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Making Sense of James Bond

Posted by Sumiki , in Writing, Rants, Not Essays!, Life Mar 24 2013 · 141 views

Over the course of the past few weeks, I've been watching a James Bond marathon, from movies I've seen a number of times to a few I'd only seen a few bit and pieces of. The series is episodic, but there is enough carryover between films to imply a sense of overall structure. Desmond Llewelyn played Q from Sean Connery until Pierce Brosnan, for instance. Between specific films there are correlations as well. The death of Bond's bride in On Her Majesty's Secret Service is referenced on occasion, especially during Roger Moore's run as 007. However, discrepancies and anomalies in the series pile up, which is why, to make sense of it all and fit it into my own headcanon, I have adopted the assertion that James Bond is, in fact, a Time Lord.

You heard me.

This solves the issue of the appearance changes, which are the main problem confronting anyone who wishes to make sense of Bond. But that's not all - one has to do some shuffling and some between-movie assumptions for this to fit.

Let's go chronologically, shall we?

We begin with Dr. No, where we're introduced to the early form of a Bond movie, complete with many of the tropes that would come to define the series in popular culture. From Russia With Love is its sort-of sequel, where SPECTRE (SPecial Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, and Extortion) and its recurring villain Ernst Stavro Blofeld are introduced, complete with white cat.

Goldfinger takes a break from Bond battling SPECTRE, but it returns with Largo's nuclear hijack in Thunderball. Blofeld's face is revealed for the first time at the climax of You Only Live Twice, but he escapes to fight another day and SPECTRE is far from over.

This is where it gets interesting. Sean Connery did not want to return to the role of Bond, so the producers cast George Lazenby and made On Her Majesty's Secret Service, a movie that I don't care for and don't understand why others do. (Maybe I'll eventually understand what all the fuss is about, but in my opinion Lazenby does not play Bond, but instead plays a cardboard cutout of a Sean Connery lookalike.)

But the existence of this movie becomes a problem for my pet theory. If the series had gone straight to Roger Moore as Bond, it wouldn't be a problem, but Sean Connery returned for Diamonds Are Forever, the next film.

Instead of saying that Lazenby was the same "incarnation" of Bond as Connery, he was a different character. Plus, the aftermath of the death of Tracy Bond in OHMSS would have certainly had an effect on Bond in the next film ... right?

Well, no. She isn't even alluded to until a conversation in The Spy Who Loved Me, three films into Moore's run. We also see her grave in the pre-credits sequence of For Your Eyes Only, and is referenced in conversations in Licence to Kill and The World is Not Enough. Instead of ignoring OHMSS (and those great moments for continuity in the other films), it makes sense to instead move the events of the film after Diamonds Are Forever, between Connery's Bond and Moore's Bond. Connery regenerates into Lazenby, and the events of OHMSS occur afterwards, accounting for Lazenby's stiffness. Grief-stricken afterwards, he regenerates again into Moore's Bond.

Moore lasts for seven films, some good, some completely and utterly ridiculous. (Read: Moonraker.) Between the events of A View to A Kill and The Living Daylights, Moore regenerates into Timothy Dalton.

But there's a catch here: unofficial Bond film Never Say Never Again was released the same year as the official Octopussy, which performed slightly better at the box office. If NSNA is counted, this would throw a serious wrench into the Time Lord 007 theory - unless we move the movie in time to occur between DaF and OHMSS in our new, slightly scrambled version of events. Sean Connery is still Bond, but concerns are being raised about his age in the film. It's a remake of Thunderball, but Bond doesn't reference those events, even with the same-name bad guy and same plot. The only way this fits into the canon is if Maximilian Largo of NSNA is the son of Emilio Largo from Thunderball, and no one referenced the events of Thunderball.

(Or we can just ignore that one. Like I said, it wasn't even official (though some of the better elements of that film got used again in Skyfall to great effect.)

Anyway, after two films, a long hiatus occurs. Presumably Bond, inspired by License to Kill, goes rogue, gets caught up in the Time War, and becomes Rassilon before being time-locked again by the Doctor. Somehow he escapes, atones for the error of his ways, regenerates into Pierce Brosnan and beats up bad guys for another four films before becoming Daniel Craig.

Now, this is where the Time Lord 007 theory becomes really interesting, and fits in well with the ongoing continuity: Craig's first Bond film is also his first mission after not acquiring, but re-aquiring his license to kill. M is portrayed by Judi Dench, as she did at the start of Brosnan's tenure. Bond is reveal to be from Scotland in Skyfall, which accounts for Connery, who was born is Scotland in real life. It also accounts for the reappearance of the classic Aston Martin in the film, and the many callbacks to previous movies that wouldn't be possible if Casino Royale had been a true reboot.

