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I'd like some opinions on something I'm starting to write
Posted by
Haecceity
,
in
Writing
Sep 29 2012
·
86 views
I've decided to take the plunge once more into the SS forum, but knowing my writing is mediocre at best, I wanted some opinions on the way I'm starting off.
He was warm…so very warm… Rivulets of sweat poured down his arm-or was it his leg? He couldn’t tell anymore. No, not in the whiteness-not in the pain that would not stop. Like the tides it came, slowly but surely every day. He remembered the tides, as he remembered the dark. He remembered that sweet musk that permeated the air, and how the Turaga would touch the flame and invoke its spirit, making it with a light that dispelled fear, shining with the ripples of countless colours. Now the pain and the warmth were the only things left…
Warmth...
He chuckled to himself. Warmth couldn't begin to describe the searing sensation he felt every moment, the agony that burned with a fierce passion, the countless fires worming their way through his veins. He wished he had someone else to see, someone to share the pain and the whiteness with.
Wait-there were others. They…it was so hard to remember…they fought the Shadow. He could remember the Shadow, he who took the form of Matoran, he of the endless destruction.
Destruction...?
Cleansing...
The warmth ebbed away, leaving a dark void-but the pain remained, flooding his body, overtaking his mind. In the darkness shapes formed, swirling around him, piercing his flesh and morphing into grotesque shapes. The Hive beckoned… The Bahrag were here.
He was warm…so very warm… Rivulets of sweat poured down his arm-or was it his leg? He couldn’t tell anymore. No, not in the whiteness-not in the pain that would not stop. Like the tides it came, slowly but surely every day. He remembered the tides, as he remembered the dark. He remembered that sweet musk that permeated the air, and how the Turaga would touch the flame and invoke its spirit, making it with a light that dispelled fear, shining with the ripples of countless colours. Now the pain and the warmth were the only things left…
Warmth...
He chuckled to himself. Warmth couldn't begin to describe the searing sensation he felt every moment, the agony that burned with a fierce passion, the countless fires worming their way through his veins. He wished he had someone else to see, someone to share the pain and the whiteness with.
Wait-there were others. They…it was so hard to remember…they fought the Shadow. He could remember the Shadow, he who took the form of Matoran, he of the endless destruction.
Destruction...?
Cleansing...
The warmth ebbed away, leaving a dark void-but the pain remained, flooding his body, overtaking his mind. In the darkness shapes formed, swirling around him, piercing his flesh and morphing into grotesque shapes. The Hive beckoned… The Bahrag were here.
