this, the year of 2014
kit rambles on and on about hir life
but uh comparatively to last year this year's better (like, moving back to civilization) and i'm going back to college (kinda debatable if a week in one counts as being there in the first place haha) but at this college my old AP credits and stuff actually count so it's not wasted effort and money anymore (like i think i have half of my freshman year's worth of credits done on those alone? which is like i attended the full semester at the college here that i left due to anxiety, feeling unsafe/uncomfortable/isolated and without the resources they said they had, etc...)
it's also downtown in denver which is a lot nicer than the last place (where it was in green bay, but it felt extremely... closed off and isolated from everything) and i'll be commuting from home since i don't do that well in dorms and because the dorms cost like twice the tuition (well more than twice since we get in-state still somehow).
i'm completely uncertain about my major and will probably change it, probably to something in counseling or just English education or something (idk, lately i've been interested in teaching? like i really like and enjoy English, i just shied away from the degree since i kept getting told it's useless and i won't find a job etc... and that caused a lot more anxiety [i mean a lot more, like the "i'm having trouble breathing and need to hide somewhere" level] but it's what i'm really, actually interested in and thinking about it i wouldn't really be against being a high school teacher or something... like, i have social anxiety disorder, but i know i'm able to speak in front of classes most of the time and the biggest hurdle there would just be getting myself to... er, improve? in that respect). but i mean, teachers also get a lot of time off compared to some other jobs i was looking at, and that helps with the other thing i want to do and that's to write a fiction book (i actually have a lot of it planned out and i adore my characters and wrote the first line i'm gonna keep)
and i mean if professors can write books upon books of stuff related to what they teach then surely, in a high school setting, it'd be easier to find the time to do that than if i like... worked in business, or finances, or law or something.
plus like,i could make a meaningful impact on people, i'd hope, and hopefully be a positive and supportive person (since gods know i needed that). like, thinking about it makes me feel happier and like i'd be more fulfilled, rather than thinking about a future in marketing which just makes my stomach turn in knots since i'm not really the most creative person in the world and it feels like there'd be too much pressure behind it.
whoops i rambled a lot there, but idk, never wrote it out before or talked about it so i guess it just sorta wrote itself
but um yeah, right now a lot of goals are basically just to get all moved back, think of what i want to do with the rest of my life, and probably go back to full fledged therapy for social anxiety (and prolly go back on medication for it since i'm pretty sure it got worse, granted i went a week without any real meals back in college because i was too scared to talk to the cashiers... like i made two apples last 9 days, which wasn't really good on the health side since i feel like part of that contributed to my near breakdown in the art building which just unnerved me for existing).
(oh and as for the whole "Bionicle's coming back" thing i keep hearing about: cool if it does an' all, i just hope the company would take some of the criticisms of the original series to heart and create a much more balanced cast of interesting characters. but idk if it is or what, but yeah, i just tacked this on 'cuz it's the hot buzz of junk)