blogs_blog_1834

You can't make the first comment on your own entry, that's considered double posting. Your comment has been deleted and the info merged into your entry itself.

I like the logo, it definately fits my taste. Where to begin on the whole business of writing though, I know not. My writing fingers are itching to start, so we need to start planning how we are going to go about this work. I kinda like the setup the LSO had for the epics relay. Of course My team did win the first version of that contest, but thats beside the point.

 

Do we want to start at the info the Matoran finds?

It was a joke, really, connecting with a joke I made to Tekulo: "Looks like it's me and you, and my pal AZBlue." XP

 

Anyway, read through the spoiler tags in the entry itself and you'll see I've already started a few points of discussion.

 

But you raise a new one: method. What my teammates and I did in the previous Epics relay was for the writer of any given chapter to send the draft to the next writer in the order; they would proofread it, then send it to the third writer while they began working on the next chapter. The third writer would then proofread the chapter before sending it back to the author for them to post. I'd like to be first in order, if you guys don't object. And by a meticulous process of evaluation (dropping your names in a Dr. Seuss hat) I designated Tekulo as second, AZ as third. Is that okay with everyone?

 

Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith

IT'S A CLUE!

 

My shoe?

 

NO A CLUE!!

 

You see a clue? WHERE??

 

RIGHT THERE OMG

IT'S A CLUE!

 

My shoe?

 

NO A CLUE!!

 

You see a clue? WHERE??

 

RIGHT THERE OMG

 

Blue skidoo, we can too! 8D -finds myself in a pop-up book with zombies and a chainsaw. Best kid's show ever-

 

Anyway, I'm fine with being second in the order and all, but I think we'll need a bit more info. Like, what is the key information that's going to save everyone and when do we reveal it? Will it have something to do with the UDD symbol?

 

Also, what matoran is this? Ga? Ko? Po? Color is very important in decision making. Also, which toa are alive? Should we allude to how some of the others died?

 

So many questions, so little not-questions. XP

. . . Yeah, so can we please stop discussing what it is we need to discuss and start discussing it? XP I confess my limited knowledge of blog workings and ask in all seriousness: am I the only one who can see the spoiler tags in the entry?

 

As a precaution, I'll quote the spoiler tags' contents here. So come on, now, it's time to think--think--think! ;D

 

To start things off, I have three main points to canvass: title; characters; and plot.

 

Title. Haven't given it much thought. Destiny Corrupted is the best idea I've had so far, although I'd like something a little more descriptive, something punchier. Any suggestions?

 

Characters. We'll need one or two of those. Or twenty. Or 39.4. Anyway, for starters, of course, we'll need a protagonist. I think I said he was a Matoran, name and element not yet defined. Light, maybe? And any protagonist needs a supporting cast. Some friends, maybe a love interest. The Council of Four could be the remnants of the Toa Mata; say, Lewa and Tahu are dead? And then the Atero Eight, the tyrants who call themselves "Mata Nui's chosen," all need elements and names. I'd like to have a theme that they are all named after myths that pertain to their element; Neptuna for a Toa of Water, for example, although we can be a little bit more creative than that. And though the Atero Eight are the only known Toa living (because they killed off the others, as rumor has it), I thought there should be one more (Jaller? Garan?) at the head of an underground resistance. But I also like the idea of a traditionally evil character--a Dark Hunter, for example--being made into a hero as their leader. Too bad all the Makuta are dead.

 

Plot, then. I'm personally the type of writer who doesn't like to go in blind with no idea where he's going. Seems you guys are, too, so that's all good. I don't want to plan everything to a T, but I like to have something stringing me along, some sort of end toward which to work.

 

To pick up where the teaser left off, our protagonist will discover the Ignika and become connected to it. I don't think it should transform him into a Toa, though certainly it gives him special powers. As the previously mentioned "greatest challenge," I considered Teridax, but . . . well, suffice to say I almost immediately dropped that consideration. But Zaktan, I think; saying that that green cloud from whichever serial was him, and that he was mutated by the EP, would give us a lot of elbow room to play with him here. Shapeshifting, and the ability to have his protodites swarm and eat people whole, for example. He's always been a great villain, though he's never quite earned the credit he deserves. So in the end, our protagonist/Mata Nui conglomeration battle Zaktan, Zaktan's defeated, maybe Mata Nui dies, maybe he makes the protagonist a Toa first, maybe the whole city's destroyed and thus our hero becomes leader to rebuild and purify.

 

So there's a rough sketch of what I've been thinking so far. What are your own ideas, and your thoughts on mine?

 

Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith

There are no spoilers

At times I write in haiku

This is one of them

 

... Oh, wait, there's the spoiler tag. XP Yeah, so I'd like to suggest a few things;

 

I see you have recently edited your above post... THERE IS A SPOILER TAG RIGHT BELOW THESE CAPS LOCK LETTERS!

 

Enclosed in said spoilers are my thoughts. XP

 

First off, have Tahu be alive. He has loads, and I mean loads of potential for this. Let's do a quick recap of the world where the story left off; many of the powerful MU inhabitants (Tren Krom, Karzahni) were being targeted and have been killed off. That leaves Tahu being one of the most powerful creatures on Spherus Magna. Now, perhaps, over time, in an attempt to stop this string of murders, or perhaps to protect Tahu, his death is faked. Perhaps this is somehow used to lure out the murderer?

 

I like the idea of Tahu being put into stasis; lower his activity to a real coma-like state to keep his power from being detected (as I assume there are ways to detect biomechanical tools (Marendar may have a program that seeks them out. I'm not quite sure how such a system would work, but let's just play with the idea that stasis is it's blind spot).

 

Now, let's say Tahu awakens at some point; this could be used to our advantage. We would have a character that knows little about the world since around where we left off. This could be used to explain things to the reader. How we go about this is debatable, and this is merely one key to the plot, so we could go several ways with this in my opinion. Still, it's just an idea.

