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Blogarithm Contest #6 - Winners!

Posted by Sumiki , in Contests, BZPower Oct 07 2012 · 133 views

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First Place (eight votes) ...
Lego Obsessionist!

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Second Place (three votes) ...
LewaLew!

What!? How'd you--!? Oh, well, you may have made it past my plunger locks, the double plunger locks, the laser locks, the electric locks, and the motorized locks, made it past all of my guards and sentries, and broken every BZP rule in the book, but YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT PAST MY TOPIC LOCKS! Why? BECAUSE YOU CAN'T! I am the Evil Ogel, Sumiki, and I cannot be stopped!

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Congratulations to the winners and to all the entrants. Lego Obsessionist's image will be used first, followed by LewaLew's, and then any runners-up I find funny.



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Blogarithm Contest #6 - Tiebreaker!

Posted by Sumiki , in Contests, BZPower Oct 05 2012 · 139 views

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Oh no, this isn't over yet.

Two entries tied at the end of the final poll - so now it's time for the tiebreaker poll.

Poll closes on Saturday, October 6th at 11:59 Eastern.

Entry One:
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Entry Two:
What!? How'd you--!? Oh, well, you may have made it past my plunger locks, the double plunger locks, the laser locks, the electric locks, and the motorized locks, made it past all of my guards and sentries, and broken every BZP rule in the book, but YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT PAST MY TOPIC LOCKS! Why? BECAUSE YOU CAN'T! I am the Evil Ogel, Sumiki, and I cannot be stopped!

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Blogarithm Contest #6 - Final Poll!

Posted by Sumiki , in Contests, BZPower Oct 04 2012 · 212 views

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Here it is, folks. The moment you've all been waiting for. The Final Poll of Blogarithm Contest #6.

Let's get to it.

Polling ends on Thursday, October 4th at 11:59 PM Eastern.

Since a lot of entries were knotted up at three, I bent the rules a bit to allow an extra wild-card to slip in. I didn't want to have to choose - heck, that's what you guys are for!

Entry One:
There once was a Post-it-here topic.
When Sumi saw it, he became catatonic
In reaction to this,
He told the poster - "tsk tsk"
And closed that rule-breaking topic.

Entry Two:
TOPICWATCH!

*insert quote of rule-breaking post*

We've got eyes on the suspect*

WAIT is that *insert broken rule*

SUSPECT IS ARMED AND DANGEROUS

GO GO GO

Don't let it get away!

SUSPECT APPREHENDED. TOPIC CLOSED.

Entry Three:
No. When members give you topics, don't make them pinned. Make them take the topics back! Get mad! I don't want your rule breaking, what am I supposed to do with that? Demand to see their manager! Make them rue the day it thought it could give Sumiki rule breaking topics! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your topic down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that BURNS YOUR TOPIC DOWN!

Entry Four:
There are a thousand ways I could close this topic right now. And 941 of them hurt.

Topic closed.

Entry Five:
Some people think that their topic closings need to be funny. But, do you know what I say?
Bananas.

Topic closed, goodnight BZPower. B-)

Entry Six:
There appears to be a large lack of Sumiki and dreaming of farm animals in this topic. Thus I must close it.

Topic Closed

Entry Seven:
SUMIKI Level 42

VERSUS

TOPIC Level 40

HIT!

>Use Disk
>Ko-Metru (L2,9/10UP)

STRONG ATTACK!

HIT!

>Use Mask
>Mask of Topic-Closing

STUNNED!

Victory!

Experience Gained
134

Entry Eight:
This was a failure.
I'm making a note here: TOPIC CLOSED!
It's hard to overstate your embarrassment.
BZPower Staff
We do what we must,
Because we can.
For the good of all of us,
(Except the ones who are banned)
But there's no sense crying over every mistake
You just keep on trying 'til you topics don't break
All the BZPower Rules,
And you'll feel really cool,
And maybe your topics won't be closed.

But for now... topic closed!

Entry Nine:
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Entry Ten:
TOPIC CLOSING STYLE.

TOP

TOP TOP

TOPIC CLOSING STYLE.

