Jump to content
  • entries
    275
  • comments
    3,435
  • views
    213,794

Wise Guy -- Sample From My Screenwriting Class

bonesiii

Entry posted by bonesiii

847 views

 Share
wiseguyblog.png


This is just a quick story for my Screenwriting Workshop summer class -- everybody in class liked it, so I figured, "Why not have a blog entry AND homework done?" :P Inspired in part by the Hagar the Horrible comic strip.

It's written in the format for a screenplay (as close as BZP formatting can do), which might be a little jarring at first. Some tips -- "beat" means "slight pause", and the all caps either introduce a new character or are sound effects. :)

Enjoy!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Wise Guy


FADE IN:

EXT. MOUNTAINTOP – DAY

PILGRIM, young man, reaches the top of a mountain. Wise OLD MAN, short, long gray beard, thick gray clothing, cloth hood, sits atop mountain. Peak has a small plateau surrounded by a few pointy rocks on the edges. Small stone house behind old man on other side of plateau. Snow covers house, ground, and old man’s hood and shoulders. Sound of WIND WHISTLING through the rocks.

PILGRIM

Greetings, oh Wise Man! I have heard of your great wisdom, so I have traveled far to this mountain and struggled for days to reach the top to seek--


OLD MAN

Yeah, yeah. My nose can tell. Go away.


PILGRIM

Oh! I’m so sorry if I have offended you in my rush to beg your advice! Such is my great foolishness compared to your lofty wisdom!


OLD MAN

I know. Scram.


PILGRIM

Please sir, I will leave quickly once you give me advice. You see, there’s this girl—


OLD MAN

You know how many times some random pilgrim has said that? Everybody thinks they can come here and say “How?” and I jump up, salute, and say “That’s how!” like a slave. I’m SICK of it.


PILGRIM

But sir! Your wisdom is so great, and I have traveled so far to learn of it!


OLD MAN

Well that was stupid. You think I came up here to have company?



Pilgrim is silent, stunned look on face.

OLD MAN

Are you still here? Look, let me guess. You’re dating her, but she can’t stand your drinking problem, and you’re afraid to ask her to marry you.


PILGRIM

Why, yes sir! How did you know?


OLD MAN

Please. The nose, remember? Besides, look behind you. What do you see?


Pilgrim turns.

A line of OTHER PILGRIMS stretches for miles down the mountain, some coming, some going.

OLD MAN

Now do I have to spell it out, or do you have a brain?


PILGRIM

No sir. I mean, yes…

(beat)

What is your advice, great wise one?


OLD MAN

Marry the girl, quit drinking, work hard, invest in mountain climbing gear.

(beat)

Divorce the girl, start drinking again, retire, and write a book on why you shouldn’t invest in mountain climbing gear.

(beat)

Get rich. Then re-marry the girl, and keep drinking. Got it? Now go away.


PILGRIM

But sir! She doesn’t care about money. That’s what I love about her.


OLD MAN

Bah.



Old man tugs his beard.

OLD MAN

Well, that was my giveaway advice. If you want anything else, you must answer a riddle.


PILGRIM

I’ll try.


OLD MAN

Where can a hermit find peace?



Pilgrim looks deep in thought.

OLD MAN

And “on a distant mountain” is not an option…


PILGRIM

Well, I live in the city, and nobody ever asks me for advice. And I shave my beard.



Old man’s eyes widen. He lifts his beard up, stares at it.

OLD MAN

Oh. I guess I forgot to shave again.



Old man looks at pilgrim. Drops beard with a RUSTLING SOUND.

OLD MAN

Irony and paradox! The best place to avoid people is where the people already are. Brilliant! I say, young man, you are the wise one.

(beat)

You know, there really is no rum here. No beer, no wine. Would your girl, by chance, like a home with a scenic view?



Pilgrim slowly grins.

FADE OUT.

  • Upvote 1
 Share

6 Comments

Recommended Comments

The Disousa: The Undead Werewolf

Awesome.

 

Just Awesome.

 

One thing that would be nice though, is when the many pilgrims thing comes in you should make him count:

Pilgrim: 1, 2, 3... Oh! 6 Billion People!...

 

And... May I actually ask my teacher to present this to the school?

 

The Disousa

Link to comment
bonesiii
Awesome.

 

Just Awesome.

 

One thing that would be nice though, is when the many pilgrims thing comes in you should make him count:

Pilgrim: 1, 2, 3... Oh! 6 Billion People!...