 

Also, I don't like the idea of writing for Onua simply because I never have any idea what's going through his head. I would love it if Lewa were still alive, but that's just my bias and love for his type of character speaking. XP

 

I think right now we also need to focus on the Agori and Glatorian, though. Their culture would have severely changed over time. There would be no need for fighting in tournaments for survival with the planet merged, however tradition could have stuck to their culture. I'm thinking fighting for sport with elemental powers involved for recreation. Kinda like Kohli mixed with elements (sorta like what they did in Korra, only I'd like it to be more of a lacrosse/soccer type of sport, possibly mixed with a little hand-to-hand combat. Like a capture-the-flag sort of style. Perhaps a large map would be needed. I like the idea of the Colosseum from B2 as a setting; not only would it be able to create different arenas to fight in, but it could actually shift it's terrain during the game.

 

I don't really want too much of a war-warped nation sort of future. I'd like there to be some civilization that still has things like sports... Kinda like the enemy's plans haven't quite reached the "taking over the planet" phase.

 

Personally, I think we should have a Glatorian villain intertwined here. Perhaps he wants to rule everything or he simply has a grudge that he wants vengeance over. Either way, I'd like to see more than Zaktan terrorizing the place. I do like the idea of bringing him back and using his character to his full potential as a villain (freaking Greg ruining my childhood hopes and dreams of a green tyrant slapping Teridax right in his gaseous vapor...)

 

Now then, do you guys prefer a male or female protagonist? I'm good with either. Have you thought of a personality trait to play off of? I'm partial to gentle and melancholy (must be rough being one of the last of your race), but I'm open for a more determined character.

 

Then there are the powers he gets from the mask. What should they be? I think it would be kinda cheap to make it some doomsday power that could blast things. I like the idea of a subtle sort of power, kinda like how Vezon could travel through dimensions (and the out-of-controlness. I really like that angle, especially for a matoran).

 

There were a few points of my own that I obviously didn't make clear, and I know I have a tendency to think faster than I can talk and explain things sometimes. XD So I'm sorry about that.

 

I see your spoiler tags and raise you . . .

a spoiler tag.

 

But anyway, I like most of your ideas. Only, I'm not so sure about the place Tahu would have in the story. As a literary device to give backstory, I admit he'd be useful; but what other purpose would he serve?

 

 

And anyway, I don't think the Council of Four would feature very prominently. They're there as leaders of the city, but they're under the Atero Eight's control. That's why I wanted them to be known characters, so we wouldn't have four unknown and little elaborated ghosts hanging in the story. And with two of the Mata, the most iconic Toa, dead, it really shows the Toa as a dying breed. But I’m all for killing Onua instead and bringing Lewa back.

 

Anyway, I agree that this shouldn't be a warring time. I'll try to put into my detail the vision I had of the setting (though by all means, details can change). I'd like to call it Atero, maybe New Atero, but I'm open to ideas. Basically I see sprawling futuristic city on Spherus Magna, but not ruling the world, merely ensconced in its own little world that keeps itself to itself. Nothing goes in or out except imports or exports. In it dwell Agori, Matoran, Glatorian, Vortixx, Skakdi, et cetera and so on and what have you. It's the chief, if not the only, city on the planet. On the surface, like I said, it's a place of peace, with the Atero Eight to protect it and the Council of Four to lead it; but behind the scenes the Atero Eight rule it absolutely. To use another Avatar analogy, Ba Sing Se.

 

I also like your sport suggestion. It also relates in a way to an idea I had, that every decade or century the Atero Eight face one another in a tournament to decide the team leader. It would be a vivid way to show who these characters are. They're Toa, but they're not at all the kind of Toa we're used to; in essence, they're like the Makuta or the Dark Mirror Toa, but yet they're not. They rule through the Council of Four, neither lurking in the shadows nor enthroning themselves. They're sadistic, avaricious, and conceited.

 

To the protagonist, then. We're all male, so so I'd lean toward male. Personality-wise, let's analyze his situation, or as much as we know of it at the moment. He’s a Matoran in an oppressed but peaceful city, he finds his life suddenly changed by the finding of the Ignika. Sounds like an opportunity for the classic meek, self-effacing loser with greatness thrust upon him. Cliché! What if he’s the opposite? An egotist? But why would destiny choose a guy like that? So maybe something in between. Maybe he's something of a pint-sized big shot, still a nice guy but a little full of himself. Then he gets power thrust upon him. This is new to him, and he has to grapple with doubts for the first time. Can he live up to it, he wonders, can he bear the responsibility? Can he do what he has to?

 

Allow me to delve a little further into this idea. Say he dreams of life outside the city. Inside the walls, he’s a prisoner not only of the tyrannical Atero Eight, but of his humdrum life. But he’s prone to sneaking to the tops of guard towers at night and admiring the view of the world beyond, where unknown dangers, unknown adventures, unknown dreams await. Someday, he’ll escape. Someday, he’ll have an adventure. But these are only dreams. When suddenly an adventure is thrust upon him, he’s frightened. Maybe he’s not as big a shot as he always thought he was.

 

I also think we should give him a female friend. She would have to fit in beside his big shot personality. An admirer? Oh, please not a fangirl. A damsel in distress is cliché, but a headstrong, independent, yatta yatta girl is becoming as much now. Here again, compromise, perhaps? Crunchy on the outside but soft on the inside. I’m running out of time here, but I’ll think further on her.

 

And did I mention that, when the protagonist finds the mask, Mata Nui's inside it and sort of--merges with him? Does that make sense?

 

Oh, and here's another question: first person or third? My preference is the former. It’s more flavorful, and makes getting into the world more easily because we’re seeing it through the eyes of someone in it. Hovering over a world like a bird is bland and detached, in my opinion. Though I will admit first person has its limits. I’m open to either.

 

Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith

 

Hmm, yes, I did think about that as well. Seeing if we have a place for Tahu in the story may not fit quite right... I suppose we should just keep it in mind for now and see if there's a need for it as we figure things out. Still, a toa with hundreds of powers does sound like an interesting point to work into a story in my opinion.

 

Hmm, I see. So, if we decide not to use Onua and Tahu, then that would leave us with Kopaka (calm, collected, precise), Gali (cool, patient, preachy), Pohatu (Strong, Stable, Trustworthy) and Lewa (Free-spirited, Lax, Daring) as the Council of Four... Over time I actually think they'd make a nice group of leaders... or puppets... you know. XP I'm fine with that. I'd like to see hints of how each might govern an area, though in different regions. Looking at your suggestion, I'm not sure how much influence each would have on the city itself, but I could see certain areas of the city having their differences (like Koro). Lewa's department would probably be shipments and handling goods and services, testing new vehicles, etc. Gali would focus on teachings, peace and general understanding of the world. Kopaka... he'd probably rule as a tyrant (or appear to). For some reason I imagine him being strict. He'd probably be in charge of technology and such. As for Pohatu, he'd probably fall under structures, architecture and maintenance of the city. Though, that's just a general idea, and there really could be a lot more to be said about each of them or changes to bring up.