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Entry Eleven:
What!? How'd you--!? Oh, well, you may have made it past my plunger locks, the double plunger locks, the laser locks, the electric locks, and the motorized locks, made it past all of my guards and sentries, and broken every BZP rule in the book, but YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT PAST MY TOPIC LOCKS! Why? BECAUSE YOU CAN'T! I am the Evil Ogel, Sumiki, and I cannot be stopped!

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Blogarithm Contest #6 - Polls!

Posted by Sumiki , in Contests, BZPower Sep 30 2012 · 248 views

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There were an astounding number of entries to Blogarithm Contest #6. As such, I have not gone to the trouble of randomizing the entries. The twenty-one text entries will be equally split among three polls (teal, orange, and purple), while the entries that contain images have their own poll (blue) with eleven entries.

You may pick two entries from the first three polls, and you may pick three from the last poll. An overall wild-card will advance to the final poll as well.

Voting ends on Sunday, September 30th at 11:59 PM Eastern.

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Preliminary Poll Teal

Entry One:
There once was a Post-it-here topic.
When Sumi saw it, he became catatonic
In reaction to this,
He told the poster - "tsk tsk"
And closed that rule-breaking topic.

Entry Two:
TOPIC EXTERMINATED

Entry Three:
Roses are red.
Lilies are sometimes yellow.
This topic breaks the rules.
So it will be closed instead of slapping you silly, my fellow. B-)

Entry Four:
time for your topic to sleep with the fishes and dream of farm animals

Entry Five:
"Hello my name is Shawn Spencer Sumiki . I am a psychic detective forum assistant from the Santa Barbara Police Department BZPower Staff. I'm getting something! My psychic senses are tingling! Tangerines?! No, Toothpaste. Wait, no! Topic closed."

Entry Six:
For I have known them all already, known them all-
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?

Topic closed.

Entry Seven:
TOPICWATCH!

*insert quote of rule-breaking post*

We've got eyes on the suspect*

WAIT is that *insert broken rule*

SUSPECT IS ARMED AND DANGEROUS

GO GO GO

Don't let it get away!

SUSPECT APPREHENDED. TOPIC CLOSED.

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Preliminary Poll Orange

Entry One:
No. When members give you topics, don't make them pinned. Make them take the topics back! Get mad! I don't want your rule breaking, what am I supposed to do with that? Demand to see their manager! Make them rue the day it thought it could give Sumiki rule breaking topics! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your topic down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that BURNS YOUR TOPIC DOWN!

Entry Two:
HALT! This topic breaks a BZP rule! It is unacceptable and thus, will be closed. If you have a problem with it, TOO BAD!

Entry Three:
Computer, Activate Protocol 11.

Passcode: Wayne

Topic Blasted Sky-High

Entry Four:
Now, while I still have a lot of respect for you, your topic isn't allowed by BZP rules. You know, the ones that you're meant to read before joining and follow religiously?
I'm not going to hold this against you or anything, but You should probably go read them now. Assuming you haven't already. And if you have... yeah, I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt.
That said, topic closed. :)

Entry Five:
wutz up wit dis topik its braking da bzp rullz

topik klosed

Entry Six:
There are a thousand ways I could close this topic right now. And 941 of them hurt.

Topic closed.

Entry Seven:

Some people think that their topic closings need to be funny. But, do you know what I say?
Bananas.

Topic closed, goodnight BZPower. B-)

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Preliminary Poll Purple

Entry One:
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewin' on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle!
And this'll help things turn out for the best! And…

Always look on the bright side of life!

*whistling*

In other words, don't let this topic closing get to you. It was an honest mistake.

Topic Closed

Entry Two:
There appears to be a large lack of Sumiki and dreaming of farm animals in this topic. Thus I must close it.

Topic Closed

Entry Three:
SUMIKI Level 42

VERSUS

TOPIC Level 40

HIT!

>Use Disk
>Ko-Metru (L2,9/10UP)

STRONG ATTACK!

HIT!

>Use Mask
>Mask of Topic-Closing

STUNNED!

Victory!

Experience Gained
134

Entry Four:
It's astounding.
Quality's fleeting.
Nub-ness. Takes its toll.

But read here closely.
Not for very much longer.
I've got to. Take control.