Let's not just continue this logic with Bond. M and Q are different characters, but there is another recurring character in the films that is supposed to be the same person: Bond's CIA counterpart Felix Leiter, who has been played by seven actors. David Hedison played the role in Live and Let Die and Licence to Kill, which were some 16 years apart. Instead of making it too timey-wimey, let's suppose that these are two distinct characters, which means there have been eight Leiters to the six Bonds.

The fridge logic here is that, offscreen, Leiter gets in more inescapable, dangerous situations than Bond does - though he doesn't have the Bond magic of escaping those situations. It also accounts for Leiter's friendship with Bond, which was never explained in the films.

NEXT TIME: SUMIKI IS BEATEN UP BY RABID GEORGE LAZENBY FANS.

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Frosty the Snowman: An Objective Analysis

Posted by Sumiki , in Writing, Rants, Not Essays!, Life Dec 31 2012 · 95 views

The New Year might be well on its way, but that doesn't mean that I'll let any more Christmas songs off the hook. So it's time for another objective analysis. This time, I'm taking on Frosty the Snowman.

Let's get to work.

Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul,
With a corncob pipe and button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.

Right off the bat we can identify a few disturbing implications. Frosty is a soul, which means that Frosty is disembodied. A soul without a body is commonly referred to as a ghost. We're not even out of the first stanza and we've already figured out Frosty is a ghost - this has potential

But wait ... a ghost with physical features doesn't make too much sense. Clearly, there's more to this Frosty business than meets the eye. After all, he is always referred to as a snowman. Maybe the next few lines will provide some clues.

Frosty the Snowman is a fairytale, they say.
He was made of snow but the children know
That he came to life one day.

Perhaps Frosty is a soul which reanimates snowmen. But ... how come only the children know him? Why not any adults? Does Frosty never reveal himself to them? Maybe Frosty wants something from the kids, and stalks them.

More like Frosty the Slenderman, am I right?

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In any case, let's continue with the lyrics.

There must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found,
For when they placed it on his head, he began to dance around!

Clearly the silk hat is imbued with a certain amount of magic - black magic. There are no hard and fast rules about souls possessing objects, but we can infer that Frosty can only inhabit a snowman body if said body has a corncob pipe, a button nose, two coal eyes, and has a silk hat placed on its head last. These are the only conditions wherein Frosty can inhabit a snowman body.

Frosty the Snowman was alive as he could be,
And the children say he could laugh and play
Just the same as you and me.

Again with the children. Only the children say that he could laugh and play, so this is hearsay. The children can say anything. This is different from the children knowing that he came to life, as stated in the earlier stanza. We can't know for certain that Frosty can laugh and play. It's possible that Frosty is using this to cover up something. But what would a snowman do with a bunch of children?

Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go.
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump
Over the hills of snow.

There's not much here to go on, but Frosty is going somewhere over snow. Can he only travel over snow? And he must be going fast enough to be worthy of pointing out. Why is he running? Are the kids' parents chasing him, or are the cops on his tail?

Frosty the Snowman knew the sun was hot that day,
So he said "Let's run, and we have have some fun
Now before I melt away."

Well, the sun's hot, no kidding. It's hot all the time, to the tune of 10 million degrees. Frosty's scientific knowledge is simplistic.

Down to the village with a broomstick in his hand,
Running here and there all around the square saying
"Catch me if you can!"

So Frosty is not just a creepy ghost who thinks he's a snowman, but is also a witch to boot? After all, no respectable snowman would ever be caught near a broomstick. To catch him, the children will most likely have to run recklessly, putting them in harm's way. Is this what Frosty wants?

He led them down the streets of town right to the traffic cop.
And he only paused a moment when he heard him holler "Stop!"

Frosty the Felon, then, is it? And what's he doing leading kids through streets? They could get run over!

For Frosty the Snowman had to hurry on his way,
But he waved goodbye saying, "Don't you cry,
I'll be back again some day."

Yeah, back again ... from jail. Endangering children is no joke.

But hold on ... we appear to have a contradiction. Up until that point, it is implied that only children know of Frosty and that Frosty's existence is a secret to adults. But the traffic cop must be an adult. This is the first time that an adult knows of Frosty. Does the cop have special powers? Is he the only one who can see Frosty? Has Frosty lost his power to stay hidden from adults? Unfortunately, that's where the song ends, and I can infer no more without descending into speculation.

Thus, like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, this song, when paired with simple deductions, reveals highly disturbing things about the Christmas season. I submit to you that Frosty the Snowman is a creepy supernatural figure that enthralls children and leads them down busy streets to their doom.

NEXT TIME: SUMIKI IS CHASED BY FROSTY AFTER HE ABDUCTS HIS HAT.

