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A Fraction Of Greatness- Rpgc17

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ExoFat

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The following letter is one of the few surviving relics of what is commonly referred to as the Post-Core-Conflict, the period of time directly following the shattering and a time of great unrest among the tribes. Great care has been taken to preserve this document in its original form. Archival notes have been added on a separate page in order to aid the reader with understanding the historical and cultural context of the missive.

 

I direct my epistle to Certavus in the city of Atero, who previously commanded the Legions of Ice and is now the supposed leader of the remnants of the tribes; for it is you that they look to for guidance in these times of despair.

 

It grieves me that I must write these words of condemnation unto you, for had we not all been brothers? But then came the Lords' War1. Each of us was commissioned to gather together warriors and arm them with swords, with spears, and with elements2 granted by the Lords. We marched forth against each other in conquest of the kill-silver3, the object of ultimate dominance.

 

Behold, we have suffered great afflictions. Not just myself, but all of the tribes. We have endured many things; hunger, thirst, fatigue. Great has been the slaughter among the peoples of Spherus Magna. We have never come so very close to extinction as we have merely three months ago.

 

Indeed, the very foundations of our world have been shaken to the core. Spherus Magna no longer exists. In its place has risen Bara Magna, a barren wasteland filled with the wandering souls of the lost.

 

You cannot deny these things, and yet you have the audacity to propose a plan so divisive that it will shatter the hearts and minds of a people that still mourn the loss of their culture? You say that this plan will save us. I ask you now, who will it save? It exiles those who may be beneficial to our society to a life of endless isolation and death in the cruel desert word.

 

You claim that the old, the weak, and the poor cannot contribute to reconstruction; but what about my people, the Sand Tribe? What of the Rock Tribe? You are fortunate that they have almost completely migrated north by now4, otherwise their rage would have been magnificent to behold. But my people still remain strong and courageous. We know the sand but we cannot survive like this for much longer. If forced out of our lands into an unknown territory, we may soon turn from fearless to feral.

 

Some of this can be seen already. Your “Glatorian Plan”5 has not united the people. In any case, it has splintered them even further. Warring factions and guilds vie for power on a daily basis. Land changes hands like a hot stone. The tribes are all but non-existent. There is no order, there is no peace, there is no civilization.

 

If you will not desist in this heinous scheme, I will be compelled to gather together my tribe and all those who will join us. We will march against you with great reluctance, but with the fire of justice in our hearts. You who sit comfortably in your cities cannot know what justice is.

 

Justice is what we desire when another brother falls to the earth. Justice is what we desire when we find another straggler, dragging his body along the ground and begging us for a morsel of food or drop of water. Justice is what we desire when we tell him that we cannot help him. Justice is what we desire when we see his tears fall like rain and he collapses in utter hopelessness.

 

Justice is what we will see when we, the exiled ones, paint your blood across the dunes and your corpse is devoured by the sand bats. Only then will justice be fulfilled.

 

Our world has shattered, our people have fractured, and our spirit is broken. We have but a fraction of greatness, but we have enough to see the true intentions of your heart.

 

I am Pertagna, Vorox6 of my tribe, and I send this message to Certavus. Hearken unto my words and depart from your destructive ways or we will descend upon you with fury and you will surely perish.

 

May the Great Beings have mercy on you. You who have shown no mercy to us.

 

-Pertagna, Vorox of the Sand Tribe and Commander of the Exiles.7

 

Archival Notes:

1.
The term “Core War” developed centuries after the actual conflict. Until then it was commonly referred to as “the Lords' War”, “the Silver Struggle”, or “the War Between the Tribes”

2.
At the beginning of the Core War, the Element Lords granted limited elemental powers to the members of the tribes. The powers were contained in and accessed through the weapons that the soldiers carried. By the time of the Post-Core-Conflict, the power in the weapons had begun to weaken and dissipate.

3.
The layman's term for the mutative liquid that was the central focus of the Core War.

4.
Immediately following the Core War, the Rock Tribe mobilized and quickly migrated north into the wilderness. A few Rock Tribe members remained behind and were outcasts for the most part.

5.
The term “Glatorian Plan” was the collective name for a set of policies developed by Certavus, Ackar, and several other Core War veterans. The first step of the plan was to conserve resources by casting out anyone deemed to be non-productive to society into the desert. The next step would be to reorganize the tribes and construct arenas where they would settle disputes and thereby avoid war.

6.
“Vorox” was the highest title of honor among the Sand Tribe. It meant “honored leader” or “greatest warrior”. It did not develop a negative connotation for many more years.

7.
It is worth noting that Pertagna was killed in battle about two weeks later during an unsuccessful raid on Atero.

 

BM-2.jpg

Our world has shattered, our people have fractured, and our spirit is broken.

 

The BRPG revolution arrives March 8th. Read. Vote. Experience. RPGC17.

 

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I'm going to have to be really brutal and say that I found reading through that really dull. It's in such a formal style, and the citations after various points that need confirmation just make it look like some kind of legalese. I felt like I was reading through some kind of contract not an RPG.

And a lot of it couldbe simply solved with exclamation marks. For example:

You cannot deny these things, and yet you have the audacity to propose a plan so divisive that it will shatter the hearts and minds of a people that still mourn the loss of their culture? You say that this plan will save us. I ask you now, who will it save? It exiles those who may be beneficial to our society to a life of endless isolation and death in the cruel desert word.

Reading through this, it appears Pertagna is indifferent to the fate of his tribe. Add a bit of extra punctuation

You cannot deny these things, and yet you have the audacity to propose a plan so divisive that it will shatter the hearts and minds of a people that still mourn the loss of their culture? You say that this plan will save us. I ask you now, who will it save? It exiles those who may be beneficial to our society to a life of endless isolation and death in the cruel desert word!

Now it looks more like he cares. There's more emotion. If Pertagna cares so do we

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Thank you so much! I will reduce the formality, add those exclamation points, and remove the notations. :D

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It is nice to see an RPG where the only thing I can really nitpick about is the grammar :D

And I'm glad you didn't take it the wrong way, like imperial officer officer in the planning topic <_<

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2. At the beginning of the Core War, the Element Lords granted limited elemental powers to the members of the tribes. The powers were contained in and accessed through the weapons that the soldiers carried. By the time of the Post-Core-Conflict, the power in the weapons had begun to weaken and dissipate.

So, do we still have that, or no?

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Yes, you still have limited elemental powers that are tied to your weapons. They will start at around Turaga level and decrease in power as the game progresses. By the end of the first season elemental powers will be all but eradicated.

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