I REMEMBER. CLOSING A TOPIC.
POSTING. THOSE MOMENTS WHEN.
THE BLACK SIX WOULD HIRE ME.
AND THE DEEVEE WOULD BE CALLING.

LET'S CLOSE A TOPIC AGAAAAAIN.
LET'S CLOSE A TOPIC AGAAAAAIN.

Entry Five:
This was a failure.
I'm making a note here: TOPIC CLOSED!
It's hard to overstate your embarrassment.
BZPower Staff
We do what we must,
Because we can.
For the good of all of us,
(Except the ones who are banned)
But there's no sense crying over every mistake
You just keep on trying 'til you topics don't break
All the BZPower Rules,
And you'll feel really cool,
And maybe your topics won't be closed.

But for now... topic closed!

Entry Six:
I once locked a topic in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

Topic sat on by an elephant in pajamas.

Entry Seven:
Hey man, this topic breaks the rules, which makes it uncool, and which makes me a fool if I let it live while it breaks said rules. So now I will do what I came here to do:

Topic closified.

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Preliminary Poll Blue

This is the image poll. Any text that relates/goes with the image will be in a quote above or below the link to the image.

Entry One

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Entry Two

---

Entry Three

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Entry Four

---

Entry Five

---

Entry Six

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Entry Seven

"Don't break the rules! If you do, I will come to you with an AK47 and shoot you. Break the rules again, and I will shoot you. Topic closed."


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TOPIC CLOSING STYLE.

TOP

TOP TOP

TOPIC CLOSING STYLE.

Entry Eight

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What!? How'd you--!? Oh, well, you may have made it past my plunger locks, the double plunger locks, the laser locks, the electric locks, and the motorized locks, made it past all of my guards and sentries, and broken every BZP rule in the book, but YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT PAST MY TOPIC LOCKS! Why? BECAUSE YOU CAN'T! I am the Evil Ogel, Sumiki, and I cannot be stopped!

Entry Nine

---

Entry Ten

---

Entry Eleven



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Blogarithm Contest #6: Topic Closed!

Posted by Sumiki , in Contests, BZPower Sep 26 2012 · 840 views

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Life as a Forum Assistant certainly has its perks: namely, topic closing. It's kind of fun, though I've only closed one so far. If I assisted in Q&A, COT, or GD, I'd be able to close topics on a more frequent basis, but I'm not complaining.

Topic closing comes with a downside, though. Some FAs - like me - are expected to be funny, for some reason. Oh, sure, I could go with two- or three-word closing statements, but that's no fun at all, since they're used all the time by others. The clever and hilarious topic closings go down in BZPower history, right above famous staff name changes and right below inane spam topics.

So, your mission: Write up a topic closing post. Speech? Parody? Story? Nonsensical poetry? It's totally up to you. Post it as a comment here in this entry. The entries will then be divided and placed in polls, and whoever's entry wins will end up as an actual topic-closed post. You can enter as many times as you wish.

You have until September 26th, 2012 at 11:59 PM Eastern Time to submit entries - so what are you waiting for? Get writing!


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Staff Page! (Contest #5 Results)

Posted by Sumiki , in BZPower, Contests Aug 17 2012 · 153 views

I finally got my staff bio up - and included portions of most of the entries. Click here to check the page out. :)



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Blogarithm Contest #5 - Biographical!

Posted by Sumiki , in Contests, BZPower Jun 23 2012 · 290 views

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When I was promoted, I was reminded of this little old thing called a Staff Page, and told to get something on it posthaste. Trouble is, I started work on something, but I didn't like it too much. Then the page went kaput for a while.

Well, it's back - in fact, it's been back. The thing is, I don't like what I wrote, and I still don't.

That's what this is for. Your mission is to write up my Staff page biography. There may be prizes, but we'll have to see about that.

You have until Saturday, June 23rd, at 11:59 PM Eastern Time to post your bio here in this entry.

This is not a traditional contest in the sense that there will be one winner and one winner only. Rather, the entries will be judged by me, and there most likely will not be a clear winner. I may or may not combine two or more together along with my own material - again, we'll just have to see.

Anyway, I've written too much already. Now it's your turn to do so.



