Dr. Gerlicky's Miracle Diet

Ooo, this sounds exciting!!!!

Unfortunatly, im no author

EDIT: I approvzez of your Blog!

Hooray, this is back! For this, you get an approval.

 

Anyway, here's my comedy thingy. It's a chapter for Bionicle: the Way it was Meant to be Told, which I wrote way ahead of time, and will not yet be able to post in the actual comedy topic as I have not yet gotten to that point in the story.

 

 

Mahri Nui – Part III

 

“Give us the mask!” Jaller demanded.

“I’m sorry,” Kalmah replied, “but it’s a danger to these good Matoran here. We’re only destroying it for their sake.”

“Yes, but if you destroy it, Matoro will be friendless again,” Jaller pointed out.

“I don’t want to be friendless!” Matoro wailed, tears streaming from his visor.

“Oh,” said Kalmah ashamedly. “Well, if that’s the case…”

“No!” Pridak exclaimed. “Don’t give it to them! For all we know, they could be Toa!”

“Oh, right,” said Kalmah.

“What do you mean by ‘they could be Toa’?” Kongu questioned.

“Well, you see,” Ehlek explained, “Toa serve Mata Nui. We were locked up here for no reason by the Order of Mata Nui. They called this place the Pit. However, there was an earthquake, and our cells broke open. We escaped, and have been living here ever since with our beloved sea creature friends. Isn’t that right, Elly?”

A hideous Venom Eel, apparently by the name of Elly, gurgled in response and rubbed against Ehlek. I would eat you alive if I were big enough, she thought happily.

Suddenly, a Matoran by the name of Dekar, who had been one of the Matoran in the bus and was now mutated, ran forward and grabbed the Ignika. The Barraki panicked and scattered about. “Creeping In My Soul” starting playing as the former Pit prisoners lunged toward the Ignika trying to pry it from the Matoran’s hands so that it couldn’t somehow hurt him. Kalmah, Ehlek, and Pridak tried to knock it away with squids, but the squids kept veering off and hitting each other. Dekar then fell into a hole leading to where he was before, where Takadox tried to hypnotize him into letting go of the mask. Mantax arrived to catch it, but Dekar had already snapped out of the hypnotism and ran off. Mantax accidentally landed on Carapar’s slow-motion button, causing him to be battered aside by the lumbering brown-and-gray Barraki. Dekar, however, managed to escape him, only to bump into Matoro, who took the mask from him.

“Whew,” Kalmah sighed. “That was tiring.”

“Ack!” Jaller squealed. “It talks!”

The Toa Inika threw themselves on the Barraki, ferociously tearing at them for no apparent reason. The Barraki, who were strongly against fighting, just stood there and allowed themselves to be savagely beaten. “This is fun!” the Ignika exclaimed, joyfully throwing himself against Pridak’s face.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Takadox. A horrible thought that would be much frowned upon by the other Barraki. Maybe this isn’t right.

And then, he did what none of his group had ever done before. He kicked Matoro. The Toa of Ice fell backward and disappeared into a hole in the ground.

Everyone gasped. “Matoro!” the Ignika called desperately, and jumped into the hole itself.

In this group gasp, the Toa Inika, who couldn’t actually breathe water and were just holding their breath the whole time, saw their last reserves of air bubbling out of their mouths before falling unconscious and washing up on the shore of Metru Nui…

Matoro and the Ignika, meanwhile, were falling through a seemingly endless tunnel. Downward and downward they rolled, constantly bumping against the walls of the tunnel. After what seemed like hours, a small light glimmered at the bottom. It drew nearer and nearer until finally… BANG! They hit the floor of Karda Nui. Matoro’s sanity had finally snapped. He picked up a fish and was slowly moving it toward his mouth. “Don’t do it, Matoro,” the Ignika warned. “That thing has salmonella.”

The Toa of Ice continued, carelessly ignoring his floating friend. “Matoro, no!”

