Toa Tardis

[turtleman]

The soldiers of righteous fury the Toa Tardis: Korik, Ponachek, and Matrix

(Warning lots of words in this post, not for the feint of literacy)

Space is an empty void. It is said that only 10% of most galaxies are made of matter (not dark matter) outside of that is even more of the infinite vacuum. Within this dark and lifeless land of space is a cluster of black holes. These black holes vary in size yet all have the same densities and gravitational pull. These black holes are constantly pulling at a tiny sphere in the center of them. This tiny sphere is the home to toa and matoran of experimental elements created by the Great Beings and forgotten over the eons. They fight to protect their homes from ravenous monsters and beings of great power and malice.

The planet is layered. The top layer, the zephyr sphere is in constant chaos. The black holes gravity acting upon the planet push it and pull it all around. This has led to the entire crust of the planet to be covered in a raging storm of wind and thunder. The sentient races of this planet use wind turbines and lightening rods to get energy from the storm. All the life on this planet lives under the crust. The constant pull of the black holes has actually lifted the crust enough that under it is a massive planet wide cave estimated to be approximately 40 miles high. This is where the homes, factories, forests, lakes, and everything else is. Within the cave or cavern sphere is a light-producing algae that grows on a the walls, ceiling and floor of the cave. This algae is powerful enough and abundant enough to light the whole cave and provide light energy for all the plants within. The matoran and toa live in a massive city around a large university. The university houses the government who is elected based on IQ. At any time almost 15% of the matoran are working or learning at the university. They value intelligence and many of them aim to be scientists or entrepreneurs. The core of the planet is a dense sphere of an unknown and impenetrable metal the only way through the core is a fissure within the metal that leads to the hollow center of the metal. The center is some sort of portal to somewhere. No one knows where it leads to because it is guarded by the horrid and malicious creatures constantly waging a war with the once peaceful inhabitants of the cave. The Toa Tardis are the elite of the elite. They are the heroes ensuring that there will be a tomorrow.

Click the link to go to the brickshelf gallery

http://www.brickshelf.com/cgi-bin/gallery.cgi?f=535741

Name: Matrix

Element: Blackholes

Powers: ability to generate small black holes capable of distorting space and time slightly

and he can use the black holes to tear apart his foes with just gravity.

Weapons: He has a gun and knife attachment that Ponachek made for him after losing his hand in battle.

Gender:Male

Bio: As a matoran he was one of the smartest professors of the entire planet. After a long time of teaching and studying physics he witnessed a brutal attack on the outer city while he was going to check his telescope in the zephyr sphere. He ran away and volunteered for toa training at the military sector of the university in order to protect the city. He quickly rose through the ranks and is considered one of the best stealth and sabotage specialists. After years of defending the city he was invited to the exclusive Toa Tardis. Since then he has killed countless abominations (what the matoran call the portal creatures) and saved thousands of lives.

http://www.brickshelf.com/cgi-bin/gallery.cgi?f=535741

Name:Korik

Element: Gamma rays

Powers: Gamma rays are extremely hard to control, instead the must be channeled through tools like swords or axes. He can also radiate gamma rays in an extremely large release of energy. He cannot control this and it can kill him and his allies so he has never used it.

Weapons: Korik has a sniper rifle, he also has a sword handle that he can channel gamma rays through. this sword destroys what it touches instantly.

Gender: Male

Bio: During his early years as a matoran Korik was always interested in his element. Since it was so volatile and powerful it was almost impossible to closely study. His fascination with gamma rays eventually led to greater understanding about gamma rays allowing him to teach toa to control their element better. He then decided that if he could teach toa he could also be one so he went to get his doctorate degree in strategics and tracking. He later joined the Toa Tardis after one of his plans led to the entire southwest part of the city being saved from an attack by the abominations.

http://www.brickshelf.com/cgi-bin/gallery.cgi?f=535741

Name: Ponachek

Element: Pressure

Powers: Ability to greatly increase pressure in area of a few cubic meters. He can also shoot bolts of highly pressurized air that is accelerated by his machine gun.

Weapons: His gun is his pride and joy. He also can punch the air to increase its pressure, blowing through solid metal.

Gender: Male

Bio: Ponachek is a great and famous engineer responsible for many of the technological wonders of the modern age. Before becoming a toa Ponachek was working on a generator running off of energy that radiated in minute amounts from the planet's core. The prototype exploded, killing 9 of the 15 matoran working on the project. The fires and deafening boom from the explosion left the remaining living matoran unconscious and in a dangerous position. Ponachek was not unconscious because at the time of the blast he was in the room next to the generator. The badly damaged Ponachek heroically saved the hurt matoran. Afterwards a Turaga and high ranking official recommended that he become a toa. He trained and did become a toa. After showing his ingenuity Ponachek became a member of the Toa Tardis.