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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: An Objective Analysis

Posted by Sumiki , in Life, Rants, Not Essays!, Writing Dec 22 2012 · 189 views

(Disclaimer: This blog entry is facetious and in no way intended to be factual whatsoever.)

It's Christmastime once again, and with it come a wave of songs. This year, I took the time to consider the the implications of the lyrics of Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

(I really do have too much time on my hands.)

Let's just start off with the first couple of lines, the introduction:

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen,
But do you recall?
The most famous reindeer of all?

This bothers me. First off, there's the implication that I know those eight other reindeer. Heck, I can't remember their names, except that whenever I hear Blitzen's name I think of Wolf Blitzer's stubbly white beard.

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This is, as one can imagine, an utterly horrifying thought - but hey, at least I can remember Blitzen's name.

But this also implies that the other eight are so famous that everyone has heard of them, when in reality, the only reindeer that anyone can name is Rudolph. And this intro is implying that we've never heard of him right before launching into a full-fledged biographical song.

Okay, minor gripe over. What I'm really concerned about is the reindeer culture, which isn't much of a culture at all. In fact, it seems to be run by bullies - very animalistic. We do know, from the context of the song, that there are more reindeer than just the nine we know of. At the very least, we can assume that there are backups in case something should befall one of the reindeer, rendering him unable to complete the annual journey. Maybe Blitzen got an ingrown hair one year and Santa wanted to take precautions.

All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names;
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games.

Reindeer seem to be mean. The song states that all of the reindeer - not just the immature, small ones (which we don't know for sure even exist at the North Pole), but all of them - made fun of Rudolph just because his nose glowed. Logic would dictate that this includes the eight main reindeer, and it seems more and more likely that the reindeer deserve their own places on the naughty list. Meanwhile, Santa's just sitting there watching the spectacle of a young reindeer with an unfortunately bright nose get picked on constantly for something he couldn't help.

Unless, of course, Rudolph just has very bad allergies all of the time.

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We know from the song that Santa knew of Rudolph's nose and chose to do nothing about it ... until the night before Christmas:

Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
"Rudolph, with your nose so bright,
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

Hold on a second. There are a lot of implications in just one little stanza, so let's go through them. The first is the implication that there is fog everywhere, referring to the entire planet, an unprecedented weather phenomenon that no one has ever seen before, but nonetheless it wasn't going to stop the present delivery from happening.

We also now know that Santa lacks headlights on his sleigh. To make toys, Santa must not only employ a massive workforce but also use advanced technology in the present-making process. Since his elves must work year-round to make enough presents for everyone, they must work when there is no natural light outside. At the North Pole, the winter is by and large sunless. Continuing from this logic, Santa must have some sort of artificial light. If you fly around the earth at night and sneak into people's houses, it's kind of necessary to have a few flashlights. If he had magical night-vision, he wouldn't need Rudolph to light the way in the first place.

Any way you look at it, Rudolph should not have been an addition to the eight-reindeer team for the reasons provided in the song.

Here's the kicker: after it's over, the reindeer now like Rudolph:

Then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,
You'll go down in history!"

... and you're sure that they were shouting that with glee?

We now have the first indication that reindeer can talk. Reindeer intelligence is great enough to understand spoken words, as Rudolph understood Santa, but with this stanza we know that reindeer can talk. With speech comes advanced society. Second, telling someone that they're going down in history sounds like a one-liner a bad guy would say in a James Bond movie before they kill someone.

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Thusly, I submit to you, the populace of BZPower, absolute incontrovertible proof that the implications contained within the song Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, when paired with simple logic, provide evidence that reindeer are mean and Santa Claus is an imbecilic, lazy troll.

Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.

NEXT TIME: SUMIKI WAKES UP IN THE HOSPITAL AFTER BEING AMBUSHED BY A GANG OF EIGHT REINDEER.

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Matters of Pronunciation

Posted by Sumiki , in BIONICLE/LEGO, BZPower, MOCing, Rants, Not Essays! Nov 19 2012 · 151 views

Earlier today, I went into General Discussion and found that the TTV Podcast topic had been revived. I haven't been a part of that podcast since earlier this year, just a few short weeks after my initial promotion to Forum Mentor.

Some of my best memories of my time on TTV involved the MOCist Interviews that I did, at first along with the deep-voiced Tom (I'm unsure of his current BZP username), then with Brickeens alongside us. Eventually Tom quit, which left Brickeens and I to pester other MOCists with our silly questions.

One of the questions was about how people pronounce the term "MOC." I always have pronounced it as "em-oh-cee" - because if you "mock" someone, it sounds like you're making fun of them. If a profile tribute is the greatest possible expression of love, then an MOC tribute must be the greatest possible expression of admiration.

