A Tremendous Journey
Entry posted by Queen of Noise
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So now that the dust is settling and I’m back into the swing of things at home and work, I feel ready to detail the great adventure I had at the beginning of this month. DeeVee teased the trip and left a beautiful photo over in his blog, but only here will you find the full details (ha ha, just kidding; we will never ever disclose the full details of that week's beautiful depravity on BZPower 
). 'Twas an adventure that spanned an entire continent, in which I set foot in six different states, one congressional district, and one foreign country. I got around that week.
I'll be using BZPower usernames for people who are BZPower members in this, since this is BZ and all.
Leg 1: On the Origin of Parties
In truth, it began the twenty-ninth of December, when Lehvaklah bused on down to DC from the New York City area and I picked her up at the closest Metro stop. Of course, this was nothing out of the ordinary, seeing as she and I hang out all the time (it’s pretty much a bi-weekly affair: she comes down, spends a few days, eats all my food; I go up there, spend a few days, drink all her scotch – repeat process ad infinitum); the meat of the journey’s hearty, seven-course meal began the next day, after work, when Lehvaklah and I mounted my trusty steed (car) and took a ride through the Danger Zone (Capital Beltway and I-95, with an unplanned detour through downtown Baltimore) to a raucous bacchanalian resort (Black Six’s house).
It was there we spend the next two evenings enraptured in an endless stream of partying. We gave hugs to Black Six and exchanged belated Federal Holiday gifts – he bequeathed upon me a remastered, 180-gram vinyl release of Paul McCartney’s eponymous debut (which we enjoyed immediately); I offered him a t-shirt, a book, and a bottle of champagne. Also present, and joining the hugging, were AJ, Noel, and Shaun, three more excellent friends. The six of us enjoyed a weekend-long New Year’s celebration, full of great music, great laughter, and terrible movies. We made fun of the fools on our television screen and then made fools of ourselves in Fake Video Game Band Game 3. Special shout-out to AJ, with whom I unleashed the Kraken. All in all, a fantastic time at Black Six’s Second Annual New Year’s Eve Bash.
Leg 1 Round-Up
- Friends Fistbumped: Lehvaklah, Black Six, AJ, Noel, Shaun (5, total 5)
- States/Provinces/Districts Visited: Virginia, Maryland (2, total 2)
- Terrible Movies Watched: Con Air, “Spock’s Brain,” Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (3, 3 total)
- “Your Mom” Jokes Told: At least 300
Leg 2: Go West, Young Man
Lehvaklah and I awoke the morning of January first in a daze and peeled ourselves from the floor where we slept amid the scattered refuse of the days-long party (discarded cups, cookie crumbs, spilled tequila, et cetera). After requisite goodbyes to our compatriots and a final middle finger to our host, we disembarked once more, in the same steed but the opposite direction. Guided by the lilting voice of Ray Davies on the stereo, we schlepped on back home in record time and took a hefty nap in my ancient bed. Several hours later, a knock on the door announced the arrival of my old buddy Christian – our ride to the airport. Yes, my friends: our journey was far from over…it had barely begun.
Still exhausted, we hoisted our luggage into Christian’s trunk and he sped down the Fairfax County Parkway and deposited us at the Franconia/Springfield Metro Station. After profuse thanks, Lehvaklah and I hopped onto the blue line and stumbled into National Airport after a few stops. We endured the hassle of modern Airport Security, the inconvenience of overpriced lunch, and the excruciating wait and feeling of dread present at a place labeled “terminal” in order that we could face my greatest fear: flight.
It’d be more appropriate to call it my only fear, really. There are things that I dislike (misogyny, dogs, and mayonnaise, for instance) and there are things that discomfort me (claustrophobic spaces, churches, Republicans), but flying is the only thing I’m truly, truly afraid of. It’s neither the heights nor speed of the experience that frighten me, nor any fear of crashing, but rather the existentially terrifying state it represents. With literally nothing below you but empty air, you’ve nothing solid to grasp to; you’re completely disconnected from all semblance of control. For the duration of the flight, your fate is totally removed from your own hands and now choices you can make can alter it, unless you’re choosing a definite death. That just makes me sick with fright.
Luckily, I powered through thanks to Lehvaklah’s soothing presence and liberal application of calming George Harrison songs. We sped through many hours, four timezones, and a layover in Phoenix to arrive at our destination, the fabled Portland, Oregon. Nukaya and DeeVee picked us up just outside PDX airport and we were plunged immediately into the raucous laughter and good feelings that their company provides. The duo led us on a late-night semi-tour of Portland, which provided enough of a tease that I’m now driven to visit again in the future, as soon as I am able. A special highlight was the bulk grocery, where we bought one-hundred fortune cookies for six dollars. Score.
Lehvaklah and I shared our first adequate slumber in days on a large air mattress provided by Nukaya and her family (who seemed like all-around cool folks to me), then arose far too early the following morning alongside DeeVee and Nukaya and winged our way to the Greyhound station. We all managed to grab a little more sleep while on the bus (though definitely not during our transfer in Seattle, which was the grungiest and sketchiest bus stop I’ve ever been to, about fifty times worse than Newark, New Jersey’s), but had much more fun when we were so loudly cavorting that the driver specifically had to order us to settle down. Yeah, we were those guys. No regrets! We almost were delayed by the fact that our bus blew a tire, but instead of having it replaced, the bus driver kept on trucking like a boss.
Throughout the duration of the trip, I stayed in touch with a certain Tufi Piyufi we all know and love, letting her know updates on our transit progress. For you see, our next stop, and the ultimate destination of this most epic journey…was the mystical land of Canada.
But to hear that tale, the longest and most fantastic portion of this journey, you will have to wait for the next installment later this week!
Leg 2 Round-Up
- Friends Fistbumped: Christian, DeeVee, Nukaya (3, total 8)
- States/Provinces/Districts Visited: Arizona, Oregon, Washington State (3, total 5)
- Number of Plays of “All Things Must Pass”: 17
- Amount Spent on Bulk Groceries: $21.00
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