So I was at Starbucks the other night, buying a bag of coffee beans.
There’s a line, but it’s only three people long, so I’m like “no big deal” and wait with my coffee. It quickly becomes obvious that these three people ahead of me are friends and hanging out at Starbucks. The first two order their drinks loudly, but they’re pretty ordinary. Then the third guy steps up to the plate.
"WHY’S YOUR MEDIUM CALLED GRANDE?" he says in this smug, condescendingly hipster
voice. "GRANDE IS ITALIAN FOR LARGE. BUT YOUR LARGE IS VENTI, AND VENTI’S ITALIAN FOR TWENTY, SO YOUR MEDIUM’S LARGE AND YOUR LARGE IS TWENTY. WHAT THE HECK IS THAT ABOUT"
and on and on and on he goes, with this little smirk, and the poor kid at the till tries to interrupt with “well you see our venti has twenty ounces” but this potato is having none of it. Keeps yelling about how smart he is, finally orders his drink, then goes and laughs with his friends about how stupid Starbucks is (of course with lots of needless swearing mixed in for some reason like dude you’re in public).
Finally I get to buy my coffee and the poor kid is so rattled he asks me twice if I’m buying the coffee so I make sure to leave a tip and then I leave but man
I just wanted to slug that fetid excuse for a carbon-based biped across his big mouth.
Moral of the story: you are never as funny as you think you are.
Second moral: don't make me say it again please.
Third moral: no.
thank u for listening bzp