 

I'm not sure if you wanted to go for this angle or not... Well, if the Toa are being duped, then I'd assume they'd have to think they were in control on some level. =/

 

As far as the sport idea goes, I do like your idea with the Atero Eight. I actually think it might be interesting if they had a bit of a war sort of game (let's say a form of lazer tag), but each toa gets a small team... Maybe one matoran, one Agori and one Glatorian. They could play to capture and secure a territory, fight and try to steal all of the flags from the other bases (if it's capture the flag), or it could just be a fight to the finish. I think it would make sense to incorporate some leadership skills into the actual battle itself like that, though I'm fine if you originally wanted a different direction (though, if this is about character development and differing traits, then it might be an interesting perspective to show how they treat subordinates as well).

 

Also, what sorts of toa did you have in mind for the Atero Eight? If we're starting from scratch, then I'll post some brainstorming ideas.

 

As for the protagonist, I kinda like the idea of a clever dude who knows how to play the game of the city. The type of guy who, if he sees something he wants, he finds a way to get it. I don't necessarily mean a thief per se, but more like someone who has a keen eye for details and a level head that helps him work certain situations to his advantage.

 

Granted, I've never written for a character like that before, but it might make for an interesting protagonist in the city.

 

Though, I didn't mean quiet and melancholy as necessarily being the underdog who grows a spine; that could also be someone who is just generally depressed by everything he sees in the world around him. Maybe that's why he's the hero; he wants the world to change and he's given the power to do so. I wonder what might happen when his wish to change destiny is granted?

 

Also, I'm not too sure what you mean by merging with Mata Nui... I don't know if it's subtle, like if he gets flashbacks or snippets of information every now and then, or if Mata Nui is around all the time? It seems like Mata Nui could influence the protagonist's intentions and goals if they became the same conscious. Or do you mean two minds that share the same body?

 

As for the female friend, I kinda like the idea of an Agori hanging around him. And let's make her a different element than the "female" elements, yeah? I'd like something we haven't seen to much of, like Jungle (I don't think there were too many other oddities in the Agori from the main six elements).

 

I'm not too sure what she should be like, though. I'll have to think on that a bit before I present an idea, but I do like the thought.

 

As for first or third person; I would be fine with either.

 

Wait, am I missing something? What Toa has hundreds of powers?

 

And yeah, that's all reasonable. "Po-Atero" (oh please let's use something better than that, even if we want to call them Metru) would also be the central hub of industry in general, I think. And Le-Atero would probably be in charge of growing crops and raising livestock. I think we could probably split the city into four sections with two districts each: Ga-Atero, with the Learning District and the Business District; Le-Atero, with the Transit and Agriculture Districts; Ko-Atero, Technology and maybe Power; Po-Atero, with the Construction and Industry Districts.

 

Thanks for the reminder, I forgot to mention that. Yeah, there's no way the Turaga Mata would go willingly along with the Atero Eight, under threat of death or torture or anything. But the Atero Eight would be the types to find the right way to control them. Pressure points.

 

I think a test of their leadership skills is perfect. The Atero Eight are bound to have some sort of police force in the city from which to farm players, although they could also pick from the champions of the sport. Doubtless there are many who are both, anyway.

 

The Atero Eight. Yeah, I want them to be the kind of Toa with elemental powers and Kanohi masks. XP Besides that, have at ye. Let's do what we want with them. Just to make it fair, what if you fundamentalize three of them, Blue takes another three, and I take the last two, including the leader?

 

Perfect, that's just the kind of big shot and Matoran about town I was looking for. Rather than a thief, I'm struck by a sudden desire to make him a private eye. Although I wonder how well that could be worked into the story.

 

Okay, yeah, that fits. Confident big shot, clever and cunning, decent sort, big dreams, bored and depressed. Sounds like the classic hard-boiled detective type if ever I saw one.

 

Oh, and he needs a name. Randomly scrambling the first two letters of each of our names together I got: Nuteaz, Teaznu, Aznute or Aznetu, Netuaz or Tenuaz. I actually like most of those. Using my preferred method I came up with Eroj, Tinves, Ifittex, Zarbun, and my favorite, Karattru.

 

Well, that's just it; I'm not sure what I mean by merging with Mata Nui, either. It's an idea we can play with. But the Ignika should still contain Mata Nui's spirit, I think. Or did he leave it? I forget. We might have to explain that. If he did, then maybe we can forget this idea, though I still think we should have Mata Nui in some way. But anyway, giving it a bit of thought I'm seeing Mata Nui in the back of the protagonist's mind, able to speak, able to control him but not if the protagonist resists.

 

By the way, earlier you asked what powers he'd get. Basically, I think anything Toa Ignika or Toa Mata Nui could do, he can.

 

Jungle's fine with me. Okay, with the protagonist's P.I. vibe as a springboard I have an idea for the friend. I think while he's aloof and probably a bit callous, she's the emotional one, whether the anger is emotion or compassion. She's at the same time good cop and bad cop. She can sympathize with witnesses or rough them up if necessary; she can cajole them or interrogate them. She's kind, tough, prudent.

 

I still haven't given much thought to a tangible plot, but I have a few more fragmental ideas. An army of Skrall and Rahkshi zombies; and Vezon and an army of alternate universe copies.

 

Edit: Okay, I've given it a little thought and I'm seeing a prologue with Zaktan scouring the globe for something--or someone? Then he finds his quarry. Maybe he's in a prison, in stasis. Zaktan awakens him. By one literary device or another we aren't given his description. It's the GB-in-disguise we never got to meet. Zaktan's got a scheme, and he needs this guy's help. That gives our reader Zaktan and also this mystery guy to intrique them and pull them forward.

 

Now, what's Zaktan's scheme? What happens? I'm still working on that. It needs to be something far bigger than "terrorizing the place."