Well, as it turned out, nearly all of the MOCists we interviewed pronounced it as "mock," and my pronunciation of it became a running joke on the interviews. The lack of clear, obvious pronunciation is awkward for a number of small reasons. For example, my pronunciation leads me to write "an MOC," while most write "a MOC."

At first, this made me want to run a MOC, but I didn't.

(Amok, a MOC? See what I did there?)

(Okay, that was terrible I'm so sorry please put the gun down I swear I won't make any more horrible puns really)

I've actually acclimated to others pronouncing it differently, and to be fair, "mock" is much more fluid in a sentence. I still think it sounds stupid, but to each their own. I've caught myself using that pronunciation during both of the past two BrickFairs, mainly because everyone else uses it.

In the end, there's really no problem with either pronunciation. The fact that it's an acronym doesn't give us a clue as to its correct pronunciation.

No, the real problem lies in the fact that it's an acronym. (Acronyms Anonymous: where the first step to recovery is recognizing that you're an acronym.)

Acronyms are quite possibly the strangest quirk of language, and English, considered to be one of the quirkiest of all human languages, has its fair share of acronyms. To start things off, let's look at some pronunciations:

NATO (North Atlantic Treaty Organization): spoken as word
HTML (HyperText Markup Language): spelled out
CD-ROM (Compact Disc, Read-Only Memory): half-spelled, half-spoken
NCAA (National Collegiate Athletic Association): "AA" turns into "double-A" when said

Or take the recursive GNU, which stands for "GNU's Not Unix" - which, combined with the double-layered GIMP ("GNU Image Manipulation Program"), leaves a puddle where your brain used to be.

Right away, we can be thankful for two things: one, that "MOC" isn't a recursive acronym, and two ... well, there's no set pronunciation. So both ways are right.

But while this is a resolution to the initial question, let's go a bit deeper - because, as the MythBusters say, if it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing.

"MOC" has entered into the LEGO community's vernacular to a point where it gets used in speech and in text in bizarre situations, places where, if you replaced "MOC" with its constituent words, "My Own Creation," you end up with some hilariously mangled sentences. Take, for example, this excerpt of Fsnorglepuff's post in Ballom's topic Fishy:

Great design, but the eye holes in the head plate distract from the actual eyes of the MOC. Try to fit in orange pieces there.

Replacing "MOC" with "My Own Creation" leaves you with:

Great design, but the eye holes in the head plate distract from the actual eyes of the my own creation. Try to fit in orange pieces there.

Here's another excerpt, but this time of Dralcax's post in DARKSIDERZ's topic The Rahkshi Re-invented:

The torso is definitely the best part of the MOC. I love what you did with the spines and the head.

The torso is definitely the best part of the my own creation. I love what you did with the spines and the head.

Replacing it with "my own creation" leaves posts looking like they've either been caught by a new word filter or run through the bad translator a couple of times.

This isn't a phenomenon of this single term, by any means. A lot of acronyms lose their original meaning and become twisted over time to fit into sentences. Some even go so far as to lose their capitalization, and thus sever all ties with their acronymic origins. Radar, laser, and scuba are but three acronyms that are now words. If we all replaced the acronyms we use every day with their longer counterparts, we'd sound hilarious and at least a little bit incompetent.

Back to the MOC discussion for a bit before I wrap things up. Recently, I've been trying to avoid the term - not because I'm tired of pronouncing it differently, but rather because of what it stands for. "My own creation" reminds me of the "cool creations" of the LEGO magazine, which were never, ever cool. (Six-year-olds, generally speaking, don't have a concept of "color scheme.") It's also pretty redundant, and becomes a hassle if you're referring to something someone else built. In some situations, it's sort of like saying "PIN number" (Personal Identification Number number).

That's why I've taken to calling them "creations." It's simple, it's direct, and there are no concerns anent its pronunciation.

Now that's something to run a MOC about.

NEXT TIME: SUMIKI'S DAD DISCUSSES THE PHILOSOPHICAL AND MORAL ASPECTS OF MUTATED PLEXIGLAS.

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Metru Nui and Midichlorians

Posted by Sumiki , in Rants, Not Essays!, BIONICLE/LEGO Nov 19 2012 · 149 views

So, let's talk a little history here. Let's go back to 1977, a big year for many reasons. Apple becomes a company, Miami gets snow, Uranus's rings are discovered, MLB expands to Toronto and Seattle, Star Wars premieres, Elvis dies, smallpox is eradi-

Wait, hold on. Back up. Star Wars premiered. That was the important thing - some would argue that it has impacted the world more so than anything else that has its roots in 1977. (Apple, of course, would like a word with you if you agree.)

