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Toa Imrukii's Blog


What has been going on - this limbo that is my life

Posted by Toa Imrukii , Oct 10 2018 · 191 views

Okay, so let me preface this with a disclaimer of sorts, nothing that I may say here is intended or directed in any way to cause discourse or conflict, in my own personal life I had been between (metaphorically) juggling balls left and right, for a long time I was more or less trying to appease two sides of people in my own personal life, both of which having some strong detrimental tendency on me personally, I'll explain exactly what I mean by this in a bit, but for now let me get to the meat of the issue.

I have for so long now felt as though I am in a limbo, I have recently, more or less, cut off the stress from my life, and though my OCD still reminds me of it, I live each day knowing full-blown well that I do not have it on my shoulders any more. So, I have fallen into sort of a limbo, a limbo where I try to ready myself for a major personal task one day, only for that day to come and I lose the will to go ahead and do it, with examples of such, personally, for myself to get anywhere, literally and metaphorically, I need to do my GED, I need to apply to accomplish getting my learners permit; eventually learning to drive, and so on from the GED more-so, though admittedly from both, I need to get a job, and beforehand finish my resume. There have also been lessor things I've been more or less held back from, like getting my iPad repaired for some damage that peeves me (which is regardless of money for me and my family, money isn't an issue), as well, I've been looking to find a relationship, but everytime I get to talk with a girl I just lose the will to see them, and I don't know why. I talk to 'em, and get to know them, but than I just seem to not care anymore, and I seriously can't put my finger on why. And, I know, not everyone is going to know or be interested in my personal hobbies, like bionicle, like conlanging, such and such, but, going back to the original prefaces, how am I supposed to do anything when (and admittedly I may not have originally said this) I feel like I'm being shot down left and right from reaching my goal.

I do have anxiety, and depression, but the former of those two, in regards to me actually reaching and achieving those things, my anxiety I feel is that which is holding me back the most. I want to get my life in order, I need to get my GED done, but why would I want to remind myself of school again?, I want to get my learners permit, but why would I need to drive when I have nowhere to go?, I want to be in a relationship, but why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your interests or someone who you don't feel attached to? This is my conundrum.

And, back to the regard of my personal interests, and a going back to my disclaimer of I mean no offense, I feel like-, no, I know that my friends are simply not interested in conlanging and linguistics, but can I blame them? It's a very specific field, and a very finite detailed creative field at that, in fact if anything it shows I do have a degree of autistic tendency to how I function, which may to some degree be something that is holding me back, but more so I feel the lack of care or passion people; my friends, family, peers, show towards me is seriously hampering me as a person. It's a very basic conundrum when you get down to it, why would you want to keep on living and doing something if no one appreciates you? And not in the regards of my close friends, but some of my less close friends, I know they simply do not in their hearts appreciate me, even if they say they do, they just don't care. So, why would I want to care about them you may ask? I care about all my friends, not simply because I consider them as such, but because I want to try and come to an understanding with them, but there is no way to achieve that from where I am.

I have become so sick and tired of the petty tendencies people do to each other, "we have a difference of opinion, so we're going to fight one another and make ourselves tear our own hair out in anger because of it." just absolutely petty bulldung as that, and it drives me insane, so I cut myself from it, even though it hurts me, because I do truly believe that understanding can be found, despite how much we allow something to tear us apart from eachother.

Now, I have come to the realization that I have to make something of my life, I try each and every day to get myself motivated enough to get to doing just that, but as I have stated here already, I quickly lose my motivation to keep on going, and as so clear as day, I may look to the mirror, see my reflection, I may see my shadow, see the light I block, as is such the nature of future and past, we may try and look to the future, but be will never truly be able to see it and live it before it's time, and the past we may very well remember it forever on for the rest of our lives, but there is somthing keeping me from looking in the mirror so-to-speak, and I simply cannot overcome it, and so this is my limbo. Neither in pain nor in suffering, not in joy or pleasure, but as has always been there, sadness is the only fallback, and the only adictive substance of my limbo which I simply will not be falling back on again as I have so many times, and even if I somehow do, I can't be there for long. So, I am stuck here, in a limbo, with no way to get out.


Noxton Lyyhnr (Language WIP)

Posted by Toa Imrukii , in A Rude Awakening, All Jul 30 2017 · 291 views
A Rude Awakening, Noxton, Conlang and 1 more...
Below is the Conlang ( Constructed Language ) I have been working on for Bota Magna Tribe of Noxton in A Rude Awakening for the past year or so on and off.