 

Also, just a thought here on a romantic sub-plot. I think the protagonist and his female friend should have early on some kind of falling out; maybe he wants to pursue something deeper of a relationship but she doesn't. Then for all their closeness and attempts to act as normal they have this difficulty hanging over their heads.

 

Just some ideas. What do you guys think?

 

And I just remembered: the lack of certain beings with elemental powers on SM makes perfect sense when you remember that Angonce unleashed a Toa Slayer a while back.

 

Edit 2 or 3 or I've lost count: I've put some more thought to her and I've come up with a few more character suggestions. For one, I like the name Larche. It can be changed, but for the moment I'll refer to her by it. Okay, as I said, Larche is rough and tough but compassionate. She has a masterful control of her emotions and only presents the one she wants for the situation. She's bold, not at all timid. But it's all on the surface. Underneath, she's a little insecure, doubtful, uncertain of herself, self-critical, even a little timorous. You can see it in her slight hesitations, her momentary pause before she comes back in full vigor.

It could have something to do with the planet's EP core, or maybe the power source Mata Nui retrieved from the maze, if it still exists. Controlling the former, maybe the planet could almost be used like a Death Star. Maybe the latter, combined with the former, would turn the planet into a bomb. It would explode, and destory everything on it . . . including Zaktan and the Great Being. I'll think on it more.

 

(Hey, have you seen my dog Blue? So far he hasn't had a chance to give any input on all this.)

 

Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith

Okay, I'm back after a brief absence, and just want to say one thing: This story is sounding more and more awesome. Lets not use so many spoiler tags though. I'm having a hard time getting them to work right while reading the comments.

 

I'll pm you both what I think, as I have no idea how to make spoiler tags in the first place anyway.

Wahoo! The gang's all here! Now let's win this game! (One of these days I'll stop making obscure references to things nobody will understand... Today is not that day. XP).

 

Anyway, Steve went to college, so we'll have to settle for that other guy who thinks he's a kid... (That's actually the excuse they used in Blues Clues... I remember it from my childhood. XD).

 

So, in a follow-up to your PM (Because I don't think you can have multiple recipients, though I could be wrong), I'd like to say I do NOT want to incorporate the Great Being into the story. =/ Seems kinda moot and complicated to figure out. After all, this is supposed to be well after the official story, so I'm looking forward to putting all of the convoluted stories to bed and starting fresh.

 

(Edit: Yeah, after reading Nulie's edit I see where you're coming from. I could see the Great Being being tricked somehow or being put into stasis to stop him... though, I'm still not loving the idea of incorporating the character. I kinda like the idea of a regional upset; outside the city the nation/region/whatever you kids call it XP is suffering... maybe from a lack of resources or something strange happening like a plague or disappearances. Though, that could just be a part of the plot or maybe we won't go that direction. I'll have to think about it a bit more).

 

I'm up for alluding to the serials if you guys really want to, but I really think it would be hard to continue them to the point where we could incorporate them into the story so many years after they happened.

 

But, on that note, what should we do about the Great Beings in all of this? Did they advance to another world? Did they decide not to meddle in life affairs, or are they continuing their same experiments and trying to create new life? Those are basic ideas, but I don't seem to remember this being discussed yet.

 

Anyway, I haven't played much with a PI type of character, but I'd be willing to give it a go. In a huge city like this, it would be pretty interesting. Actually, I do like the idea of him working for a sort of police force or organization (it would be easier for him to dig up dirt on cases that way in my opinion and it could give us some more characters to work with, but I'm fine with either option). Plus, all we'll need is to send him on an investigation that leads to a snowball effect and then we could more easily incorporate the Atero 8 to the main story (Political corruption, maybe have one of them be a double-agent who is working with the villain, one of them is using the villain as a puppet for the bigger picture in their plans, etc).

 

As for names, I like Tearnu and Karattru. Also, I like Larche for the girl's name. Have we decided if she'll be a matoran or an Agori? Actually, a glatorian might be interesting, but some members might see that being a taboo love story. XD

 

I'm gonna borrow Tearnu as the name of one of the Atero 8 because I think it suits a toa of air quite nicely. XP

 

So, Tearnu; Genuinely cares about the well-being of the citizens and his subordinates. On the outside he seems like a nice guy. He's the type of person to put himself at risk in place of his subordinates. He's their leader and he takes responsibility for his team, sometimes to an unnecessary fault. His actions of this nature have won him a nickname of "Reckless Seven" regarding his number assigned in the Atero Eight. Though he sounds like a softie, he's also ruthless in battle. When he has the necessary resolve, he will fight to the death. His fighting style is nimble and quick. He uses his element of air to give him quick boosts to help him move. His weapons are small throwing daggers; he also has a set of slightly larger, heavier daggers to us in hand-to-hand combat. He wears a Kanohi Kualsi which he uses to dart around his target. Once he finds an opportune position and moment to strike, he takes it.

 

I think that covers one of the eight. I also have an idea for another toa that sort of foils a few of Tearnu's properties, but I'm still working out the details.

 

Basically, the other toa is a female and her philosophy is "win by any means necessary" and doesn't bat an eye if one of her subordinates were to die. I still haven't figured out the direction I want to go with that, but I like the idea of her wearing a Kanohi Tryna or a Kanohi that, when the user dies, animates their body to carry out the last goal the user had before death. I thought there was a mask like that, though I can't seem to find a record of it...

Blue says the GB's identity was revealed, anyway, which apparently happened on the 26th in due time to prevent us from using him. So very well, scratch the idea; although I still like the scene I envisioned. Maybe it's to Vezon, alone in some cell somewhere, Zaktan goes? Blue suggested the EP Entity, and that could work too, or even the Shadowed One. Really, I think the villain we choose depends on just what it is we want them to do. Of course, if Zaktan's the brains, it doesn't really matter who he has working with him, unless they decide to betray him in the end.

And I'm not against the idea of some sort of outside catastrophe. We will need to address the outside world--after all, it has to exist--but we'll just have to be careful, if we want to keep the story centered in New Atero.

(Although I still don't like the name. Neo-Atero, Atero Reborn, Atero-Nui, Mata-Atero? None of those are much better, although I like that last.)