The Ignika flung itself onto Matoro’s face, shielding him from the fish at the last moment. A burst of blindingly bright light came from the Ignika for no apparent reason and filled the cave of Karda Nui. When it had finally faded, Matoro removed the Ignika from his face and stared at the charred remains of the fish. “Why’d you have to do that?”

Meanwhile, in Artahka, the six Toa Nuva strolled through the streets toward the palace of Artahka himself. They soon came across three-story dirt-walled hovel. Outside it was a small Matoran, unrecognizable by the Toa armor that covered him. “Hey!” he called out to the Nuva. “A little help here? I accidentally locked myself out of my own house.”

“Sure thing,” Tahu replied, lifting him up to the highest window. “Here you go.”

“Thanks,” the being replied, crawling through the window.

“Greedy Matoran scumbag,” Tahu muttered under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing…”

Checking to make sure that the Toa were gone, Artahka closed the window and removed his false mask. The true reason he had been outside was because his protodites had rebelled. They had just been putting the last adaptive mask on the conveyor belt when he tossed in their monthly meal, a waffle. Suddenly hungry, he then tried to take it back. The starving and angry protodites rebelled, and in the fight, the waffle had fallen onto the last mask, Gali’s. The waffle landed on the eye, its syrup sticking it to the mask like superglue. Then the blue paint coat had covered the mask, making the waffle even harder to remove. After that, Artahka had been thrown out the door, which the protodites then locked.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. The Toa Nuva had finally realized that this was the palace, and had returned. He ran behind a curtain and turned on the “Artahka Voice Changer”, one of the many cheesy things that his merchandise consisted of. “Who dares ring my doorbell?” it boomed.

Outside, the Toa Nuva could hardly hear a thing. “Maybe we should go inside,” Pohatu suggested.

“Okay,” Tahu replied, incinerating the door.

Before them floated an enormous hologram of the Mask of Creation. “Have you come for your adaptive armor?” it questioned loudly.

“Indeed-much,” Lewa replied.

“Then look behind the left curtain, and you will find it,” the hologram instructed.

Tahu headed toward the right curtain. “No, I said left, you imbecile! Wait, stop-”

The Toa of Fire ignorantly yanked open the right curtain and saw the figure of Artahka cowering in a corner. “Look, Kopaka!” he exclaimed. “We found the Wizard of Oz!”

Kopaka only sighed. “Who are you?” Onua asked the figure.

“Um – um – I’m Artahka’s butler,” he lied. “Artahka’s on vacation right now, so just go get your adaptive armor and leave.”

Walking over to the left curtain, Gali pulled out her suit of adaptive armor. “My mask has a waffle on the eye!” she complained.

“Well, you see, the prot-” Artahka started, but corrected himself. “Artahka himself accidentally dropped a hand-crafted waffle on it.”

“This is Artahka’s waffle? Is it autographed?”

“Why, um, yes, yes it is,” Artahka replied.

“I’ll never wash my eye again!” Gali exclaimed happily.

“I would hope you wouldn’t,” Artahka muttered under his breath.

Suddenly, after putting on their new armor, they found the ground changing beneath them. “What happening?” Pohatu wondered.

“Bye now,” said Artahka, holding a teleportation device and grinning maliciously.

The next thing the Toa Nuva knew, they were in midair – and what may or may not appear to be a battle or something to that effect was raging around them.

One last note: You might not get many votes if you are a noob and/or type like one.

 

lolz i gotz a grat comdi!111!!!!

 

Okay, I might as well base this off MLN, since I can find a ton of funny things about it.

 

THE LEGO NETWORK

 

One day, [iNSERT NAME] decided to make an account on LEGO.com. Then he found out about My LEGO Network and started that. As soon as he entered, a creepy-looking, spastic floating head started assaulting him, and demanding that [iNSERT NAME] hand over an apple.

 

[iNSERT NAME] was scared by this. "I'm scared," he said, "You're a floating head!"

