Mount Coronet

I read it. I have absolutely nothing to say that would be helpful, but gosh darn it I read the whole thing.

I also read the whole thing, and I would like to speak from my medical background to that part of you that fears medicine and the part of you hoping for a miracle cure. Before I go on, I'll let you know where I'm coming from: I'm an EMT-Basic since 2012, and an aspiring medical student with a familial and volunteer background in medicine, and I have plenty of experience in dealing with/helping people with panic attacks, depression, self-confidence issues, etc. I definitely wouldn't say I'm an expert, but I do have some knowledge. All that to try and help both of the parts of you feel a little bit of confidence in what I'm saying.

 

Medication is a wildcard. The effects will vary from person to person, and--especially with medicine for psychological issues--have a great deal to do with how you perceive them. That is, if you go in thinking they'll help, they'll have a greater chance of helping, and if you have fears about them, it is more likely for those effects to happen. The placebo effect is happening there, and it is also happening in how you are affected early in administration. Using the medicine assumes that things can be traced to, and be fixed by correcting, a chemical imbalance in the brain. The medicine is intended to help balance and mediate this, but it takes time for it to do so and for your body to be okay with the medicine. You might feel better immediately, but that doesn't necessarily represent the truth of the medical effect. No medicine is a miracle cure, and you should never rely on them to be such. They are a helping hand towards getting better, that's all.

 

Personally, I prefer being able to talk to people and go on walks and work through my problems internally through non-medicinal methods, and for people being able to talk to me and go on walks and work through their problems internally through the same means. At an event I worked as a medic for, I spent a good long while listening to someone who was having a panic attack just talk, and talk, and talk. Good Lord I had sore knees from kneeling. Once he had finished, I asked questions, I learned that he was on medicine for panic attacks but hadn't been taking them, I also learned he hadn't eaten and hadn't slept. He talked for a while more and I gave simple advice: have a friend get you something to eat, get some brief sleep, go see the events you came for, and go staring back to the room to get real sleep...and possibly take the medication. It was more about letting him let off stress causing the attack and dealing with the circumstances surrounding the panic attack rather than just taking medicine to make it go away.

 

Reading just what you wrote, you may need to make some temporary changes to deal with what it going on. Namely (and I don't say this lightly) you might want to consider withdrawing from university/college for a time and only working. Give yourself time to find that apartment, build up some funds, and get back into a rhythm and a mindset that can deal with school. No one talks about this option, and everyone seems to see it as a bad thing, but it isn't. It is you prioritizing what is important so that you can heal and go back to school prepared, and do well. Again, not an expert, just got some experience as an EMT and (more importantly) just as a friend to various people. You, and others, are very much encouraged to correct me and call me out on ignorance. I do hope, however, that something I've said can help. Feel free to contact me if you want: I'm also aware of the value of talking to someone you don't have to physically see all the time!

As someone who has taken medication for depression, I pretty much agree with what Zox has said.

 

Based on personal experience, there are other ways to help calm down during an anxiety attack. There are breathing excercises, meditation, keeping busy with small tasks (doing dishes, tidying up a room), listening to music, etc. I used to listen to Dango Daikazoku every night before bed to get a grip and calm down. (#Weeaboo trash)

 

As for a good breathing excercise, try this next time you have an attack (got this from a friend and it worked for me when I had my last attack):

 

Seven seconds inhaling

Four seconds holding breath

Seven seconds exhaling

Four seconds holding breath

Repeat.

 

There are also dietary and lifestyle choices that can help with depression.

Spend time in the sunshine.

One hour of activity per day even if it's just walking.

Spending some time in nature.

Cutting out junkfood.

I've also heard that a proper b vitamin intake can be beneficial, though I don't have experience with that one.

Geting into a proper sleep schedule.

 

Every situation is different and different methods work for different people.

