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Completed- History According To Dume

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ExoFat

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I was planning to post this yesterday, but things got in the way. :P Anyway, here is the semi-final draft of History According to Dume. The only thing missing is the bio of a certain NPC that leads the new faction. Kiotu has yet to send it to me. Now I have a few questions for you once you've read it.

 

1. Is everything presented clearly?

2. Does it drag on too long? (If so, what can I do to condense it?)

3. There are little heading markers at the beginning of each section. Do you believe they are necessary?

4. Is it better than Villainous?

5. If you played Villainous previously, does this make you want to continue playing it or return to playing it? (On the flipside, if you have never played Villainous, do you feel like you could easily jump into History According to Dume?)

6. In general, what can be done to improve it?

 

Thank you!

 

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

To whom it may concern and to all that I have wronged,

 

Let it be known that I, Turaga Dume of Metru-Nui, am the cause of all your troubles. Were it not for my own selfish stupidity, you would never have experienced what you are now forced to suffer through. I only pray that the Great Beings will forgive me of my wrongs and somehow aid you in reclaiming all that you have lost. Heed my words.

 

The words of my last and final confession.

HAtDBanner.png

The last will and testament of Turaga Dume and SILENT TWO.

Long ago, there was an island far to the south, on what some call the edge of the universe. Its inhabitants were similar to Vortixx, except rather diminutive in size. They traveled the world as nomads, trading goods for a living. But these beings possessed great power and knowledge that the rest of society had only begun to discover.

 

I first met and befriended them at a bazaar on the island of Xia. They offered to take me back and show me their home island. I, being but a reckless and foolish Toa, accepted the invitation and sailed back with them. I learned many things during my stay on their home island, but none so impressionable as one.

 

By combining their mental faculties into one, these beings were able to transcend mortality and become Great Spirits like Mata-Nui himself. Upon witnessing this phenomena, I fled from their midst to report what I had seen to Mata-Nui. His wrath was terrible, for he did not wish for any to rival his power. In utmost anger, he swooped down upon these beings and slaughtered them all. I know not if any survived. All I know is that I can see their faces when I close my eyes. Faces horrified, asking me constantly, 'why have you done this to us?'. I cannot escape their screams, and their ghostly images dog my every step.

 

In committing this atrocity, Mata-Nui lost his light, the source of his benevolence and right to rule. But he was not the only one who lost something that day. I found my mind fractured, and ever since then I have had to deal with five distinct personalities, each with unique abilities. There was myself, and four other personae that I called the Silent Ones.

 

The most vengeful of these was Silent Two, a being born of pure malevolence and selfishness. He was the mastermind behind all my most brilliant schemes. It was he who decided to engineer the Toa-Dark Hunter War that plunged the world into chaos. It was he who divulged my most precious secrets to the Six. It was he who planned to fake my death.

 

And it is he who threatens to shatter my mind as I pen these words.

 

One by one, Silent Two has mentally murdered my other personae, and each time he did so I have slipped further into the dark abyss of despair. He plans to dispose of me as well, so it is of utmost importance that I tell my story before he kills us both. Even now I can feel my mind fading as he tightens his choke hold on my sanity...

...the world has no need for your bedtime tales, Turaga. Long have you suppressed me, and soon will I obtain my revenge. Just come a little closer. Give in to me and all will be well...

But no! I will hold strong until the last moment, for this story must survive.

Factions

---

The shear amount of beings I have wronged is beyond counting. In causing the slaughter of an entire species, I opened a vulnerability in Mata-Nui's unshakable armor. His right to rule had been forfeited and that made him weak.

 

Silent Two forced me to give
the Six
and their leader, Toa Helryx, all the information on transcendence that I possessed. The Six then dethroned Mata-Nui, capturing him and forcing him to work for them under the pen-name Mr. Unknown. With the Great Spirit under their control, they began to experiment. Now they are at the brink of becoming gods themselves. They merely lack Mata-Nui's light, an ingredient for success that has eluded them. One cannot decide to join the Six. You are invited if there is an opening. And once you are in, there is no way out. After Helryx was allegedly assassinated by the Brotherhood of Makuta, Cloud has become the leader of the organization.

...but deep down inside, you wanted me to give them the knowledge. You wanted the power and glory that they offered. Do not deny it...

No! It's not true... It can't be true! I want nothing more than the safety of my people, don't I?

