Actual Hot Dog Shia LaBeouf

Entry posted by Sumiki May 11, 2017

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-----Our phone alarms went off at seven o'clock in the morning, and after a requisite five minute snooze, coffee was acquired and the day began. We managed to leave Knoxville at 9:00, bearing north for the Kentucky border.

-----Our goal was to get to Cincinnati a little after lunchtime, and the drive was uneventful until we got to the Cincinnati metropolitan area. Our first stop was lunch at Taste of Belgium, an establishment that prides itself on its waffles. It's extremely European; flatscreen televisions flash quotes from cyclists with unpronounceable names interleaved with their list of 40+ draft beers.

-----Most oddly, this location—one of a handful in the Cincinnati area—has these bizarre looping animations that are projected onto the walls. A pair of immense disembodied lips painted the colors of the Belgian flag is the first to greet you once you can get your eyes off their fist-sized scones. The one that truly scarred us was one that I don't think I can describe on BZPower, but suffice it to say that it was outside the bathrooms. Let your mind fill in the blank.

-----While its location in a more businesslike, upscale district subtly clashed with our basic attire of t-shirt and jeans, the food itself did not disappoint. I got the Waffles and Chicken, which is their spin on the classic. The money they spent to get their custom waffle iron shows; it was like a crunchy cake and it went very will with the hot sauce-infused chicken. (At least, they said there was hot sauce in it; all I tasted was the syrup.) Alongside, a small salad featured hidden blue cheese crumbles.

-----My dad got a spin on the famous Louisville Hot Brown, where they somehow stuffed a waffle in amidst the cheese and turkey and bacon and tomato. (What amazes me is that such a thing is not called "the cardiologist's nightmare.") My mom got a sandwich where the bread was—you guessed it—a waffle! Ham, brie cheese, apple slices, and an unidentified pesto rounded out its contents. Overall, we got perfectly sized proportions.

-----It had been an ordeal to properly parallel park outside Taste of Belgium, but once situated, we were primed for our second stop as well: Great American Ball Park, home of the Cincinnati Reds. With no game, much of the park was closed, but we were able to walk up to the main gates and peer into the park. On the way out, we meandered by the team store, where we got a pennant for the collection and a big floppy hat with a distressingly large Mr. Redleg on the side, replete with his handlebar mustache and soulless, gaping eyes. (Rest assured that this hat will be seen in this year's Hatpile.) We even got a few lunch recommendations from locals who were unaware of our current state of waffle-induced gastrointestinal contentment.

-----There were a number of people selling things outside the main gate, where a bronze bust of Johnny Bench mid-throw greets fans. My mom, in front of this oblivious crowd, did her fake-kiss routine to the larger-than-life statue. After stopping by the Reds Hall of Fame and learning that we didn't have enough time to properly tour it, we went back towards the statue where my mom decided that one picture was not enough, and so we re-enacted the unusual scene a grand total of three more times. Fortunately for us, the assembled throng was entirely inattentive.

-----Cincinnati is not a city one hears much about, and it truly surprises. It's very hilly, approaching San Francisco in spots, and though it is a Big City in every sense, it's got a great sense of small-town about it. They've gone to great lengths to revitalize a lot of the area, and the result is a town that feels much smaller than it is, with unusual architecture, actual parking spaces, and an aura of friendliness and walkability.

-----We were close to the waterfront and our next stop took us around the city towards the northern suburbs to the William Howard Taft National Historic Site. While Taft is best known to the American public for the apocryphal story of getting stuck in the White House bathtub, his career as a diplomat and public servant shaped the country in many ways. His greatest career accomplishment, by his own estimation, was as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, and to this day he is the only person to have been both Chief Justice and President. He was seen as a keen diplomat who kept Washington operating when President Roosevelt was out of town. He broke up more trusts than Teddy did and refused to take corporate money, although his less than fiery rhetoric on the campaign trail drove a wedge between the two, who had previously been close friends. Before Taft's term, Teddy believed that he could be one of the greatest presidents; by the end, Teddy was running as a third party because he found Taft ineffective.

-----The site, nestled into the hills around Cincinnati (constituting its first suburb), was somewhat difficult to get into and out of (as there are a grand total of six parking spaces), but we got out and wormed our way back into the downtown area through an area most generously described as "artsy." Our goal was an early supper at Senate Pub, little more than a hole in the wall and known for their local ingredients in utterly unique hot dogs. We arrived when it opened and got three dogs: a classic Chicago, one called a "Trailer Park dog," which featured slaw and crushed-up (local-brand) potato chips, and one called the "Shia LaBeouf," formerly known as the "Lindsay Lohan," which is basically an arugula salad with balsamic vinegar and goat cheese atop the dog. Each hot dog was a whopping half-pound of beef, grilled to smoky perfection, and each was on a locally baked brioche bun. We split each in three and shared, and while I loved each one, the Shia LaBeouf was by far my favorite because I just love goat cheese that much.

-----Our side? Duck fat fries served with harissa aioli. No fry can compete. My dad sampled their version of tea, but alas, we are not in the South were "tea" means "leaf-flavored sugar water." It was good enough for me to dump what remained of his sample into my freshly squeezed lemonade, and it made for a top-notch Arnold Palmer.

-----On the way out, we talked to a fellow I can only assume to be the manager, who described in some detail their process of using local ingredients.

-----Tomorrow: Rockford, Illinois.