The things that have not made sense...that I've known for a long time now...but seem perfectly clear right now.

First: I hate him. Not for anything he did to me, but for what he said about her, and for what it made her do to herself. And I wish I could make her see what a terrible person he really is, but I don't know how. I also remembered that I'm not him...for everything we both are, I'm not him. He hates kids..and in that, I can never be him.

Second: I love her. I don't know why, and she can't know, and I just don't care. I know she at least cares about me, and she likes to be around me, and she's the only person who ever seems happy to see me...and as long as I make her happy, that's all I care about. It doesn't matter if I can never have her...only I also know it does, and it breaks my heart to know that.

Third: I also love him. He's the brother I don't really have. He's my best friend, he's my closest friend, and both she and him actually care about me, I think. Whether I'm right about that or not, between the two of them, they are the reason I'm still around.

And I'm happy with the way we left things - I'm happy that it's all incomplete.