I have a little experience in writing for a PI, and I'm something of a mystery fanatic, so I'm familiar with the type. I've heard that they are some of the easiest and most enjoyable characters to write for, though that does mean we'll have to be careful to avoid making him into a stereotype Sam Spade. I wouldn't mind if he were a part of the Resistance I proposed a while back, but any official police force is as corrupt as its superiors, which means the Atero Eight. But if he were an official detective, we could either have Karattru (as I guess his name is now? I'm for that) be fighting them from the inside or say he's an ex-cop.

I like the concept of Tearnu as sort of a diamond in the rough, a comparatively pure heart among his corrupt brothers. Only, if he's like this, wouldn't he object to the Atero Eight's doings? And moreover, when you say he's leader; if you mean of his sports team, it makes sense, but if you mean of the Toa Team, they can't have a noble character at their head if they're supposed to be oppressive tyrants over the city.

As for Larche on the question of species--at first I wanted her to be a Glatorian, but it's like trying to imagine a romance between a Toa and a Matoran. That pretty much leaves us with the option of Agori or Matoran, and personally I lean toward the former.

Oh, and it looks like we're all agreed on first person. We can always switch between Larche and Karattru as necessary.

And Tekulo, Blue agreed to Destiny Corrupted; what do you think? I'm a bit on the fence. Though it's still the best idea I've come up with, I think it's a little generic.

 

Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith

Hehe, yes I am aware of Blue's ideas (sorry if I didn't address them too much). I got his PM as well. ^^ Could've done without the blue paw prints everywhere though. XP

 

As for the villains, it seems kinda difficult for me to really make an opinion when I don't even know what their goal is... =/ Knowing Zaktan, though, he'd probably want to rule with an iron fist. That would be an interesting goal for him to be teamed with TSO, although, I think betrayal would be a must to work into the story (their history and all).

 

I also like the idea of the EP entity. Though, I'm not too sure what its goals would be. =/ That character has always seemed to play god in the story.

 

At any rate, I think we should start world-building a bit more first, and then we can figure out what situations would call for what villain in the big picture. This could also help us with our main character; what his destiny is in this story. On that note, being a PI fits for him finding the mask of life. According to S&T, the mask was likely hidden away in a secret location; not the maze. So, we have Karattru investigate some random area where he "stumbles" upon the mask. Though, that's describing it loosely. Remember how the Great Beings hid the mask the first time? I'd imagine it'll be pretty difficult the second time around as well.

 

As for the city name, I kinda like Atero Nui. XP Though, I think Matatero has a nice ring to it too. Atero Koro? Koratero? Ateroro? XP

 

 

As for Karattru's profession, I'd be fine either way, really. Making him a PI would make it more difficult to delve into corruption among the Atero Eight, though we don't know for sure if that's his main goal or not yet.

 

Speaking of which, how exactly do the Atero Eight control the city?

 

As for Tearnu; I wouldn't exactly call him a pure-of-heart character... Remember, I did say he was ruthless in battle. I imagine he strikes to kill and not just to wound. Also, I mentioned he cares for his subordinates. The rest of the Atero Eight would be his equals, so he wouldn't be so warm and friendly to them necessarily. Though, I would imagine he would want his sector of the city (if he has one) to be peaceful, or at least peaceful compared to the rest of the city. I'd imagine that would be under Lewa's care, and it would somewhat resemble Le-Koro in its spirit; music, dancing, etc. As for the corruption, I'd imagine the police force would be very strict. If an outsider wanted to visit, they would probably have to undergo a very strict search through their luggage; same for when they leave. If there's even the slightest notion that they could be trouble; they will be imprisoned or even executed if they commit a crime; depending on the crime itself. This would likely go on without Lewa's knowing (Ooh, side-story: Lewa interrupts a visitor's arrival, and he trusts him enough to let him through, no deep search. Later, the visitor is taken into custody when word gets out that a proper search was not done. Now, I'm not too sure where this story would go; perhaps Lewa finds out about this, perhaps the visitor is sentenced to years in prison for some tool he carried in his bags, etc).

 

I like the idea of Larche being an Agori if those are our options. Still, a matoran paired up with a Glatorian who has elemental powers? I like the sound of that. XP

 

As for that title, I'm a bit on the fence as well. Bionicle: Destiny Lost, Bionicle: Poisoned Destiny, Bionicle: Destiny of Venom, Bionicle: Morbuzak/Visorak Slash Pairing, Bionicle: The Tale of Awesome, Bionicle: Unity, Duty, Death! ... I like the last three. XD

Poisoned Destiny has a nice ring to it. I was just using the one that Nuile came up with when first starting this.

 

Larche sounds more like an Agori to me.

 

As for the City's name, I was thinking along the same lines as you, Tekulo. Matatero is good, but I find it doesn't roll off the tongue very well. The name I came up with just removes a set of the 'at's. Matero.

 

The side story you thought up is good, but like you said, where would it lead and how would we work it into first person, unless Larche witnessed it happen?

 

Have we decided on what element Karattru is yet? I was personally thinking an Onu- or Ko-Matoran.

I'm fine with an Agori. I'm still not sure about a title, but I still say we should world build a little more.

 

(And Matero does have a nice ring to it).

 

Hmm, true... I suppose first person would be a bit difficult unless it jumped between Lewa, the visitor and/or the law enforcement.

 

I think we suggested above that his element was jungle, though we haven't made an official decision.

(I know you got the PM too, Tekulo, but now that there's three of us I have to refer to you both in the third person rather than the second. XD)

 

I agree that we need more plot and world development before we decide on a title and a villain, so let's talk about that a bit. Before I get back to that:

 

Matero's fine with me.

 

Characters: It sounds like our two protagonists are pretty much detailed as far as necessary, bar the lack of two certain vital points: element. Jungle was actually a suggestion made for Larche, I think, and that's fine with me. Personally I don't think that would at all fit Karattru, nor would Ice, but I like Earth and also, my personal favorite, Iron for him. Iron just fits the PI bit best in my opinion.

 

The Atero Eight, I think, sort of rule from the shadows, posing as the city's heroes, although everyone pretty much knows they're in control, and they're really not very heroic. I see them as pretty ruthless; probably not cruel, though. I can't see them going around the city harrowing poor Matoran just to amuse themselves, but appropriating belongings, puppeteering the economy, toying with the --basically they see the city as a big chess game for them to play. But they play for love, mere amateurs, while Zaktan is the masterful type who plays to win. Maybe some of the Toa are in league with him, I definitely like the idea; but though they may think they can betray him, they're not even players, just more of his pieces

 

(And Tekulo, I think a PI would be in a better place to fight corruption than an official under the Atero Eight's control. He couldn't fight officially, that's true, but how well can one Matoran officially combat dictators?)