 

In the wake of winning the Toa-Dark Hunter war, and forcing the remaining Toa and I out of the city, the Shadowed One ruled from Metru-Nui. But the Six soon forced him out and set an impostor in his place, creating
the Guild of Villains
as a way to find the strongest beings for use in their experiments. It was composed of
the Dark Hunters
, a mercenary group and the common soldier, and
the Dusk Patrol
, an elite squadron of law enforcers. With these microfactions united under one banner, the Six massacred countless beings. Oh, how I could have saved them, but I was too cowardly to lift a finger. Now the Guild is under the command of Sir Theron, a Dusk Patrol member who has inadvertently won the loyalty of his followers. My heart goes out to him. Never before in our history will one being be forced to make such monumental decisions.

...and the Vahki Hordes? Once again you gloss over the nastier portions of your past. Was it not you who reprogrammed them to overrun Metru-Nui and slaughter innocents? Did you not proclaim that it was all for the greater good? You deserved to have died that day...

I deserved to have died, yes I know. But destiny has allowed me to live and so I must do what I can to rectify the wrong.

...there is no retribution for the things you have done...

If so, then I'll soon join you in the fiery pits of Karzahni!

...wonderful! We could be neighbors! How fun...

He's getting stronger... Soon I may no longer be in control. But no matter how wretched the state of my existence is, I cannot help but have pity upon
the Brotherhood of Makuta
. Once a majestic and powerful organization, they have been completely brought to their knees. They are hated on all sides for both real, and possibly false, misdeeds (such as the assassination of Helryx). Their situation is not unlike my own. Rumors tell of a secret Brotherhood plot of monumental importance, but I have no idea what that could possibly be.

...I know, but I'm not telling. Hehe, my lips are zipped...

Perhaps the beings I have harmed the most belong to
the League of Heroes
. When I refused to let the Shadowed One build a base on Metru-Nui, it was they who came to my aid to fight against the Dark Hunters. This conflict became known as the Toa-Dark Hunter war. We lost and were forced into the southern parts of the universe. But still, they followed my every command.
The Toa Union
were my best friends and most trusted advisors, a beacon of hope for me in a world of darkness. But the bravest soldiers belonged to
The Kanohi Underground
a group of Matoran who risk their lives daily to bring us supplies and intel, and to stealthily attack strategic locations. The honorable Toa Tavok has taken charge of the League in my absence. If you ever read this, my friend, know that I was not always right. Try to lead them differently than I have.

The Order of Mata-Nui
continues to aid the League, though how many of them can be trusted, I know not. With Helryx out of the picture, Ancient stepped up to the top spot. His story is that he was an Order spy into the Dark Hunters. The other Order members seem to believe him, but I would exercise extreme caution in dealing with him.

...icky do-gooders...

The Zealots of Zakaz
are yet another monstrous result of my actions. The Shadowed One's rule was one of complete order and obedience. The Skakdi could never have been expected to comply. And so, the Shadowed One sent Lord Theron to cleanse the island. The product is a barren landscape of bones and death, and the rage of every Skakdi across the universe. A portion of these beings broke free from the Guild and escaped far to the south. There they set up an island fortress and began to mass produce Nektann. Their ranks are composed of a myriad of Skakdi and the species of the Barraki Ehlek. But they are all unified in one purpose: to avenge their slaughtered people at all cost.

Locations
---

The world has changed because of what I have done.
The Northern Universe
is particularly chaotic. The Vahki hive of
the Northern Continent
is a mess of ruined machinery and electronics.
Metru-Nui
was overrun by rebellious Vahki,
on my orders
, and a hulking leviathan, resulting in the loss of both the Great Temple and half of Ta-Metru. The city is filled with stragglers and wounded survivors, but no one is bothering to help. Most of the refugees have sailed on makeshift crafts to
Xia
where factory production has slowed and food riots are rampant. The Shadowed One is alive somewhere on Xia, masquerading as a mass murderer. I cannot begin to fathom what he hopes to accomplish by this.

The prison camp of
Stelt
is left with merely half its guard force intact. A breakout seems likely. On the other hand,
Odina
has been wiped off the face of the universe in one swift explosion. And it was
my fault
his fault
no one's fault
the result of a small accident.
...I forced Dume to fake his death by activating the island's self destruct mechanism, and having one of his body guards stand in his place for a while. The guard died in the explosion, looking and acting exactly like Dume. Even Helryx was fooled. I'm a genius! And it all ended in such a delightful explosion too...

Separating the north from the south is
Karzahni
. The realm is entirely underground, but houses an army of enslaved Matoran, as well as its namesake.
...I visited there recently. It seems Karzahni has been doing some interior decorating. The Matoran there are working night and day to produce miniature suits of armor for the Six. Armor that resembles the body of the Great Spirit. Mmm... I can still discern the acrid smell of death and machinery. Wonderful... how deviously wonderful...

