Dear Mr. Old Man,
I greatly appreciate your initial availability for a barbecue schedules to take place at 12 today at your place with Siracha. I was looking forward to having lunch with you. Sadly, based on the tremendous distractedness and open apathy displayed by your most recent statement, I feel that it is inappropriate, at this time, to have this last-minute meeting. It is difficult for me to schedule a lunch when you are already mentally out to lunch. Therefore, let this letter serve to represent that the Siracha summit, for the good of both parties, but for the detriment of our local supermarket, will not take place. You talk of your cooking capabilities, but my sauces are so spicy and delicious that I pray to God they will most definitely see use.
I felt a wonderful appetite was building up between you and me, and ultimately, it is only that appetite that matters. Some day, I look very much forward to eating with you. In the meantime, I would like to thank you for the increase of the sausages that are now at home in the refrigerator. That was a beautiful gesture and was very much appreciated.
Yes, this was in reference to something that we saw in the news this morning.