prone to drama, a love of arts and crafts with a sense of style and body language that is, generally speaking, flamboyant. As a demi-sexual and even gender queer individual (who tends to score as more feminine than masculine on gender identity quizzes) I can't help but watch this character and scream in my head "THIS IS NOT WHAT I'M LIKE." To me personally there is nothing quite so disheartening as to see a gay character on television that does not in any way represent anything that I am or anything that I stand for. For example, Cameron decides to come out to his grandmother (who is a bigot) that he is in love with Mitchell, has a daughter and a family and is going to get married. His grandmother responds with a close minded statement (accusing their identities as gay men to be the cause of a storm of all things) and Cameron's reaction? He's just glad his grandmother ultimately agreed to attend their wedding (in spite of Mitchell pointing out that she is bringing a sign and protesting gay marriage). Cameron shows no remorse that this family member will not accept him. He goes on without a care in the world, and honestly this is the scene that makes my stomach flip every time. I spent most of my life being closeted from my family, I have worried for years about whether or not I would be accepted (and, hey, even though I'm out of the closet I still struggle with this with my parents). This is something that to me is a huge deal. It's something that impacts my relationship with my family to this day and it's something I find utterly disgusting that people like me have to deal with because it is disgusting. This exchange to me feels like something out of a bad fantasy. It strikes me as totally unrealistic and it is why I hate his character for his carefree attitude towards bigotry. Granted his character has been about breaking the mold and not conforming to certain stereotypes, but this scene is something that I personally will never accept.
Now then, let's talk about Mitchell. While neither of these characters truly captures what it's like to deal with homophobia in the modern day in my opinion, Mitchell does have his moments. Namely the relationship Mitchell has with his father. He talks about being closeted to his dad up until college when he finally built up enough courage to tell his father Jay that he is gay. According to Mitchell, his father used to call him every week or so when he was away at college to catch up. However, after he came out to Jay, those phone calls stopped. Mitchell is clearly upset about this and honestly this is another scene that sticks out to me. This is the only moment that his character feels real to me. This is the one scene in the entire show where I feel like I can even remotely relate to his character. I've been there. I am there now. Granted my relationship with my parents isn't the same as Mitchell's relationship to his father, but I often feel like my family just doesn't understand what it's like to be in my position. Sometimes they say things without thought and I get hurt because of it. It happens.
Despite this one scene, however, I largely feel that these two characters do not relate to me. And that is shame considering, well, I thought they would. Both of them follow designers, be it a white couch or a decorative glass bowl, they seem to be into trendy, upscale material possessions. Meanwhile, I may spend some time planning my outfits, but I'm about as fashionable as a rock, honestly. I don't keep up with trendy things, and unless it's plating a dessert at the end of a five course dinner, I don't have much of an eye for style or the finer things in life. At one point, while their friend Pepper Saltsman plans their wedding, his assistant says at one point that planning a gay wedding is much more difficult than a heteronormative wedding because both grooms have such high standards. And um, again, THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M LIKE. When I'm watching characters like this, characters that are supposed to represent people like me, I can't help but feel that this was not intended to cater to me. This was intended to cater to people who think this is what I'm actually like. It feels isolating and on some level lonelier than I could have ever imagined.
Well, this entry has gone on for quite a few paragraphs. While I could go on, I feel like I've at least covered the gist of things. Keep in mind, these are my opinions and my opinions alone. Not every gender queer gay dude thinks the same, and I fully expect there are going to be people to disagree with me. But these are just opinions from someone who never really felt like he fit in to begin with.
In the event I go insane and actually start getting involved in bzpolitical debate, members here have the right to slap me over the head with a random object of their choosing. Bonus points for randomness.
You are not allowed to diss George Clooney
I am not liable for any accidental slash pairings you may encounter while talking to me.
Josh is a Jerk
That one is my stamp.
A big thanks to the members below:
This was bad even by bzp blog standards
If I had a blog approval, i'd give it to you right now.
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tekulo, no matter how bad 2017 is, it will be better for me knowing that you went into it with the username "swagtronYOLO"
A winter holiday being celebrated in November? Obviously this can only be the work of...
September 14th 2016 will forever be remembered as the day Tekulo became The Smoothest Person to Ever Live
How am I supposed to travel all of these islands?
Lapis Lazuli your water wings let you fly across the galaxy I think you can handle three islands
Hmm... I really have no strong opinion of either of them.
Both of them probably suck.
We are gathered here today to honour the passing of Tekulo. Killed by a shark and shot by a bow. Some would say no one deserves such a death. Others say he was asking for it.
Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.
Try not to worry too much about it. Deep breaths. Scented candles. Meditation.
Imagine a whale.
A majestic, fabulous whale.
She's coming to say hello.
She's getting kinda close and invading your personal bubble.
There's not enough room for the two of you!
No, whale, noooooo!
I thought about it, but that led me on this existential space-out stream of consciousness metaphorical...thing.
It was weird.
So, lesson learned: when interacting with the personification of a concept, don't try to employ that concept on them.
The joke's always on you. You're glue in a rubber band world.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CLANNAD, BUT I DO KNOW THAT THIS STATEMENT IS COMPLETELY AND ANNOYINGLY TRUE.
INDEED, THE INTERNET SPOILS ALL.
(ALSO WHY ARE WE TYPING IN ALL CAPS?)
"She's looking for a decomposed laptop that sports a five o'clock shadow."
What is the location of a 2x2 LEGO brick that goes by the name Samantha?
----------- Sumiki's Dad on Samantha's Whereabouts
Ah, yes. "Hello, I'm calling on behalf of someone on the internet who says she didn't get her Delorean. No, I dont actually KNOW her, per se, or have proof she didn't get it, but she hates phone calls so this is a completely viable alternative."
Most people think puzzle games through and figure them out through intelligence and wit.
I just smash the square peg into the round hole until it breaks the hole big enough to go in.
Tekulo is the supreme overlord of lameness and illusory instigation and is far inferior to the illustrious and estimable Nuile, esquire, who is so awesome that a mere glimpse of his debonair, dashing handsomeness and general coolness blinds and in some cases melts eyeballs (note that I am not liable for any injuries acquired through staring at me) and is tall and eminent.
Tekulo in the Green → Black Six
Hello! Today it occured to me that I chat with a handful of staff members both on and off the site. this also made me realize they report directly to you. Whatever gossip they have spread about me behind my back, I assure you, is the truth (unless it isn't).
I remember wheb (edit: wheb is totally fetch and is in no way a typo)
- Steven Universe
- parroting entry
- Gravity Falls
- Life update
- gay stuff
- Once Upon a Time
- Emma Swan
- everything is
- What is this
- Video games
- Lapis Lazuli
- life is short
- Star Wars
- I dont even
- Name change
- Light and Shadow
- Srsly Tekulo?
Made my day. I would totally upvote this more than once if I could :3
Meanwhile my wardrobe is so vanilla that people chase me down the street asking me for ice cream.
I found a Voltex amiibo once. It was pretty terrible.
That's why I just don't follow Tekulo. You should try it =D
I get that, but that's not enough. Love can't be reliant on truth, I don't want someone not to love me because we don't believe the same truth.
Love is unconditional, love loves despite flaws. Love is selfless, kind; it protects, it hopes.
Love stops hate.
Love will win.