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We are Metru: Chapter 2


CeeCee

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I have given my book the place holder name of We are Metru. I might go with this. Tell e what you think.

I know its a slow start but give it time if you could.

 

 

Chapter 2

Matau was hopeless. Hopeless at getting Ga Matoran. Him and a group of other Le Matoran would often go down to Ga Metru and see if they could pick any up. Eery one seemed to get one but him. It wasn’t as if he was unlikeable, or unattractive for that matter, but he could never seem to get Ga Matoran to pay him any attention. His problem that he was trying to hard. He was an overly confident green Matoran who if had payed more attention to his driving class rather than flirting with Ga Matoran, he might be flying the Ussanuis rather than fixing them.

He was thinking this as he was waiting by the corner of Ga Metru with some Cravalie flowers he had brought at a completely overpriced shop. Still it was worth it. Because tonight he wasn’t just meeting any Ga Matoran, he was meeting Nokama. He looked down at the empty road and saw nothing. It was getting late. Way past the time the had arranged to meet. He had known it all along any way. She wasn’t going to come. He dropped the flowers in a binf and walked home miserable. To think, he had walked so far and spent so much, only to be rejected. He didn’t think he had ever been as excited as he was last night when he heard the news about the date.

“That’s what happends when you ask Vhisola to do something for you.” He thought.

As much as he like Vhisola he knew there was something not quite right about her. It had obviously been deliberate that she hadn’t told Nokama.

“Shes totally obsessed with her” He thought. “probably didn’t want be getting In the way of their beautiful relationship” He half joked.

He got to the border of Onu Metru. He glanced back at the direction of that lonely street before carrying on moving again. He eventually got to the town centre where the Onu Matorans were busily getting on with their night. They were only out in the air because it was dark. Most of them spent their days down in the tunnels where it was dark. “Strange beings” Matau said quietly, shaking his head. He turned around to see Vahki Vorzahk standing over him.

“Matau?” He said. “What are you doing roaming the streets on Onu Metru at this time of night? Didn’t think you were one for History and culture” he laughed.

 

Vorzahk was a tall barley humanoid… thing. He was tall but rarely stoop up to his maximum height. Vahkis were introduced to Metru Nui after most of the Toa had died to help out Toa Lihkan. There used to be many but now most of them had died out like the Toa in the great war against Sidoraks army. There were only six left, coincidently one for each Metru. Vorzahk was from Le Metru so he was painted a green colour to fit in with the rest of the inhabitants. Although the Vahki and Lihkan were on the same tem they rarely saw eye to eye. They believed that bad Matoran should be punished and Lihkan thought they should be helped. The Vahki had a strict reputation but the six that were left were okay really. Especially if you stayed in their good books. Vorzahk picked Matau up and ran back to Le Metru. He could run faster than Matau and didn’t seem to get tired at all. He placed Matau down outside is home and ran off into the night. Matau steped inside his hut. It felt empty and lonely. He hated being alone. He woundeded if Vhisola had told Nokama, and Nokama hadn’t come simply because she didn’t want too. He quickly shook the though away. Mainly because he knew it was true. He sat down on a tree branch as the warm sun set its orange glow on the sleeping city.

Sometimes when the the city was sleeping like this, Nokama would sit on the beach and look out into the ocean. It seemed to go on for ever. She one day hoped to get a boat and go al the way out there. She wanted to discover new paces and meet the strange inhabitants that lived there. She threw a small pebel out but it failed to skim. She watched as it was submerged into the endless waters, becoming one of the many pebels already down there. A Nobody. She found it sad that no mater what happened it would ways be a nobody, even If it had of skimmed it would have still sunk to the ocean floor. It was like her, she would always be a nobody. She didn’t want to admit it but that was the reason why she never went on that date with Matau. Lets face it, he was a nobody. She wanted to be with some one that people would say “Oh my god, you will never guess who Nokamas with”. She cringed. It made her sound so shallow. Maybe she should have gone with Matau. He was a little immature at times but he had a good heart. She tried to convince herself that he wouldn’t mind as he was a hopeless flirt and was probably used to it. Deep down thoug, she knew it would have hurt him badly that she hadn’t gone. She looked at the two moons that light up Ga Metru like a torch.

“Mata Nuis eyes”. She thought to her self. I wonder if he was judging her right now. She looked over to see a tall red and gold figure standing over her.

“Toa Likahn!” She said. Happily.

“Hello the Nokama” He replied.

“What Brings you here”

He looked troubled and scared. Nokama had never seen him like this before.

“Whats that matter” she asked.

“I came here to be judged by the great spirit” He said. “because I need to know what I have done wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

He looked at her as if he was going to break down in tears

“Nokama?” His voice was trembling but he tried to hide it “Can I trust you to look after Metru Nui if I…”

“Likahn” It was a new voice. Nidhiki. Nidihki was Lihkahns old team mate, but she betrayed him to join the Dark Hunters. Lihkan was hurt greatly by this. It was always known that there was something between them. It was a shock to Nokama as well. Nidihki had been one of her favourite Toas.

“It’s time now” She said. She looked like she may have been crying too but Nokama wasn’t sure.

“I dint understand” He said, more confidently now but still a little shakey.”Why would he…”

“Shhhh” Nidihki hissed” and pointed to Nokama with her claw.

