Starting a completely true, factual magazine here on BZP. Here's the big scoop of the day, written by yours truly, Elementoid, the clever, intelligent, and very handsome spade detective (I am much too intelligent and handsome, not to mention witty, stylish, and awesome to be considered an ace).
It had come to my clever attention that Teebert had been spending a lot of time with his animals. A lot of time. I conferred with my
imaginary friends extremely real people that are both intelligent and clever - and also handsome - and agreed something was definitely going on. After months of stalking careful research, I finally confirmed my obviously true and completely educated suspicions when I confronted the man himself, in the act of slipping away to his nefarious deeds, an an alleyway that looked mysteriously like the front door to his house (which could have only been an illusion created by nefarious means in a lame attempt to escape detection). This a brief recap of what followed:
"Teebert": brb, ducks
email@example.com: enjoy your affair while you still can
firstname.lastname@example.org: you'll get caught eventually
His parting words before swiftly escaping in a nearby escape car (which had escaped my very perceptive and hawk-like gaze, owing to it's very well fitting name chosen by yours truly) were obviously an acronym for
with a D tacked onto the end for some reason (probably to attempt - in vain of course - to throw off my razor sharp wits). I was about to pursue in my own vehicle (the amazingly awesome Elemental Inquirer-Brand Elemental Inquirer-Flyer Helicopter of awesome might and power - and also missile launchers) but he masked his escape route by sending in some surly thugs (that looked looked a lot like squirrels - obviously another illusion) to keep me busy. Even with my amazing strength and charm and everything else about me that is totally awesome and mighty, I was lucky to have escaped with my life, and it is from the hospital I'm typing out this story - with permission the nice people in the white coats that look suspiciously unlike the nurses and doctors found in normal medical facilities (but who am I to judge?) - so that I may send it to you, my loyal readers, so that you may learn THE TRUTH.Drats, Elementoid, you very clever, intelligent, and not to mention handsome detective, you have eXposed me! Now I have no choice but to hastily write this note and slip away while you're distracted!