So I work at a local mom-and-pop coffee shop, and we often get funny orders just cause we're different than Starbucks. But today we got a customer who was confused for a totally different reason.
She seemed pretty chill at first, this lady, who walked in with her mum. But as her eyes played over our menu, she opened her mouth and BAM RED FLAGS ERRYWHERE.
"I'll just have an expresso."
Before my supervisor and I can even give each other the ol' sidelong glance like "oh no" she tags on "Oh, and let's make it a medium."
'NOTHER RED FLAG
To keep y'all in the crystal-clear, our menu only offers espresso in one size: small, because what are ya gonna do with 16oz of espresso? So my super sets about trying to clear things up.
"Are you sure you want an espresso?" he says (subtly emphasizing the 's' like a champ). "Were you thinking of an Americano? It's espresso and hot wate-"
He can't even finish before the ol' gal cuts him off with "No, an expresso! I always get it here."
There's a little more banter back and forth and finally my super just accepts that she wants an "expresso." So he rings her up and I grab one of our little china espresso cups. They're totes adorbs and perfectly fit two shots of espresso. The lady doesn't agree.
"No! Too small," she says. "Give me a bigger one."
We try to tell her that a bigger cup won't increase the size of her drink, and she'll just have 1oz of espresso puddled at the bottom of her selected 8oz cup. She stubbornly says "I know that; that's how I like it," so we just do as she says.
So I pull the shot and pour it in and pass it over, and she looks at it like I suppose the devil looks at kids who look both ways before crossing the street.
"What's this?" she says
It's an espresso, we explain. One shot of espresso. One ounce of pure, magical, bean-juice goodness.
"Can I have more hot water?" she says. "Or I can't?"
Of course she can, but she seems to be ignoring everything we say, cause we just explained how there's no hot water in her drink at least five times over. So I can't put "more" in, seeing as there's none to begin with, but I fill it two-thirds full and pass it back to her.
"That's more like it," she says "An expresso."
My super explains that it's now an Americano, and the two are totally different drinks. The lady plays it straight and says "Oh, you changed the name?" He tries to explain again that they've always been different drinks but she's just got this bored look on her face and goes "uh-huh uh-huh" like she's listening but you can tell she's convinced we know absolutely nothing whatsoever about coffee, bless her precious, sweet, mama-loving heart, and eventually she just turns around and goes to sit down with her "expresso."
Her mum orders a hot chocolate.