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Kohaku Contemplates: Gender Identity

Posted by Kohaku , in FABULOUS, Real Life Dec 31 2014 · 237 views
gender, kohaku
So, I've been thinking about things regarding my own gender for awhile. As pretty much anyone here knows my boyfriend is transgender and he has helped me understand a lot of things about myself.

Basically, I don't really fit into girl or boy. I'm nonbinary. I identify with parts from both genders and want to be androgynous. I've posted about this on my tumblr before, but I haven't said anything here.

I used to think I had a bit of a thing for crossdressing, but now to me, it's not about that. Clothes are just clothes. Clothes don't have a gender. Sometimes I wanna wear a skirt and sometimes I wanna wear pants. Fabric doesn't have a gender at all. I want to wear what makes me comfortable, and that can change every day. Who cares what clothes someone wears? They should be allowed to be themselves and be comfortable.

I don't fit into male and I don't fit into female. Overall I am more feminine but I don't want a female body, I am comfortable with the parts I have. That being said I am considering a slight T blocker which could actually help some of my body issues. I don't fit into the general masculine male category either. All my life I've been the boy who can get emotional and cry at everything. I'm not physically strong and I don't want to be. I don't want muscles at all and I HATE facial hair and all forms of body hair on my body. It does not fit my ideal body type for me personally or how I personally want to be. I don't want to be masculine, I want to be cute and adorable.

I'm more like a cute adorable boy. I like being called a boy, but I hate being called a man. I don't really care for being called female or a girl. I'm not either of those. But being seen as a sort of in-between or getting both ma'am-ed and sir-ed in one sentence makes me happy. I would love to present as totally androgynous.

Male pronouns are for the most part alright; you can refer to me as he/him. But I'm not a fan of things like being called sir. That to me is too masculine and has never really fit me. i don't really have a set of pronouns that I like as I personally don't like the sounds of any of them because, let's face it, I'm picky as all heck. I do however like -kun and -chan. (Kohaku-kun or Kohaku-chan). Those are both Japanese honorifics and honestly I'm a heck of a lot more comfortable with them than western pronouns... I'm not Asian at all (even though I would love to be) but as gendered constructs they fit me a lot better.

Gonna quote Wikipedia here:

Kun
Kun (君【くん】 [kuɴ]) is used by persons of senior status in addressing or referring to those of junior status, or by anyone when addressing or referring to male children or male teenagers, or among male friends. It can also be used by females when addressing a male that they are emotionally attached to or have known for a long period of time. Although kun is generally used for boys, it is not a hard rule. For example, kun can be used to name a close personal friend or family member of any gender. Also, in business settings, young female employees may also be addressed as kun by older males of senior status. It can also be used by male teachers addressing their female students.
In the Diet of Japan (Legislature), chairmen use kun when addressing diet members and ministers. An exception was when Takako Doi was the chairwoman of the lower house: she used the san title.
Chan
Chan (ちゃん [t͡ɕaɴ]?) is a diminutive suffix; it expresses that the speaker finds a person endearing. In general, chan is used for babies, young children, grandparents and teenagers. It may also be used towards cute animals, lovers, close friends, any youthful woman, or between friends. Using chan with a superior's name is considered to be condescending and rude.
Although, traditionally, honorifics are not applied to oneself, some people adopt the childish affectation of referring to themselves in the third person using chan (childish because it suggests that one has not learned to distinguish between names used for self and names used by others). For example, a young woman named Kanako might call herself Kanako-chan rather than using a first person pronoun. However, it only applies to people who have known each other for a long time and between people of the same gender. Otherwise, using this for someone, especially adults, only known for a short period of time, can be seen as offensive. Chan can also be used to refer to a peer that is female. Example: Naomi calls her friend Kari-chan

(Page Link)

Both of these fit me PERFECTLY and I have yet to find something in terms of western pronouns that do fit me and that I like the sound of. I'm complicated. :P

But, Kohaku-chan! Didn't you say you were gay before? What are you now?

Well, I'm glad you asked! I'm going to give you two words. Androsexual which means an attraction to males and Skoliosexual which means an attraction to people who are gender variant (nonbinary/genderqueer etc.). Combining them we get Andro-Skoliosexual which is the sexual attraction towards male-identified people as well as gender variant individuals. I'm also Andro-Skolioromantic.

Basically I'm still gay as heck and am attracted to people who identify as male or masculine-of-center.

But you can still all call me your adorable gay friend because those words are a mouthful.

Now, I've also been thinking about my name, many of you know me as Joseph or Joe. As I've gotten older I have especially shied away from the use of Joe... I kinda used that when I was younger because I was lazy about it all. Joseph is an alright name... and I might keep it as a part of my middle name. I have become more comfortable however with a new name.

Lucas or Luca. I like both variations... and years ago i didn't care for the name but it has grown on me a lot.

(It isn't the fault of Mother 3.)

(It might be a little.)

I do want to note, for those that have me on Facebook, please continue to use Joseph or Kohaku there for now. I haven't come out to many people on there and don't intend to just yet. If you are unsure what to call me on any website, just send me a message.

This is something I've been thinking about posting for a few days as my last entry of 2014 on BZPower.

I do want to say something important though.

If you ever need to talk, I am here and I will listen. You can send me a message at any time and I will try to respond as fast as I can. (Sadly I am out a lot as we are still trying to fix our house.) I read every PM or message I get on BZPower and off of it. I worry about all of you, even if we've never met or talked before.