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The Death Of Lhii

Posted by Sumiki , in Contests, Writing May 29 2012 · 87 views

The Death of Lhii


Vakama's knees creaked as he slowly lowered himself onto the wooden log that served as his storytelling bench. Tahu's Suva dominated the dimly lighted background, the sparse burnt trees around it towering into an air mixed with ash.

"Another story, Vakama?"

The Turaga of Fire smiled knowingly. "Yes, Takua. Be sure to chronicle this one," he said.

In the crowd, Aodhan coughed and raised his hand. Vakama paused before he began, motioning to the Lava Farmer. "I'm sorry to bother you, Turaga, but something's always been bothering me about these stories ..."

Vakama felt an inner dread. If he'd screwed something up, or there was a plot hole in the continuity of his stories, the entire Lhii myth would come crashing down upon him.

"... it's just that, well ... if Lhii was really so great, how come he's not around anymore?"

The Turaga felt relief. "That's because he's no longer around. If you all would like, I could tell you that story, but it's ... a painful one."

The gathered Matoran nodded solemnly, and Vakama began.

"It was long ago, on the lava flows of Mangai, that Lhii was going along, just surfing as usual. Nothing unusual had happened for weeks before then, and it didn't feel like anything would happen that day either. A bunch of Matoran were out there, watching Lhii surf or occasionally joining him.

"But Makuta was up to evil again, and he had sent two malicious Rahi after him. They had stalked him for weeks, but Lhii did not notice them. These Rahi were cunning and powerful, so they had somehow figured out how to dam the main flow. As the flow's level kept going down, Lhii eventually ground to a halt at the rock, on the bottom of where the flow had been. He was the only one down there, since it was later on into the day. The few that were out there with him were up on the shore.

"Well, they all went back to Ta-Koro to see if they couldn't fetch something to haul Lhii out with, but they left no one behind. They figured that Lhii would be alright on his own. But those Rahi came back--"

"Sorry, Turaga, but ... what did these Rahi look like?" Aodhan inquired.

Vakama smiled. "One was large and green, and looked kind of like a spider. The other was bulky and blue. I don't remember much about them other than that.

"Anyway, as I was saying, these Rahi jumped into the pit with Lhii. Lhii fought back valiantly, but he could not overcome them. However, a Matoran upflow had noticed the dam and noticed that the excess lava was going to flood the area, just completely wipe it away. So he surfed out there and began to dismantle the parts of the dam that he could.

"By the time the Matoran realized what he was doing, it was much too late. The dam had already been broken and the lava was going to engulf Lhii. But Lhii saw this, broke from the grip of the Rahi, grabbed hold of his surfboard, and caught some of the rushing lava.

"But there was too much of it. Lhii could not handle the wave of lava, and got pulled under. The two Rahi, for their efforts, did not make it.

"Lhii gave his life to save the life of all of you here today," Vakama concluded, a solitary tear running down his cheek. "That's the most important thing."

Without a word, or indeed even a sound from anyone seated in the concentric semicircles around him, he got up and slowly ambled away.



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Forever

Posted by Sumiki , in Contests, Writing May 29 2012 · 62 views

I don't usually post three blog entries in a row, but those pesky Library minions are keeping me way too busy. As if I don't have enough to do already. :rolleyes:

Forever


The subtle waves swept onto the shoreline, lapsing peacefully back upon the ocean from whence they came. The wind was brisk and light, with the most indistinguishable of salty tangs to the air. The sea, such as it was, was slowly and forthrightly climbing onto the shoreline, doing its best to slowly eat away at the footsteps that so marred the sand.

"You think this is such a good idea?" came a whispered call. A gruff grunt and a brusque shrug was all the response that he got.

"Just a little more up ..."

The sheer, striated rock wall that had consistently been around a hundred yards from them took a bend, sharply descending into a mess of boulders as it met with the sea. Beyond it, the two adventurers saw, there was wood.

In the dim light of the waxing moon, and the modicum of light that the stars around it provided, golden points of light twinkled on the sand.

"This is it. That's the shipwreck."

"Looks like it was yesterday ..."

The more ambitious of the two slid down the sand that coated the greatest of the boulders, leaving his own heavy boot prints on the soft and easily scarred sand.