Star Wars - or, as it's known now, A New Hope - was the highest grossing film for the time, and its cultural impact was astounding. By the time the original trilogy was completed in 1983, the Star Wars franchise was a remarkable success. For a long time, it just sat there, continuing to pile up cash for George Lucas. Its fans thought of it very highly, and praised the series for pretty much all of its aspects.

At the same time, something was missing, though only Lucas saw it. His original vision for Star Wars involved a total of nine or even twelve films. This was repeated often enough by Lucas, and by those close to him, to be taken as credible, and now, with Disney's purchase of Lucasfilm, will become a reality. Like any other story, as it evolved, Lucas's vision changed. Instead of being the story of a group of people, Star Wars became about Anakin Skywalker: his powers, his fall, and his eventual redemption. Lucas talked of a nine-film arc as late as 1994, but it soon became clear that the "original" version of the sequel trilogy, as he envisioned it, wouldn't come to pass.

Soon enough, 1997 came along, and with it Lucas began to enrage his fans with the release of the "Special Edition" versions of the original trilogy. I've seen the changes myself, and not being a complete Star Wars nut, I can't bring myself to see what the big deal is about Han or Greedo shooting first. (I can't ever remember which one was the original, let alone why the fans got their jimmies collectively rustled.) The rest of the changes are so minor as to be unnoticeable to all but the most dedicated fans. And I'll be honest here - some of the changes improved the overall look and feel of the films, as well as correcting some errors left over from the original versions. For example, the Special Edition version of the Rebel-Empire battle in A New Hope is much cleaner and smoother than the original, and the CGI works.

Two years after this debacle, The Phantom Menace debuts.

And the fans, for the most part, think it sucks.

But ... why? The Phantom Menace isn't the best movie ever made, but there was an undue amount of hate on it. Fans pointed to many things: the de-mystifying of the Force (in an undramatic scene, no less), an awesome villain called Darth Maul that got no characterization and little screen time save for the single best swordfighting scene in all of film. But not even the fight could escape criticism; fans viewed it as unrealistic.

(Of course, "unrealistic" is a silly word to throw around when you have a universe full of laser swords, telekinesis, space stations the size of moons that can obliterate planets, and an army of overweight teddy bears taking down a fully trained - and fully armored! - army. I'm just sayin'.)

Then came Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith, and they got ripped for pretty much the same reason: Hayden Christensen.

Ever since 2005, there have been wars over the Internet, pitting the originals against the prequels. Mainly, it's the folks who outright hate the prequels with every atom of their being versus the folks who say "well gee, the prequels weren't as good as the originals but they weren't that bad."

I agree with the latter, as does TMD.

In thinking about the subject, I slogged through pro- and anti-prequel articles, videos, and comments from all over the Internet. What I tried to do with all this was to boil it down to something simple, a statement about why the prequels are so commonly despised.

Here goes:

The Star Wars prequel trilogy is disliked amongst fans because it disrupted everything about what they knew about the universe they had come to love.

Between the release of Return of the Jedi and The Phantom Menace, fans created an expanded canon that built off of where Jedi left off. They left what happened before Episode IV alone. The mystery was a part of the canon. The Force was magical; Yoda didn't mention anything about midichlorians when he was teaching Luke on Dagobah.

Now, switching gears (though not really). BIONICLE.

2001 to 2003 was the "original trilogy" of BIONICLE. There was mystery about the universe, the bad guy was bad for who knows what reasons, but we didn't care because he was awesome.

Sound familiar?

Yeah, I thought so.

This is where it gets interesting, and where there are a lot of BIONICLE-Star Wars parallels. The "prequels" of BIONICLE were 2004 and 2005, when we learned that Vakama was once a depressed and possibly emo Toa of Fire who led a motley crew to the extremes of Metru Nui to find disks and destroy an oversized weed.

Huh. Maybe we should hire the Toa Metru to clean out the Kudzu that clutters up quite a bit of North Carolina.

Most of the story parallels would be silly to make, because while they have tropes in common, for the most part they're completely different stories. (Well, aside from Teridax and Emperor Palpatine: same guy, different universe.) What I'm interested in here is the fan reaction.

2004 was greeted by the BIONICLE community as being fresh, exciting, and so wonderfully new ... the sets had new molds, new colors, and more articulation than you could shake your blocky bley fist at.

As the years have dragged on, though, the distaste for '04 (and '05, to a greater extent) has grown. '01-'03 were nostalgic, simple in some ways, complex in others. The entire story was like a riddle wrapped around an enigma fried up in a conundrum with Chinese mustard dipping sauce, and there were no complaints about this, just as there were none when old Ben Kenobi taught Luke about the ways of the Force. No one asked "why are there masks on this island and why did the Toa get there?" just as no one asked "why can that wrinkled muppet lift a starfighter?"