...
the Southern Universe
is a different story. Hehe... it hides secrets and evil.... and secret evil!
He's gaining more control. My hands are shaking... I can barely breathe... It may not be long for me now... I must go on. In a sense, he is correct. That area is full of secrets and unexplored territory.
The Southern Continent
dominates much of the landscape. It is largely stable, aside from a few internal squabbles. The war has brought the inhabitants completely under the leadership of the League, which has its base there.

To the west of the continent lies
Destral
, the Brotherhood's mighty fortress and research facility. It is nigh impenetrable, but inside, could be the secret that wins us this war. If only you could get in somehow...
....shhh. Don't tell Dume I told you... but there's a hidden entrance in the shadows to the left. You could make it inside from there, provided they don't kill you first. I love the smell of Toa pie in the morning...

On the southeastern edge of the continent is
Daxia
, the Order's stronghold. In recent times, they have shut their gates to outside contact, even from the Guild. They communicate with us by sending messengers, but no one every visits them. The reason for this is unknown. If I were still in command of the League, I would order a full scale inquiry into their actions.

It is when we reach the furthest edges of the universe that our charts begin to fail us. It is filled with strange beasts and treasure, and ghostly tales of impending doom. Only the bravest ever dare to sail there. Far to the south is
New Zakaz
, where the Zealots are grouping together and preparing to launch their strike. Beyond that is the
Unnamed Island
, which housed the species that Mata-Nui slaughtered
because of me
because I was stupid
out of his own hatred. I don't want to talk about it...
...oh yes you do. Too scared to own up to the past, you ignorant worm, you miserable vomitous mass. Besides, you left something there... Something you need... Something that could fix it all if they only retrieved it...

The past is behind me.

...is it really? If you keep running from your past, it will eventually catch up to you... Maybe it already has...

 

Important Characters

---

And now I will give my last words of advice to the people who I believe truly need it the most. If you ever read this, take my words to heart, that you will never fall into the same path to destruction that I have.

To
Cloud
,
Leader of the Six
; You were once loved by your people on Stelt, but they banished you as a result of an experiment gone wrong and your subsequent deformities. You wandered the land for thousands of years before joining the Dark Hunters, and fate has now placed you in command of the Six. My words to you are...
...listen to what old Silent Two has to say. Dume was gonna go on about letting your anger go and not giving in to rage. But I say different! Don't let it go. Lock it away. Let it fester and boil inside of you. Let hate be your ally, and you will be capable of wonderfully horrid things!

Hehe,
Lord Theron
,
Commander of the Guild of Villains
; Ooh, you're the justice obsessed, former Dusk Patrol member who the people have placed at their head. You're the one who "cleansed" Zakaz on the Shadowed One's orders. How delightfully despicable. But you're going mad with guilt, Theron. And you continue to write off your actions as justice. One day, those you slaughtered will have their revenge. I've already preordered my tickets.

...Theron! Don't listen to him. Remember that justice can still be served as long as those on the receiving end truly deserve it. Think before you leap...

Quiet, old man. I'm in control here. I'll say what I like.
Makuta Teridax
,
Head of the Brotherhood of Makuta
; How does it feel to be no longer in command? How does it feel to have the Six lording over you all the time? I can't say you don't deserve it... hehe. But no one but me can guess your new experiment. And I tell you, use it with reckless abandon. I can't wait for the wanton chaos that this should ensue!

Now,
Tavok
,
Leader of the League of Heroes
; So, Tavok, what you have to do is...
...no. Tavok, listen to me! You're a strong Toa of Iron. Don't fall into the same traps that I fell into because I was too weak to resist. You can fight the darkness only when you yourself are not truly dark inside. Never become so over zealous that you cannot see the good in the enemy. This was my greatest fault, and do not let this ever happen to you.

...uggh... He's fighting me. I hate it when they fight back...

To
Ancient
,
Chief of the Order of Mata-Nui
; Ancient, I must say that I do not trust you and your Order, and likely never will. However...
...eww... Ancient. Too goody goody to waste my breath on. Even talking about him gives me the creeps...

Rules

---

Now that I am back to my senses, I realize that I am not long for this world. My next few words will be ones of guidance. These are moral rules that should be lived by, and through my own stupidity, I have disobeyed. The consequences for doing so have been enormously painful. But I hear the rewards for following them are unimaginable.

All BZP rules apply.

No G-Modding:
For newer players this means that you can’t do anything outside of the realms of reason or the bounds which have been set in this RPG. Yes, you can do crazy things, but they must have a complete explanation and cannot undermine the basic structure of the RPG.

Do something crazy!

No Spamming:
This is posting anything inside the RPG that does not relate in some way to the RPG.

No Flaming:
Seriously, nobody wants to hear you rant about everything from cheese to pie. If you feel angry don’t take it out on us. Go throw a temper tantrum somewhere else. If there is a dispute, take it up with the staff and we’ll try to sort it out. This rule includes being unnecessarily cruel to players, especially ones that may be new to RPGs.