 

Tearnu: Okay, that all makes sense. And if we separate the city into four sectors with two districts each, then there we have one sector for each Turaga and one district for each Toa, so that would be perfect. And I'm liking that vision, if only as a device to help show what's going on. Easy enough to slip it in insignificantly amidst one of the protagonists' movements, I think, maybe even in some way that leads him (or Larche) somewhere.

 

Which reminds me, the Mask of Life: As Tekulo says, it has to be hidden, in a place befitting its importance yet not so difficult to penetrate that it distracts from the story. I'm feeling some deeply secretive sort of criminal underworld attempt to steal it; Karattru gets intangled in the case; the endeavor fails, but somehow he ends up with the Mask. Very sketchy, only an adumbration, but it's a comely seed, I think.

 

So here I think we have a good idea of what Atero's like; there are still some edges to sand around the characters and various details, but what we're lacking is any idea at all as to the surrounding world.

 

But I'm running out of time at this particular moment, so I'll move on to plot.

 

I'm liking Zaktan and the EP Entity. I can see the latter wanting to play god; and I can see very easily how he could tie into some scheme to control the planet's core and make the world into, in essence, a Death Star.

 

So what are Zaktan's motives? As Tekulo says, he wants to rule, right? That's what he's always wanted, and what he nearly achieved in the MU (and what I was very disappointed he didn't). Now, he failed; but when every atom of your body is separated across the universe, it takes a lot of time to reunite them, a lot of time for each and every one of them to think. Chances are, 99% of those ideas are idiotic; but if 1% all have concordant notions, they coalesce into a plot worthy of Zaktan. He wants power, but now he wants revenge, redemption; but moreover, he learned from his failure. If you run headlong into an obstacle, do you run into it again, or go around it? All this digression is so much as to say I still can't quite put a finger on what he's up to, but now that we're in his mind it should be easier. I'll sleep on it and compare notes with you two tomorrow.

 

EDIT: A night of sleep or ten minutes of thought. Now, it's not entirely fleshed out, but I have a new idea. Zaktan hires the EP Entity with a scheme to rule the world, yes, yes, that's nothing novel. The EP Entity plans to betray him, of course. He does, naturally. But what he doesn't expect is that when he throws Zaktan into the planet's core to dissolve him in the EP--in his own essence--Zaktan mutates. Not just mutates, merges. With the planet itself. Zaktan in sentient control of Spherus Magna itself, core and all; Darth Vader not just commanding the Death Star, but being one with it. What do you think?

 

And then our friend Karattru and Mata Nui (still in his head) leap into the pit too. Falling, falling, ploosh. Then here comes the best part. The final battle--taking place in the great equilizer: the mind. Their mental conflict ends in Zaktan's defeat. Mata Nui merges with the planet, and Karattru mutates in the EP into a Toa.

 

And back to the EP Entity for a moment. He should have a name, I think, if only just a nickname. Something by which to refer to him. A sobriquet would be all the better, because then we could use it in the title. Call him Bruiser, call it Bruised Destiny. More plausibly, Dissolution and Destiny Dissolved; Decay and Decayed Destiny; Corrosion and Destiny Corroded.

 

Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith

Hmm... I'm not too keen on that idea myself. Mainly the "merging with the planet" aspect. Taking over a giant robot is one thing. melding with an actual planet is another. I think it would take quite a bit of EP to make that happen, and I don't think there's really any left in the core of the planet since SM was merged back together. Not to mention, the EP would have to transform the entire planet itself in order for it to be able to be a part of the other being to make a significant body. After all, if Zaktan were to meld with the planet... well, what then? It's not like Mata Nui where his body could be manipulated; he would merely be trapped in a giant ball in my opinion.

 

Well, that's just my take on that anyway.

 

(Ooh! What if Zaktan's trying to gain the power to match that of a Great Being? The ability to create powerful artifacts such as the mask of life itself? That would certainly tie into the EP: after all, it is a very powerful substance and it has been known for its ability to give power. It also has the ability to destroy, which sounds like Zaktan's style for his enemies).

 

Anywho, I've been brainstorming for my third Atero Eight member. Haven't worked out a name or element yet, but I was thinking either Ice or Iron (though, I think ice would fit this character more, but I realize so far I'm fitting characters to the elements we've already seen so far. XP). His nickname will be "Silent Six"

 

He never utters a single word. His actions and his plans are kept secret from everyone, including those closest to him. He speaks with action. As for a mask, I'm partial to a Suletu to help with communications. Basically, if he needs to say anything or if he wants to talk to anyone, he would project his thoughts through his mask. Though, I'm not sure about that idea entirely, and even with that ability, he still isn't the type to project his thoughts often.

 

Fighting Style: Swift and cold. He specializes in close combat, using ice to knock his opponent off balance. His weapons are two large ice picks that he uses to climb (kinda like Matoro Mahri's tool). He has been known, when defensive, to cling to the ceiling and jump down behind his opponent (only in the fitting circumstances that is).

 

He appears to be level headed and almost never shows if he is satisfied or worried. Getting any emotion out of him at all is a challenge in and of itself.

 

As for the female A8 member (I'm thinking of her nickname being "Ruthless Five"), I've been toying with the idea of her being a toa of light. Well, I really, really don't buy into Greg's portrayal that light=good and shadow=bad. I think this would add in a bit of a shock factor of sorts or at least break the audience's expectations.

 

Though, that would mean her character, I imagine, would be very strict. Though, if she were revered for being a toa of light (since Takanuva was kinda a big deal back in the day), I'd imagine she would put on a ruse for the city acting kind, caring, and genuinely interested and concerned about the well-being of the citizens. When she isn't in public, however, she's demanding and only cares about accomplishing her goals, be them professional or personal.

 

I haven't given her a good amount of thought yet, though, so I'll have to get back to you with more ideas later.

 

Anyway, that's what I have in mind for my three parts of the Atero Eight.

