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FISHERS64! I LOVE YOU!

bonesiii

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http://www.bzpower.com/board/blog/1793/entry-135704-i-am-not-leaving/?st=20#commentsStart

 

My reply:

 

 

 

fishers64.

 

You have proven me to be an utter and absolute fool.

 

Not just Gandalf affectionately shouting "YOU FOOL!" like he does to all his friends. :P

 

Seriously flawed. Sin still has a terrible hold on me. :( It has been so hard to see it.

 

Until you became my mirror.

 

The truth is, you have been since I first met you. But I feared. I let fear be what it shouldn't be. It has a purpose. But it shouldn't overpower us.

 

Folks, can you believe I thought SHE needed a warning?! Uh, yeah, if you've been around me lately... you kinda know I'm that dense, don't you? :( :( :( :( :( She was warning me. I got the point... I hope. :(

 

I have been disrespectful while convincing myself I was doing the opposite. :( I have lied and manipulated. :( :( :( Hey Rahksi Lalonde, if you're still here... I see now. Thank you for having the guts to stand up to me! (I still like protodermis how it is... but YOU ARE AWESOME TOO! BUT NOW BACK TO THE MAIN SHOW!)

 

I stand by that I did good things that worked, and I know you, fishers, know that and appreciate that. But wow. I am nothing compared to you.

 

Don't let anybody EVER tell you you're not worth it! YOU ARE!

 

You have given me courage I did not dare to believe was possible. You gave me hope, then a responsible rejection and the peace of knowing it was right. You gave me a challenge it took me seriously all I've ever had to give to figure out. It was awesome, terrifying... seriously I will have to tell you the hundreds of things I thought of before I FINALLY GOT IT! WOW AM I SLOW!

 

And I'm STILL TERRIFIED that I will be rejected! :(

 

But I know now that I need to man up, accept the risk, and be willing to do everything needed to make this work to the best it can... while still knowing sadly I will fail again and again and have to apologize over and over and refuse the temptation to let the dullness of the repetitiveness of those apologies EVER make me stop giving them again... And I'll fail even at that! :(

 

And listen to your guidance -- the wisest guidance I've ever found, short of the Bible itself. And learn to just be friends. If possible, forever.

 

And someday, meet by a waterfall. There might even be rabbits hopping around it. :P

 

You have finally gotten through this THICK SKULL... and now I believe! Oh fishers, I believe!

 

*makes sure it's still the 20th* Oh yeah! THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!!!!

 

Start up "Die For You" by RED!

 

OR MAYBE "BELIEVE" by Skillet!

 

 

I still think that one line is a bit rude when he says "you should have known me by now"... but when he says... You're all that I want. You're all that I need. Just tell me that you still believe! -- YOU taught me what that means!

 

But one step at a time!

 

We must act honorably, knowing the God of the Bible, who came as a man we call Jesus Christ to die for our sins.... As I know for a fact and can prove it to anybody with the "guts" (inside joke!) to listen... in a few more than 100 words though! Oh, man, here come the tears... that God is always watching us, and longs to give us more and more honor that will last forever if, after accepting Christ's free gift of salvation, we choose to live rightly in every moment.

 

Not waiting until after the moment passes to ask, "is it right?"

 

 

Would you date me?

 

Would you consider being my best friend for life?

 

Maybe later... if we know it's right... Marrying me? But just dating for now. :D Biblically!

 

Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please (Uh-oh, I'm gonna have trouble topping this for the later step if dating works out, huh?! LOL -------- no wait, this is just words... oh this is easy to top... it's game on LOL....) please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please!

 

THAT WAS FUN! THERE WEREN'T NO COPYPASTIN' THERE!

 

I know it'll be work. I kinda like work... but there'll be times I'll fail. :( Please feel free to point it out quite bluntly if needed! But maybe try to be a bit gentle... I'm emotional! :P

 

 

OH PLEASE, FISHERS! WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS! YOU!

 

Please will you be my girlfriend? And consider maybe later becoming my wife if we think it's God's will? Will you give me the chance to learn, clumsily I'm sure, how to look past the drama, and just live like normal human beings who... yes fishers, love each other more deeply than what the shallow "party world" life claims is love? I think I'm learning it already... from you!

 

 

NO IDEA WHAT COMES NEXT... EXCEPT IF THE ANSWER'S YES, I'M GONNA SHOUT FOR JOY! And then go explain to my parents... all they know is what happened before this morning... Yeah, I still live with my parents. I'm lame! How could you even consider me? BUT I'M ASKING! I'LL LEARN TO DRIVE! And man are they gonna laugh with a certain number of others at the paranoid theory I came up with to try to talk myself out of it. WHAT A FREAKIN' LIE! Wow I'm stupid! I have a theory on that... but this ain't the time for it.

 

And maybe... *whispers* Maybe we could become parents if you want, if the rest works out. Don't be afraid of it (though I admit I am... but time changes things). I've seen, in my niece, tough times for her parents, but also joy you cannot imagine unless you witness it. But I would understand completely if you don't ever want that.

 

But one step at a time!

 

And fishers... if that side of your personality that you give the title of Doctor comes out, I'll see the truth. You know I will. It's one thing I actually do kind of well. :) This website taught me that... and so did Jesus, my parents, many others... and so did you!

 

Will you, fishers? Please?

 

And if they actually DO ask me to die... I will try to bear it with the courage you gave me. And fishers. I can't wait to learn more of these AWESOME SONGS YOU KNOW! I'm blasting Die For You with all this new laptop can give right now! Just this once. Okay, maybe more later! OH YEAHHH!

 

It's like I know... but I don't, really. Wow... This feels so good, even if you say no. Thank you just for the honor of SEEING that this is PROBABLY what you were hinting at! WOW you are BRILLIANT!!!!

 

 

Also, LOL at the other posts here. But you know, this blog entry works both ways. :D You're ALL worth being loved by somebody! Don't doubt it! I don't even know what form this love will take for me, but I KNOW FOR A FACT... SHE LOVES ME... WE CAN DEBATE GREEK WORDS LATER! Let's do some research on that! If anybody was unlovable it was me. WOW! But it isn't about me. It's about all of you.

 

And mostly fishers64. :D

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At this point I can't tell whether this whole exchange is real drama, fake drama, or some sort of mix of both. But it's making me severely uncomfortable.

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WHAT THE FRICKIN' BONESIII!

 

READ MY FLIPPIN PM RESPONSE TO YOU. 

 

IF YOU CONTINUE LIKE THIS, YOU WILL BE BANNED FROM BZPOWER. FOREVER. 

 

USE. YOUR. HEAD.

 

(sorry guys, this is just a roller coaster for him. He really needs to love someone else, and he's projecting it onto me.)

 

(also, he is misinterpreting something that is very obvious. AGAIN!!!)

 

IT, B6. GET IN HERE AND TAKE CARE OF THIS IDIOT FOR ME, WILL YA?

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