Life's been keeping me busy with work, walks, family visiting, the occasional (very occasional) trip to Seattle and procrastination on things that are important that I should be doing right now. I got about... five(?) hours of sleep last night and I'm at the end of my day so boy howdy that is a thing. XP (meanwhile someone out there reading this is on no sleep for the past three days and is screaming at their computer screen right now).
There's a lot I could put in a life update entry, and I might just get around to that at a later time. Right now, I want to talk a bit about pride month.
So yesterday I watched a candlelight vigil for the victims of a certain incident (which idk if I can talk specifically about here). But yeah... hearing multiple names and ages of victims being called out and realizing you fall into the same minority and age group is... sure a strange feeling. I've had people tell me that these are just isolated incidents and that it's not going to happen to me, to stop stressing out, but... hehehe it's not like anyone can predict the future and honestly the world is a wild place. News about violence against LGBT people is always a hard truth to face. Well, for me it is anyway.
BUT ANYWAY ONTO LESS DEPRESSING SHENANIGANS!
So, a while ago I started identifying as genderqueer. That was because I had no better term to describe my gender identity, really. I've talked a bit about it on here before. Well, recently I learned about demigenders. I looked up the definition of demigirl and I kinda realized that was closest to describing how I personally identify. After I read the definition, really read it, I kinda stopped for a second and... you know how you follow a really good mystery story? Like right towards the end when everything starts to come together and make sense and you see the solution at the end of it, you get like these goosebumps and a strange sense of excitement and trepidation? That's how I felt when I realized this was describing me. Genderqueer had always been a bit of a vague shrug for me. It's nice having a more precise label imo.
So, for those not aware, demigirl is a gender identity where someone identifies partially as female, but not completely. For some people they identify as primarily female and partly as something else, but not always.
Personally I don't think I feel physical dysphoria, or at least not to the point where I'd want to undergo hrt.
So, what does this mean for me? Well, it means I'm the same person I always was. Now I just have a label for myself that I feel comfortable with. And actually, for me it's a relief. Even if a lot of people aren't going to understand me with my gender identity, just knowing that there are other people out there that identify in similar ways to me... it's comforting to know I'm not the freak I told myself I was growing up. I know I'm not cis and I'm not in the majority or anything, but... I dunno, I feel more like a normal human being now than I have in years (and this after I've dyed my hair, worn cute necklaces, got my ears pierced and went through all these little things that guys just didn't do where I grew up).
I'm still good with he/him pronouns btw. I'm generally okay with feminine pronouns and things too, provided they aren't used as a means to ridicule me through misgendering (i.e. calling me a girl in a way meant as a demeaning insult. Yes, people still do this, and no it isn't funny. Hasn't been funny to me for a while now tbh).
So yeah. Demigirl, demihomosexual and very tired from a long day of work and a long many years of trying to figure all of this out.
This is who I am.
Happy Pride Month! <3