4th wall commentary

I built this mocs a few weeks ago and have just been to lazy to post them and write a story. Ponachek's gun is my own original design. Feel free to use it or anything else just give credit I worked very hard on these. When I first built these I wanted a toa of stone, psionics and ice, but after starting to write my research paper on mathematics in stars for my advanced math class (NERD POWER!!!) I decided to do more science-y style elements and story. Please critique and share your opinions, I want to be a better builder and writer. Oh and by the way thank you to whoever read what I wrote it took me a long time.

Edited November 5, 2013 by turtleman

[Click]

Well, now that the folder is public, I can properly critique these, though the images are kind of small. It would have been much easier to see the details if they were a bit bigger.

 

First of all, the story. It's very original and sounds like it has a lot of potential. Have you considered some fanfics based in here? It would be a shame to see all of this thought go to waste on just a few MOCs. I wouldn't mind seeing some more.

 

Matrix: Though his powers do seem to overlap gravity a bit, black holes seems like a pretty cool element (as long as you don't get sucked in). The color scheme looks good and seems perfect for black holes. I'd say throw a little more blue in there, but he is Toa of Black Holes, so the abundant black makes sense. The skeleton is nice and complex, but not overly so. It shows you tried to make it complex, but not so hard as to make it look terrible. I actually really like the design, though the torso articulation looks like it could be better. The cape really helps fill in his shape a bit more, since otherwise he looks kind of boxy and skinny, so I'm glad you included it. The eyepiece is also very cool. The only thing I can think of to make it better is make the torso less boxy. From the side it looks great, but from the front, it's all angles and not as organic looking as many other designs. Also, maybe just putting some ball joints or Hordika necks in the Mata feet on the leg will get rid of that gap in the socket.

 

Korik: Maybe for his element I would just use "Radiation." Gamma rays seem somewhat limited, and, although they seem very "spacey," they just don't seem like a Bionicle element. Radiation would be a bit more open. I like that you limited it to only being able to be channeled through a weapon, or it may kill unintended victims in the area, as Gamma rays would probably be pretty dangerous and need that limitation. As for the design, the torso does seem very simple, but it makes him more streamlined than Matrix, which I really like. At first, the wide shoulders look strange, but somehow you made it work. There could be some pieces to make it wider than one stud though. The chest is also kind of wide in front. The legs look really cool though. I like the combination of the Mata feet and the Hero factory armor, though the blue could also be distributed a little bit better. I really like the use of the Rahkshi feet because they just seem perfect for the MOC. The silver arms look great...but only when there is more silver in the MOC. I would use them to add more blue to him. The hat is a really cool idea, though I wish it was mounted forwards more and was a bit wider.

 

Ponachek: Pressure is a really interesting element, especially when coupled with his gun to shoot the high-pressure air, though I wonder how much damage that would actually do when hitting someone a longer distance away. It seems like the pressure would just dissipate before it even hit them. Maybe if it actually fired real bullets, that problem would be solved, though it is a cool idea. I really do like most of his design (mostly I'm just surprised you have enough yellow pieces), though the body oddly goes from really thick at the top to really thin at the bottom, which could be balanced out a bit. The waist could use some extra bulk so he doesn't look like he's starving to death, and there is that gap there that looks kind of odd. The arm posability looks kind of restricted by the backwards-facing sockets and the lower arm pieces (they look great, but I can't imagine he can get in too many poses). I would recommend a different lower arm and mounting the sockets facing outwards, if possible. I have mixed feelings about the legs. While they do look like some kind of sci-fi armor, the flow isn't great and they have some large gaps. I would also use some Hordika necks to move the feet forwards one stud. The gun looks really cool though. It looks like something right out of a sci-fi movie and flows really well. You did a great job designing it.

 

Overall, a great bunch of MOCs, but there's a few things that could improve. I really hope to see more of your story, and I appreciate the Doctor Who reference.

[turtleman]

quote

Thanks it means alot. I definitely will be expanding upon that story maybe with a fanfic epic or just bit by bit with each moc. For Matrix I agree that he's too skinny around some areas, but I think that if/when I re-do him he'll be better. With his element, black holes, its more like he creates and controls the black holes rather than manipulating gravity. Korik definitely has color issues and I will fix that eventually, and the hat was just the best I could make it without having a giant head. As for Ponachek I wanted him to be skinny so that the gun looked larger in comparison. And yes I too was surprised at my yellow collection. By the end of the MOC I was really digging for pieces. Oh and if I was going to make an elite Toa team how could they not be Gallifreyan. Just wait for Makuta Davros lol.

Edited November 4, 2013 by turtleman