Before you read off the words in full you have to be aware of a few things when it comes to the linguistic properties that the Language uses. Noxton uses a system which I have dubbed the AUOI system, A = Current, U = Past, O = Good, I = Bad, the language uses SVO Word Order ( Subject | Verb | Object ) ( Example: I Eat Bread ). Also to define if a vowel is a short sound or a full sound for example Short A = A, Full A = Ā.

Vowels: A Ā E Ē O Ō I Ī Y U Ū.

The Letters C and Q do not make their normal sounds as they would in English, instead C is a soft Indo-European X or H-K sound, and Q is the Hard Variant. Which for those who do not know is a back-throated rolled sound, or a horsed H, or a loogie noise. I wish I could find an audio file but I do not know what the sound is properly called, so here's what I recorded: Here

Consonants: B Bh Bx C Q D Dt Sh Zs Sz S Jz Lng Kt (Gkh Ghkh Kgh Kn Kng Pb Phb Pbh Td Tkg) Mh L F G H J K M N P R T V W X Z

Below is the list of all of the words from A - Z in Noxton to English order:

A'qh'mo - Light, General Good, usually in an Individual Context or Objective One
A'qh'mi - Shadow, General Evil, usually in an Individual Context or Objective One
Abv - See/Vision/Sight
Aegrha - Arm (Body Part)
Ag - Sky
Aisu - Disappoint
Aj - Skies
Anja - Orange (Color)
Anyejz - Reserved
Ainja - Oppose
Aojta - Whole
Apf - Up
Apfuv - North
Ar - Where
Asuma - Happen
Au'ikka- Undead
Ahuil - Low
Āūjn - Body
Auor - Great
Awohn - Birth

Balan - Fruit
Batū - Know/Homey/Familiar
Be - Hear
Be'u - Heard
Bejh - Covered
Bejhah - Wear/Wearing
Bejhūh - Wore
Bhec - The/That/This
Bhec'sh - Those
Bōlq - Right
Bōlquv - East
Buwmb - Brown
Byryey - Naked (Individual)
Byr - Bare (General Context)
Bxiu'Āūjn - Cold-Bodied/To be a Cold Emotionless Individual
Bxamu - Breathe/Of Breathing
Bxiu - Cold/Whisper/Sleep

C'hiel - Down
C'hieluv - South

Dahroy - For
Dauhc - What
Dtal - fact
Dtael - Follower/Pupil/To Follow
Dtuat - Pay
Dta - Fire/Spicy
Dtak - Hot
Dtō - Warm
Durua - By/Of/From

Eyaha - Get/Become
Ehjc - Hello/Greetings
Ehctako - One Hundred/Half a Lifetime
Ei'nkaj - Land
Elj - Bump-Mark

Favfa - Teal
Flava - Indigo
Fvesseui - Finger/Toe
Fvesseuiuv - Fingers/Toes

G'ceka - Head
Gej - Large
Ghi - Air
Gī - Grand
Gīaj - Grand Skies
Gja - Female/Woman/Girl/She
Gja'leszto - Mother
Gja'leszouv - Grandmother
Gū - Nation/Place of Being/Home

Hāysc - Yes (general)
Hāysc'o/Hōysc - Yes (Good)
Hāysc'i/Hīysc - Yes (bad)
Hizsa - Destroy
Hōendkt - Gift
Hōendkt'nmh'Durua - Gifts From

Īahr - Worse
Idri - Red (name comes from the name of a common red Flower called an Idri Flower)
Igna - Magenta (name also comes from a flower)
Ihnhah - Dread
Ihk - Bad
Iīazsa - Sad
Iizsish'ami - Angry
Ijzis - Scared
Ikka - Dead
Ilnj'ey - Disturbed
Ilnji'ami - Insane
Īnisyejz - Reclusive
Izs - Die

Ja - In action of
Jai - Bad Action
Jao - Good Action
Jahq'k - To Stand
Jeqid - Yellow
Jōūzsa - Open
Jui'awohn - No Birth/Miscarriage
Ju - Plurality word, add on the end of a word to signify a past action
Jyk'pesasi'sh - Sand/Small Rocks
Jyk - Small

Kanj - Sibling
Kmā - How
Kmā'rkta - How Long
Karo - To
Kaluk'k - Ice
Kca - Male/Man/Boy/He
Kca'leszto - Father
Kca'lesztouv - Grandfather
K'dljort - Foot
Kjor - Correct/Fix/Replace
Klan - Son
Kej - Many
Kyelj - Name
Key'puid'sh - Jungle/Forest
Kōhr - Thanks (General)
Kohra - Thanks (in the moment)
Kyū - Now

