Ouch, The Story
Entry posted by xccj
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Here’s a quick look at one of my bigger stories, Ouch, that is not related whatsoever to Bionicle and wouldn’t work on BZP anyway.
Ouch
Synopsis: I started writing this about five or six years ago, around the time I was into Bionicle. It’s based off this story about a kid (who I decided to base of myself. Heh) who’s fighting this guy with magical powers and protecting two of his friends (who also have magical powers, but they don’t know he knows about it) from the first guy, who’s trying to steal their powers from them and take over the universe. The original story involves a lot of stealthy action and fights behind the scene, and in the end the bad guy is defeated and the protagonist wins.
“Ouch” is a spin-off, in which the bad guy does take over everything. The first couple of chapters involve the main character (I’ll just call him Xccj for now. 
) making quite a few daring escapes as the villain takes over the world. Xccj then saves all his friends, and tries to escape to mars to form a counter-attack. One notable thing is the inclusion of Team J.A.F., a superhero-ish group led by Xccj, which grants him the power to resist the villain in the first place. But the whole counterattack thing does work so well, as their escape ship gets blasted, and they shoot twenty years into the future, where the villain has complete control of most of the planet, and most of the human population is cryogenically frozen in storage on the moon.
Then the story changes as Xccj and his friends form a resistance group, which fights various battles with the villain’s new army of humans (who were loyal to him and didn’t end up frozen) and robots. The first few battles are just so Xccj and his friends can survive, but they change as they begin to attack the villain, learning his secret plans and making a move on his fortress. About three or four years ago, I was writing the final chapters as they dove into the heart of the secret fortress and battled for the end of all things. (They do this twice. The first time, they blow up something that ends all life in the universe, so Xccj finds a way to go back in time a few days and change the course of things) But then I got distracted from writing it, and it hasn’t gone any further since then.
What’s Good: This is my first real action adventure story. The whole thing was over 200 pages, and was so big that I had to break it up into separate Word documents to keep it from overloading the program as one giant file. The basic plot is one of my best ever, including various twists and turns that nobody is likely to expect. Then there’s a ton of emotional content, from relationships to coping with dead friends. (The cool think about the story is that the first time they go into the fortress and end up destroying the universe, Xccj’s companions die off one by one, but when he goes back in time, he is able to prevent some of their deaths) Then the battles… it was my first time writing detailed physical fighting sequences, and some of them turned out to be rather inventive.
What’s Bad: Well, I still wrote this a while back, so the story suffers from writing flaws that I have improved upon. The overall plot is good, but side stories are often rather stupid and lead too far away from the initial story theme. Character development in a few select characters is good (Xccj, for example, as he is doing this all in the first person) but there are over twenty main characters in this story. Sometimes it feels a little stressed to include all of them. Some characters are flat, with a few strong points but not much substance elsewhere. The worst part is in battle sequences, I tended to rewrite the laws of physics, allowing a character to do something that seemed realistic at the time, but when I took actual science classes, I realized it was just totally wrong. Plus, the whole thing is just too long! I spent a lot of time discussing how one particularly odd plot hole can logically exist in the story, but it gets so boring that even I have trouble rereading it. This is a story I‘ve considered rewriting, because the basic ideas are very good, but the overall story told doesn’t meet up to my standards of today.
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