Elements And J.a.f. Adventures

Epic Reports

Entry posted by xccj September 15, 2007

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Now for some more descriptions of non-Bionicle stories that I’ve written but will probably never post on BZP. It’s not that the stories aren’t good, it’s just that they’re too mature for BZP’s main audience. (And I’m leaving most of that stuff out of the descriptions, so it’s all safe here. )

Elements

Synopsis: A game producer convinces this kid to test a virtual reality game, but really it is just an experiment to see how well the game can act as a prison and trap somebody in the virtual world. The game, named Elements, gives characters elemental powers with weapons, and they have to go through levels and fight against various enemies (for example, ninjas). The worst part of the game is how realistic it is: you need nourishment like food and water, you feel pain if you’re injured or poisoned, and if you die, you die. (Thus being only a piece of computer coding, which could be recalled if the producer wanted you to come back… but he’s an evil twit, so the odds are against you.) Then four friends, searching for their first friend, also wander into the game and get stuck, and then they have to go through the game to find their first friend, and to just escape. They have cool elements (basics like air, earth, ice, and water), weapons (boomerangs, whips, and swords), and outside help (one friend, the computer geek, avoids getting stuck in the game and then spends time trying to hack into the programming and getting his own friends out). The basics for the story were obviously stolen. The major elements I based off Bionicle elements, and some of the attacks (creating huge columns of earth to rise up and strike down opponents) were stolen from Toa attacks. The whole ‘trapped in a virtual reality game’ idea was stolen from some cartoon show, which I referenced in the story without actually naming it (I forgot which it was, but I’m sure it was a cartoon). This story was written roughly three or four years ago.

What’s Good: Since it was written while I was in high school, the whole story is written much better than previous work. To this I attribute having a few other stories already under my belt (Time Disruption had started when I was working on this one) and just a better knowledge of how to write based of my English classes (assuming I learned something from them). Anyway, the plot structure, character development, and action scenes are all much better than previous stories. This can also be attributed to it being a shorter story and better planned out. Unlike Ouch and Time Disruption, which were incredibly long stories that were updated over long intervals, this story was written over a Christmas break, in one go. It’s shorter (only about 100 pages) but contains enough that it makes a lengthy read. It flows very well, leaving no loose ends and summarizing about everything. (In fact, the sequel tweaked a few things to make it more believable). It’s probably one of my better stories yet.

What’s Bad: There were still plot errors I missed… pieces of the story I just thought about but forgot to write in, which I have added back in with recent editing. Some of the relationships in the story seem cheesy and unreal… some of the political aspects for why the game existed in the first place are strained. There are a few side stories that are worthless, and in recent editing I’ve taken them out. Besides for a few unrealistic and clichéd items, the first story is really pretty good. The sequel that I’ve started but haven’t finished is worst… the horrible side stories go crazy and the plot is hardly there. The second story is not nearly as neat as the first one, and it pretty much throws everything up in the air and lets the reader just try to figure it out. I started writing the sequel to include some things I couldn’t fit into the first story, but then it just went out of control and I’ve somewhat discontinued it. Oh well, that’s how most sequels are.

J.A.F. Adventures

Synopsis: If you thought I’d leave Team J.A.F in the dust with the failed story ouch, you’d be wrong. Ouch was just the first story I wrote that included J.A.F., but I’ve had the idea for much longer. I wanted to use it again without all the complications presented in Ouch, so I thus began to write a series of short stories involving Team J.A.F., which incorporates the Midnight Zone (I should blog about that at some point). Anyway, most of the stories involve defeating some group of terrorists right before they pull through with their plot. (Thus, most of the stories end with “yay, we saved the day” or something like that). Just to spice things up, I’ve included a magical entity that is always sending problems in their direction. So far, I have four stories written in the series, with a fifth one in the making. I started writing these about two to three years ago.

What’s Good: The writing really parallels the quality in SoMN. There are still flaws, but the entire story is something I don’t mind reading over again myself. There are some extremely good fighting sequences in them, where I describe complicated physical moves that totally take down an enemy. The character development in some of them is excellent, as various characters overcome their flaws and show personal growth… in the meantime beating up on the villain too. With a few minor edits for language and gore, I could probably post these in COT… but I don’t feel like it, so there.

What’s Bad: There are some logic errors in there. One that I’ve already addressed in my latest story is the knack for terrorists to keep popping up in this certain town (the story is set in a big city-like environment, but I haven’t actually chosen any specific city.) It makes for a good story, as people of the same basic group of enemies keep popping up in the same place, using new techniques but still getting beaten in the end by the good guys. But it doesn’t really do any good logically, and seems more like a rip-off from Power Rangers (didn’t most of the shows in the first season end with them fighting some big monster in the same basic city setting?) But besides a few plot holes here and there… it’s not too bad, really. Some of my finer work.