Nidihki was part of the Dark Hunters. The Dark hunters were an organisation of mercenaries that people paid to do their dirty work. Nidihki was originally spying on them until they found her out. For a reason Nokama did not know, she joined them but had to swear he alliance to them by undergoing a mutation. Once a graceful Toa of Air she was not a four legged giant insect. She had gigantic claws instead of hands that could cut through almost anything. Nokama didn’t know much about the Dark Hunters except their leader was named the Shadowed one but had disappeared for a while now.

Likahn walked toward Nidhki but just as he did he threw a round object at the ground. The thing exploded but instead of shrapnel flying out a high pitched squel cam out instead. Nokamas last sight was Likahn pushing a disorientated Nidihki out of the way and running off into the night.

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Again there are a lot of spelling errors and typos in this, I'd advise reading it all through and changing these where necessary.

 

Nidihki had been one of her favourite Toas.

 

Bionicle grammar, can be annoying. Plurals don't end in 's'. The plural for a Toa is Toa.

 

It's your story, so feel free to ignore this. The whole first bit with Matau and his friends wanting to 'pick up' Ga-Matoran is technically not conforming to Bionicle canon, because beings in the MU cannot breed, and apparently have no concept of love. A lot of fan-fiction writers ignore this, because the storyline has so often given the opposite impression with things such as Matau's behaviour in LoMN, and the Macku and Hewkii thing in MNOLG.

 

“Matau?” He said. “What are you doing roaming the streets on Onu Metru at this time of night? Didn’t think you were one for History and culture” he laughed

 

Before the Great Catalysm, Vahki did not have the ability to speak. Vorzakh is also the name given to any of the Vahki of Le-Metru. It's not an individual, and there are a lot more than 6 Vahki in Metru-Nui.

 

It was like her, she would always be a nobody.

 

Nokama was actually a fairly well known and respected person, even as a matoran and certainly in Ga-Metru.

 

she joined them but had to swear he alliance to them by undergoing a mutation.

 

Nidhiki is male. You might be thinking of Nikila, as a female Toa from Lhikan's team. The mutation he did not agree to, and he was a Dark Hunter well before it happened.

 

I'm interested to see where this story is going, with Nidhiki and Lhikan not being quite themselves.

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Like a said before, its not canon. Sorry for the confusion.

But at an actual story stand point. What do you think of it?

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My missing your blog entry aside, the stories looking to be pretty deep, in terms of the psychology of the characters. The second chapter draws you in more than the first, as the first seems like the characters are in pretty much normal situations, with the exception of whatever Nuju spotted. The Lhikan and Nidhiki story looks to be more intriguing, there's obviously something unusual afoot.

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Thanks. The first chapter isn't really boring is it? I didn't ant to make it SUPER ACTION PACKED! Do you think the characters are likable so far? Or at least understandable. That is very important to me

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Matau was more similar to his canon self, so that was fairly relatable. Nokama seems to have a very different personality, and she does seem rather shallow, even she doesn't want to.

 

I was wondering about one thing. From the first few lines of the first chapter, I concluded the whole "Mata Nui is a Giant robot with a universe inside of him" thing still stood, and by extension his question to remerge Spherus Magna. Are you kind of making it so that the beings inside of him have gained more sentience, and are more emotionally complex? It seems like the stories more about the interactions of the characters inside the MU, and perhaps Mata Nui's well being and quest will have less relevance?

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Matau was more similar to his canon self, so that was fairly relatable. Nokama seems to have a very different personality, and she does seem rather shallow, even she doesn't want to.

 

I was wondering about one thing. From the first few lines of the first chapter, I concluded the whole "Mata Nui is a Giant robot with a universe inside of him" thing still stood, and by extension his question to remerge Spherus Magna. Are you kind of making it so that the beings inside of him have gained more sentience, and are more emotionally complex? It seems like the stories more about the interactions of the characters inside the MU, and perhaps Mata Nui's well being and quest will have less relevance?

Mata Nui is more like a God they know exists or at least existed. There are many theories about him being there, like the moons as eyes and the stars and all that..

He is still there in some spirit form but doesn't have a massive impact on the univewrs besides every one thinking he will save them from Makuta.However instead of them trying to save Mata Nui its about them trying to save the Matoran. i find that more believable. Im not sure if he will be a robot either. About Nokama though, she is a Matoran at the moment. The story is all about the six matoran "growing up" so to speak. They all have un desirable traits at the moment

Nuju with his unsocial attitude and cynicism

Vakama with his un-sureness in himself

Matau being quite immature

Nokama being to concerened what people around her think

Onewa is just an all round A hole

Whenu is probably the most grown up out of all of them

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Taipu1 covered pretty much all of the constructive criticism, but I must say it is looking quite interesting. I'm sure one this story's polished and you begin posting chapters on the forums, you'll garner a lot of interest.

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Taipu1 covered pretty much all of the constructive criticism, but I must say it is looking quite interesting. I'm sure one this story's polished and you begin posting chapters on the forums, you'll garner a lot of interest.

Thanks. It is actually on the Forums at the moment. I am working on Chapter 3 as we speak. It does need a good polish though, you are right.

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