YOUR TIME IS OVER

Alright.  Where my peeps at?  I know you're out there so report in.

Who would have ever guessed that a children's show about friendship could cause so much vitriol?

And maybe some other things?

Alright, hey, check this out.

I have an issue I want to talk about.  Maybe it's something that hasn't come up recently.  Maybe it's something that the mods are pulling their hair out over and telling people to let it drop.  Whatever the issue is, it's like a live wire.   You simply mention it and people are at each others throats.  People don't know this mainly because it doesn't get mentioned often, but dropping a bombshell issue like that could feasibly considered trolling.  But it won't stop me.  I'll post this entry no matter what.

Now I need to decide on a modus operandi.  Maybe I'll be passive aggressive.  Delicately, or perhaps not so delicately, skirting around the issue.  Make a vague reference to it.  "The recent hot topic on BZP is..."  or perhaps if you wanted to be more direct you could say "The content in people's signatures..."  or "The Staff on BZP are..."  Go ahead.  Fill in the blanks.  But perhaps I'll be more brash.  Drop the passive and skip right to the aggressive.  Name drop.  Skip words like 'offensive' and go straight to more potent ones like 'disgust.'  I dunno, I'm just making this up as I go along.

But whoa!  Slow up Daniel-San.  Before you can go on the offensive, you need to learn balance.  Good balance, good troll entry.  Bad balance, pack up and go home.  Your balance will be in your topic of choice.  You pick a good topic, you'll be sure to troll people.  Bad topic, and either no one will bite or the staff will be on you so fast you'll wonder where your proto went.  Here are some of the classic issues.  Take heed.  While potent, these topics have been cycled through so often that most staff will recognize them for what they are.  Use at your own risk.  The common issues include: sexuality, sexism, the legitimacy of certain kinds of art and music, bullies, anime, and the impact of neo-western cultural imperialism on Japan.

But wait, there's more.  I'm like the Billy Mays of bad blog entries, and I'm here to tell you about our latest offer.  Call now, and I'll throw in my "Lock It And Drop It" mini-booklet absolutely free, just pay separate shipping and handling.  The 'Lock It And Drop It" technique is your crane kick.  If you can do it right, there's no defense. It's the ultimate passive aggressive method. In this informative booklet, I'll give you my fool proof guide on how to lock entries and then drop 'em into the blogs for maximum effectiveness.

Now then, so you've got your perfectly crafted post, topic, or blog entry.  Perfectly designed to incite the most trouble.  One post.  One flame war.  Before you hit that post button, there's one last step you need to do.  It's the most crucial one, and if you goof this one up then you're done for.  Here's what you do.

You move your cursor over to the little red x in the top right hand corner of your browser and click it.  Exit out, and don't post it.  Trust me, your proto will thank you later.  So will the staff.

I thought about locking it as per the 'Lock It And Drop It' technique, but I figure I could get some more out of this by keeping it open and answering questions in a vague, mysterious, and passive agressive manner that will infuriate just about everyone.

Welcome to the no whining zone.

They'll be playing in town tonight.

I won't be going.

The question is, am I being serious or am I being facetious?

I'm making this public.  It's time for a Moderator Challenge!

It has recently come to my attention that not many people know about David Bowie. David didn't really do Glam Metal.  He was born before metal was even a genre.  He did Glam Rock.  I talked with some people a bit off BZP, and they admitted they had no idea who David Bowie was.  I honestly thought they were trolling, but in reality it turns they you just didn't know.

So that's why I'm going to give yourself a chance to improve yourself.  To expand your horizons.  To see what's out there in the world.  Since you obviously know nothing about Bowie, you will learn and you will tell us of your findings. There will be three sections to this contest, and each section will be put to a vote.  The person with the most votes gets nothing special except the admiration of thous around him.

Remember people, there are no losers here.  Each and every single one of you is a winner for taking the time to learn something new.

You have until April 15th to get your entries in!

You may pick one of these three.

1) Dress up like David Bowie

In this challenge, you will dress like David Bowie.  It doesn't have to be something that he once wore.  It just has to look like something he'd wear.  This will be informitive as it will force you to think like David Bowie and look and examine just what his taste in fashion is.  You will prove that you have dressed like David Bowie by posting a picture of yourself in the clothes in question.

2) Sing like David Bowie

For this challenge, you will sing a David Bowie song.  I don't care which one, but it will be BZP appropriate.  You will then host the audio file and post it here.  You don't have to have any backing, your simple voice will suffice.

3) Praise David Bowie  

In this challenge, you will praise David Bowie and write a 500 word minimum summary of the achievements of David Bowie.  You may not copy and paste from any website, and doing so will make your entry null and void and you will be forced to do one of the other challenges.  The summary must be a praise article, you must not be facetious, sarcastic, or otherwise demeaning of David Bowie.  If you do so, your entry will be null and void and you will do one of the other challenges.

Entry Format



F.A.Q.

Q:  But what if we know of/like Bowie?
A:  You can still enter!  Remember, this is about broadening your horizons.  Explore an area of Bowie's accomplishments that you weren't aware of.  I'm sure that (most of) you haven't recorded yourself singing a Bowie song or dressed up like Bowie, so those are fair game.

Q:  Also do I win the contest if I successfully put out fire with gasoline?
A:  Doing so and posting a video of you doing so will net you an auto-win.

seriously though please don't do this

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