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Cyrix

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Hey, BZP community. I know I haven't done much for you, but I need a little help.

 

I'm in love with someone. I feel like I was meant to be with this person. I don't know exactly why I feel this way, but I do. But there's a few complications.

 

I'm pretty sure the person is not romantically interested in me. We're incredibly good friends (maybe best friends?) and I am pretty sure that at one point she did have feelings for me. It might be my generally low self-esteem talking, but I think that she doesn't anymore, possibly because I didn't realize my feelings for her until it was too late. Which is disappointing, considering that I probably had a much better chance of being with her then than I do now. I don't even know if I'm what she's looking for in a person anymore.

 

Also, I don't really know what I'd do if I was in a relationship with this person. I've never been in an actual relationship as such before, and to be honest it's a little scary. I've never been the best at expressing my emotions, and I'm afraid that I would not be able to properly do so even if I was in a relationship with her.

 

Please, leave some comments below. They'd be greatly appreciated guys. <3

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Hmm, I'd advise from my experience to try and take things easy. You're definitely old enough to fall in love. I was about sixteen when I fell in love with somebody I knew online. However, being able to understand that emotion and how it will affect other people is a whole other matter.

 

I'm not saying to dismiss your feelings. You're the only one qualified to determine whether they're real. But at the same time, acting on them might not be a good idea. You might not realize it, but confessing feelings like that for somebody can put an unfair amount of pressure on them. Unless they feel the same way, they might not be ready to reciprocate, and a person you really, truly love doesn't deserve to have that kind of weight on their shoulders.

 

Of course, perhaps asking you to exercise this degree of caution isn't fair, either. If it is true that you are hoping for something more out of your relationship with this person than just being friends, it wouldn't be right to fawn over her while she's completely in the dark about it.

 

I guess there's no easy answer. At some point, if you're sure about these feelings, you're going to want to be honest with her. Just be aware of the costs that might carry. Once she knows how you feel about her, that might change things between you no matter how she feels. Will knowing be be better for her than not knowing? That's what I think you need to think about.

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My track record of love: friends, acquaintances, pets, one-sided crushes I never acted on.

 

Any advice I give must be taken with copious amounts of salt grains.

 

Um... yeah, not sure what to say.

 

They say a flip of a coin can tell you how you really feel about something. Heads you act on it, tails you don't. If it stands on end, make a romantic display including a boombox, a rainy night and a giant monster Panda that could potentially level three square blocks. (I think I see why I have not had a romantic relationship. My answer for tails is far too simplistic). Try it and make note of how you felt when you saw the outcome. Also, don't feel ashamed about lying to a coin.

 

As for acting on it, though, it might be a good idea to think about what you'd want out of a relationship at this point in time.

 

Just keep in mind that you don't always have to play it safe. You have every right to take risks should you see fit to do so.

 

Oh, I got a fortune from a cookie that might help too. Maybe not, though.

 

"If you want to win anything-a race, your self, your life-you have to go a little berserk."

 

(Iamstealingadvicefromcookieswhatiswrongwithme)

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Predicting other people's feelings is ridiculously hard and notoriously fickle. Sometimes the people you don't think like you actually do, and vice versa. Basically, people in general are strange.

Romantic interactions are not really my strong suit (#INTJProblems), but the advice I'd give anyone is to just ... be honest. It's easier said than done, I know, but if this is something you really want you'll find a way to try and make it happen.

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Predicting other people's feelings is ridiculously hard and notoriously fickle. Sometimes the people you don't think like you actually do, and vice versa. Basically, people in general are strange.

 

Romantic interactions are not really my strong suit (#INTJProblems), but the advice I'd give anyone is to just ... be honest. It's easier said than done, I know, but if this is something you really want you'll find a way to try and make it happen.

 

I pretty much agree with this. I'm also mostly socially inept, so take my advice with a whole box of salt.

 

But I've found that when I look back on my life (all 19 years of it.) I generally don't regret many attempts I've made to express those types of feelings to someone. Though at the time it was beyond terrifying. Knowing that makes it somewhat easier for me. But it's still terrifying. (This probably is due to a lot of things ranging from normal fear of rejection to feeling worthless most of the time.) And I never had anything to lose by perusing them. (Within reason obviously.)

 

But, I'm not in your shoes, so I don't have an answer for you. I can tell you what I'd do, but that only goes as far as my experience, which is mostly negative in that area at this point. But unless you think going after her would either offend her or anything like that than it's really up to you to figure that out.

 

And as i mentioned above, I have little self confidence as well, and if somebody did say they liked me I would probably go through something like the five stages of grief. (I'm honestly not sure how much of an exaggeration that is.) So I can sympathize with that, and how much it sucks.

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Thanks for all the responses guys, it certainly means a lot. <3

 

I'll take all of your advice into consideration. Sorry I don't have much more of an in-depth response, but it's something I need to think about.

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