 

The robot replied with, "I don't get it. I don't understand the mail you sent me. I'm sorry, us Networkers can only make sense of certain mails and attachments. But keep trying, we often give you a hint to what items and mails we're looking for on our page."

 

After hearing this statement, [iNSERT NAME] was so confused that he ran away. He ran until he met a crazed being carrying a torch and a couple of claws.

 

"YOU MUST SAVE MY VILLAGE!" it roared.

 

"H-h-how?" [iNSERT NAME] asked.

 

"I cannot speak with you until you save my village." the being said, and turned away.

 

[iNSERT NAME] then noticed that there was a cave behind the creature. He went in and found a torch. He walked out with it, but then the being spotted him and turned around.

 

"Yayz!" it said, "You found the torch! Now you can save me from Malum!"

 

It then proceeded to knock [iNSERT NAME] aside with a claw and pry the torch out of his hands, then run off into the horizon. The horizon suffered a minor injury but was more or less okay.

 

[iNSERT NAME] decided that the next step would be to find this "Malum". So he did.

 

"I need some ammo," the tall, red thingy said.

 

[iNSERT NAME] handed over a Kanoka disk, a Rhotuka spinner, a Zamor sphere, a squid (which sucked out much of his blood), and a Cordak bullet. To his surprise, Malum did not accept any of these.

 

Then [iNSERT NAME] noticed a bizarre plant. A spiky thing was on the plant. [iNSERT NAME] had a sudden urge to poke the plant, so he did. The spiky thing fell off and rolled on the ground, then hit Malum on the foot. Malum picked it up.

 

"AMMO!" he said, "YES! Now I'll give you a recipe so you can cook yourself some food!"

 

He gave [iNSERT NAME] a piece of paper that said:

 

THORNAX STEW:

 

1 Rock Salt

5 Thornax

 

By an odd coincidence, there were ninety thornax attached to all of the plants in the surrounding area. [iNSERT NAME] poked the plants to get the Thornax, then he handed sixty to Malum.

 

"AMMO!" he said, "YES! Now I'll give you some salty rocks! They're good to keep the slugs away!"

 

[iNSERT NAME] separated the rocks and Thornax into groups, and put each group into a pot. Magical forces caused them each to become stew. [iNSERT NAME] put the pots of stew in his pocket. Then he headed for the desert.

 

Out of nowhere, a four-legged creature with a chunk of metal sticking out of its tail jumped out. It seemed about to eat [iNSERT NAME] when it paused, sniffing the air.

 

"Stew?" he said, "Thank you! Here's some smelly stuff to make the Vorox not eat your guts."

 

The creature swiped a pot of stew, then picked up a bottle, ripped off the label (which said "liquid skunk smell"), uncorked it, and dumped the contents on [iNSERT NAME].

 

"There! Now, go on. Find Vorox!" With that, it ran off.

 

------

 

I suppose that's enough for an entry. I may add to it.

zomg yd u discuntinyoo htis

ur a big fat mehny hed for taht

 

Seriously thought, that sucks.

I know, but almost nobody joined. Too bad, too, because everything here was hilarious.

 

But that doesn't mean you can't enter and impress me into recontinuing it...

I know, but almost nobody joined. Too bad, too, because everything here was hilarious.

 

But that doesn't mean you can't enter and impress me into recontinuing it...

...I already entered.

Unless you're addressing all the random noobs out their thinking "i cn imprs garlicy ive roten 5 axs comidz b4 n 1 uv dem evin had cowz!!1!".

I know, but almost nobody joined. Too bad, too, because everything here was hilarious.

 

But that doesn't mean you can't enter and impress me into recontinuing it...

...I already entered.

Unless you're addressing all the random noobs out their thinking "i cn imprs garlicy ive roten 5 axs comidz b4 n 1 uv dem evin had cowz!!1!".

Just a notice to all the people reading. I am aware you entered. And I loved it.

 

Only problem is, people fail to realize there is no waffle in Gali's eye. That's a colander.