You can see where I'm going from here. George Lucas and Greg Farshtey both have almost singlehandedly developed entire universes. In each case, their stories start out in the middle of things, and when the backstory is revealed, the fans have mixed reactions, at best.

In each case, it is due to the fact that the fan bases generate a collective idea about what came before. Each fan base has a different take - BIONICLE's is one of theorizing and speculation, while Star Wars's was one of apathy towards what begot their beloved movies. Demystification doesn't make the originals less enjoyable, but no Star Wars fan can watch any of the original movies without the voice of Jar Jar Binks taking a cheese grater to their cerebral cortex.

In each case, the "magic of the original" was lost. Metru Nui felt different from Mata Nui for the same reasons as the prequels felt different from the originals. They both couldn't have been more different from their predecessors.

In each case, the main architect of the series was vilified for changing too much original material. Greg got serious heat for revealing Makuta's real name, retconning the '01-'02 flirting, etc. This is not much different from Lucas tinkering with the movies, or informing us that midichlorians exist.

And in each case, the ones who criticize the harshest are often the ones who are most passionate about what they criticize.

NEXT TIME: SUMIKI TESTS POSITIVE FOR MIDICHLORIANS AND GETS A PHONE CALL FROM LANCE ARMSTRONG.

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The Evolution of a Fan

Posted by Sumiki , in Rants, Not Essays!, MOCing, Life, BZPower, BIONICLE/LEGO Nov 18 2012 · 154 views

(Sumiki continues the Rants, Not Essays! series after failing to open a pickle jar. He had a tomato instead.)

I used to be a hardcore completist.

Somehow, every year that BIONICLE existed, I was able to get every set from every wave. Once I had gotten every 2002 set, every 2001 set (they still sold 'em in '02) then got every 2003 set, it took on a life of its own. I felt as if I had gotten too far into the collection to turn away, past a point of no return. In the world of business, this is a phenomenon known as "escalation of commitment." If BIONICLE was still going, I'd still probably be a completist.

It wasn't just the sets, though; I was enthralled with the story as well. I'd memorize every new bit of story I could get my hands on. I remember thinking about how so incredibly epic the Rahkshi were (*gasp* knee articulation!) and wondering how they could possibly make the story any cooler. Whether or not they succeeded is a point of contention amongst fans, but I found 2004 to be a pinnacle of awesomeness when it arrived. (*gasp* Elbow articulation!)

At some point, subconsciously at least, it became something I did simply because I did it, and the sheer inertia of the tradition was enough impetus for me to continue doing so, year after year. It became a game. I waited until the sets went on sale and scrounged them up. 2009 was especially like this, and marked a sea-change in my time as a LEGO fan. I still enjoyed building the sets, no doubt about it, but I began a transformation. For the most part, I avoided the Bara Magna story. I simply had no interest in learning it like I had learned the story of previous years. It wasn't an active avoidance, not at first - I just lost interest, plain and simple. I still watched TLR and figured out that Metus was the traitor, but I never got myself into any other '09 story.

Then 2010 came along, and with it came confirmation of the dreaded rumors surrounding the end of BIONICLE as we knew it - and I felt fine. Of course, I felt an obligatory twinge of sadness at the loss of something that had been a constant throughout most of my life, but I recognized what I unconsciously had for so long: I had lost interest in the BIONICLE story to the point where I didn't care what direction it went in. What I was a fan of transformed from story to the building system. I cared about the parts in the sets, not the sets or story. That's why it makes no difference to me what LEGO decides to call their main constraction line. Hero Factory's sets are the natural continuation of BIONICLE's sets. I couldn't care less about the story.

The MOCs that I built, beginning in 2004, became the single most defining aspect of BIONICLE, its constraction line cousins, and LEGO in general. As I drifted away from the story, it was replaced by a renewed sense of enthusiasm for the LEGO system of building, the virtues of which I must extol in another entry, for it is too long and tangential to put here.

Oddly, I'm not particularly nostalgic for those olden times when story and sets mattered significantly to me. Greg's recent story revelations failed send the expected waves of nostalgia over me. I view it as closure, and I'm certainly glad we have it, but I don't want BIONICLE back. Let's face it, ladies and gentlemen: BIONICLE's return would most likely suck, as it would be a continuation of the downhill trend it exhibited in its waning years. It would be like Hero Factory all the way around: similar sets, simplistic story, etc. (Well, maybe it'd be like Ninjago a bit ... but that's another entry.)

My evolution as a fan of LEGO is, statistically speaking, rather stark: I haven't purchased a constraction set since 2010, when I got most of the first Hero Factory wave. Despite the interesting parts, I was unimpressed, and I swore off completeism - not like I really had to or anything. Since then, I've gone completely cold turkey on official sets. I've certainly gotten my fair share of parts from both part orders and BrickFair vendors, but I really have no interest in the new sets themselves. When new LEGO catalogs arrive, I'll only nonchalantly flip through them if I have nothing else better to do. Many times, I'll just recycle them.