Distinguish between IC
(In Character)
and OOC
(Out of Character)

Do not act like Staff
and reprimand other players. We as Staff have probably noticed these problems and are getting to them. There is no need for you to do our job. If you feel there is a problem with a certain player then PM a Staff Member and we will take care of it for you. You may make polite suggestions, but dealing out punishments is strictly forbidden.

Follow Staff rulings
, but if you feel we are wrong on a certain subject feel free to tell us.

Do something CRAZY.

Players are obligated to give recaps
or answer questions when requested. This is less of a rule and more of general RPing etiquette.

Do not control other PCs
(Playable Characters) without permission of the player.

Do not kill PCs
without the permission of the player.

Factions and Character Profiles must be approved
by a Staff Member. Factions must have at least three members before they are allowed to start.
Profiles and Factions must be submitted in the Discussion Topic before being posted in the Profiles topic. You are allowed as many Characters and Factions as you can handle, but we ask for moderation in this regard.
If you are a veteran of the last game, contact me via PM and I will give you some sort of reward.

Faction Application:

[b]Faction Name:[/b]
[b]Full Faction or Microfaction:[/b]
[b]Description:[/b]
[b]Roster: [/b](At least three members)

Character Application:

[b]Username:[/b]
[b]Name:[/b]
[b]Code Name:[/b]
[b]Faction:[/b]
[b]Microfaction:[/b]
[b]Appearance:[/b]
[b]Abilities/Weapons:[/b]
[b]Biography:[/b]

Staff Members

Exo-Fat

Spink

Neya

???

DO SOMETHING CRAZY!
I am dead serious about this rule. Games get stale unless there are things happening at all times. If you get bored, do something crazy and draw other players into your own little sidestory. That is an order.

---

And now I have come to the end of my sad and dreary tale. Just as Silent Two has said, my past has caught up to me. I've fallen and can no longer run from it. But I will never let him take complete control of my mind. With his cunning designs, he could wreak unspeakable havoc upon our universe. And so, I must do the one thing I can do to end us both once and for all.

 

I, Turaga Dume, will take my own life. As I write these words, I have already plunged the dagger into my heartlight and my breath has become shallow. Spots are swimming before my eyes. But it matters little. I have said what needed to be said. Whether you act on my words or spurn them make no difference. I have confessed, and maybe... just maybe... the Great Beings will... have mercy on me...

 

May the light of Mata-Nui dispel the madness and may my final drops of blood seal these words for all eternity.

 

Your friend
s
, teacher
s
, and
leader
greatest enemies.

 

-Turaga Dume
and SILENT TWO

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and he time he did so I have slipped further into the dark abyss of despair.

 

Didn't really understand what this section of the sentence is saying... ?

 

But that was all I noticed, everything else works -- at least, in my opinion.

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Ack! Thanks for catching that. It was meant to read "and each time he did so I have slipped further into the dark abyss of despair."

 

Has been edited now.

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WHOAH.

 

Great job...you've inspired me to come back to the RPG...may I please renew my staff contract?

 

Hyper Neya Out. :kaukaunu:

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1. Is everything presented clearly?

Yes.

2. Does it drag on too long? (If so, what can I do to condense it?)

Not really. I've seen longer and more boring RPGs.

3. There are little heading markers at the beginning of each section. Do you believe they are necessary?

Yeah, they are necessary. That way you can just scroll down and find the section you're looking for.

4. Is it better than Villainous?

No. It's a good sequel though.

5. If you played Villainous previously, does this make you want to continue playing it or return to playing it? (On the flipside, if you have never played Villainous, do you feel like you could easily jump into History According to Dume?)

Well I played Villainous, but I wasn't really important. I plan to change that in a HAtD

 

 

 

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WOW, really good. I hope this makes it through. Love how Silent Two dominates things more and more as it goes on. Lol at the "DO SOMETHING CRAZY!"s.

 

I'm sorry I missed Villanous, but hopefully I can jump in if this wins!

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1. Is everything presented clearly?

Yes. Having Dume and S2 in different colours helps

2. Does it drag on too long? (If so, what can I do to condense it?)

There are maybe a few times where the dialogue gets a bit too long

3. There are little heading markers at the beginning of each section. Do you believe they are necessary?

Both necessary and useful

4. Is it better than Villainous?

As good but not better

5. If you played Villainous previously, does this make you want to continue playing it or return to playing it? (On the flipside, if you have never played Villainous, do you feel like you could easily jump into History According to Dume?)

Yes I'd keep playing. Maybe even get some more characters...

6. In general, what can be done to improve it?

:shrugs:

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