They were gold-diggers, at heart. They couldn't help it; it was in their genes and in their blood. Gold intrigued them and enticed them as few vices could, as addictions that they could not break themselves of.

"Gold!" the taller, more bearded, and slightly denser of the two yelled. As obvious as this was, this only served to excite them further. Fumbling with their crowbars for a few moments, they cracked open chest after chest, uncovering priceless amounts of riches in one after another.

They were like two little boys in a candy store, heaping piles of gold about themselves, garnishing their garish and unrestricted piles with silver, crowns, jewels, and precious minerals. Easily tired, they collapsed onto beds of riches, thinking their goldbrick selves to be set for life, if they figured out how to cash in on this hunch. And how hard could it be? They were quite literally sleeping on gold ...

***

The next morning, the sea had rushed up to the rock wall that it, so long ago, had hewn. Seagulls flew over, rushing down only occasionally to eat something.

Far above, where the last bits of sand ran out and the lushness of trees began, bits of rotted wood floated away, small coins coming with it.

Treasure, such as it was, was theirs forever, down where no one would ever reach again.







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He's the lord of all strangeness. - Ignika: Nerd of Life

How awesome is Sumiki on a scale of 1 to 10? - Waffles
42. - Black Six

[He's] the king of wierd, the prince of practicality, the duke of durr! - Daiker

Sumiki is magic. - Cholie

Sumiki says, "Do I creeeeeeep you out?" Yes, he does. - Waffles

Sumiki is a nub. He's cool, but he's still a nub. - Ran Yakumo

 

"What is a Sumiki?" You may ask. But the answer to that is still unknown, even to the Sumiki itself. - Daiker

Ah, Sumiki. - Electric Turahk

 

LISTEN TO SUMIKI - Cholie

 

Sumiki is best snickerdoodle. - Takuma Nuva

 

BZPower = Sumiki + McSmeag + B6. And Hahli Husky. - Vorex

 

What's a Sumi? Does it taste good? - Janus

 

I would have thought Sumiki wanted to reincarnate as a farm animal. - Kraggh

 

EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH - Kakaru

 

Sumiki: the horse_ebooks of bzp - VampireBohrok

 

Everything relates to Sumiki. No really, everything. - Daiker

 

He's in worse mental condition than I thought. - Obsessionist

 

I'm just wondering why I'm looking at some cat dancing ... I suppose the answer would simply be "Sumiki." - Brickeens

 

I was like a beast, screaming through the mind of Sumiki at the speed of sound. I.. I wasn't strong enough to stop myself. What I saw was the end of infinity, through which one can see the beginning of time, and I will never be the same. - Portalfig

My Little Content Block

Sumiki
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Savage Rockslide Awakened
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Group: Premier Forum Assistants
Posts: 10600-10700
Joined: 4-September 06
Premier: 9-October 06
FM: 20-February 12
FA: 29-August 12
Member No.: 45057
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Lifetime Premier - Dimensioneer

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Reports - Toaraga - 12-January 09

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Every week, I post a new "Tuesday Tablescrap", a small MOC not worthy of a topic, but something to post and inspire me to build more.

10/25/11 - Duplo Flower
11/1/11 - Slender Man and Masky
11/8/11 - Bizarre Black Spaceship
11/15/11 - 2001 Monolith

11/22/11 - My Little Slizer 50
11/29/11 - Punching Bag
12/6/11 - Thunder and Escorts
12/13/11 - Three Concepts
12/20/11 - Kaxium Alternate
12/27/11 - None (Christmas Break)