 

And... May I actually ask my teacher to present this to the school?

 

The Disousa

Sure! As long as you give credit (I'm sure you would, I just have to say it :P). In what capacity?

 

I'm not planning on really revising this anymore, but I suppose that would be cool, about the pilgrim thing. :shrugs: Although 6 billion is a bit much, given that it's roughly the current population of the Earth and this takes place long before now, eh? :P

Link to comment
The Disousa: The Undead Werewolf
Awesome.

 

Just Awesome.

 

One thing that would be nice though, is when the many pilgrims thing comes in you should make him count:

Pilgrim: 1, 2, 3... Oh! 6 Billion People!...

 

And... May I actually ask my teacher to present this to the school?

 

The Disousa

Sure! As long as you give credit (I'm sure you would, I just have to say it :P). In what capacity?

 

I'm not planning on really revising this anymore, but I suppose that would be cool, about the pilgrim thing. :shrugs: Although 6 billion is a bit much, given that it's roughly the current population of the Earth and this takes place long before now, eh? :P

That's the fun part. Load's'a people! :P

 

And if this is a long time ago... How come there is Climbing Gear, drinking problems and Mountaoin Gear Books?! :P Just a thought... :D

 

On Assembly. In front of the whole school... He... I'll give credit, don't worry.

 

And can I change it to have slight differences? Yeah, I'm probably asking a lot... He... :shrugs:

 

So can I?

 

The Disousa

Link to comment
bonesiii
Awesome.

 

Just Awesome.

 

One thing that would be nice though, is when the many pilgrims thing comes in you should make him count:

Pilgrim: 1, 2, 3... Oh! 6 Billion People!...

 

And... May I actually ask my teacher to present this to the school?

 

The Disousa

Sure! As long as you give credit (I'm sure you would, I just have to say it :P). In what capacity?

 

I'm not planning on really revising this anymore, but I suppose that would be cool, about the pilgrim thing. :shrugs: Although 6 billion is a bit much, given that it's roughly the current population of the Earth and this takes place long before now, eh? :P

That's the fun part. Load's'a people! :P

 

And if this is a long time ago... How come there is Climbing Gear, drinking problems and Mountaoin Gear Books?! :P Just a thought... :D

True, lol. But comics do that all the time -- I still say 6 million is too many... Six thousand?

 

On Assembly. In front of the whole school... He... I'll give credit, don't worry.

Man, now I'm nervous. :P Go ahead -- and lemme know what parts draw laughs. If any. :lol:

 

And can I change it to have slight differences? Yeah, I'm probably asking a lot... He... :shrugs:

 

So can I?

 

The Disousa

Sure, as long as you send me or post the changes (you can just email it to bonesiii@gmail.com or PM it to me). Just 'cuz I'm curious what you'd change.

Link to comment
The Disousa: The Undead Werewolf
Awesome.

 

Just Awesome.

 

One thing that would be nice though, is when the many pilgrims thing comes in you should make him count:

Pilgrim: 1, 2, 3... Oh! 6 Billion People!...

 

And... May I actually ask my teacher to present this to the school?

 

The Disousa

Sure! As long as you give credit (I'm sure you would, I just have to say it :P). In what capacity?

 

I'm not planning on really revising this anymore, but I suppose that would be cool, about the pilgrim thing. :shrugs: Although 6 billion is a bit much, given that it's roughly the current population of the Earth and this takes place long before now, eh? :P

That's the fun part. Load's'a people! :P

 

And if this is a long time ago... How come there is Climbing Gear, drinking problems and Mountaoin Gear Books?! :P Just a thought... :D

True, lol. But comics do that all the time -- I still say 6 million is too many... Six thousand?

Times Yotta. Now go Figure that one out! ;) :P

 

On Assembly. In front of the whole school... He... I'll give credit, don't worry.

Man, now I'm nervous. :P Go ahead -- and lemme know what parts draw laughs. If any. :lol:

Wow... Short conversation... Just kidding! :P

And can I change it to have slight differences? Yeah, I'm probably asking a lot... He... :shrugs:

 

So can I?

 

The Disousa

Sure, as long as you send me or post the changes (you can just email it to bonesiii@gmail.com or PM it to me). Just 'cuz I'm curious what you'd change.

I will. I'll add the 6 billion people though! Ok, maybe thousand... *Grumble, Grumble...*

 

The Disousa

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
×
  • Create New...