Posted Oct 22 2011 - 07:05 PM
Hewkii stretched his neck, eager for the announcer to stop talking and the kohlii match to begin. This was his fourth game of the season, and the other three had all been victories.
Not that it could have gone otherwise, he grinned. I invented this new version. How can anyone beat me at my own game?
"Let the game begin!" Jeletu declared through his announcer's horn.
Instantly, Hewkii darted for the hole where the ball emerged. The Ga-matoran forward, Hahli, tried to mimic his movement, but she was still a novice. He reached the ball first and sprinted across the field. He counted the seconds, then at just the right moment, he backflipped over Hahli's head. In her suprise and attempt to watch his move, she tripped and stumbled. That was all he needed. He slammed the ball towards the Ga-matoran goal.
Here come those eyes
There goes my ability to breathe
Those legs are walking her to me
Oh, tell me I ain't dreaming
The Ga-matoran goalie leaped into the air and caught the flying ball with the grace and ease of a veteran. Even after all the time he had known her, Hewkii was impressed. Macku was still the best player he knew. Too bad she got teamed with a rookie this year, he thought, even as he raced to catch the ball again. We could've had an epic championship game.
And here comes that smile
I can't even move, can't even blink
'Cause I don't wanna miss a thing
"And that's the game!" Jeletu proclaimed proudly, over the cheers and whistles of the rowdy Po-matoran. "Final score: Po-koro, 5; Ga-koro, 2!"
"Not bad that time, Macku." Hewkii teased as she stepped to the center of the field to concede the victory. "Seven blocked shots is impressive against anyone, let alone me."
She grinned and tossed her head. "You just wait. I'll beat you yet."
"Only when I let you." he replied as the four players bowed to Turaga Onewa. "And I like you so much, I might just do that one day... Nah."
Quickly, she planted her feet and gave him a hard shove, nearly making him lose his balance and take a dive into the sand floor of the stadium. "Never underestimate me, Hewkii. Never."
Oh, trust me, he smiled, I don't.
And I ain't even foolin'
When I say the boys and droolin'
And the girls are all staring her down
My knees go weak
And my heart starts to pound
"Can you stay in Po-koro for a few days? For training, of course." he asked as he and Macku walked out of the stadium side by side.
She laughed. "Training, huh? You still have all the tact of a Muaka."
"And you still say yes when I ask you to stay." he replied, waving to the cheering fans behind them.
Macku crossed her arms. "Fine. But in exchange, you actually do some training with me. Deal?"
"Mata Nui, yes!" Hafu imitated Hewkii's voice as best he could. "You're the woman of my dreams, Macku, and I'll do anything for you!"
"Shut up, you maha goat." Hewkii shoved his kohlii partner's shoulder. "Can't you tell when two's company?"
It happens every time
She saunters into the room
It all blurs and it all starts to zoom
And then my head starts spinning
"You'll come to Ta-koro to watch the championship, right?" he asked as the two girls stepped onto their boat, preparing to leave.
"Hey, Mr. Champ, we might still be in the championship." Macku reminded him. "We've won two of our games already.
This time, he spoke seriously. "Be careful going home. Watch out for Tarakava."
"We will; don't worry so much! I can handle myself!" She gave him a quick hug, then tossed her pack into the boat and leaped lightly on board.
"That's why I worry!" he teased. "With you in charge, nobody's safe!" As he expected, she shook her head mockingly and cast off the rope. Moving their sail to catch the breeze, the two Ga-matoran slowly edged away from the sandy coast.
She gets a few feet away
And suddenly we're both in slow motion
Like we're alone in the deep blue ocean
"I still don't get why she's your girlfriend." Hafu shrugged as the two began the trek back to their village. "She not as pretty as some of the other Ga-matoran, and she's always teasing you. You can't be romantic with a girl like that. She'll pour a bucket of dead fish on you right after you say something nice."
Hewkii felt equally inclined to laugh and to slap his friend. He obeyed both impulses. "Then you don't understand what romantic is, dude."
I know it's just a feeling
But it might as well be real because
I think I might be fixin' to drown
My knees go weak and
My heart starts to pound
"You're hopeless." Hafu grinned, avoiding the shove.
"And you're just jealous." Hewkii returned.
"When Makuta tells Mata Nui he's sorry, I am!" the Pakari-clad Po-matoran exclaimed. "You can have her."
"Thanks. I will." This time, his push was not dodged.
She takes my hand
I don't know what to say
"Told you we'd make it to the game." Macku said proudly, tapping her kohlii staff against his. "And this year, Po-koro's going down."
"Hey, making it to the championship doesn't mean you can beat me." he laughed. "I've already taught your lesson this year, remember?"
Macku's face grew grave. "Can you keep a secret?"
She whispered softly. "We... let... you... win."
He grinned. "In your dreams, girl."
Macku just shrugged. "You'll see. It's all part of Hahli's and my plan." Unexpectedly, she took his hand for a moment. "But seriously, I can't wait to see your face when we win."
And here come those eyes
Can she see what I'm thinking of?
If this is what they call love
I can't believe I'm in it
Thanking Heaven every minute
I'm the luckiest boy in this town
My knees go weak and
My heart STOPS
"We'll let the ball decide." He shook his head laughingly. "See you at the stadium." He turned to go and find his teammate for a last minute practice.
"Hey, hotshot!" Macku called after him.
He turned his head and waited for her parting remark.
"I love you, Hewkii."
Sheesh, Mata Nui, you had to say that here? Now? he thought, desperately trying to think of a response.
She waited a moment, then took a few steps towards him. "Hey, aren't you supposed to say something back?"
"Yeah... You make it look so easy, though." he laughed, covering his sudden nausea. Weird, I never thought nausea was a good thing.
"It is." she replied saucily, hands on her hips.
And she was right. "I love you too, Macku-girl."
And I can't catch my breath
I think I'd better sit down
'Cause my knees go weak and
My heart starts to pound
My Library: The Esoteric Athenaeum
Leader of the Epic Critics' Club
Posted Oct 27 2011 - 11:22 PM
Let me just say that I love this. This is the way you write fluff, girl. No over-romanticizing or flowery language, just two characters with feelings for each other. I love how you gave Macku and Hewki believable personalities, they felt like real people. The only suggestion I have is that you could perhaps make the sections of dialogue a bit longer. I like short and sweet, but I feel you could do with a little more meat. It would make the story feel a bit smoother.
Don't tell me which way I run.
What good could that do anyone?
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