For this one class of mine, I have to come up with this portfolio thingy that describes me, my first quarter at college, and stuff I've done. I could try to write seriously about it, or I can throw it all in the air and give them my hard to earth opinion. So I'll include a few excerpts here... and best of all, some of them are even recognizable fro this blog.
QUOTE(Censored for privacy)
Greetings. My name is First Name, Last Name. You may know me as First Name. If you know me as Last Name, I am going to throw something at you.It's funnier if you actually know my last name... but I'm not revealing that here.
After all, I want my writing to totally convince you to drop everything you are doing and agree with my side of the argument, but also to get a good laugh every now and then, even if it’s at my own expense.
And remember, if anything I write insults you, it’s all your fault for reading it in the first place.It's true for this blog too!
I like to eat goldfish. After you’re done cringing at that statement, I’ll mention that it’s Goldfish snack crackers and not your cute little pet that’s now swimming upside-down in his fish tank.
QUOTE(Coincidentally @ this assignment is for GS 199)
I’m also taking General Studies 199 as apart of my FIG, which is just an excuse to make me walk across campus from McCarty to Condon every Thursday.I've mapped it out... Condon is about 3/4 a mile away from where I live in McCarty.
QUOTE(About a seminar on Global Warming)
I’m sorry, the seminar was all nice to try and convince people that there is a problem, but I want something with a better solution to fix the problem than just, “Well, it’s up to you. We’ll be cheering you on in the retirement homes.”
This portfolio is brought to you by sarcasm. You can use a limitless variety of literary methods to get the point across, but in the end you’re insulting somebody. Yeah, and you’re fat.
Yes, I am feeling particularly shameless tonight.
See if you get a laugh out of any of these, or if you just want to throw raw tuna at my head afterwards.