1 - 8 0 0 - H A P P Y - S M I L E - K I T
Entry posted by bonesiii
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A poem from that Poetry class last semester.
1-800-HAPPY-SMILE-KIT
Are you suffering from depression?
Do you have low self-esteem?
Do you have trouble guffawing
when the boss cracks a lame joke?
I’m Nicholas T. Bernard, and you need my Happy Smile Kit!
You’ve been told to read “self help” books,
but the authors are charlatans – frauds!
You’ve been told to count pills,
but look at the side effects!
Studies prove that most depression
is rooted in your
surroundings
. Your
senses
.
My Happy Smile Kit has everything
you need to tickle forth a smile!
Smiles are the key to happiness!
Look at your walls.
Maybe you see dull, chipping paint,
or faded, off-white wallpaper from the 1800s?
No more!
The Happy Smile Kit comes with seven
vivid neon color plates, made of high-quality posterboard
with our smiley-face logo watermark.
Hang them all over those walls!
Maybe you’re rudely shaken from sleep
by a series of impersonal beeps every morning?
No more!
This decorative smiley-face clock wakes you up
with a personalized voice recording from me!
Simply record your name in the speaker,
and you’ll get one of seven random encouraging messages
addressed right to you every morning!
Does the slob in the next cubicle
always get his mug shot framed
as “Employee of the Month”, never you?
No more!
The kit comes with a picture frame
with the words “Person of the Year”
emblazoned in gold ink at the bottom.
Simply slide a picture of your grinning face in
and pin it to your cubicle wall!
It doesn’t stop there!
There’s a smiley-face watch that says
“You’re a great person, (insert your name)!” every hour!
There’s a soothing sunlamp that doubles as a star ball,
painting a smiling constellation on your ceiling at night!
There’s a bobblehead “thumbs-up” doll of me!
There’s a smiley-face umbrella,
a smiley keychain,
and a smiley coffee mug!
All this is a 100-dollar value, now only
79.99
!
Call 1-800-HAPPY-SMILE-KIT
now
to order!
But wait! There’s more! Order now and we’ll throw in
a FREE smiley-face toothbrush,
so you won’t gross people out with all that smiling!
Again, that number is 1-800-HAPPY-SMILE-KIT.
That’s 1-800-HAPPY-SMILE-KIT. Call now!
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