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this, the year of 2014

Posted by Noxryn , Jul 06 2014 · 498 views

kit rambles on and on about hir life
i havent made an entry since last year whoops

but uh comparatively to last year this year's better (like, moving back to civilization) and i'm going back to college (kinda debatable if a week in one counts as being there in the first place haha) but at this college my old AP credits and stuff actually count so it's not wasted effort and money anymore (like i think i have half of my freshman year's worth of credits done on those alone? which is like i attended the full semester at the college here that i left due to anxiety, feeling unsafe/uncomfortable/isolated and without the resources they said they had, etc...)

it's also downtown in denver which is a lot nicer than the last place (where it was in green bay, but it felt extremely... closed off and isolated from everything) and i'll be commuting from home since i don't do that well in dorms and because the dorms cost like twice the tuition (well more than twice since we get in-state still somehow).

i'm completely uncertain about my major and will probably change it, probably to something in counseling or just English education or something (idk, lately i've been interested in teaching? like i really like and enjoy English, i just shied away from the degree since i kept getting told it's useless and i won't find a job etc... and that caused a lot more anxiety [i mean a lot more, like the "i'm having trouble breathing and need to hide somewhere" level] but it's what i'm really, actually interested in and thinking about it i wouldn't really be against being a high school teacher or something... like, i have social anxiety disorder, but i know i'm able to speak in front of classes most of the time and the biggest hurdle there would just be getting myself to... er, improve? in that respect). but i mean, teachers also get a lot of time off compared to some other jobs i was looking at, and that helps with the other thing i want to do and that's to write a fiction book (i actually have a lot of it planned out and i adore my characters and wrote the first line i'm gonna keep)

and i mean if professors can write books upon books of stuff related to what they teach then surely, in a high school setting, it'd be easier to find the time to do that than if i like... worked in business, or finances, or law or something.

plus like,i could make a meaningful impact on people, i'd hope, and hopefully be a positive and supportive person (since gods know i needed that). like, thinking about it makes me feel happier and like i'd be more fulfilled, rather than thinking about a future in marketing which just makes my stomach turn in knots since i'm not really the most creative person in the world and it feels like there'd be too much pressure behind it.

whoops i rambled a lot there, but idk, never wrote it out before or talked about it so i guess it just sorta wrote itself

but um yeah, right now a lot of goals are basically just to get all moved back, think of what i want to do with the rest of my life, and probably go back to full fledged therapy for social anxiety (and prolly go back on medication for it since i'm pretty sure it got worse, granted i went a week without any real meals back in college because i was too scared to talk to the cashiers... like i made two apples last 9 days, which wasn't really good on the health side since i feel like part of that contributed to my near breakdown in the art building which just unnerved me for existing).

(oh and as for the whole "Bionicle's coming back" thing i keep hearing about: cool if it does an' all, i just hope the company would take some of the criticisms of the original series to heart and create a much more balanced cast of interesting characters. but idk if it is or what, but yeah, i just tacked this on 'cuz it's the hot buzz of junk)

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Good to hear from a longtime member like yourself! I'm glad things are working out better for you, even though you're not decided on what you want to do with your life (I'm in a similar position, but I don't even have the confidence to try college again after my last experience, so from my perspective you're definitely in a good place). I hope you decide to stick around a bit—it's an interesting time to be a BZPower member, and we could use more mature members like yourself going forward if the rumored Bionicle return leads to the site's resurgence.

The Bionicle hype is something, isn't it? I definitely hope Lego takes some of the most significant criticisms of Bionicle, and for that matter, Hero Factory, to heart, especially when crafting a new story. Hopefully the success of The Lego Movie will motivate them to give new themes (including a potential Bionicle return) such a meaningful story, and populate them with a similar cast of interesting and diverse characters. I'm not expecting perfection—Bionicle would still be a merchandise-driven story, after all, so I don't expect it to do much that would court controversy in a world still struggling on many fronts to come to terms with its past prejudices. But that doesn't mean I'm not holding out for improvements to quality and equality alike.

    • 1

Major in what you enjoy.

I say this with a level of perhaps unwarranted certainty, but seriously. College is a unique experience and you should have the right to pursue whatever you choose. "You can't get a job in that" can be said of half the majors out there. As a musician, I hear it too. Heck, I think most everyone gets that.

The fact is that since college has become a thing that most everyone does, it's become the next high school. One is not differentiated based on one's degree, and one's career path can differ wildly from one's degree. People have this weird cultural assumption that a choice you make in your late teens or early twenties is going to box you in career-wise for the rest of your life, but in fact, it's nearly the opposite that is true; my mom went to nursing school, but she hasn't been a nurse for nearly twenty years.
The bottom line is that you should pursue what you enjoy, not fulfill someone else's expectations. If you like something and you want to pursue it and you live your dream like there's no tomorrow, then good things will follow.

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that's pretty much why i'm planning to change back to an English major, though knowing of vocations in that field beforehand is more to help my own anxieties (it lessens the fears and stuff i have regarding my own future, like makes me feel a little safer and less nights of wanting to throw up). teaching came up just as i was thinking of possible careers one hour and i actually felt pretty happy at the idea of becoming an English teacher down the road, though the anxious side of me gets more like "can you be financially stable and live where you want on their salary, could you support a child if you got married and wanted to adopt, could you afford therapy and other medical expenses, would you end up in a position of crippling finances," etc... and a lot of other things that just slowly start to become irrational (and i know all can be covered since like, i knew my old English teacher and she lived completely fine). 


but yeah, it's the route i'm most likely gonna go since it puts a lot of my mind at ease (and i don't need to sit in business classes), and it's a subject i enjoy a lot even if i'm not the best at it. 

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- Kit
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Group: Premier Retired Staff
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March, 15, 2006
Site Position: Retired Staff

Gender/Pronouns: She/Her/Herself
Occupation: Writer/Art & Design Student
Shortened form of interests;

I play games! I read books! I write sometimes!

Lego Conventions Visited:
BrickFair 2009.
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BrickFair 2011.

BrickFair 2012.
Formerly Assisted: Fan Created Games, Collectibles, Comedies, Lego General Discussion, Completely Off Topic, LEGO Sets, Voting Booth, LEGO RPG.

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Transgender chick
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