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(First World Problems: The Blog Entry)

Posted by The Present Automaton , Oct 02 2012 · 532 views

(Having a £10 gift card for Waterstones is both a gift and a curse. There are so many infinite possibilities I can use it on but only one choice to make. Is it possible to make the wrong choice? I could use it on that anthology of Franz Kafka I located. Or I could buy Charlie Brooker's Dawn of the Dumb which has made me giggle heartily on the few previews I've given it, and could be useful for figuring out to write funnily for a comedy I've been considering. Or I could use it on some fantasy novels. Or I could...Augh!)

(And now I just discovered "Lemony Snicket" is releasing a prequel series to A Series of Unfortunate Events. One that deals with The Great Unknown. And it comes out at the same time as Jam. GOSH DARN YOU, BOOKS!)

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Get Brooker's book. I haven't read it, but the man is a GOD.

- Tilius
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Oct 02 2012 05:59 PM
There's only one rational way to decide in these situations: You must construct a giant rotating wheel and divide it up between all of your interests. Now, a paintball gun of sorts would suffice for the next part, but darts and shuriken will do as well, but I recommend flaming arrows the most because if they bounce, chances are they'll leave a mark so you know what you hit.

For whatever reason, most people assume that the one you hit is the one you choose. Pfft, like that makes sense. This is a battle of DOOOOM! The last one standing remains the victor! So, be sure to have plenty of arrows and fire on hand as when it comes down to the last two, you will have likely hit the same targets on multiple occasions. If you run out of projectiles and there are still multiple entries left, a game of extreme eeny meeny miny moe may be played to decide the victor provided you have a tiger that has toes.

If you lack that item then the only choice left is to get a hat, cut up some paper and write down your remaining selections. Now, using hammers, saws, a flamethrower among other items, sift through the fancy carnage to see which option is least damaged and then you have your victor.

Works every time.

(Please note this has all been an elaborate joke and that this should by no means ever be carried out in real life ever. I cannot stress this enough, kids).
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The Present Automaton
Oct 03 2012 03:19 PM
@Tilius: In the end I decided to take your advice. Kafka's got the classic literature appeal, but I'd rather a side-splitting, yet well thought out, read. I can't help but love that guy.

@Tekulo: Uhh, I took your advice before reading the disclaimer at the end. This could cost a bit to repair...
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False life of the automaton

Ontario, Canada

English Literature

Creative Writing


Video games.

Complaining about video games.

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