Can LEGO get back to those olden days? I don't know. We'll just have to see.

But even if they do, I don't expect to return to my old days of completeism ever again.

NEXT TIME: SUMIKI GETS FRUSTRATED THAT THE PART HE JUST SAW A SECOND AGO ISN'T THERE ANYMORE. DANG IT, WHERE DID IT GO. I JUST SAW IT.

GRRR.

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The Third Season

Posted by Sumiki , in Life, BZPower, Rants, Not Essays!, lol bambi Nov 17 2012 · 170 views

(TMD's ongoing series of epic blog entries are known as "Essays, Not Rants!" This might better be known as the first in a series of rambling, barely sensible blog entries known as "Rants, Not Essays!")

The long-awaited Season Three of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is out, as of last week's two-part premiere and this week's Pinkie Pie-centric episode.

To preface what I'm about to write, I pretty much dropped out of "brony-dom" during the latter half of Season Two. To be fair, I never was really a part of it to begin with. During the Great Downtime last year, MLP and its fandom served to fill the Internet void, as strange as that might sound. But even then, I was rarely much more than a passive observer. I found the show to be lighthearted and legitimately enjoyable, but certain portions of brony-dom took it a little too far. My solitary contribution to the fandom took the form of an absurd one-shot fanfic where Pinkie Pie discovers pizza.

Since my "brony drop-out," I've not kept up with the release of episodes from official sources or popular fan sites, as was my norm during the last season. In fact, I credit Bambi's blog for pretty much all the advance knowledge I have before episodes of this season air.

So last week, I sat down and watched the two-part Season Three premiere.

I didn't very much care for it.

Here's five reasons why.

1) The villain. King Sombra had very little backstory, and what we knew was utterly generic and/or terribly lacking.
2) The setting. A Crystal Empire sounds really cool (and some of the architecture and animation were neat), but it flopped horribly - again, because we were given very little information about it.
3) The plot devices. Every single season premiere has suffered the same issue. Season One's was cool because it was the first (though many agree that it's weak), and Season Two had Discord and some novel concepts. But this time around, everything felt rehashed.
4) The timeline. They're all 1,000 years: Luna was in the moon for 1,000 years, Discord was stone for 1,000 years, and this Crystal Empire was gone for, you guessed it, 1,000 years.
5) The Elements of Harmony. Where were they? Surely they could have wiped Sombra out without the rigamarole of the episodes.

Now, I totally understand the need for keeping the plot simple. It is, first and foremost, a show for young girls, and the aspects which draw bronies to the show rarely include the plots. But with Seasons One and Two, the villains which the Mane Six had to battle in the opening two-parters were awesome, and what they did (or tried to do) actually had some implications on the lives of the Mane Six, on Ponyville, and Equestria as a whole. There was fridge horror, logic, and brilliance. With the Crystal Empire, those implications weren't there, and thus the plot carried very little weight.

After watching it, I was disappointed, though not profoundly. I didn't see things to outright hate about it, just a lot of things that bugged me. Its sheer predictability made it boring.

(Side note alert: this was the first season premiere where Princess Celestia was actually able to personally intervene against the forces of evil, but chose not to. Heck, they wrote a logical reason for this into the Return of Harmony script. Trollestia indeed.)

Moving on. The first "regular" episode of Season Three was Too Many Pinkie Pies, wherein Pinkie Pie clones herself and madness ensues. I'm not going to go into specifics, as some may not have seen the episode yet, but I can give some thoughts on it.

Personally, I'm mixed. I had some issues with the resolution (it seemed strange, too forced, and unnatural), but my main qualm resides in the characters. The characters seemed too much like themselves, as if they were caricaturing their personalities. I don't know if this is brony fanservice or not, but I don't like it.

Here's an example.

Paula Deen, for those who don't know, is a chef and TV personality who got famous for her Southern hospitality, exuberance, and willingness to put too much butter into any recipe she made on the air. Her personality was infectious, and my mom enjoyed watching her show - not for the recipes, but just to see what she'd do and say. (A stick of butter is colloquially known in our house as a "Deen.")

As recently as a few years ago, Deen began to change. She no longer seemed like a real person; she seemed to be acting like an echo of the person she used to be. This, according to my mom, made her show not unenjoyable, per se, but significantly less enjoyable than it used to be.

If Too Many Pinkie Pies is any indication, My Little Pony is beginning to head down the same path.