Well, we could have him mutate another way. Maybe he merges with the Energized Protodermis itself?

 

I'm all for him trying to make a Great Being out of himself, only I'm not sure how he could go about that. What could we do to give him such power? Hey, maybe something that involves the mask. Then we have reason for Zaktan to be against Karattru, and not just a one-sided rivalry.

 

Here's a suggestion, although I'm not personally very fond of it. I could see Zaktan, Karattru and the Mask falling into the EP together; then we have that "in the mind" battle I'm really eager for; Zaktan wins and merges with the Mask while Karattru becomes a Toa; they battle physically, but then Mata Nui--because he's actually one with Zaktan, far more so than he had been with Karattru--kills Zaktan from the inside.

 

As for Silent Six, I've heard the term "cold as steel" or "heart of steel," and so Iron would suit him as well as Ice, I think; but I don't care, it's your choice.

 

I have a name and basic character for the leader and my other Toa, but I still have a little more thought to give them.

 

Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith

I like the idea of him needing the mask to accomplish his goals. That does help tie the story together. Also, that being the case, I do like the mental battle idea. How exactly would that go about, though? Mental avatars fighting physically, or would it be more like a battle of wits... of... sorts... I'm sure we'll figure something out. It does sound like a good idea.

 

I'm not too keen on Mata Nui killing Zaktan from the inside out, though. I'm also partial to matoran main characters staying matoran at least until the end of the story (but then again I love matoran so that is 100% my personal bias speaking. XD). I wouldn't mind Karattru turning into a toa at some point in the story. Actually, if he became the new leader of the Atero Eight by the end of things, then it could be an interesting story. That would take some serious action to do, though.

 

As for Silent Six, I'm leaning towards ice because I am that lame and unimaginative. XP

 

I'm glad you're planning the leader out. I can't wait for Ruthless Five to stick a knife in his/her back. ^^ (She would do it too if she were planning to become the leader of the Atero Eig-I mean Seven).

 

Also, should we explore the reason why the toa nuva gave up their elemental powers or will that be ancient history by the time this story takes place? (Oh, and I don't think I explained myself earlier about a toa who has hundreds of powers, but that toa is Tahu after he absorbed the rahkshi. He got their powers too making him the most powerful toa of all. That's why I mentioned bringing him into the story).

My vision was of the three of them standing in blackness and talking. It gives me a sort of Kingdom Hearts vibe. How exactly that would end, I'm not sure; but that kind of good versus evil profound banter scene is the kind of writing I live for. XD

 

Yeah, Karattru would only mutate at or near the end, around the time they defeat Zaktan. The Atero Eight could even be dead then to make it easier for him to take charge; or he could challenge them to a sport game on a suggestive cliffhanger; or we could otherwise figure out a way for him to come out on top in Matero.

 

If anything that would, I think, only be a passing mention, unless we did bring Tahu back into the story. (And, wow, really, he has all the Rahkshi powers? So he's a Makuta now? I didn't think it was possible for the lamest Toa ever to get that much more lame. . . .)

 

Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith

Hmm... Doesn't sound like the most thrilling battle... Hmm... What if instead of darkness, their words and spirits mold the world around them? You know, add in an element to help determine who is winning. Zaktan's forming jagged rocks and volcanoes spewing acid, while Karattru's version actually shows signs of life. Then for the final banter it's a storm of molten rocks verses a giant killer dragon that swallows Zaktan alive! MUAHAHAHAHA! XP

 

Sorry, I'm a sucker for that kind of whimsical fantasy.

 

I'm fine with that, actually. Being a matoran leader seems like it would be a bit difficult in terms of power and all... Not that it's impossible, but for Matero, I'd say you'd have to be on the lookout for assassins.

 

(They all die? Tearnu... NOOOOOOO! TT^TT). XP I like the idea of them battling at the end in the tournament. Though, I'd be fine with a portion of the A8 dying by the end. I think it would add in a nice flair to the story.

 

As for Tahu, I like the idea of bringing him back for his power, not for the character. XP (And I know, right? I blame Greg for that... Heck, I blame him for a lot of things. "I am the best villain ever! Muahahaha! I have all of the powers! Wait... A GIANT ROCK?! MY ONE TRUE WEAKNESS! D=" XD Never gets old)

Words are everything, Tekulo! Don't underestimate the thrill, the excitement, the drama of dialogue! But I don't see why we can't do both. Now--I think you're going a little far, there, but I like the idea.

 

I agree; Karattru should face them, and at least one should die over the course of the story.

 

(Personally I don't blame Greg. He's had many successes and failures, and considering all the influence LEGO had over the minutest little thing he did, I can't say how good he could be as a writer.)

 

Okay, my Toa Atero:

 

Nilam, Toa of Magnetism, current leader of the Atero Eight. Nickname "Tactical Two." A tall mass of thews and sinews, his eyes in a perpetual squint. Cold and calculating. A very bland and bitter Toa, with little personality or expression. He's gruff but never harsh unless he needs to be, with a strong sense of practicality. He doesn't punish or rebuke unfairly, but when you get on his bad side you had better watch out. Wears a Great Arthron *.

 

Armed with boomerangs. In battle or on the field he has the name "tactical" for a reason. His moves are always calculated swiftly and with little room for error, never without effective purpose.

 

Sofita, Toa of Psionics, a ditsy, light-headed sort. "Frivolous Five." Your stereotypical "blonde." But beneath her stupid exterior lies a shrewd, piercing mind. She has far more wits about her than even her teammates realize. Wears, fittingly, a Great Akaku.

 

Wields dual flails. Whether fighting or sporting her actions may appear sporadic and haphazard, but there is a method to her every madness. Some credit her past victories to "dumb luck." But there's nothing dumb or lucky about her deceptively contrived stratagems.

 

* Although, if I gave him a Great Mask of Mutation, and Zaktan found a way to control Nilam, this would be a much safer way for him to merge himself with the mask than the EP. Alternatively, it would be great fun to bring Vezon back with an alternate universe Spear of Fusion . . . if we could do it in a way that wasn't ridiculously random. However, none of this would be nearly as fun as Zaktan and Karattru plunging into the planet's core, having a mental battle, and Karattru emerging victorious.

 

By the way, in a rush of excitement I went ahead and wrote a prologue. It's locked away in a secret location that you'll never find . . . in other words, the spoiler tags in the entry.