Laszōs - Ecstatic
Lej - are
Lezsto - Parent
Lezsouv - Grandparent
Lizsiss - Hate
Lizsi - Suffer
Lkāg - Here
Lyk - Few
Lyyhnr - Tongue/Language/Speak

Mairc - Impact/Affect
Mrenr - Foreign
Mūanji - Cyan
Mūl - Rush/Wind
Mūl'uni - River/Rush Water

Nmh - Plurality Word, added on the end of a word to give it an action
Nē'avāduay - Infinity/Forever/Endless
Nkaj - Shorted Word for Land/Lands
Nox - Middle/Center
Nahih - Physically against
Nwa - Calm
Nwēā - Cute

Ōahr - Better
Oay - be/to be/to have reason
Oazs - Mature
Ōbetdt - Other
Ohja - Alive
Ō'ajz - Guide
Ō'ajz'szī - Missguide
Ō'ajz'zsō - Guide properly
Ō'alng - Mentor
Ōoajzsha - Happy
Ōau'awohn - Reborn (Good)
Oj'abv - Attractive/Pleasant to look at
Oj - Pleasant
Ōkona - Hero
Ōmbrid - Lime (Color, obviously)
Onak - concern/worry
Ō'alnglezsto - Mentor-Parent
Ōhn - Good
Ōzsa - Make

Plōsz - Love

Qhapf - Above/at a higher level
Qhelj - Mountain

Rkta - Long, it terms of time

Sa - Will/Shall
Sa'uahl - Would
Sti - Side
Swoar - Must/Necessity/Is Needed
Sōs - Life
Su - Plurality word, add at the beginning of a word to represent past action if the alternative cannot be written.
Syuau - We

Tauyr - Has/Owns
Tuauy - You
Tessiis - Sickness/Disease
Ton - Common

Ūan - Yet/To be
U'Awohn - Yet to be Born
Unci - Blue
Uni - Water
Ūlna - Lake
Umars - People
Umn - And/Lastly
Uozs - With
Ūinta - Less than Whole
Ur - When
Ūt - All/It (Finished Statement)
Uv - Older/Underlaying

Veulm - Leg
Vōra - Plant/Green
Vūan - Left
Vūanuv - West

Wa - say/says/speak
Wak - White
Whelj - Hill
W'le - may/might/perhaps
Wua - Their
Wu - They


Yey - I/me/my
Yūok - Black/Tar
Yūō - Earth/Soil
Yhu - Before

Zerrk - Hand
Zsoausz - Solis Magna/Great Old One
Zhir - Why
Zī'oazs - Immature/Not Mature
Zū'ton - Not Common/Uncommon
Zūhc - No (general)
Zūhc'o/Zōhc - No (good)
Zūhc'i/Zīhc - No (Bad)


What is Unity?

Posted by Toa Imrukii , in All, Philosophical Apr 08 2017 · 796 views
Serious question, what is Unity? Do we really pick and choose our friends? Or just work with them due to their merit? Do friends let other friends get hurt? No. What is Love? As my sig quote says "Love has no fear, and no vengeance." With that being said, should we be hateful of those who have made mistakes in their past? Should we judge anyone by rumors? No, and no.

A lot has been on my plate emotionally these past months, and have actually had to leave my house and be away from the internet for a week. All simply due to this question. I know the answer, but I fear others do not.

Now, with that being put forward, who are your friends? Who are your best of friends? And why are they such?



Posted by Toa Imrukii , in Silly/Joke, All Dec 05 2016 · 343 views
Edge, Edgelord, Bonkle
I have found the Edge. This is Edge. Edge, Edge, Edge, Edge, Edge, Edgelord, Edge.


That is all.


First Blog Entry, Let's Get Talking.

Posted by Toa Imrukii , in All, First Entry Dec 02 2016 · 287 views
First Entry, Lets Talk
So, this is my first blog entry. What shall I talk about? How about the phylosphy about the concept of life and death? No? Too complex? Okay.

How about the reason for living, what is happiness? No? Maybe some other time.

How about we talk about the Tarsier. Yes? Good. The Tarsier is basically that one guy who sits on his sofa, watching TV, eating chicken wings. Only said chicken wings are flies and other insects, and the sofa is actually just a tree branch. Tasiers to my knowledge are the only tree-living creature that are purely a carnivorous species, I think.

Anyway, that's all. Good talk.

June 2019

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