 

Also not all medication works the same way. I took Zoloft, which was supposed to help balance chemicals in the brain. It didn't make me feel happy. It simply made it easier to do daily activities (getting out of bed, brushing my teeth, etc) feel like less of a burden (weird as that may sound). If you feel up for it, consider asking about other treatment options.

 

Having a mentality of "I will be okay" is a good mentality to have. Keep that line of thinking with you. Try to encourage yourself and be good to yourself. A daily planner can be helpful. If you put down large goals at first and don't accomplish them on time, don't get discouraged. Try putting down easier goals on a list. It may seem cheap, but if it makes you feel more confident, then it's working.

 

Now, as for anxiety, facing fears can be a good way to overcome them. Do this with caution and know your limits. Find out what situations make you feel stressed if you can and try to keep a level head while experiencing them. The things that worried you can seem less intimidating over time as you get used to dealing with stress. This may sound cheesy, but it can also do wonders.

 

Now, keep in mind I am by no means "cured" or 100% over my own situation. Healing takes time and patience. I understand not everyone in this day and age is prone to empathy, so if you ever want to chat about anything, then feel free to bug me. I have Skype, Tumblr and PMs on bzp work as well.

 

Best of luck! I know these situations aren't the easiest to deal with.

I read all of it. Sorry to hear it. Feel free to ignore what follows if you don't want to hear it; you said you just wanted to vent off, and I'm happy just to provide a listening ear, but you can't do that on a forum without responding. 

 

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I went through my own depression. What I found to be useful was going back to what I did before I was depressed and doing that. I did a lot of writing, and that soothed the pain out. 

 

I also found it helpful to write out the things that were bothering me and address them one at a time. From reading this, you sound terribly overwhelmed. Making a list and establishing what to do first may cut down on the anxiety and stress. 

 

Lastly, you are going to feel panicked for awhile. You are overwhelmed. It's pretty clear that you have too many problems that are hitting you at once, and you are feeling the stress from all of that. There is nothing wrong with you. If I were in your boots, I'd be in much the same shape. The feelings aren't the problem, its the problems like the school classes that are. Try to take it one problem at a time, and as you take care of the problems, the feelings will likely subside. 

 

At least, that's what worked for me.

@Dorek: It means a lot to me.  Thank you so much!

 

@Zox: What you’re saying sounds in-line with other advice I’ve seen/been given, and that sounds like valid experience to me.  I had started to accept that medication was something to assist over the long-term, but after this I think it’ll be awhile before I can approach it calmly enough that I can try again and realistically hope for the best. (Maybe sooner, if things drop off once I get settled.) I have noticed that talking does help a lot, but my social ineptitude inherently messes with that so my progress there is a bit slow—I’ll definitely try to be better about that, though.  As for school, I have decided to take off for these remaining few weeks (although I might try to go back to Japanese); beyond that…due to a combination of factors, I think I should at least sign up for next fall, and just hope that summer will be enough of a break that I can do better then.  Thank you for the advice!

 

@Tekulo: I’ve had mixed results with breathing, but I am trying to get it figured out.  As for weeb music, I’ve spent a lot of time the last several nights listening to my favorite tracks from the Pokémon Diamond and Pearl soundtrack, so I’m right there with you! Those lifestyle changes sound good—I’ll try to implement those as best I can.  I’ve made lists before, and sometimes they help me get things done, though sometimes they don’t…maybe if I get into a more frequent habit, though, that’ll change.  I’ll give these a try, and thank you!

 

@fishers: I have been attempting to get back to my writing, but…always feeling so tired and unmotivated, I feel like even if I did make myself work on my stories, they’d be lower-quality as a result of that mindset.  Though, now that I’m actually going back and editing more of them, maybe that’s a concern I can ease out of gradually.  For a while now I’ve been planning to try a new weekly cycle of writing short stories, so once I start that (currently thinking I should figure out where I’ll be living first) I’m hoping it might help me learn better discipline and help with my mood overall since I’ll be productive.  Thank you!