Next election, though, I propose these core issues:
- Convert our counting system to Base 120.
- Pass a constitutional amendment denying the existence of Canada.
- Change all of the lame state flags that looks alike. The ones that are okay can stay the same, but all those others need to go.
- Make Ithkuil the official language of legal texts.
- Recompose the national anthem so that it covers 6 octaves.
- Officially declare that the Goddess Columbia be represented with the likeness of Whitney Houston.
- Let John Williams come up with anthems for all of the states that have boring anthems.
- Right next to the Statue of Liberty, build a statue of John Williams waving a conductor's wand.
- Set our healthcare goal to, "Make John Williams live forever."
- Draft Michael Phelps back into the Olympics. He needs to stick around until the 2028 L.A. Olympics at the very least.
Unless you're Italian. Bappa-dee boo-pee? Beepada boopada bapade bapade! Boopada bapa! Boopa beepa boopa beepa bapa! Bapeepe bape!
As I have done several times on this blog, I choose to share another great work by the unparalleled John Williams.
In honor of John Sydney McCain III. Argumentative, resilient, stubborn...and a friend in spite of it all. And now he is among the Ancients.
This makes me very emotional, not just the fact that someone died, but seeing what good it has done. In my lifetime, I have not seen America so united since nearly seventeen years ago to the day. It makes me sad because I realize how rarely we all put our differences aside and feel the same joys and the same sorrows. I wish that America was like this more often, with malice toward none. I love my country far too much and regard my countrymen as true family. We send our senators from across the country to dwell with each other in one house and spend years getting to know each other -- cannot they regard each other as brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, and dare I say it — friends?
Tomorrow, we will go our separate ways, for this is what we must do. We have our disagreements and cannot disobey the dictates of our consciences. I am reminded of the Christmas Armistice during World War I, when the two sides called a ceasefire without a spoken word, but with the word of song. People set down their weapons and mingled with one another, and for a day there were no sides, no war. Then they did what they had to, and returned to their posts to start up the terrible dispute once more. There was no hatred in their hearts for their enemies, only for what they had to do.
I hope that we come together more often, that it doesn't take the death of a public legend to do so. Wouldn't it be nice if we could unite on the holidays? And then when we part and fight once more, we do so as a healthy family, with malice towards none. Because America is family.
Dear Mr. Old Man,
I greatly appreciate your initial availability for a barbecue schedules to take place at 12 today at your place with Siracha. I was looking forward to having lunch with you. Sadly, based on the tremendous distractedness and open apathy displayed by your most recent statement, I feel that it is inappropriate, at this time, to have this last-minute meeting. It is difficult for me to schedule a lunch when you are already mentally out to lunch. Therefore, let this letter serve to represent that the Siracha summit, for the good of both parties, but for the detriment of our local supermarket, will not take place. You talk of your cooking capabilities, but my sauces are so spicy and delicious that I pray to God they will most definitely see use.
I felt a wonderful appetite was building up between you and me, and ultimately, it is only that appetite that matters. Some day, I look very much forward to eating with you. In the meantime, I would like to thank you for the increase of the sausages that are now at home in the refrigerator. That was a beautiful gesture and was very much appreciated.
Yes, this was in reference to something that we saw in the news this morning.
The other best part of curling has been the Korean women's team, the Garlic Group. They have the most amazing Steve Urkle nerdiness, and I love their nicknames: Pancake, Sunny, Steak, and Yogurt. How can you not adore that? They have been a pleasure to watch, and I wholly root for them in the final match. Not that I want the Swedes to get kicked back to silver twice in a row (I'm part Swedish and I'm partial), but it's so difficult to not fall in love with this Korean team.
In other news...did you know that there are only sixteen luge courses in the world, and four of those are in Germany? No wonder they dominate it so much. Perhaps some American cities could start building them.
Real name: People literally don't have names in my family
Heritage: Half Dutch, Quarter Hungarian, Eighth Swedish, Sixteenth German and Irish
Physical description: Looks like the eleventh Doctor
Favorite food: Chicken, turkey, and beef.
Least favorite food: Vegetables of any kind
Favorite band: Queen
Favorite singer: Billy Joel
Favorite song: American Pie
Favorite movie: Schindler's List
Favorite TV show: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Favorite play: Les Miserables
Favorite color: Silver
Second favorite color: Brown
Favorite board game: Risk
Favorite athlete: Michael Phelps
Lucky Number: 53
Past-times: Writing, reading, drawing
Political Caucus: Iowa Republicans