1/3/12 - Daiker
1/10/12 - None
1/17/12 - Volant
1/24/12 - Nidman's Chute Shoop Shop
1/31/12 - None (Brickshelf down)
2/7/12 - None
2/14/12 - Atomic Lime
2/21/12 - Spearhead
2/28/12 - Glatorian Kahi
3/6/12 - Seeker
3/13/12 - Skyscraper
3/20/12 - Microphone
3/27/12 - Toa Vultraz
4/3/12 - Flammenwerferjüngeres
4/10/12 - Umbrella
4/17/12 - Lime Beetle
4/24/12 - Special - Flame Sculpture
5/1/12 - None (BZPower down)
5/8/12 - Purple Ninja
5/15/12 - The Original Sumiki
5/22/12 - 7/24/12 - None
7/31/12 - Tahu
8/7/12 - None (BrickFair)
8/14/12 - Special - Chess Set
8/21/12 - Heavily Armored Wasp
8/28/12 - Spaceship Drill
9/4/12 - Scuba Vehicle
9/11/12 - Orange Guy
9/18/12 - Strange Flying Thing
9/25/12 - Goblet
10/2/12 - None
10/9/12 - Aim .............................. Down
10/16/12 - Gold Bot
10/23/12 - Teal Mech
10/30/12 - Special - Teal Mech (#2)
11/6/12 - Bits and Pieces
11/13/12 - Two Spaceships
11/20/12 - TARDIS Interior
11/27/12 - Christmas Creep
12/4/12 - Toaraga
12/11/12 - Fireplace
12/18/12 - Abstract Duckling
12/25/12 - None (Christmas)
1/1/13 - Black Bot
1/8/13 - 1/22/13 - None
1/29/13 - Handheld Rhotuka Launcher

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Formerly known as the Bring Back Teal Club, the Unused Colors Society is a club that serves to promote colors that are little-used or discontinued, such as teal, old purple, or metallic blue.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Leaders:
Sumiki
Waffles

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Members:

ChocolateFrogs

ToM Dracone
xccj
Uzmakikunai
Novek
Nukaya
Overlord
Kaymac
(((DARKNESS)))
lunaticCircuitry
-Toa Lhikevikk-
DeepFriedZombies
Dirk Strider
GUYUGKUYG
Toa Flappy
Lime Paradox
McSpit
RotationalBasis
Mesonak
chunkeh!
Toa Robert
The X
Nuparu574
Dave Strider
Akuna Toa of Sonics
Commander Helios
Popup2: The Camel
~Shadow Kurahk~
Luna
Rho
~System Of A Down~
Kohrak Kal17
Brickeens
Jackson Lake
Thunder on the Mountain
McBobby
Ackar's Follower
Rahkashi
Bitter Cold
Tobi
Vinylstep
Nidman
Doc Scratch
Mendicant Bias
Eyru
Kagha
Darth Eryzeth
Millennium
Tschurtlschnatchen
kopakakid
Toa of Vahi
~Legoman~
noob
Makuta GigaDon
WORT WORT WORT
~Toa Drokonas~
Kwydjybo
Progenitus Worldsoul
Toa Kuhrii Avohkii
-Morgoth-
Bohrok Kal
Toa Neya 2011 Edition
~prisma son of dawn~
Nidhikiandco
.: WoLVeRINe :.
Zokau
DragonxFlutter
Lebon
ChocoLvr13
Uzumakikunai
Dokuma
Carnifex
Xetra
Metrongana
Alternate Velika
HercuLesss
Absol'd
SquishyFrog
Ynot
qUESTIE
SonicBOOM XS
Tavakai
Schnee 1
Brickeens (again!?)
Kakaru
The Great Forgetter
Kylus
Thomas the Tank Engine
Roablin
Aho-Chan
Jonah Falcon
~MatoroIgnika~
Vocals
Oh my miru
Element lord Of Milk.
e=mc^2
Lexuk Toa Of Insanity
Michael J. Caboose
GlatorianJaller
knuckles chaotix
The Bean
Kyronex
Lord Kaitan de Storms
Jaicho
Toa of Dancing
/Got_Your_6/
ZamorBob
Daiker
Toa Arzaki
The Oncoming Storm
Darkrylles
Lego Obsessionist
Toa of Pumpkin
christo1096
Unit#phntk#1
Teal Armada
Toa Zehvor Blackout
Mr. M
Chibinuva
Vohon
Mylo Xyloto
Lord of Ice
Celu
Architect
Rix
.:ENCRYPTION:.
~~Zarkan~~
TornadoToad
Fantasia
Gamzee Makara
Zarayna: The Quiet Light

Paleo

Xaeraz

Vorex: Keeper of Time

Roablin

Toa of Smooth Jazz

fishers64

Zeene

Dual Matrix
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If you learn one thing in life, learn this:

You should never, ever question why demons would possess a soda.


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