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I Smiled And Sang Songs.

dviddy

Entry posted by dviddy

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I don't think I've ever realized how much who I am, and who I am perceived to be, how much I do, don't do, and want to do, is all controlled by needs and desires I have hidden inside.

 

I was once told I was good at sarcasm. So now I'm sarcastic to the nth, because I think people like it. I feel it makes people like me. Becuase I'm good at it.

 

I was once told I was funny. So I use 'humor' to lighten everything. If I make you laugh, you like me, right?

 

I'm told I'm smart. So knowledge is a pursuit I follow to prove I'm something. You'll like me if I can tell you the answer to anything and everything, won't you?

 

You don't see me.

 

You see who I want you to see. You see the me I think you're going to like best.

 

Because I want you to love me. I want you to like me. I want you to accept me.

 

It's time to come clean, I guess.

 

I'm afraid of being alone forever. I'm afraid of not being accepted. I want attention. I want you to like me.

 

But now I want to be real. To be honest. To be me.

 

I fall. Oh, how I fall. I lie. I cheat. Every day. Every hour?

 

I'm not perfect. I don't want anyone to think that. I'm probably below you all. I'm probably worse than all of you.

 

Because I'm fake.

 

True growth cannot be attained when I hide. True community cannot be attained when I fake it all.

 

I want to be in the light.

 

I want to love you. Not so you'll love me, but because I want to love you. Selflessly, and whole-heartedly. Yes, you. I want what's best for you, over me. It's crazy.

 

Can it really be that easy?

 

[Edited from it's original 'DWC was awesome, here's what I learned!' post from my personal journal to be religious-free. Which kinda sucks, but hey, them's the breaks, and I'm okay with that. So hey, here's some transparency you probably don't see every day. At least, not from me, y'dig? (Oh, and yeah, Dallas was awesome, and I learned more about everything than I have in the last fifteen years of my faith. Probably more than I've learned about anything for the entire nineteen and a half years I've lived. Weird, no?]

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Kopaka's Ice Engineering

I think....

 

 

I think that, to have fully grasped that, to live it day-in, day-out, one must be either at the end of the journey, or at the very beginning.

 

 

 

I cannot say for certain, as I am not there myself. Oh, I know what you're talking about, but I am not there either.

 

-KIE

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D.Q

*hurrkk* Now that is some weird poetry...I agree about the part that you're fake. Everyone's a fake. Everyone lives under a web of lies. As long as people remain as separate entities, people will continue to hurt each other. It doesn't matter whether the 'you' I see is a fake. The Truth hurts, and so do lies.

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