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Blogarithm Contest #6: Topic Closed!

Posted by Sumiki , in Contests, BZPower Sep 26 2012 · 1,173 views

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Life as a Forum Assistant certainly has its perks: namely, topic closing. It's kind of fun, though I've only closed one so far. If I assisted in Q&A, COT, or GD, I'd be able to close topics on a more frequent basis, but I'm not complaining.

Topic closing comes with a downside, though. Some FAs - like me - are expected to be funny, for some reason. Oh, sure, I could go with two- or three-word closing statements, but that's no fun at all, since they're used all the time by others. The clever and hilarious topic closings go down in BZPower history, right above famous staff name changes and right below inane spam topics.

So, your mission: Write up a topic closing post. Speech? Parody? Story? Nonsensical poetry? It's totally up to you. Post it as a comment here in this entry. The entries will then be divided and placed in polls, and whoever's entry wins will end up as an actual topic-closed post. You can enter as many times as you wish.

You have until September 26th, 2012 at 11:59 PM Eastern Time to submit entries - so what are you waiting for? Get writing!

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I wholly endorse this contest.
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How many entries are we allowed?
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How many entries are we allowed?

As many as you want.

EDIT: Edited the entry to include that.
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Here's my first:

There once was a Post-it-here topic.
When Sumi saw it, he became catatonic
In reaction to this,
He told the poster - "tsk tsk"
And closed that rule-breaking topic.
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:kaukau: I'll try thinking of something. Knowing me, it will probably be a speech, although it would have to be general enough that it could apply to any topic.

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Agnes Oblige
Sep 19 2012 02:10 PM
Yesss I will enter thissss
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"Topic Closed"
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CUPCAKE SEAL
Sep 19 2012 03:44 PM
TOPIC EXTERMINATED
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Toa Smoke Monster
Sep 20 2012 01:50 PM
Here's my entry.

Roses are red.
Lilies are sometimes yellow.
This topic breaks the rules.
So it will be closed instead of slapping you silly, my fellow. B)
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wait wait I knew I had this floating around my Maj for years for a reason

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Here, have an entry:

"time for your topic to sleep with the fishes and dream of farm animals"
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1. "Hello my name is Shawn Spencer Sumiki . I am a psychic detective forum assistant from the Santa Barbara Police Department BZPower Staff. I'm getting something! My psychic senses are tingling! Tangerines?! No, Toothpaste. Wait, no! Topic closed."

-Rez
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-Windrider-
Sep 21 2012 12:32 PM
For I have known them all already, known them all-
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?

Topic closed.
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TOPICWATCH!

*insert quote of rule-breaking post*

We've got eyes on the suspect*

WAIT is that *insert broken rule*

SUSPECT IS ARMED AND DANGEROUS

GO GO GO

Don't let it get away!

SUSPECT APPREHENDED. TOPIC CLOSED.
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No. When members give you topics, don't make them pinned. Make them take the topics back! Get mad! I don't want your rule breaking, what am I supposed to do with that? Demand to see their manager! Make them rue the day it thought it could give Sumiki rule breaking topics! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your topic down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that BURNS YOUR TOPIC DOWN!
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Second entry:
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Toa Smoke Monster
Sep 21 2012 06:30 PM
Second entry:

HALT! This topic breaks a BZP rule! It is unacceptable and thus, will be closed. If you have a problem with it, TOO BAD!
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Computer, Activate Protocol 11.

Passcode: Wayne

Topic Blasted Sky-High
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Now, while I still have a lot of respect for you, your topic isn't allowed by BZP rules. You know, the ones that you're meant to read before joining and follow religiously?
I'm not going to hold this against you or anything, but You should probably go read them now. Assuming you haven't already. And if you have... yeah, I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt.
That said, topic closed. :)
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Entry One:

wutz up wit dis topik its braking da bzp rullz

topik klosed

Entry Two:

There are a thousand ways I could close this topic right now. And 941 of them hurt.

Topic closed.
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Obsessionist
Sep 22 2012 10:01 AM
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Topic Closed.
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Some people think that their topic closings need to be funny. But, do you know what I say?
Bananas.

Topic closed, goodnight BZPower. B)
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Third entry:

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewin' on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle!
And this'll help things turn out for the best! And…

Always look on the bright side of life!

*whistling*

In other words, don't let this topic closing get to you. It was an honest mistake.

Topic Closed
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"There appears to be a large lack of Sumiki and dreaming of farm animals in this topic. Thus I must close it.

Topic Closed"
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Fourth and fifth.

Edit: …and sixth.
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"Don't break the rules! If you do, I will come to you with an AK47 and shoot you. Break the rules again, and I will shoot you. Topic closed."

-Rez
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TOPIC CLOSING STYLE.

TOP

TOP TOP

TOPIC CLOSING STYLE.

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Sumiki, permission to use some of these, even if they don't win?
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Sumiki, permission to use some of these, even if they don't win?

Granted. In fact, I was planning on doing the same. :P
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What!? How'd you--!? Oh, well, you may have made it past my plunger locks, the double plunger locks, the laser locks, the electric locks, and the motorized locks, made it past all of my guards and sentries, and broken every BZP rule in the book, but YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT PAST MY TOPIC LOCKS! Why? BECAUSE YOU CAN'T! I am the Evil Ogel, Sumiki, and I cannot be stopped!

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He's the lord of all strangeness. - Ignika: Nerd of Life

How awesome is Sumiki on a scale of 1 to 10? - Waffles
42. - Black Six

[He's] the king of wierd, the prince of practicality, the duke of durr! - Daiker

Sumiki is magic. - Cholie

Sumiki says, "Do I creeeeeeep you out?" Yes, he does. - Waffles

Sumiki is a nub. He's cool, but he's still a nub. - Ran Yakumo

 

"What is a Sumiki?" You may ask. But the answer to that is still unknown, even to the Sumiki itself. - Daiker

Ah, Sumiki. - Electric Turahk

 

LISTEN TO SUMIKI - Cholie

 

Sumiki is best snickerdoodle. - Takuma Nuva

 

BZPower = Sumiki + McSmeag + B6. And Hahli Husky. - Vorex

 

What's a Sumi? Does it taste good? - Janus

 

I would have thought Sumiki wanted to reincarnate as a farm animal. - Kraggh

 

EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH - Kakaru

 

Sumiki: the horse_ebooks of bzp - VampireBohrok

 

Everything relates to Sumiki. No really, everything. - Daiker

 

He's in worse mental condition than I thought. - Obsessionist

 

I'm just wondering why I'm looking at some cat dancing ... I suppose the answer would simply be "Sumiki." - Brickeens

 

I was like a beast, screaming through the mind of Sumiki at the speed of sound. I.. I wasn't strong enough to stop myself. What I saw was the end of infinity, through which one can see the beginning of time, and I will never be the same. - Portalfig

 

I imagine the 13th Doctor will be rather like Sumiki, at the rate we're going. - rahkshi guurahk

 

I was quite sure Sumiki had another set of arms stashed somewhere. - Bfahome

 

Note to future self: don’t try to predict Sumiki, he’s unpredictable. - Voltex

 

Let's be honest, I would totally have picked my main man Sumiki to lead my goose-stepping night killers anyway. We tight like that, yo. - Xaeraz

Sumiki
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Hat Enterprises CEO
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Group: Premier Forum Assistants
Posts: 10900-11000
Joined: 4-September 06
Premier: 9-October 06
FM: 20-February 12
FA: 29-August 12
Member No.: 45057
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26th All-Time Poster
3rd All-Time PFA Poster
Cryoshell Album Winner
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7th Most Commented Blog
5th Most Viewed Blog
10th Most Entries

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Every week, I post a new "Tuesday Tablescrap", a small MOC not worthy of a topic, but something to post and inspire me to build more.

10/25/11 - Duplo Flower
11/1/11 - Slender Man and Masky
11/8/11 - Bizarre Black Spaceship
11/15/11 - 2001 Monolith

11/22/11 - My Little Slizer 50
11/29/11 - Punching Bag
12/6/11 - Thunder and Escorts
12/13/11 - Three Concepts
12/20/11 - Kaxium Alternate
12/27/11 - None (Christmas Break)

1/3/12 - Daiker
1/10/12 - None
1/17/12 - Volant
1/24/12 - Nidman's Chute Shoop Shop
1/31/12 - None (Brickshelf down)
2/7/12 - None
2/14/12 - Atomic Lime
2/21/12 - Spearhead
2/28/12 - Glatorian Kahi
3/6/12 - Seeker
3/13/12 - Skyscraper
3/20/12 - Microphone
3/27/12 - Toa Vultraz
4/3/12 - Flammenwerferjüngeres
4/10/12 - Umbrella
4/17/12 - Lime Beetle
4/24/12 - Special - Flame Sculpture
5/1/12 - None (BZPower down)
5/8/12 - Purple Ninja
5/15/12 - The Original Sumiki
5/22/12 - 7/24/12 - None
7/31/12 - Tahu
8/7/12 - None (BrickFair)
8/14/12 - Special - Chess Set
8/21/12 - Heavily Armored Wasp
8/28/12 - Spaceship Drill
9/4/12 - Scuba Vehicle
9/11/12 - Orange Guy
9/18/12 - Strange Flying Thing
9/25/12 - Goblet
10/2/12 - None
10/9/12 - Aim .............................. Down
10/16/12 - Gold Bot
10/23/12 - Teal Mech
10/30/12 - Special - Teal Mech (#2)
11/6/12 - Bits and Pieces
11/13/12 - Two Spaceships
11/20/12 - TARDIS Interior
11/27/12 - Christmas Creep
12/4/12 - Toaraga
12/11/12 - Fireplace
12/18/12 - Abstract Duckling
12/25/12 - None (Christmas)
1/1/13 - Black Bot
1/8/13 - 1/22/13 - None
1/29/13 - Handheld Rhotuka Launcher
2/5/13 - 8/6/13 - None
8/13/13 - The Hinklebot
8/20/12 - Special - Post-Apocalyptic Piyufi

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Formerly known as the Bring Back Teal Club, the Unused Colors Society is a club that serves to promote colors that are little-used or discontinued, such as teal, old purple, or metallic blue.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Leaders:
Sumiki
Waffles

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Members:

ChocolateFrogs

ToM Dracone
xccj
Uzmakikunai
Novek
Nukaya
Overlord
Kaymac
(((DARKNESS)))
lunaticCircuitry
-Toa Lhikevikk-
DeepFriedZombies
Dirk Strider
GUYUGKUYG
Toa Flappy
Lime Paradox
McSpit
RotationalBasis
Mesonak
chunkeh!
Toa Robert
The X
Nuparu574
Dave Strider
Akuna Toa of Sonics
Commander Helios
Popup2: The Camel
~Shadow Kurahk~
Luna
Rho
~System Of A Down~
Kohrak Kal17
Brickeens
Jackson Lake
Thunder on the Mountain
McBobby
Ackar's Follower
Rahkashi
Bitter Cold
Tobi
Vinylstep
Nidman
Doc Scratch
Mendicant Bias
Eyru
Kagha
Darth Eryzeth
Millennium
Tschurtlschnatchen
kopakakid
Toa of Vahi
~Legoman~
noob
Makuta GigaDon
WORT WORT WORT
~Toa Drokonas~
Kwydjybo
Progenitus Worldsoul
Toa Kuhrii Avohkii
-Morgoth-
Bohrok Kal
Toa Neya 2011 Edition
~prisma son of dawn~
Nidhikiandco
.: WoLVeRINe :.
Zokau
DragonxFlutter
Lebon
ChocoLvr13
Uzumakikunai
Dokuma
Carnifex
Xetra
Metrongana
Alternate Velika
HercuLesss
Absol'd
SquishyFrog
Ynot
qUESTIE
SonicBOOM XS
Tavakai
Schnee 1
Brickeens (again!?)
Kakaru
The Great Forgetter
Kylus
Thomas the Tank Engine
Roablin
Aho-Chan
Jonah Falcon
~MatoroIgnika~
Vocals
Oh my miru
Element lord Of Milk.
e=mc^2
Lexuk Toa Of Insanity
Michael J. Caboose
GlatorianJaller
knuckles chaotix
The Bean
Kyronex
Lord Kaitan de Storms
Jaicho
Toa of Dancing
/Got_Your_6/
ZamorBob
Daiker
Toa Arzaki
The Oncoming Storm
Darkrylles
Lego Obsessionist
Toa of Pumpkin
christo1096
Unit#phntk#1
Teal Armada
Toa Zehvor Blackout
Mr. M
Chibinuva
Vohon
Mylo Xyloto
Lord of Ice
Celu
Architect
Rix
.:ENCRYPTION:.
~~Zarkan~~
TornadoToad
Fantasia
Gamzee Makara
Zarayna: The Quiet Light

Paleo

Xaeraz

Vorex: Keeper of Time

Roablin

Toa of Smooth Jazz

fishers64

Zeene

Dual Matrix

rahkshi guurahk
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If you learn one thing in life, learn this:

You should never, ever question why demons would possess a soda.

just a heads up - Cthulhu would probably eradicate mankind before bringing back Bionicle
 
so yeah, all I'm saying is, please think twice about this okay

nothing gets democracy flowing like erratic capitalizatION

[the NSA] couldn't say no when I offered them an ostrich farm in exchange

Sumiki -- nice try but we all know Toa Mata Nui stuffs its bra

 


 


 


You have a great understanding of history, but don't forget, war, murder and other poor decisions are also huge characteristics.

Also a long line of really great hats.

Shhh, I'm trying to focus on the negative to justify my dislike of history.

have we mentioned hats

To be fair, I am the one responsible for the invention of Mafia in the 1320s by seventeen bored italians locked in a mine shaft.
 
It's a long story.

 

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