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Yesterday, while at my public library, I took along a notebook, and decided to write what I felt. All that day I had been slightly depressed, partially because I had come home at one o'cloick in the morning, but also because of something that had been on my mind once I was finished going on BZPower for the day. It the literary atmosphere (and coincidentally right next to one of the cutest girls I know *slaps himself*), I was in the mood to write my feelings. Since it kind of qualifies as a journal entry, and a blog is an online journal, I will copy everything I wrote down onto here.It's quite depressing if you give thought to it. One day I'm at the top of my game, an the next I'm simply taken down. I like to write, and I would always write something every day. Yet, I've been going in the direction of a steady decline, every day bringing me one more choice towards procrastination. Then, today, save for the words on this paper, I nulled. What literature did I give life to? None. Not only have I been writing less, but I've notice something even worse: what little I have written did not come from my heart. It all seemed to come from my hands and ears. I would hear a good idea, and would then apply it into my own on the keyboard with my hands. My creativity has gone flat, and by "flat" I mean two-dimensional, not as in Rascal Flats. Where did my passion go?
To many, this wouldn't seem like much, but it has hit me today with a great impact, almost as if I had tripped while jump roping in gym class today. Many people feel gravity pulling them towards some obligation all their life, and to me the obligation is writing. I have even made plans for my future based off of this desire. Every day my hear denies my writing I feel it stabbed by a dagger.
I need to change, and for the better. There are forces distracting me, and I am having trouble denying them. Yet, I don't want to quit chatting like a monkey on the forums, even if my reasoning and language skills are beyond almost everyone else. It all boils down to the choice of whether to do what's right for me or to do what is easy. I'm free. Absolutely free, because I have the power to choose for myself, and the choice is the one thing that I will always possess. I will choose to follow my heart, and only temptation can stop me, and it won't. I will write.
Yeah, I am addicted to popularity on BZPower, and it's distracting me from the art of writing. Unfortunately, I have not improved much, and am declining. I really do want to write, but the community keeps on turning me into something that I don't think I want to be. Thus, I have decided, unless temptation proves greater than this will, to turn BZPower off, that some days I will be on purely for writing, and not for saying how much I like a certain color scheme and whatnot.
As I said in that script, and can't help but saying it once more, my heart is in many places, sometimes with Danita and sometimes with wisdom, sometimes in acting and sometimes, although not enough, with God, but one of the places that my heart beats hardest is when it is touched by literature, and its love for the characters I created has been murdered by temptation.
Your Honor,
Emperor Kraggh
If only religion could be spoken of here in BZP... >.<
I must again point to my previous comment in this blog. Be who you are, and you will find your place. To struggle against a strong tide in the river is a futile task, but by letting yourself float down, you will eventually find yourself by the calm sides of the water where there is little flow, and only then can you paddle as you please.
~EW~