I care for everyone, and I am always here to talk. Please reach out if you are depressed or contemplating suicide or even self harm. Please rant at me about any troubles you have. I am here for you and will do what I can to help. I can offer the help of both myself and my boyfriend.


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NYCC - Bill Nye

Posted by Kohaku , in Real Life, NYCC Oct 14 2014 · 158 views
nycc, nycc 2014, bill nye
On Saturday of NYCC I got to meet someone awesome someone who helped make science fun:

Bill Nye The science Guy!

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We also got his new book and he signed it. We had to wait three hours in line, but it was worth it. His book is unreleased, as it releases next month. And the book, autograph, and photo were all free! It was very classy and it hit me in the feels. I've been a fan of The Science Guy since well before Bionicle! :3


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The New Year Update

Posted by Kohaku , in Real Life Jan 30 2014 · 198 views
hurricane sandy, i wanted to post and 2 more...
Sandy Updates New Year Edition
 
(Note: Most of this was typed about two weeks ago. I’ve added a few things since then.)
 
I am just now getting around to typing this. We have been super busy and will continue to be super busy for the coming month. An important deadline is coming up for us regarding the Insurance company… namely the deadline for filing a lawsuit. This is a deadline that we unfortunately can’t miss otherwise our case can be thrown out. It sucks that some parts of the law are more beneficial to the insurance company.
 
We’ve been working on paperwork nonstop and we finished the big thing we’ve been working on for ourselves and our neighbors to help them out. Essentially we are calculating through a program the cost to replace everything. Every piece of wire, doorknob, and every little thing that we can think of that we had and lost. It adds up to a lot of money It would be best if the insurance company would settle, if we have to sue them, a lawyer would get 1/3rd of the settlement, which is still money that we would need to rebuild.
 
Either way we still have more documents to go through for this whole thing and it is beyond tedious. This will be taking up a lot of our time and has let to almost no time to ourselves or time for relaxing. (I haven’t played a video game in like weeks. >_<)
 
We also went to a gathering for other people like us and got information/talked to lawyers/ etc. We also learned why our insurance company is being so difficult. After Hurricane Irene most of the insurance companies dropped a lot of people. Our insurance company was one of the ones people flocked to. Thus they have only been trying to pay out small amounts even when houses are 100% totaled.
 
We’ve also spoken with multiple lawyers and legal interns who are looking into things for us. These are have been meetings that have been going on for awhile.
 
Currently one of the combined things of paperwork is currently at least 80 pages long. And getting longer.
 
In addition we also learned that the town has raised the taxes on most of the unlivable houses. Did you know a CONDEMNED house can increase in value by $30,000?! Neither did I! So this is another thing we have to deal with because those taxes should not be there because we you know… don’t have a home we can live in.
 
One of the sad things that is happening is to some of our friends, when we were helping them with their paperwork one of the days they were over they kinda had a big fight. It was awkward and there was nothing we could do… and I do fear something like that happening to us. I don’t want that to happen… and I know we’ve had rising tempers and stress levels and it is scary because the tension is so high.
 
Heck we haven’t really been able to hang out with anyone in person or online recently. It is frustrating because we need stress relief and so many other things.
 
Oh, we also had a boiler pipe spring a leak at our temporary (ha ha ha is it still temporary a year and 3 months later?) house. And then last week we had another part stop working at 2 in the morning. Thankfully, we were able to get that fixed too.
 
This year has not started out too well.
 
Although we have had some good things happen… and I won a small Sword Art Online contest on Facebook… so there is that.


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Farewell 2013

Posted by Kohaku , in Video Games, Real Life Dec 31 2013 · 203 views
year of luigi
And let us salute the best part of the year. The year of our fabulous overlord, Luigi.
 
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We'll never forget you Luigi!


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The Dock

Posted by Kohaku , in Real Life Dec 04 2013 · 215 views
hurricane sandy
Hey all, it is time for the usual Hurricane Sandy related updates.
 
So we talked to so more people who are going to help us with important documentation such as the Proof of Loss that has to be submitted. The reason we need help is this is one of the most important forms. It has to be 110% perfect. It may be necessary for a future step that we might need to do if we can't get the insurance company to come up to our level. 
 
We still need money and they don't want to pay. Therefore we might need to sue them before the deadline passes for us near the middle/end of February. Obviously we don't want to do that for many reasons. The lawyer would get 1/3 of the settlement. Not only that court cases can take awhile. Especially if the insurance company loses and then appeals. Not only that the Proof of Loss has to be perfect for a court case. If there is even the smallest mistake the case could be thrown out and we'd be screwed. (Even more than we have been.) The proof of loss is one pretty much a $1,000 document for a reason. It isn't the only $1,000 document we've had to pay out of pocket for either.
 
Anyway, while we were talking to the guy today we noticed our neighbor's dock was a few inches lower. It is starting to collapse a bit. Needless to say it has to be taken care of for the safety of even our own dock. We will be calling them tomorrow to let them know what we saw.
 
The quest continues...
 






Kohaku-chan's Stats

Kohaku
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Username: Kohaku
Name: Joseph
Proto: Posted Image
Title: Record-Setting Speed Builder & Senior Staff
Group: Premier Retired Staff
Posts: It's not about post count, it is about making your posts count.
Joined: 17-May 03
Member No.: 8824
Gender: Nonbinary
Sexual Orientation: Andro-Skoliosexual
Location: I'm from Belgium, WI. I'm currently located in Seaford, NY. I'm currently relocated to Westbury, NY until our house can be lived in.
Hobbies: Cute things, frilly things, wearing dresses, video games, reading, anime/manga, being fabulous.

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