"Get away from me," I said.
From then on, I hated her. And I only found more and more reasons to hate her as time went on. She was Little Miss Perfect, getting wonderful grades and teacher's praise wherever she went. Fresh from homeschool, she was ahead of everyone, and yet everyone got to know her and love her right off the bat. She was instantly popular.
Look at me: I was the scrawny, tall guy who looked suspiciously like Matt Smith before Matt Smith was even a thing. Ergo, I was awkward, and nobody liked me. I didn't have any friends. It would take a great many years before that would ever change. Yet, here she was, walking around like the owned the place, and getting love and adoration from all of her peers without having to work for it.
Despicable.
What was more, she had the most sickeningly fortunate family life. Her parents were incredibly successful. Her mother was a member of the school board. Her older brother took the ACT as a junior and got only one question wrong. As a senior, he got a perfect 36. Her younger brother was a godsend as well, and he was in the same grade as us even though he was four years our junior.
In sports, swimming wasn't the only thing she excelled at. She was good at cross country (not to mention her older brother was the coach's pet). She was good at baseball. She was good as volleyball and basketball. She had even been taking dance lesson since she was a little girl.
Sometimes, when people are successful they're total beasts and it's hard not to root for them, but not Elegy. I couldn't be happy for he, because she was a snob. She was always so snobbish. A lot of people recognized it, but she got her silver platter anyway because that's just how things work. It's hard to imagine giving the silver platter treatment to someone else.
She was, as I said, particularly rude to me. I hated her. I hated her. The sheer number of violent thoughts I had about her was pretty grim. Often times I would imagine how good it would feel to humiliate her, or to be able to say terrible things to her without retaliation. I wish I could have made her feel bad about herself.
However, when she moved to Maryland (I feel sorry for that state: it's too small a place for such a big head), I was sad. I missed her. Without her around, I felt just a little emptier.
Truth: I really enjoyed hating her. It was exhilarating. It gave me energy. Sure, it almost got me kicked out of school when I wrote a poem filled with profanity and creative insults pointed in her direction, but this grudge was one of one of my most intimate relationships for four years. It was fundamental to who I was.
It made me almost want to put a bullet in my brain to admit it, but there were times when I actually liked Elegy. This was primarily in a painting class we had together. Art, for me, is a positive, healthy way of connecting with people. I loved to work on my art, loved to be the best in the room, but it was also fascinating to look at what other people came up with. Try though I may, it was impossible to dislike Elegy's artwork. It didn't even occur to me to be satisfied that she wasn't in the same league as me, because I felt genuinely supportive of her. It's hard not to root for a novice artist and wish for them to improve when you see potential.
As it happened, this was also during an election year, and sometimes she would go on political rants. We shared the same opinions. I hated the guts out of her, but I had to admit that she was right about many things, that I concurred with them, and that it was weird sometimes to think that we disliked each other so much. It was also satisfying when she gave a piece of her mind to an emo goth girl in our class.
A year later, we both shared a World History class together, where we would often discuss philosophy. We very often agreed on things. i actually agreed with her more often than anyone else in the room, and found her views the most respectable.
I still hated the guts out of her.
Yet, if I had the chance, I would have kissed her. I still would, if I knew that the feeling was mutual. In fact, let's take that a step farther. I would have married Elegy.
Yes, you heard me right. I hated her. My world revolved around the grudge I had against her because she was such a stuck-up snob. In spite of it all, if she would have been open to marrying me, I would have gone ahead and proposed.
Why do this? Why go through with this insanity? Well, as it happens, I do not believe that marriage is necessarily about positive emotions. I tend to think of marriage like it's a business relationship, not a Notebook-style romance. I believe a relationship should be pragmatic, and I can list several reasons why such could be said of this hypothetical marriage. First, she was actually very attractive, which would have made things a bit easier. Second, even though our dislike of each other was intense, I also have to say that it created strong chemistry. Third, we agreed on everything important, and we often had the same objectives. Fourth, we were both very talented, very driven people, and the main reason I disliked her was because she constantly beat me at everything.
The thing is, in all her success, she often collaborated with other people, though I was never included in that number. As always, I was the guy who was excluded. As talented as I was, it was very difficult to do anything visionary when I worked alone. Imagine is our powers were combined. Together, we could rule the galaxy.
The best part is that we wouldn't have any illusions upon entering the marriage, or any fantasies of something great. We'd take in all of those negative emotions, and we could truly take them out for once. It would be so cathartic. I could say whatever I wanted to her face, and I would have to worry because she would be my wife. It would feel so good. Then I could bug her spousal responsibilities. She'd complain, but I'd say "Too bad. You married me." She took her wedding vows, so she would have to suffer the torture of helping me organize my sock drawer in the most OCD way possible. She would have to put up with everything else annoying about me, such as my insistence on walking instead of driving anywhere within town, and my giant collection of LEGOs. She would have to come to my noisy family reunions half the time. She would be married to the most annoying person ever, and there would be nothing she could do about it, barring a divorce, because she took those stinking wedding vows. Of course, I would have to put up with her annoying habits every day, too, but that would be nothing new. Before, it was a one-way street, whereas in a marriage I'd chuckle as every once and a while she would be forced to compromise.
Eventually, we would learn to love each other, because all of that negative emotion can only go on for so long. Since we're both so ambitious and so competitive, we would have to work together and we could accomplish wonders. Ours would be a great marriage. Terrible, but great.
Also, working together competitively - that's living. If we were essentially the same in all the areas that mattered and we only hated each other "just because", then after enough collaboration the relationship could only get better. It would also be some wonderful serendipity, because that beautiful love wouldn't be something I was necessarily looking for. It would have a certain energy, but it would also be rather grounded, which I believe love should be. A relationship like this would work out surprisingly good, if only the two bickering souls had the wits to realize that it would be the best way to solve their disputes.
Wait, wasn't she also a Twilight fan? Forget everything I just said.
Tune in next time to hear my next unorthodox ideas about how I would have totally married another girl I didn't quite like just for the father-in-law who would have come with the package.
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