Is it because the fandom has impact? I don't know. Like I said, I kind of dropped out a while back, and I have little interest in returning. A couple of episodes is a small sampling size, but from what I know of the upcoming episodes, this might very well continue. For example the Great and Powerful Trixie - a fan-favorite (for reasons I can't fathom) - will reappear in an upcoming episode. Considering that brony-dom has taken an absurd liking to Trixie, I suspect her return will have fan-service. If it does, I'll consider my earlier theory as being correct.

This isn't saying that I'm no longer a fan of the show. For as long as it is on, I'll still watch the episodes. But if bronies really do have an impact on the show and its characters as much as has been indicated by recent episodes, Friendship is Magic may have prematurely jumped the shark.

NEXT TIME: SUMIKI YELLS AT A PICKLE JAR FOR BEING UNOPENABLE.

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He's the lord of all strangeness. - Ignika: Nerd of Life

How awesome is Sumiki on a scale of 1 to 10? - Waffles
42. - Black Six

[He's] the king of wierd, the prince of practicality, the duke of durr! - Daiker

Sumiki is magic. - Cholie

Sumiki says, "Do I creeeeeeep you out?" Yes, he does. - Waffles

Sumiki is a nub. He's cool, but he's still a nub. - Ran Yakumo

"What is a Sumiki?" You may ask. But the answer to that is still unknown, even to the Sumiki itself. - Daiker

Ah, Sumiki. - Electric Turahk

LISTEN TO SUMIKI - Cholie

Sumiki is best snickerdoodle. - Takuma Nuva

BZPower = Sumiki + McSmeag + B6. And Hahli Husky. - Vorex

What's a Sumi? Does it taste good? - Janus

I would have thought Sumiki wanted to reincarnate as a farm animal. - Kraggh

EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH - Kakaru

Sumiki: the horse_ebooks of bzp - VampireBohrok

Everything relates to Sumiki. No really, everything. - Daiker

He's in worse mental condition than I thought. - Obsessionist

I'm just wondering why I'm looking at some cat dancing ... I suppose the answer would simply be "Sumiki." - Brickeens

I was like a beast, screaming through the mind of Sumiki at the speed of sound. I.. I wasn't strong enough to stop myself. What I saw was the end of infinity, through which one can see the beginning of time, and I will never be the same. - Portalfig

My Little Content Block

Sumiki
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Every week, I post a new "Tuesday Tablescrap", a small MOC not worthy of a topic, but something to post and inspire me to build more.

10/25/11 - Duplo Flower
11/1/11 - Slender Man and Masky
11/8/11 - Bizarre Black Spaceship
11/15/11 - 2001 Monolith
11/22/11 - My Little Slizer 50
11/29/11 - Punching Bag
12/6/11 - Thunder and Escorts
12/13/11 - Three Concepts
12/20/11 - Kaxium Alternate
12/27/11 - None (Christmas Break)

1/3/12 - Daiker
1/10/12 - None
1/17/12 - Volant
1/24/12 - Nidman's Chute Shoop Shop
1/31/12 - None (Brickshelf down)
2/7/12 - None
2/14/12 - Atomic Lime
2/21/12 - Spearhead
2/28/12 - Glatorian Kahi
3/6/12 - Seeker
3/13/12 - Skyscraper
3/20/12 - Microphone
3/27/12 - Toa Vultraz
4/3/12 - Flammenwerferjüngeres
4/10/12 - Umbrella
4/17/12 - Lime Beetle
4/24/12 - Special - Flame Sculpture
5/1/12 - None (BZPower down)
5/8/12 - Purple Ninja
5/15/12 - The Original Sumiki
5/22/12 - 7/24/12 - None
7/31/12 - Tahu
8/7/12 - None (BrickFair)
8/14/12 - Special - Chess Set
8/21/12 - Heavily Armored Wasp
8/28/12 - Spaceship Drill
9/4/12 - Scuba Vehicle
9/11/12 - Orange Guy
9/18/12 - Strange Flying Thing
9/25/12 - Goblet
10/2/12 - None
10/9/12 - Aim .............................. Down
10/16/12 - Gold Bot
10/23/12 - Teal Mech
10/30/12 - Special - Teal Mech (#2)
11/6/12 - Bits and Pieces
11/13/12 - Two Spaceships
11/20/12 - TARDIS Interior
11/27/12 - Christmas Creep
12/4/12 - Toaraga
12/11/12 - Fireplace
12/18/12 - Abstract Duckling
12/25/12 - None (Christmas)
1/1/13 - Black Bot
1/8/13 - 1/22/13 - None
1/29/13 - Handheld Rhotuka Launcher

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Formerly known as the Bring Back Teal Club, the Unused Colors Society is a club that serves to promote colors that are little-used or discontinued, such as teal, old purple, or metallic blue.

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