 

Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith

B-But I thought I already used five! D= Oh, she is SO not going to be happy about this... whatever her name is. XP (I suck at names. My own protagonist in a Bionicle story was Tetak... Actually, his name I kinda like. XP But the other protagonist was named Laza, and I just didn't like that one as much).

 

Hmm... I kinda want the flow to start out smooth like a princess name, but end/start in something a bit harder. Arix, perhaps? ... Needs work... Azel, maybe... Azette, Azune (ah-zu-ney), Tezara (I actually kinda like that one), Tearnux (totally legit and in no way stolen from Reckless Seven. XD),

 

I'm gonna go with Tezara. Though, I suppose Ruthless Eight rolls off the tongue just as well. And that groups my characters into a nice little line that way (Silent Six, Reckless Seven and Ruthless Eight). Though, if we are making this number thing canon (which I think we should. It would be interesting to reveal them this way to the reader, not necessarily in reverse numerical order, but let's save the leader for last. Though, on that note, I figured the leader would be number one... Then again, I do like the alliteration with Tactical Two. Organized One doesn't sound nearly as impressive. I think we should allude to that when the leader is revealed. Though, it would make sense, as they do hold a competition for the title of leader, and the number isn't a rank, but a nickname. In other words, that actually does fit very well with the actual story in my opinion. I wish we could explain that to the reader via story at one point. XD).

 

By the way, I am already shipping Tearnu and Sofita... Or maybe Silent Six (I actually think keeping his name a secret would work for his character. Makes him more of an enigma, you know?). That will be interesting to have a mind reader near his character. I was debating on whether or not to make Tezara a toa of psionics, but I didn't want that. Plus water seems like an over-done element in the canon, so I didn't want to fiddle with that in the story. I thought a toa of light would be far more interesting.

 

Speaking of which, Tezara's fighting style is brute force. Kinda like she roots her feet and holds her ground, contrary to the way Tearnu fights (hey, she is a foil of him after all). I imagine her weapon would be along the lines of a crystal hammer of sorts, which she might channel her energy into to blind her enemies from time to time. If she's on offense, then she acts like a one-toa tank smashing her way to her goal. She wears a Kanohi Tryna as well as the Kanohi of Undeath, which she has fully charged over the years (According to Bonesiii, the creator of the mask, the effects of undeath would last for around ten years max. I really want to work this into the story somehow, meaning Tezara would need to die at some point in the story).

 

She teaches her subordinates survival in harsh manners and has them able to work as they see fit if Tezara is not around to order them. Basically, if they split up and an Agori is going solo; that Agori won't be feeling nervous about storming the enemy base (and yes, I am speaking mainly of the sport).

 

Speaking of which, I imagine the toa would be randomly assigned their team from professionals in the city from each district. Basically, it would be like the Kohli tournament, only after their tournament ends (not every year, but maybe once every x amount of years), their names are called at random to decide teams. That being said, teammates might be pitted against each other or paired with their largest competitors.

 

As for the terrain, I'm thinking of a maze of sorts with eight hidden bases. Every time this game is played, the map is altered (though the ones in charge of the layout might be a bit loose-lipped or generous to a donation from a toa or two. Side story: Tezara bribes the guy in charge for this tournament for her base to be located right next to one of the others' so she can break down a wall for a surprise attack in the beginning of the match. Now, the map-maker agrees, but insists to be paid up front. Tezara pays him, but secretly tells one of her subordinates to keep tabs on him in case of foul play. Sure enough, the map-maker disappears (but is also being followed) during the tournament and is planning to skip-town. Turns out Tezara was out-bribed by another toa, let's say Sofita read her mind and outdid her (I can picture those two not getting along. XD). Now, the map-maker ends up being captured, and after the tournament, Tezara decides to have a word with him... personally. (Depending on whether she won or not, this could result in a spectrum of 'map-maker is severely wounded to dead.' It's nice to have variety. XP).

 

So, I figure it has to do with a territory battle. Capturing bases and all, though I'd imagine it might be a color type of thing. Basically, each member of one team gets a card. This card is inserted into a machine in the base, and the base changes color to match the type of card. The machines also link up to one-another. Now, I'm not sure if it should be "own 4 or more bases and you win" or "if your base is captured, your cards become null and void so your team cannot win (I actually like this idea. It allows them to either give up or to help the team that defeated them. Makes things interesting)" or what.

 

Now then, looking at the prologue, I like it. There are a few nitpicks here and there that I will point out once the story starts snowballing a bit more and we're ready to start writing chapters (my brain is set to imagination right now and not grammar mode. XP). Though, I'm not really loving first person now that I see it for the story... If you guys don't want to switch, that's fine. I'm sure I can make it work for the chapters I write.

(I'm forgetful. She can be Frivolous Four, then, I'm not picky. XP Although I wouldn't mind dropping the alliteration. I thought they were all supposed to be that way, but I think it would sound a lot better if only a few were. XD)

 

I like Arix or Ariz. It has that smooth start and harsh finish you wanted. I'll suggest Arinax, too, or Arinagg.

 

The tournament should be once in a decade, if not in a century. Biomechanical beings live a looooong time. It can be a little inconvenient, sometimes. As for being appointed by officials, it doesn't feel quite right amidst the corruption of Matero. I would think the Eight handpick their players.

 

That sounds good to me. (Foolish map-maker, skipping this town is not so easy. . . . Only, I'm not sure how we could work that in first person.)

 

I love the idea of a disqualified team running amok on the field. It's chaos . . . it's Calvinball!

 

It might need some editing by the time all details are decided, and I certainly want to punch it up a bit before

 

Personally I'm not for the omniscient style that you seem to want; it may have more of a BIONICLE vibe and it would no doubt be useful in establishing our world, but we want to tell a story here, not to tell a world. "All" person would overcomplicate things. I think first person, besides its characteristics that endear me, will keep the tale on track better. I know it's a bit awkward here in the prologue, but I'll do what I can to improve it. I'm sure it will work better in the meat of the story. Of course, the problem with first person is that the character needs a reason to be telling the story; but we can explain that when it comes to the mental battle. Maybe Zaktan's dying and his life is flashing before his eyes, which gives Karattru entrance into his mind, to see scenes such as this.

 

Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith