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silly strings, faerie wings



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i have a destiny

Posted by Kitania , Sep 10 2014 · 96 views
haha gotchya, nerd
i may or may not have gotten to level 16 in destiny in sevenish hours

i may or may not be playing an inordinate amount of games while in college


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woop

Posted by Kitania , Aug 24 2014 · 93 views

okay!!!

i had a pretty good day today altogether. at first it kinda sucked because i was in one of my... er, like... depressed? moods (not wanting to get out of bed, then spending too much time in the shower, that sort of thing -- with a lot of stressing over really dumb little things). but after playing Archeage with some friends of mine (we kinda just killed other players all day, like hanging out in Haranya and waiting for people to attack us before blowing them up, it was fun -- we also killed some of our own faction members, but shhhh), and after that i went out to do the laundry here at my campus for the first time (which was a massive, massive source of anxiety and stress for me all week) but i went with one of my roommates which made it easier, plus the place didn't have a lot of people -- a few girls just waiting on their stuff (who were all pretty nice, one complimented my shirt and i was able to have some light conversation with the other two who were upperclassmen).

laundry took like 2 hours total (between taken machines, broken machines and waiting for stuff to adequately dry and folding stuff), but it's free so whatever.

idk that experience really brought up my mood for some reason (well i also ate some trail mix with m&m's which might have helped, since chocolate releases endorphin iirc)

i mean it probably sounds really dumb and weird but yeah, this is me.


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Something Important About Myself

Posted by Kitania , Aug 11 2014 · 235 views
titles are hard, gender and 1 more...
Okay.

I debated for a -long- time on whether or not I'd come out and say this on BZPower, or if I would simply quietly outfit my profile to make it obvious. Normally I'm more comfortable doing the latter, it's my Facebook approach (though there hosts family and real life people, which is another issue entirely) but since this is BZPower and I feel pretty comfortable here for the most part, I thought why not make a blog entry? It's a part of who I am, about my life, and about how I would like others to refer to me on the site.

In real life I generally present myself as male. Not really by choice most of the time, but because that's what people will assume when they meet me and I'm far too nervous, shy and anxious to ever correct or try to assert how I prefer to be seen and referred to. I also, currently, don't wear the outfits and clothes I would absolutely adore to wear out in public, nor do I spend time with makeup (again, due to a lot of various insecurities and how my anxiety acts up). As a result of this, I've adopted to using basically either gender neutral terms (Ze/Hir/Hirself) or straight up female pronouns (She/Her/Herself) when online (I really want to get to the point where I am just as comfortable and confident IRL, but right now going to such lengths would likely cause me to... well, experience anxiety on a level were I'd be physically sick).

I sift between gender expressions and identity: sometimes I'm completely comfortable being seen and referred to as male. Sometimes it bothers me, makes me feel upset and angry and depressed and I might go down a self-destructive road in a warped attempt to fix my feelings, or fix myself. The majority of the time I like ze/hir/hirself pronouns -- they aren't tied to a gender in the binary, but they share similarities to female pronouns and I prefer it for that reason (exactly why? I don't know, I really can't give anyone an explicit "this is the precise reason why I like this" All I know is I feel more comfortable, I feel happier, I feel depressed less and I treat myself better), however; as this is a website, there is the option to change one's gender on their profile. I've gone to the length that I will select a gender for how I feel in hopes people will notice and use the associated pronouns to refer to me at that point in time... rather than me making requests all the time.

So, I guess this is... kind of my way of coming out as pangender?

It's not exactly new to me, I've had these sorts of feelings for a -long- time (started early high school, actually) but I never had words to ascribe to them, never had any resources to peruse before, never was pointed in any direction for proper help with these issues, and was often ignored when I asked for help trying to figure all this out as it was causing me extreme distress and discomfort. I never mentioned them here in the past as I didn't have the words and I was terribly frightened of someone mocking me, or using it as a springboard to attack who I am. Or to use the entry, or wherever it was stated, as a way to drudge up their personal opinions on something they don't have any authority to talk about in such a manner.

But, within the last... two? Years I've been able to find resources for nonbinary identities, I've been able to talk to some people about how I feel and get some solid help I wanted (namely just "Do other people feel this way? Is this some kind of phase I always hear people talk about? Will the feelings go away if I ignore them? Am I messed up, is there something wrong with my brain's chemistry or the chemistry of my biology? Etc..."). Of course I do want to take some of this to a therapist eventually, to receive more resources and assistance with other issues I have, but I'm still hesitant as I've never had a therapist I felt comfortable with (I basically just had one who only emphasized my fears constantly, which lead me to having near-breakdowns with them and I never wanted to see them again. So I'm hesitant about finding a new one).

And ever since I started identifying as Pangender, and since I started to refer to myself with my own desired pronouns, I've felt so much better. I still fall into depression and other problems, but I try to combat it with exercise, eating better (well, trying to eat better... I... actually still need to eat something today :x) instead of unhealthier means (none of which I will explain, so don't ask).



Annnnnd normally I don't try to post this level of personal thing on this blog, but... I mean, it deals with how I want people to see me and understanding myself, so I thought it'd be beneficial. Thanks for reading, I guess?


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Guild Wars 2

Posted by Kitania , Jul 29 2014 · 56 views

i started playing it again after missing my character terribly (sylvari are still probably my favorite MMO species ever), but i changed his Cloud Strife hairstyle to the new longer one (sylvari are kinda bereft of long hairstyles sadly) but i'm sad the dark color i picked for it blots out the details (it looks so pretty when it's glowing, though!)

haven't really dug into the new story too much, but already i like it's presentation SO MUCH MORE than the last Living Story season (it feels more like... a continuation of the main story, versus a sort of side plot event that you can ignore). I'm also glad they got rid of Scarlet, who i had such high hopes for as an antagonist last season but she was too... like, errr... she was too... stale? she didnt change much and she kept doing the same stuff over and over again :/ (had a killer outfit, though)

idk if anyone here really plays it much, im in a few guilds (Friends of Mine which is literally just me and some really close friends, TIME which has a latin name i can't spell and was my friends' RP story thing, Our Sanctuary which is a LGBTQA+ safe space guild,, Official Mesmer Forum Guild, and then Eularity whom i refer to as celry (their tag is ELRY).

im on tarnished coast with most of the NA RPing community, though im generally messing around in WvWvW b/c i can throw purple lasers at players there . (and i get T6 materials more reliably there for whatever reason and im getting kinda close-ish to my first Legendary... need like... 700g total but i have the most expensive components done [precursor annnnnd 100 charged lodestones])

(tbh i want to play a largos so badly anet get on that)


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writing with kit more like call ups amirite

Posted by Kitania , Jul 27 2014 · 43 views
shipping, get it, like boxes
i shouldnt be allowed to ship my own characters but i do and i wrote basically 4k words of the story they're in where they're pretty much lovingly picking fun at each other complete with "accident"-suggestive jokes (it might also be the opening shh)

i dont want to edit it later b/c i know im gonna have to like, nix a lot of the dialogue and change it so it's not practically bleeding all over the pages that "kit ships these two and so should you and i will shove it down your face hole"


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Kit's Bandwagoned AMA

Posted by Kitania , Jul 24 2014 · 71 views
kit rips off, the entire forum and 1 more...
may or may not answer intelligently or with style

but it'll be something and isn't something just the greatest


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Writing and Programs

Posted by Kitania , Jul 23 2014 · 40 views

i got zenwriter again and i'm so happy i have it once more, i missed it so so much

(my old PC's that had the free software died since then, harddrive one my desktop ended up getting shot somehow but i honestly dont mind the $10 price tag on it since MS Word is like $75 - 100~ ish).

i just really love the music, how it saves and organizes work, switching the backgrounds and stuff (it makes me feel more creative which helps with creative writing)


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Kit Attempts Online Clothes Shopping

Posted by Kitania , Jul 22 2014 · 153 views
ze may need to, keep it irl
i dont think i can make any sense of skirt sizes online

will it fit, will it not

who knows, buy it to find out

will it flow in the wind like an oversized flag, or will it try to crush your internal organs

only one way to find out

(that guess will be seventy dollars pls)



edit: also yes i will rant about this on all my blogs


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Kit Found Guilty After Stealing Multiple Trees

Posted by Kitania , Jul 21 2014 · 66 views
its a game, not the real life and 1 more...
i was messing around in this not-that-new game named Archeage, it's in Closed Beta/Alpha, and basically i committed a lot of in-game crimes and got sent to jail (i had a trial too) i spent my 36 minute jail sentence basically dancing the tango in front of other cells that housed other players.

made me wish a lot that there was a game out there that would let male characters wear the female outfits and vice-versa

dancing woulda been enhanced by a ballgown

(i made a male elf with pink hair so)

anyway that's all kit's been up to these last few days, ze's a really boring person i know

also my hamburglar outfit:

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some random blog-level changeadoo

Posted by Kitania , Jul 10 2014 · 122 views
kit alters hir blog, cuz ze can and 1 more...
i updated this here blog a bit, removed content blocks i deemed pointless or silly (well besides the rpg one though it's incomplete, old and every link is outdated since the old forums are gone but it's kinda too nostalgic or me to delete)

also the pink's on purpose; pink is a pretty color and i will deck my online self (and offline self, though it's not a particularly flattering color on me -- purple is a bit more, i think) in it.


almost removed the splash art thing (it's ancient... well, maybe three years??? four?? i lost those dog tags forever ago, but i got them more as a little bit of morale support for myself at the time so i kept the splash thing there)


was tempted to put a selfie somewhere 'cuz it's a blog 'n junk and that's how i usually mark my blogs, but eeeeeeehhhhhhhhhh

if i ever get the confidence to properly do myself up in makeup and find a flattering outfit (specifically like, a skirt i really like and a cute hoodie or something since idk, i tried such a combination of clothes once in Macy's while i was bored and i thought i looked quite pretty -- still kinda shocked they had things i could wear even if it fit somewhat oddly which was reason numero uno i didn't get them) then i will likely use it there (and prolly promptly update all my other ones haha)

(usually the standard t-shirt/jeans combo is boring to wear, but i dont like wearing shorts since i can't wear leggings or stockings with them [kinda self conscious about my legs for some reason... like, how pale they are, i think? i dunno, it's weird])

wow

look at all these parentheses

(so many)


also 701st entry yay pretty






Splash Image, Away!

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Kit's Profile

Kit

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pretty pretty princess

Group: Premier Retired Staff
Posts: 8000+
Joined: 15-March 06
Member No.: 39854

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OTHER FACTS



Names:
Kit
Join Date:
March, 15, 2006
Site Position: Retired Staff

Gender/Pronouns: Pangender, please use Ze/Hir/Hirself pronouns (Or what is listed in my profile that day) thank you.
Occupation: top secret
Shortened form of interests;


Books, games, movies, writing, drawing and i like art and history


i'm pacifistic, by and large


Age:
19 Years of Age.
Lego Conventions Visited:
BrickFair 2009.
BrickFair 2010.
BrickFair 2011.

BrickFair 2012.
Formerly Assisted: Fan Created Games, Collectibles, Comedies, Lego General Discussion, Completely Off Topic, LEGO Sets, Voting Booth, LEGO RPG.

Sexual Orientation: it's all glitter and rainbows here, punk
Religious Views: kinda messy and personal (like i'm 90% sure i'm the only person who believes in the things i do)




Off Site Info:


- Princess Kitania (@PrincessKitania) is my brand new Twitter account (I may swear/post nsfw anecdotes there, just sort of a disclaimer)

As it's my twitter account it's not going to be heavily policed by me, there will likely be rated R content on it from time to time. Kind of the same rules my tumblr blog follows.

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Approval Pic.

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cred for this totally goes to disky from like forever ago

Approvals 'n Things

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Role Playing Games

- Not all of the links work, many of the topics were destroyed during the data-deletion of the boards back in 2009.


~Completely Off Topic~

- Pinned Topics That Relate To RPGs


COT RPG Request Topic
COT RPG Approval System
COT RPG Guidelines

-RPGs I've Been In

- 61 COT RPGs
- 14 Staffed in
- 4 Owned


Demonic Beginnings - Owner
Heroes
Codex Alera
Naruto V.5
Panacea
Outbreak III
RPG: Break Point - Staff
RPG: Maximum Security - Staff
Transformers Desecration: Endgame RPG
Reality RPG- Staff
To Save The World RPG
The Last Stand RPG
Demonata: Invasion RPG
Naruto V.3 RPG
Pokemon: Stench Of Blood RPG
Fall Of The Titans RPG- Staff
God Of War: Chaos RPG- Staff
Halo: Re-Ignition RPG- SubStaff
Zoids RPG
Avatar: The Last Airbender V.2 RPG
Crossover Island Paradise RPG
Unexpected RPG- Staff(ed)
Alagaesia RPG
Demon Blade RPG
Edge Chronicles RPG
Gundam Seed RPG
Mass Effect RPG - Owned
Monster Wars RPG
No Limits RPG
Pirates of the Caribbean RPG
Resistance of Planet Xena RPG- Owned
Amakor
Animus
Assassins' Oath RPG
Code Lyoko V.F
Darkwatch RPG
Demons of the Dawn RPG- Staff
Heroes Forever
Inuyasha RPG
Last Stand RPG
Oceans Gone RPG- Staff
Outbreak RPG - Former Admin
SWARM RPG
Shattered Earth RPG- Staff
Teen Titans RPG
Final Fight RPG- Owned
Naruto V.3 RPG
Twilight RPG
When Universes Collide RPG- Staff
The Dark Tournament RPG
Halo: Combat Evolved RPG
Transformers Desecration RPG
Warriors: Silent Shadows RPG
Warriors: The Storm RPG
Wings of Change RPG
Halo - The New Coalition: Staff
Naruto V.Something
Star Wars Episode 3: Coming of Shadows: Staff(ed)
Interstellar Line
A Resistance Divided
Outbreak: Ressurection
Panacea World of Ruin

~Bionicle Based RPGs~


-Pinned Topic(s) That Relate To RPGs


RPG Forum Rules

-Bionicle RPGs That I Am [Was] Playing;


Night of Infinity Role Play Topic
Night of Infinity Profile Submissions Topic
Night of Infinity General Discussion- Staff

The Playground Role Play Topic - Staff
The Playground Discussion and Profile Approval- Staff
The Playground Approved Profiles- Staff

Shut Role Play
Shut Profiles Topic
Shut Discussion

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